"So... I'm dead then? And you're here to take me away? To take me to Equestria?"
>Her frown spread into a scowl as her angry eyes opened to meet yours.
>"Do you really think you deserve that? After everything you've done in your life?"
>"Think, Anonymous. Think /hard/ about your life's actions. Everytime you pushed Billy on the floor. Or when you broke up with your girlfriend. There's a reason you died alone."
>...
>Your head tilts to the ground, thoughts racing through your head
>Fuck
>You did do a lot of awful shit
>But...
"There's gotta be /some/ way to get into Equestria!"
>The Celestial God swiftly turns around, flicking your face with her tail
"C-C'mon, Celestia! I can change," desperately, you rush over to the Princess and try to reason with her, "I can! I promise! Just let me into Equestria, /please/!"
>She continues to trot away from you, the abyss around you getting darker and darker...
>Until
>Her hoofsteps stop, your blurry vision getting clearer
>"..."
"Celestia...?"
>"Anon, I'll let you in my kingdom--"
"YES!"
>You fist pump in the air, excited about your trip to Equestr--
>"However..."
>FUCK
>You hate shit like this
>You can never have your fun, can you?
>Excitement fading, you stand still, curious about her "catch"
>She faces you again, putting a hoof under your chin
>"You can not harm any of my ponies I'm any way, shape, or form."
>Pfft
>Easy
>"You can not--..."
>She stops herself, showing discomfort with whatever she's about to say
>".../fuck/ any of my ponies."
>Oh fuck you, Celestia
>Seriously?
>"Seriously."
>Oh.
>She can apparently read your mind, too
>...Fuck
>"And last but not least, you /must/ to be nice to everypony you see."
>And once again, easy
>Come on, 'Tia
>At least provide a challenge
>"Trust me, Anonymous; knowing you, this will /not/ be a trot in the park."
>She gets in your face, frowning at you
>"I'll /make/ it hard for you, if I have to."
>She means business...
>She removes her hoof from your chin, turning away from you and trotting away
>"I hope you like it in Ponyville, Anonymous. I promise you won't last long..."
>Everything turns blurry again
>You collapse to the floor, your eyes forcefully falling
>You're so... sleepy...
>...

>You awaken, tired, and... around crystals
>Twilight’s castle?
>Turning to your left, you notice Twilight’s cutie mark on the side of the wall
>Huh, so she wasn't lying
>You suppose you should make the best of your time here, if she's really gonna try your patience that hard
>Rising out of your bed--Wow, this bed surprisingly fits you
>Anyway, you rise out of it and look at yourself in the mirror to the right of the bed
>You look as handsome as ever, sporting--oh
>You're wearing the clothes that you killed yourself in
>There's bloodstains around the collar of your white t-shirt
>Good thing your blue jeans and sketchers are fine, though
>You'll have to lie about--
>Someone knocks at the door
>"Hello? Human? Are you awake yet?"
>Oh, it's Twilight
>Casually walking over to the door, you open it, and look... not that far down from yourself
>She's surprisingly five feet to your six
>That isn't short, for a pony
>Everybody else must be four or below, then
>Since Celestia was exactly your height, if not, taller, because of her horn
>Man, Princesses are tall...
>"Oh, good! You're awake," she exclaims, looking at you with a smile
>You only nod, smiling back
>"Princess Celestia asked me to show you around Ponyville, since she told me you'll be staying here awhile."
>Thanks, Tia
>"However, I'm curious. You know a bit about Ponyville, am I correct?"
>What
>How does sh--...
>Fuck you Celestia
>All you do is nod
>"So, what place do you want to see first?"
>You're vagina--NOPE
>Don't say that, Anon...
>Ugh, where should you go first?
>Sugarcube Corner it is, then!
"Uh, why not Sugarcube Corner, if that's fine with you?"
>It's gonna be hard being overly nice
>But, it's gonna be worth it
>You hope
>"And why do you want to head there, Anonymous?"
>Uh...
>Shit
"Because... my favorite pony lives there!"
>"And who might /that/ be?"
>Quick!
"Pinkie Pie, of course!"
>"Really," she asks with sarcasm.
>Again, you nod, as she sighs
>"Alright. Follow me, human!"
>She switches from calling you Anon to Human
>Oh boy
>She turns around and trots away from you
>You follow close behind and... holy damn
>This castle looks fucking beautiful!
>Shitposters on /mlp/ were wrong about this place
>"So, Human, tell me," she starts, trotting down the staircase
>The staircase is one of those fancy circle staircases, too
>And it goes like, five stories high...
>Jesus
>"What brings you to Ponyville, anyway? Princess Celestia told me you were brought here for something important."
