Roommates, Rivals, Romance (ch5)

EARLY RELEASE FOR MY $30+ PATRONS!

I'm glad people are enjoying things now that Maya and Claudine are finally together (secretly). But I wonder if you'll enjoy what comes after... After all, "idol au" means drama, does it not?

Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight.

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													Chapter 5. Broken Promises

Both Claudine and Maya sleep almost until noon. It's Saturday, so they can use the day however they please.

And considering what they'd confessed to one another last night, what better way to spend it than cuddled up in each other's arms?

They've actually woken up with their arms around each other several times before, mostly on the colder nights, but this is the first time they'd intended for and wanted it to happen.

Maya wakes first, finding herself nestled into the crook of Claudine's neck with an arm draped across her stomach. Since Claudine is typically the first one awake on weekdays, she tends to sleep in later on the weekends, and today especially, she deserves it.

With a sleepy smile, Maya pushes herself up on her elbow and just admires the sight of her for a few moments. Using the backs of her knuckles, she glides across Claudine's bangs and along her hairline, framing her face before dusting across her cheeks where so many tears had been shed last night.

She almost can't believe it. It had really felt like a dream now that it's morning, but Maya's heart had been blessed with so many wonderful emotions and memories that there was no denying it was reality.

She inches herself closer, dipping down to leave a kiss on her roommate's forehead and then her nose. She feels so giddy a little trill travels up her spine, and she can't keep the smile off her lips.

For a while, she simply caresses Claudine's face, engraving the image of her peaceful sleep into her heart. The sunlight bathes her in gold and truly makes her appear angelic.

Maya pets through her hair and along her cheeks until her hand begins to get sore. She lies herself back down, resting her head on Claudine's chest. The muffled sound of her breathing is accompanied by the underlying pulse of her heartbeat, soft and gentle. Maya wishes she could listen forever.

She savors the lull of that rhythm in her ear, letting it fill her head with a tranquility she's never felt before. She gladly closes her eyes and nearly dozes all the way back to sleep.

But just before she can slip back into slumber, a drowsy little moan stirs in Claudine's throat. Maya's lips curl into a smile as she feels her partner's hands aimlessly gripping and running up her back, trying to figure out what's going on. As she wakes, she must recall the events from last night too, because Maya can hear her heart rate speeding up.

With great effort, Maya pulls herself away from Claudine's chest to gaze up into her eyes as Claudine finally opens hers.

"Good morning, Claudine."

Claudine makes a half-whimper, half-moan kind of noise as her eyes flutter open, and her cheeks match them in color.

"You're heavy…"

Maya chuckles and pushes herself up a bit.

"Shall I move?"

Claudine turns her face away as it turns even redder.

"I didn't say that…"

She loops her arms around Maya's shoulders and pulls her back down. Maya has no protests.

The two of them laze around for a while longer, and Maya thoroughly enjoys it all even more now that Claudine is able to reciprocate. She melts into her when she feels those soft hands stroking carefully through her hair, fingertips brushing like feathers against her back until she begins to touch her with a bit more confidence. Maya hugs her tightly to show her it's all right to do the same.

And once Claudine has mustered up her courage, she squeezes her in the tightest, snuggest hug Maya's ever felt. It feels even better than being in the center of a group hug from the whole troop.

She's never felt so loved in all her life - not this kind of love. And she wants to make Claudine feel it just as much, if not more.

The only thing that stops them from spending quite literally all day in bed together is the loud growling of their stomachs. Eventually, they have to push themselves up and leave their mattress, but when they do they stay much closer together than they ever had previously. They only separate to take turns in the bathroom, but as they're preparing breakfast this morning, there's an awful lot of hip-touching and leaning against each other's shoulders and the like.

With how standoffish Claudine is toward her in general, Maya thought she might be a bit more distant with all of this, at least to start off. But the fact that Claudine is actually being affectionate with her speaks volumes to just how badly and how long she's wanted this for.

They eat together and do some chores before an impromptu practice session arises. They dance around their living room with laughter on their lips, and it doesn't take long to become a dance less for practice and more because they just want to.

