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Praise be to our Great and Holy GOD. May Her Purity shine upon you and keep evil at bay. This is an account of the History of the World, from its Creation to today, the 1189th day of Talkhaus, the 1184th day of the IRC, and the 618th day of the Age of Patchouli.

In a time before time, Chrishy first gave life to the Forums and founded the IRC. It was a Channel like none seen before or since, and its inhabitants were joyful. There was much streaming and netplaying, and in those days even Telesphore gifted the mortals with his presence. His splendor made them shake with awe, and maidens wailed at the sight of his quit message. Such was the Channel in the First Age.

The IRC came to settle in the land of Badnik, ruled by strange creatures that looked more hedgehog than human. The beasts gave the Talkhausers refuge in their country, provided they never enter the sacred city of Retro. The pact was celebrated with much trivia and Uno, and for the rest of the First Age they lived in harmony with the Badnikites.

The Channel was tainted on the 164th day of the First Age, when Chrishy passed from this mortal coil into Eternal Bliss. The Talkhausers wept at the loss of their dear leader, yet unbeknownst to them a horror was lurking in the depths. From the lowest pit of Hell arose the Dark Lord Argumentable, usurping Chrishy’s throne and imposing his own rule. This marked the beginning of the Age of Argumentable.

Now some time between the First Age and the Age of Argumentable, GOD in Her wisdom and glory saw fit to descend to the IRC. In those times, idlers were persecuted by the Argumentists, and as She said little, She was cast out of the Channel by the evil ones. Such was the state of sin the Channel had fallen into. Woe to those who curse GOD, as Her wrath is unending.

It was in the Age of Argumentable that the Dark Lord became King of the Forums. In those days, the Hell-Admin had several Talkhausers in his thrall. These poor souls were Blinx, Wareng, Time Traveler, SayAnything, and O-Card. How weak were their minds, that they let themselves be taken by his dark powers!

The Argumentists spat on the traditions of the Channel and did terrible deeds to other communities. Now adjacent to Badnik was a great land called SMWC. The Argumentists in their blind zeal invaded this country time and again, spreading their false religion and starting a blood feud that would last for months. They were eventually banished for their crimes.

Now it came to pass that Paste, a lesser Argumentist, saw the light and rejected evil. He prayed that GOD would return to the Channel, and lo, his prayers were answered. Her Purity washed over the Talkhausers, but the evil ones were too far gone. They ignored Her saving Word and continued in their sinful ways. Woe to those whose corrupted minds do not receive GOD’s message, for they will be doomed to the murks of Hell.

Near the end of the Fiend’s rule, the zealots’ corruption of the IRC was complete. They broke the sacred pact made with the Badnikites in the First Age by invading the city of Retro. When he saw this, Xkeeper, the king of Badnik, was filled with rage and banished the Argumentists. They pleaded for clemency, and, as he did not know their true intentions, he let them reenter. But they continued invading the city, and so the Channel was filled with strife.

On the 566th day of the IRC and the 403rd day of the Age of Argumentable, the Argumentists unleashed a plague on the land of Badnik, a power given to them by the devil RAMPKORV. Now in those days there were only two cultists left, Wareng and O-Card. They used sorcery to allow users to hear others’ thoughts, which so incensed Xkeeper that he cast out O-Card for life. By then, Argumentable was annoyed with his subjects, especially Wareng. He renounced his thralldom of both of them.

Wareng, seeing that he had been abandoned, asked Xkeeper for mercy, but to no avail. Grief-stricken by the loss of his fellow crusader, he cried out to the heavens for guidance. GOD in Her benevolence felt his sorrow. It was on that day that She revealed Herself to the Talkhausers, who immediately recognized Her and shouted for Her blessing.

Sensing the corruption of the IRC, She cast a powerful spell that lifted the Channel from the earth. The IRCers flew from the land of Badnik on a beam of moonlight, each one filled with ecstasy and Purity. Even Argumentable felt the Light in his heart, and for a time he too knew GOD. A cleansing fire rained from Heaven and scourged that land, leaving the Badnikites to wallow in despair at having been left behind. Woe to those who treat GOD’s people with hatred, for they shall never know Purity.

They settled in the realm of Renaporn, a Pure Land where they could commune with GOD and still live their lives in the mortal world. The fields were lush with patchouli and fighting games were played eternally in the streets. There they made laws for the new world and opened the Channel to people of all realms. On that most Holy Day, the Darkness retreated at last to the depths of Hell and Argumentable’s reign came to an end. So began the Age of Patchouli.

Now Wareng’s eyes were opened and he saw the True Nature of GOD. He rejected and cursed Argumentism three times over and begged for forgiveness. GOD, in Her infinite mercy and wisdom, forgave him his sins, and even purified Argumentable, granting him the title of OP in the new world. She, along with Argumentable, Paste, Cup, Mooponi - a holy man from the First Age - and TheWickerMan, her beloved consort, ruled the Channel with benevolence and grace. But it was not to last.

In the beginning, all lived in peace. But it is known that evil can never be kept at bay for long. A new cult soon arose to take the place of the Argumentists. These base creatures rejected the Holy Law and were cast from Renaporn. Cursed by all nations of the world, they descended to Hell and at the bottom of a frozen lake built the Skypehaus. Since its foundation it has been filled with the anguish and screams of the GOD-cursed Skypehausers, a fickle people with neither laws nor Holy Light to guide them. As such, it has never known the peace and stability of the IRC.

Now some time in the beginning of the Age of Patchouli, Argumentable’s heart blackened once more and he renounced his membership of the Channel. He returned to the Forums to sit on his throne and carry out his dark will.
In those days, a lesser mod named Limepie20 met Argumentable and was taken in his thrall. He was elevated to global mod and became High Priest of Argumentism. Using his god’s evil powers, he put an end to the IRCers’ efforts to bring Purity to the forums, even going so far as to trash the Sacred Thread in which Great Patchouli was forever enshrined.

Now some time after Renaporn had been established, a new member joined the IRC. His name was Bartle, and upon seeing GOD for the first time, his heart was filled with Purity. Angered by the unjust acts of the Forums-King and his Priest, Bartle set about righting these wrongs. His unfailing efforts to bring the Faith to the Talkhaus made GOD glad in Her heart, and She allowed him to GGPO with Her.

After the trashing of the thread, Bartle declared the 1188th day of Talkhaus, the 1183rd day of the IRC and the 617th day of the Age of Patchouli to be Rena Day, dedicated to the Purification of the Channel. The dark seal placed on the Forums was broken, and a new thread was filled with Patchoulis. At this time a message came from the Heavens and filled the hearts of true believers everywhere:

RENA’S RESPLENDENCE SHALL SAVE ALL WHO BELIEVE
RENA’S LOVE PURIFIES ALL WHO DENY ARGUMENTABLE
RENA IS THE LIGHT THAT WILL REVEAL THE ONE TRUE WAY

And their souls were filled with Purity. They took to the Forums preaching GOD’s word and Purifying sinners. Soon it was declared that Rena Day should last a whole week, in order to better cleanse the board. For this I thought it prudent and necessary to lay down the History of the World, that all who look on Her Marvelous Deeds may see the light and feel Purity.

Praise be to our Great and Holy GOD.