>You know what, fuck you, Princess
>Suddenly, something enters your head...
>Fuck, it hurts--
>'I can hear you in here, Anonymous.'
>WHAT
>'I won't be listening often, but I will tune in. Be on your best behavior, or else you know what happens...'
>Fuck
>You feel a presence leaving you, as you continue down the stairs with Twilight
"Well, uh... I'm here for..."
>Damn it
>You can't think of anything
>...Anything /clean/, anyway
>Twilight just looks at you funny, a curious look on her face
>"For...?"
>Quick, think of something!
"Friendship!"
>She stops in her place in the staircase, looking at you with doubt
>Fuck
>"You humans don't strive for friendship. Celestia told me so."
>YOU KNOW WHAT CELESTIA--...Ugh
>She might pop in again
>"Tell me the truth, Human. What are you here for?"
"To learn about friendship."
>You stop in your tracks, while Twilight looks at you in major disbelief
>You could work with this...
"You're right, humans don't strive for it. I want to learn, to see if it truly is all it's cracked up to be."
>Is she smiling?
>Did she smile at that?
>"That's--...," you think she's choked up, "That's really nice, Anonymous."
>You smile at her warmly, walking up to her and putting an arm on her shoulder
"Please, call me 'Anon', Twilight."
>She smiles hard, looking up at you with glee
>This was way too easy
>A womanly growl is heard in your head
>You meant what you said to Twilight!
>P-Promise, Princess!
>It stops soon after, as you sigh
>"What's wrong, Anon?"
>You notice Twilight’s already at the door, curiously looking up at you
>You're like, ten feet above her
"Nothing, nothing. I'll be right down!"
>Rushing down the staircase as fast as you can, Twilight opens the door and holds it open for you
>Seemingly, though, you have a friend in Twilight
>Which is good
>You need her magical power
>It might help you later
>You stop short at the door, and follow Twilight outside
>You admire Ponyville on this walk, it's so fresh and clean
>Better than your shitty cit--
>"Anon, we're getting closer to Sugarcube Corner. I think we'll be there in a bit, but..."
>But what?
>"Tell me, where you come from, what is it like? Celestia tells me it's an awful place but... I want to hear it from you. What's it like there, Anon? Is it nice?"
>There's a reason you killed yourself
"Well..."
>...Fuck
>Thinking back, you try to hold back tears
>You sigh
"Twilight... I lied to you a little bit, back there."
>She looks at you with shock
>"Y-...You lied?!"
>You only nod your head
"I lied about my reason for coming here--"
>"YOU /WHAT/?!"
>This hurts her tremendously, you feel like she would walk away from you at any moment
>"How could you--"
>You shush her, and sigh
"Let me explain. You see... Y-You see..."
>Fuck, you can't speak
>You're choking up
"Back on my world, I went to a prestigious college. You know about colleges, right?"
>Calming down, she nods, looking at you with interest
>"Yeah. I went to one for magic, with Princess Celestia."
>You can't help but gulp, clenching your fists
"Well, I went to college for about three years, before being overwhelmed by it all. I-...I couldn't handle the workload, it was too much. I was put on academic suspension from then on, and my parents..."
>No
>Fuck no
>You can't talk about that
>You fucking can't
>It hurts too much
>"Your parents?"
>...
>Fuck
"They... they became so--," you choke up, covering your eyes, "they wouldn't pay attention to me anymore. They didn't care about me, or what else I did anymore. They just... disowned me."
>Twilight looks at you with full blown sympathy, as you try to keep away the tears
"I was so depressed after that that I couldn't even find a job... and I--"
>Don't say it
>Don't fucking say it
"I just... ended it."
>Damn it
>She gasps, putting her left wing over her mouth
>"Wait... if you're dead then... how are you still alive? How are you even talking to me?"
"You can thank Celestia, for that."
>You decide to not tell her the whole story to that, yet, anyway
"She brought me here. It's why I'm here right now."
>You think you have control over your emotions again
>You sigh and walk with the alicorn
"What makes it worse is that I used to live in a place where people are hit by things that go faster than Rainbow Dash. I'm just glad I wasn't one of them."
>She looks at you, guilt-tripped to hell and back
>"I-I'm so sorry, Anon. Maybe Pinkie Pie can help you start a new here more than me."
>The two of you reach Sugarcube Corner, Twilight asking you to go first
"Please, m'lady, you go first."
>She giggles, and obliges
>Wait
>Did you just say "m'lady"
>What the fuck is wrong with you
>Sighing, you follow behind the purple mare, as she walks up to the counter
>Pinkie immediately zooms to the counter, a gigantic smile on her fa--
>"HI TWILIGHT! Who's your hew friend?"