A little while later, they both receive a text message from Nana, inviting everyone over to hers and Junna's apartment for a movie night sleepover tonight. It's the first time they've really had to think about the other girls since last night, and now Claudine and Maya discuss how they should present themselves.

"Should we tell them?" Claudine wonders. "I feel they would honor the fact that we'd want to keep it a secret. Though, if anything, Karen will blab totally on accident…"

"That was my fear as well," Maya admits. "I trust they would respect our wishes, but I would rather not take the risk. For all our sakes."

"So then, we're back to just 'friends' for the evening?"

"That may be for the best. But until then, shall we continue? All of these romantic antics are very good practice for our pandering, wouldn't you say?"

Claudine scoffs a chuckle. "I can't believe it. Now we're romantically-involved while pretending not to be, while we have to pretend to be romantically-involved."

"Exactly. So this experience will assist us in those photoshoots from now on, wouldn't you say? At the very least, we will both be immensely more comfortable."

"We just can't get too comfortable in front of the others," Claudine cautions her.

"Right. We'll be mindful."

Soon after a little more dancing, they pack bags for the sleepover, get dressed for the outside world, and head off together.

Nana and Junna's apartment is the largest of everyone's, so it's typically where the nine of them will gather for the weekend get-togethers. When they arrive, Claudine and Maya act as they always do around their friends, playful bantering, teasing, and indifference. They'd been doing things that way for so long, it just comes naturally to them now, and not all of it is an act, either. A couple of times Maya's flirty comments get Claudine a little too flustered in thinking someone might catch on, so she ends up flicking her or swatting her hand away more than once.

As the sun goes down, snacks are brought out as everyone changes into their pajamas and gathers in the living area. Karen, Hikari, and Mahiru sit on their blankets and pillows on the floor, Junna and Nana take one love seat, and the other four share the couch.

It retrospect, Claudine realizes that sitting next to Kaoruko might have been the most dangerous idea ever, considering she always seemed to be looking for excuses to call them out on how 'close' they seem to be.

"Oh?" Kaoruko purrs at one point, noting Maya's arm around Claudine's shoulder. "You two seem awfully chummy."

But Claudine reacts with her usual spark and denial to thwart any potential suspicions.

"Says the girl who's smothering Futaba like a fur coat."

"Yeah," Futaba agrees, prying her partner off of her a little. "Y'know, we don't have to be clingy all the time. Let's save it for the pandering stuff."

"Oh, you're no fun…"

Claudine steals a glance at Maya who shrugs, so it looks like they've managed to dodge the bullet.

The group watches almost three entire movies before people start nodding off. Mahiru and Hikari curl up on their blankets with Karen sprawled out between them. Futaba falls asleep sitting up on the couch and Kaoruko is lying with her head in her lap. Claudine can feel Maya's weight sagging against her side as well, so she moves Kaoruko's legs a bit to make room for Maya to lie down in the opposite direction.

By now, only Claudine and Nana are left awake, as Junna has already removed her glasses and nodded off in the love seat. As the host, Nana turns off the TV and begins cleaning up, and Claudine happily helps her. Nana leaves the bathroom light on, but turns everything else off.

By the time they return to the others, Claudine realizes her dilemma of not having anywhere to sleep. Nana must notice while she herself is curling up with Junna, because she calls out quietly to her.

"Just sleep there with Maya-chan!"

The words make Claudine's heart do a lot of things all at once, but she tries not to let it show.

Of course. They sleep together every night, and the rest of them aren't exactly being strangers about intimacy either.

So she carefully slides Maya over a little until her back is pressed against the couch cushions, then somehow manages to slip one leg in between hers and rest the other on top. She lies down on her side and wraps her arms around Maya, scooching herself as far away from the edge and as close to her as possible. She feels better with the lights out and everyone else asleep, but she just hopes she can wake up first in the morning to get into a less-compromising position.

But for now, Claudine closes her eyes and enjoys this to the fullest.

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Thankfully, in the morning, no one seems to be put-off by the way anyone had fallen asleep last night. They all typically end up cuddling for warmth and comfort, anyway. Not even Kaoruko takes a swing at Claudine and Maya - not after she'd fallen asleep with her face buried in Futaba's lap as if her life depended on it.