>She's really excited...
>Is her tail wagging?
>Fuck, it is
>"Hello, Pinkie," Twilight points at you with her left hoof, with a smile, "This is the new human in town, Anon--"
>"What's a human? Is that a fish? You know Percival--"
>"Opalescence," Twilight says, matter of factly
>"That's what I said!"
>"You said Percival, again."
>"/Really/?"
>The pink horse looks genuinely curious, like she just forgot what she said
>"Pinkie, Anonymous is a human."
>The pink horse looks at you, and smiles
>"OH!"
>She looks at Twilight again, with a smirk
>"Why didn't you say that before, Twily?"
>The alicorn rolls her eyes and orders a cupcake
>"Pinkie, can I have a--"
>"Red velvet?"
>"How did you--"
>Suddenly, the pastry chef puts the red velvet cupcake on the counter, and smiles
>"I know my customers, Twilight~!"
>Twilight just sighs at the improbability of Pinkie, and turns to face you
>"You want anything, Anon?"
>Yes
>A ponut
>Nobody knows what that is, so you can say it safely
>Thankfully
>Looking at the pink pastry chef, you put a hand under your chin and wonder...
>What should you get?
"Ponut, please," you say with an ever living confidence
>"Uh," Twilight confronts you, tapping on your shoulder with her wings, "You mean... /donut/, right?"
>'Anonymous...,' the mature voice comes back, growling your name at you
>Did you fuck up?
"No, I meant ponut," you look down at alicorn with a smile, "Why, is something the matte--"
>"YIPPEE," the pink pony squeaks in glee, "Glazed or jelly?"
"Glazed, please."
>The pony full of joy giggles, "You know, I only give this dish to very /special/ customers, but you, Nonny," she stops and gives you a sultry look, "You seem like a special kind of guy~!"
>You might've fucked up
>The pink pony rushes out, as you and Twilight take a seat
>The purple mare left a bit on the counter before heading to the table, taking the cupcake in hoof
>Or rather, wing
>She does a lot with her wings
>As soon as you two sat down, Twilight asks you with concern and curiosity
>"You DO know what a "ponut" is, right, Anon?"
>Acting oblivious for the sake of it, you shake your head from side to side
>"Oh boy..."
>Next thing you know, Pinkie Pie immediately hops onto the table, her asshole--excuse you, her GLAZED ASSHOLE near your lips
>"What're ya waiting for, Nonny? Take a lick~!"
>The pony speaks with glee, smiling
>Your little self can't help but grow hard, twitching
>Dear Celestia--
>'You called, Anonymous?'
>Fuck
>'Take one lick of Pinkie, and you're out of my world, Anonymous.'
>She sounds so fucking serious holy shit
>But...
>Oh god fuck you Celestia
>What do you do?!
>Know what, Anon?
>Just... relax
>You didn't expect this
>Just ask for a doughnut
>"So, what'cha gonna do, Anon?"
"I'm going to decline."
>The mare sitting across from you beams at you with smiles
>The pink mare turns around to face you, as your erection calms down, thank god
>"Awh. Why? You ordered it!"
"Yes, but I didn't expect...," you point to Pinkie's ass, "/that/. I thought I was going to get something else."
>"Like /what/?" Twilight asks, confused
"I don't know! Just not... /that/. Jeez..."
>A fading growl is heard in your head from the Princess--Wait, no
>Celestia!
>'What, Anonymous?'
>Can you fuck m--no!
>Explain. What the fuck just happened?
>'You asked for a ponut, thinking they wouldn't give you butt. Then they gave you butt. What more is there to the situation?'
>How about the fact that they know what a ponut is?
>'It's slang, here. There's a lot of words you used that are slang here for something else.'
>You're fucking with me
>'Not at all, Anonymous.'

"You think he's okay, Pinkie?"
>Rubbing your purple mane, you look at your human friend with worry
>He's just... sitting there
>Why?
>Did Pinkie fart in his face?
>The pink mare climbs off the table and stands next to you
>"Not sure, Twilight. Maybe he's just lost in thought!"
"About what," you question, looking at your pink friend with curiosity
>She just shrugs
>Sighing, you munch on your cupcake and jump off your seat
>You turn to Pinkie again, looking at her questioningly
"Do I have to pay for... what just happened," you ask, your eyes directed at the table
>"It's on the house, Twily! Besides, if they don't lick me, it doesn't count!"

>/That/ too?! You're such a fucking dick!
>'I'm not the one who made up the slang. My ponies did.'