So as they all untangle themselves from one another and start cleaning up or helping make breakfast, Claudine and Maya share a mischievous smile.

After eating with the others and getting dressed, everyone thanks the hosts and begins leaving in their respective groups, though they're sure to wear hats or hoods and space themselves out a little.

Claudine and Maya do a bit of shopping on their way home, and then spend the rest of their Sunday cleaning up the apartment and doing some meal prep - with a bit more impromptu dancing in between.

And then when evening comes, they don't spend much time on the couch like they usually do. Instead, they head straight to bed, with this being the first full night they'll get to spend alone actually being officially together like this.

There are no tears this time, only smiles and giggles and kisses. Kisses that become a bit slower and deeper and more breathless as the hours pass.

By the time they've both exhausted themselves and fallen limp in each other's arms, it's almost midnight. Maya has found herself cuddled up against Claudine's chest once again, and Claudine cradles her softly, carding down through her hair. She can feel Maya's heart beating happily up against her stomach, and her hands roaming her back. Claudine sighs and finally lets herself slow down.

"It's going to be a little rough going back tomorrow," she murmurs.

Maya gives her a squeeze.

"Just think of it this way; even if we have to act normal at work, we can always come home to this." She kisses Claudine for emphasis, keeping it brief, but when she eases back Claudine pulls her right back down.

"I wasn't finished yet," she mumbles into her mouth.

Maya chuckles and indulges her for a little while longer, until they both begin to fade off.

It will certainly be interesting to have to pretend to be not dating when they're pretending to be dating. It's amusing to think about catering to their fans while also secretly catering to their own needs.

As Maya gets ready to close her eyes, she hears a tired little breath from her partner. Claudine's eyes flutter sleepily up at her, but Maya can tell she's fighting to stay awake. She cradles Claudine's cheek in her palm and kisses her forehead sweetly.

"Yes?"

Claudine gives a little huff, followed by a little moan.

"So… does this mean… we're dating?" she mumbles. "Does this mean… you're my-"

"Girlfriend?" Maya guesses. Claudine chokes a little bit at the word, and to be honest, Maya's heart is doing backflips at it as well. She smiles and presses a chaste, tender kiss onto her lips. "I believe doing things like this would qualify us as girlfriends, yes."

"Secret," Claudine says softly. "Secret girlfriends."

Hearing Claudine say the word too now makes Maya's heart flip even higher. Unable to hold back her delight, she burrows her face into Claudine's neck and kisses her until her lips get sore.

Eventually, the two of them drift off together in preparation to begin their first week of work as secret lovers.

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They manage to keep things relatively routine the next day.

Claudine wakes first as usual, but what's different this time is that she kisses Maya's forehead before heading off to get breakfast ready. And just as she's about to leave, Maya shuffles out of the bedroom to give her a brief hug and a goodbye kiss, promising to see her in a little while.

Claudine goes to the studio by herself, and she has to admit she feels indescribably refreshed and energetic this morning. She gets a lot of practicing done before Maya arrives a while later, and then they spend a bit of time dancing together, though this time they steal a few kisses in between.

But as soon as the other girls and the staff arrive, Maya and Claudine stop with the affection and act natural. Their big concert is on Friday, and Thursday will be overtaken by interviews, so they only have 3 days to practice all of their choreography and routines.

Most of their Monday is spent dancing and singing, though the afternoon is broken up by a few quick photoshoots in the gardens. They're all given fancy dresses to wear as they dance and flirt with their respective partners for the sake of the camera.

But all of Maya and Claudine's flirting is genuine, though they never let it show too obviously. Every tilt of the chin and gliding of fingers against cheeks, every hand on their waists or shoulders or backs, every longing look and bashful blush.

They're commended much more for today's shoot than they'd been at the pool, being told that it 'feels realer' this time.

Everyone works hard today, and Ms. Sakuragi congratulates them on a job well done.

When it's time to go, Claudine heads out first, hoping Maya won't be too eager to get her alone again and follow too quickly after her. But she ends up catching up to Claudine halfway through the walk back to the apartment, and though Claudine chides her, she allows it.

When they get home, they heat up dinner and take turns showering, then spend some time on the couch together before heading to bed, where they proceed to fool around and pamper one another without end. It's starting to become their nightly routine now, and neither one of them has any protests about it.

After a round of particularly fast and furious kisses, they pause to catch their breath. Claudine laughs as she remembers the photoshoot today.

"I can't believe we pulled that off."

"The shoot?" Maya guesses. "But of course. I'm sure the fans will just eat it up once those pictures get released tomorrow."

"Mmm…" Claudine exhales slowly. "I'm glad we've figured out a way to cheat the system, so to speak. So long as we're careful, this really could work."

"We'll make it work," Maya vows. "I promise, Claudine."

And as she lies down to sleep with her that night, Maya truly and honestly believes it's a promise she'll be able to keep.

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Tuesday goes much the same way as Monday had, with the two of them stealing kisses at home and at the studio before the others arrive, and then acting natural through the rest of the day.

There's another quick photoshoot in one of the offices, and the girls are given formal clothes, pencil skirts, suits, ties, and blazers to wear to give off a businesslike impression. There's a lot of suggestive poses that seem to imply workplace affairs and whatnot for the pandering, but Claudine and Maya's are the ones ridden with the most 'tension' by far.

Again, they're all congratulated and thanked for their hard work before heading home.

That evening, as she and Claudine get ready for bed, Maya opens her phone to the Starlight Girls' promotional social media accounts. Claudine peeks over at her screen curiously.

"Oh, that's right. Those garden photos were posted today. What do people think?"

Maya scrolls through the comments for a moment with an amused smirk on her face.

"It seems we've gotten even more popular."

Claudine chuckles and wraps her arms around Maya's torso.

"Well, that sounds good to me. Goodnight."

Maya hugs her and kisses her head.

"Goodnight, Claudine."

But Maya doesn't go to sleep right away. While the fan comments she had seen had been mostly positive, she'd seen a few troublesome ones as well. Slowly, she keeps scrolling through:

/Wow! These are gorgeous pics! Maya-chan and Kuro-chan are so cool!

It sort of feels like they're really a couple!

That would be so hot!

Come on guys, they aren't really dating. That's just wrong.

Yeah, it's fine to like the pics but don't say the idols are dating. Idols can't date. Especially not each other.

Yeah idols dating would be weird.

Idk isn't it kinda cute?

No way. It's wrong.

They can't do that. It'd be a betrayal to the fans.

Idk… they look pretty close in those photos lol

No way. Kuro-chan would never betray me like that!

Maya-chan is too good for her anyway! XP She deserves better!

The agency wouldn't let them date anyway.

If they are actually dating they better break up lol/

The more she reads, the sicker she begins to feel. Her stomach starts to knot up and tangle itself, and before much longer she has to force herself to shut off her phone and put it aside. She curls her arms around Claudine instead and buries her face in the soft curls of her hair.

She doesn't like this. She doesn't like it at all.

She just has to hope the negative commentary will come to an end quickly.

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In the morning, Maya pushes the thoughts of last night's comments to the back of her mind. She wakes first this time and rouses Claudine by peppering kisses all over her face. But after Claudine gives her her goodbye kiss and heads off first, Maya picks up her phone again - and regrets it.

More and more unhappy comments from their fans are appearing at the idea of them dating for real. While a lot of people are defending them and assuring everyone it's just for the photoshoots, a lot of them seem to be genuinely perturbed.

/Idols aren't supposed to date anyone!

Right? They should be focusing on their careers and making new songs.

They're not actually dating though…

Idk, remember that whole scandal article the other week?/

She gets so caught up in the messy spiral that she ends up being late to leave. All the way to the studio her stomach is churning with distress. The first thing she does upon arriving is go to Ms. Sakuragi to address the ruffled fans. Her manager sighs.

"Yeah, I know. I've been seeing some stuff too. I didn't wanna say anything that might upset you two, though. I was hoping it would blow over quickly. Funnily enough, even though there's so much complaining, those photos and the other merch are selling better now than ever." She scrolls through her phone for a moment with a pensive expression on her face. "We're gonna go through with releasing the other photos from yesterday cause they're already getting finished up. But maybe after that and the concert we'll back off a little with the pandering, at least for you and Saijou."