>You feel her presence leave your head once more
>Sighing a sigh of relief, you look at your alicorn friend talking with the pink pony
>"Look who's awake," the pink mane jokes, smiling at you
>"What were you thinking about, Anon...?"
"Ponies."
>"...Ponies?"
>You repeat yourself, as you get up out of your chair
"Ponies."
>Pushing the chair into the table, you look down at the curious alicorn
>"Uh... okay then," she starts, awkwardly, "So, where to now, Anon?"
"Let me think about it..."
>...You hear Rarity's place is good this time of year
"Let's go to the Boutique!"
>"Ooh," Pinkie speaks up, "Rarity's place! She's the best modiste in all of Ponyville!"
>...Uh, what?
>You can't help but look at her in confusion
>"Oh, sorry! That's a word Rarity taught me!"
>"It means dressmaker, Anon," Twilight speaks up, trotting over to you
>Oh
>You knew that
>Duh
"Where does Rarity get these words from, anyway," you find yourself muttering to none other than yourself
>Twilight, knowing what you just said, shrugs and walks to the front door
>You follow in quick pursui--
>"Anonymous, wait!"
>You stop short, as the pink one runs up to you and gives you a smile
>Out of nowhere, she takes out a very small party cannon, handing it--...uh
>Hoofing? it to you
>"Keep this, Nonny! It's a memento, just to remind you to visit tomorrow!"
>Fuck this really makes you smile
>Stupid pink pony
>Thanking the pastry chef, you pocket the blue cannon and walk off out of the restaurant
>The pink pony waves goodbye to you, as you and Twilight head on your way to Rarity's
>You wonder how she'll like you
>Maybe you can get some free clothes out of it
>Possibly even fix the bloodstain around your collar
>As you and Twilight walk, she asks you a question
>"Anon, why do you want to go to Rarity's, anyway?"
"Well, it's a boutique, right?"
>She nods, still walking in front of you
>"Yeah, it is, but--"
"Well, maybe I can knack some clothes out of her."
>Twilight chuckles, just as the two of you reach the Boutique
>"Good luck on that, Anon," the mare opens the door for you, as bell rings above her head, "She doesn't make clothes for 'animals'."
>You enter the shop, as you question her choice of words
>Twilight and Rarity are animals, too
>Fuck, they're more animal than you!
>You see the white unicorn walk down the steps onto the shop floor, looking quite proud
>Her eyes are closed as she walks down those steps, however
>"Hello, darling, and welcome to my fabulous boutique! We make hats, dresses, suits, ties, whatever you like! Just place an order an--"
>Her eyes open, and her proud expression fades as she looks at you in fear
>Oh no
>As you hear the bell chime again, Rarity's horn glows, a pair of scissors floating towards her
>Funnily enough, however, it isn't glowing her horn color
>"I'm not afraid to use these, heathen..."
>There's a hint of confidence in her voice, but it's mostly overshadowed by fear
>The unicorn takes slow steps down the rest of the staircase, getting closer to you
>You just stand there like an idiot
>You're in slight shock, so it's not like you can blame yourself
>Actually, yes you can, because you can SPEAK
>Talk to her, moron
>Show her you mean peace!
"H-Hey! Put those down before you hurt yourself!"
>This only succeeds in making her angry
>"Why? Do you think just because I'm a /lady/ that I can't hold a simple pair of SCISSORS?!"
>She gets dangerously close to you with those scissors, pointing them at your neck
>'Shouldn't have said that, Anonymous~'
>Fuck off Celestia
>"Rarity...?"
>Twilight to the rescue! Thank God!
>She walks up to the mare with confusion
>"What are you doing...?"
>The unicorn looks at Twilight fiercely, putting the scissors closer to your neck
>"Before you had walked in, darling, I was about to kill this monster that walked into my shop."
>Monster?
>You're anything but
>'Tell that to Billy, Anonymous.'
>Fuck off Celestia. What the hell are you still doing talking?
>'I finished my paperwork, if you must know, Anonymous. So I've decided to listen in to you for the rest of the day.'
>...
>Fuck
>'Be nice to Rarity, Anonymous, or you know what's coming...'
>Yeah, yeah
>Fuck
>So now you've got a princess into your head, listening to everything you do and say
>Can she see out of your eyes, too, like this?
>You wouldn't doubt it
>"Anonymous isn't a monster, Rarity. He's my new friend, a human!"
>The unicorn can't help but look at Twilight with a sincere look of 'You're insane'
>"He's a HEATHEN!"
>Now it's Twilight's turn to be confused
>"...Uh, /heathen/?"
>The white mare nods, still ready to cut your head off, or at least slit your throat, at a given moment's notice