Maya dips her head in relief.

"Thank you very much."

For the rest of the day, they go through practicing for Friday's concert nonstop, perfecting everything down to the slightest detail. Maya makes it her own personal mission to keep Claudine off her phone and social media so she won't risk discovering all the chaos. Whenever she does make a move to pick up her phone, Maya thinks of an excuse to call her over or bring up a conversation to invest her in instead.

It's a lot of work all day long to keep an eye on her, but by the time they lay down for bed again tonight, Claudine is none the wiser about her upset fans. As she nestles up to Maya's chest and hugs her, she lets out a breathy sigh.

"So tomorrow we have those interviews… and then it's the concert already. I can't believe it."

Maya lays an arm across her back and rubs her hand in slow, soothing motions over Claudine's shoulders.

"I know. It's come along very quickly. Are you nervous?"

"Definitely not."

"Methinks the lady doth protest too much."

"You sound like Junna."

Maya laughs, but it fades rather quickly as she glances at her phone from where she's holding it over Claudine's shoulder, so only she can see it.

"Say, Claudine?"

"Hm?"

Maya breathes in slowly and chooses her words carefully.

"Are you all right with all of this…?"

Claudine pushes herself back until she can look up into her eyes.

"Of course I am… Are you?"

"Yes. Yes, absolutely. Forget I even asked." Maya pulls her back in and kisses her temple. Claudine is quiet, but she hugs her back a little tighter. She falls asleep without Maya even realizing they'd forgotten to tell one another goodnight.

Maya stays up a while longer looking through her phone. Her stomach starts to feel nauseous again.

And that's when she begins to have doubts about all of this. Had Claudine been right from the start in saying they shouldn't do this, even secretly? They were supposed to be focusing on their dreams, on their careers as idols, and that meant they couldn't date anyone.

/Especially not each other!/

The horrible comments keep appearing in front of her, even long after she's shut off her phone and closed her eyes. She hates these awful feelings that are beginning to tangle themselves up inside of her.

She hugs Claudine closer in an effort to stifle the bad things, but she fears she might only be spreading them to her somehow.

Maya can't clear her thoughts. Not even holding her roommate - her girlfriend - close like this is seeming to do her any good now.

Maybe Claudine had been right from the beginning to try and refuse her. Maybe they shouldn't be doing this after all.

But Maya had been the one to insist, and to tell Claudine they could do this. It's horrible of her to be having second thoughts now, when they've already spent this much time together as lovers, being happier than they'd ever been before in all their lives.

She doesn't want to hurt Claudine. Not ever.

But with the way things are going now, Maya's deepest and most devastating fear is the knowledge that she's going to have to.

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On Thursday morning, Maya pretends to stay asleep when Claudine leaves for the studio. She only gets up once she's heard the apartment door close.

When she pushes herself to her feet, she's struck by an overwhelming sense of dizziness and dread. Her stomach is so knotted she doesn't even eat the breakfast Claudine had prepared and left for her. She gets dressed and doesn't look at her reflection even once as she's getting ready in the bathroom. She doesn't even want to think about what she's going to do.

But when she makes the mistake of looking at her phone again, only to find even more outraged comments on the office photoshoot pictures, she makes up her mind. She wipes the tears from her eyes and begins her walk to the studio.

Just like every other day this week, she puts on an act. Only this time, it isn't just to fool the other Starlight Girls and the staff. This time, it's to fool Claudine, too.

And she hates it. She hates it more than anything she's ever done before.

But probably not as much as what she's still going to do.

All throughout their morning practice and review for tomorrow's concert, Maya flashes Claudine forced little smiles to reflect the genuine ones Claudine sends her way. At lunch, they sit side-by-side as always, but Maya can't bring herself to eat much. Claudine notices, because she gently touches Maya's hand beneath the table

"Nervous about the interview?"

Maya jumps at the contact, and her heart twists as Claudine's fingers work their way through hers in an attempt to comfort her. Maya wants to pull away. She doesn't deserve Claudine's affection with what she's planning on doing to her.

"Yes…" she says thickly.

Claudine scooches her chair a little closer to hers.

"Well, don't you worry. I'm hearing they're apparently joint interviews, so I'll be right there with you."

Maya's heart feels like it's being slowly crushed. She plasters on another quick smile before bowing her head. Any other day, the idea of doing a joint interview with Claudine would have made her ecstatic.

But not now. In fact, it just makes her feel all the more wretched.

Lunchtime ends all too soon, and the girls are given their trademark uniforms and skirts to change into for their interviews. As they wait to get called in, Maya sits in her chair while Claudine stands behind her with both hands on her shoulders.

"You know," she says. "If you're not feeling well, we can ask them to reschedule."

But Maya shakes her head.

"No… We should get it over with."

Before anything else can be said, the two of them get called in. Maya puts on her best, most charismatic mask and takes Claudine's hand when she offers it.

They walk into the interview room together and greet everyone inside before getting situated.

The interview commences with the usual cheerful greetings. Maya grins for the cameras and waves to the fans that are watching live. Claudine greets hers with a bit more flare in an apparent effort to one-up her 'rival.'

The interview goes smoothly as they answer questions about tomorrow's concert. They're asked what the most difficult songs and dances to learn were, and what their favorites are. They make jokes and laugh and answer funny, random questions like their favorite animals or colors or what they had for dinner last night - and very tactfully manage not to answer with the same thing, on account of the fact that they secretly live together and ate the same supper.

But it's at the end of the interview when the woman sitting across from them brings up something more serious.

"So," she begins. "I'm sure by now both of you are aware of the backlash from some of the fans on social media in regards to your relationship. Would you mind clearing it up for us? Are the two of you really dating?"

"Backlash?" Claudine parrots her, clearly shocked. But Maya quickly takes over the conversation.

"Ah yes, we are aware of that. Saijou-san and I would like to formally apologize for any confusion or distress we may have caused our fans. But I assure you," she says sternly. "We are not dating. The feelings we have for one another are merely those of group-mates and rivals. There is nothing romantic whatsoever, so please rest assured."

"I see," the woman says. "Thank you very much for clearing that up. Well then, that concludes our interviews with Tendo-san and Saijou-san. A big thank you to all our viewers who joined us!"

As the crew applaud and wrap things up, Maya thanks them all quickly before leaving. Claudine hastily follows behind her and calls out to her once they've made it to the locker room.

"H-Hey! Maya, what was that all about?"

The door slams shut behind them, and it's clear they're the only two in here now. Maya finally comes to a halt, but she doesn't look back at Claudine.

"It was the truth, wasn't it?"

She hears Claudine take another step closer.

"I mean, yes. It's the truth we have to tell the rest of the world... But did you have to say it so… harshly…? So surely…?"

Her voice falters a little, and Maya can't stop herself from turning to face her now. Instinctually, she can't help but be worried about Claudine, even when she has no right to be. Not anymore.

Claudine has her arms crossed over her chest, hugging herself loosely. When she looks up at Maya now, there is hurt in her eyes.

"You could've just said 'no,' and moved on. Why did you… say so much? And what's all this they're saying about backlash from the fans? Did you know about that?"

Maya holds onto one of her wrists with her opposite hand in a guilty position.

"Yes. I knew."

Claudine narrows her eyes.

"And you didn't think to tell me? Is that why you've been acting so strangely these past few days? Don't think you need to protect me from that sort of thing. We're in this together. We can handle it together."

Maya can't look her in the eyes, so she drops her gaze to the floor.

"I know we can…" she whispers. "But we shouldn't…"

"I beg your pardon…?" Now, Claudine's voice has grown quiet too, in that sort of tone that says she knows something bad is about to happen, but she refuses to acknowledge it. "You're not making any sense, Tendo Maya. Aren't you the one who promised me-"

"I am," Maya admits. "But I… I'm sorry, Claudine. I… I think I have to break that promise…" She forces herself to look up this time. Claudine deserves to see the truth in her eyes, at the very least.

Her whole body feels like it's shaking under the weight of her guilt. She feels sicker than she had last night and this morning put together. And she can feel tears coming on, too.

The second Claudine gets a look at her face, she takes a step back.

"Hey… don't look at me like that, Tendo Maya. Wh-What are you-?"

"Claudine." Maya takes a step closer to her now. But Claudine only moves away. Her voice begins to fracture.

"What are you saying, Maya…?"

Maya doesn't try to get any closer.

"I'm saying… you were right from the start, Claudine. We can't betray our fans and jeopardize the group by being selfish… We can't risk our careers and everything we've worked for like this…"

"Like this…?" Claudine chokes. "You mean-"

"Us," Maya whispers. "Maybe we… shouldn't be together after all…"

She's done it. She's said it. And every little piece of herself wishes she hadn't.

She watches the exact moment when Claudine's heart must shatter into a million pieces, right in front of her.

Claudine staggers, swaying backward until the back of her knee hits the bench and she almost falls. She slumps against the metal lockers with a loud clatter and then whirls around to race for the door, leaving tears in her wake.

Maya tries to go after her, but she can't even manage to take one single step. She can't follow her now. It would only hurt Claudine even more - if that was even possible at this point. Her guilt and her regret roots her to the floor as tears start to overflow.

She's done it, just like she'd resolved herself to.

And she knew she'd regret it.

But she'd never been able to begin guessing just how sickeningly awful it would feel.

And she can only imagine Claudine's agony is so much worse. After all, she'd been the one to have the doubts initially, and Maya had soothed them for her, promised her it would be all right; that they'd find a way. She'd given Claudine that solace, in addition to what must have been the happiest days of her life.

Only to rip it all out from under her after just a few days.

It was Maya's fault for ever agreeing to do this in the first place, to kindle this secret romance with her.

Now, whatever relationship they'd had - or ever hoped of having - is completely ruined. Worse than it would have been if she'd just refused Claudine that first night.

But she believes it was best to do this sooner rather than later. She just has to tell herself she wasn't acting rashly and without thinking.

It really is for the best in terms of the fans, the staff, and the other girls.

But is it the best for herself, and more importantly for Claudine…?

It has to be in the long run. Or else Maya would have done the unthinkable and hurt her like this for nothing.

She stands there alone for a long, long time, but she doesn't even cry as much as she wants to. The tears just don't come anymore after a certain point. Claudine must be crying them all in her stead.

Eventually, Maya wipes her eyes and slowly limps out of the room. By now, only Nana, Junna, and Karen's group are still here, getting ready to leave. They all whirl around and look at her in shock.

"Tendo-san!"

"Are you all right?"

"Did something happen?"

"Maya-chan," Nana frets, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Kuro-chan left with Futaba-chan and Kaoruko-chan. She was crying. Is everything…?"

But when Maya looks up at her, Nana falls silent. She lets go of her shoulder and puts a hand to her mouth.

"Oh no… Maya-chan-" She doesn't say anymore. Maya knows none of them had even thought that she and Claudine had secretly been dating, but she can tell that Nana figures it out all in this instant. And she's clearly figured out how it had ended, too.

"Nana…?" Junna asks softly. "What's the matter?"

But Nana just shakes her head.

Maya lifts her gaze to each of them, and it feels like a stone is sinking in her heart all the while.

"I'm sorry. It's my fault. I hope this won't affect us for the concert tomorrow."

"A-Are you going to talk to her?" Mahiru asks. "Whatever happened, I'm sure you two can work it out."

But Maya shakes her head again.

"I'm… not sure that we can, Tsuyuzaki-san."

"Tendo-san…" Karen tries to say something, but she can't think of anything. Maya brushes past them all and heads for the doors.

"I apologize for all of this."

"You can text us," Hikari blurts out. "If you need anything. We can try to help."

Maya tries to flash her an appreciative smile, but she can't even manage that. She just hangs her head and prepares for the long, painful walk home.

The world is blurry all around her, and her senses are off and jumbled. Everything sounds too loud, and it's making her head ache. But then she realizes it's just the throbbing of her pulse, so hard that it hurts.

When she finally limps up to the apartment, the door is locked. There's the tiniest, faintest glimmer of hope that Claudine might be inside. But when Maya walks in, she finds it cold and empty, just like her heart.

She can barely find the strength to change clothes before falling into bed on Claudine's side of the mattress.

At least she's able to cry a bit more, but it brings her no relief, only more pain.

She doesn't even hear her phone going off half a dozen times until late at night. When she checks it, all of the messages are from Futaba. Maya wipes her eyes and reads them over:

Received 3:36PM - Hey. Kuro came home with us. She was crying so hard she nearly fell off the bike. I don't know what happened but we'll take care of her tonight as best we can.

Received 4:02PM - It took both Kaoruko and me to get her inside, but she just collapsed on the couch. She won't eat or tell us anything. I don't know if you'd tell us anything either but… man, this is really rough.

Received 4:35PM - Hey, are these messages going through? Just let us know if you made it home okay. We're worried about you too, Tendo.

Received 5:22 PM - Kuro's still crying… I've never seen her like this before. She's gonna break her voice or make herself sick or something. Nothing we say or do is helping. I hate having to ask you to do this, but do you think you could text me back and talk to her, or give us a call or something?

Received 6:08 PM - Tendo, seriously. Can you tell us what happened? I'm really getting worried about her now, and about you, too…

Received 7:37PM - She finally fell asleep on the couch. Her cheeks are so damn puffy and she's still crying here and there, though. Kaoruko and me are sitting with her and we're gonna sleep here tonight to keep an eye on her. Text us if to you can.

Received 8:45PM - Kuro just woke up and started asking for you… But then she just curled right back up again and started crying… she's heartbroken, Tendo. Please, you gotta help us do something…

Maya cries a little harder as she reads through the messages, imagining Claudine sobbing her heart out all because of her.

At the very least, she owes it to Futaba to give her a call though, so she clears her throat multiple times and sniffles until her voice is somewhat audible before pressing the Call button. It only rings once before Futaba answers right away.

"Tendo?"

Maya swallows thickly.

"Isurugi-san…"

Thank goodness-"

"Is it her?" Kaoruko asks. "Give it to me."

"O-Oy, Kaoruko-"

Maya hears some shuffling and can only assume Kaoruko had snatched the phone from Futaba's hand and ran into another room with it so she could talk as loudly as she wants to.

"Tendo-han? Do you have any idea the night Futaba-han and I have been having? The night Kuro-han has been having?"

Maya sniffles again.

"I can't even begin to imagine…"

Kaoruko is quiet for a moment and lowers her lecturing tone, just a little bit.

"Well, by the sound of it, you haven't exactly been enjoying yourself, either. But even so, this poor girl can barely speak or stand on her own! How are we supposed to have a concert tomorrow? Would you at least have the decency to tell us what you did to her?!"

"Hey, Kaoruko!" Futaba's voice hisses from nearby. "Don't say it like that!"

"No…" Maya sighs. "Hanayagi-san is right… This is all my fault."

Kaoruko snorts.

"Then fix it."

And then she hangs up.

Maya blinks down at her phone and wipes her eyes again. A moment later, she receives a text from Futaba.

Sorry about her. She didn't mean it like that.

Maya somehow makes her shaking fingers touch the keys to respond.

No. She's absolutely right. This is my fault and I need to take responsibility for it. So please take care of Saijou-san for me until then.

She wipes her eyes one last time - for good now, and then receives the reply.

You got it.

Maya turns off her phone and lays her head on Claudine's pillow. There's a new kind of weight in her chest now - not the weight of guilt so much as the weight of determination. She's wallowed in her grief and doubt enough, and she's forced Claudine to do the same.

Maya knows what she has to do now.

She can only pray that Claudine will be able to forgive her one day for her sins.

---------

A/N: The height of the drama and heartache necessary of an idol au has finally come. The fear of backlash from the community and fear of jeopardizing their friends' careers has torn apart such a lovely relationship. What's really the 'right' answer here, if there even is one?

I wanted Futaba and Kaoruko to take Claudine home with them, not only because of the Futaba/Claudine friendship we get from the series, but I wanted to let Kaoruko show some love for her, too. She'd definitely get angry, not at the people themselves, but at the situation that's making all her friends so upset.

Next chapter is the last.