Coffee

>Day 5 with no sleep in equestria
>Coffee is now your only protector from the timid yellow rapist
>Ever since you stopped answering the door flutterbutt has taken to doing things to you in your sleep
>You lock your doors, batten down the hatches, seal the blast doors, prime the claymores, power the tesla coils.
>You even have the new security system 5000
>But nothing stops her
>You can't sleep for fear of waking up trapped in flutterpsychos cottage
>-knock- -knock-
>Go away go away go away go away
"Go away no one's home"
>...
>...
>Silence
>Good stay away from me weirdo
>"That sure showed her anon"
"What who's there?"
>"Why it's your best friend coffee mug"
>For the past 24 hours you been hallucinating from lack of sleep
>You look over to see your coffee mug dancing in place
>"Drink me anoooon"
>Sure thing talking coffee mug
>With a final swig of coffee you add another couple prescious minutes to your consiousness
>Time to make more coffee
>You go into your kitchen and begin to boil water
>But as you search for you beloved coffee all you find is a note
>It reads
>"ALL YOUR COFFEE ARE BELONG TO US, if that's okay with you. -FS"
>NOOOOOOOOOO
>NOOOOOOOOOOOO
>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOx1000
>"Aww shit"
"Coffee mug?"
>"You dun fucked up kiddo"
>"Time to an hero"
>Coffee mug slips out of your hand and shatters on the floor
"Noooooo coffee mug don't make me face this alone"
>There's still time maybe I can hide
>You begin to feel your eyes get heavy your muscles turn into mush
-yawn-
>Maybe
>Maybe I just need to rest my eyes for a few seconds
>...
>...
>...
>You are in ponyville
>All the ponies are jealous of your super human human abilities
>You're flying around shooting lasers from your eyes and you're belching lightning at manticores
>Rainbowbutt is jealous of your superfine abilities
>All the mares are head over hoof for me
>Cause I'm a badass
>All of a sudden a wild twilight sparkle appeared
"Applejack I chose you!"
>You throw an apple and out comes Applejack
"Applejack use headbutt!"
>It's not very effective
>Twilight sparkle used teleport
>...
>Fucking pansy
>Oh well time to save the princess from bowser
>"ANONYMOUS? WHAT ARE THOU DOING?"
>You look over your shoulder to see princess Luna subwoofer voice and all
"Oh look the princess is already saved HUZZAH!"
>"DOESN'T THOU REALIZE THOU ART DREAMING?"
>I. aM. DreAmINg.
>Windows has encountered a system error.
>Windows is restarting
>Boot in lucid dream mode [Y]/[N]
[Y]
>Oh shit I fell asleep I need to wake up
"Thanks Luna I need to wake up now no time to talk gotta go bye"
>"WAIT DOST THIS MEAN THOU ARE OR ARE'NT DOWN TO FU-"
>...
>You wake up still tired from boycotting sleep
>And your worst fears have been realized
>You find yourself tied down to a table naked
>A sexual arsenal adorns the wall complete with vibrators and strapons oils and whips handcuffs and whipcream, and several mechanical devices i don't even want to think about
>"Good your finally awake"
>You know that voice anywhere
>The voice that tears holes in your sanity
"Fluttershy, untie me"
>"And why would I do that? I now have all the time to find your fetish"
>She licks her lips feeling up your sides
"How'd you even get in my house?"
>"O-oh that was easy I told twilight I needed to get in your house and she teleported me there"
>Damned traitor, note to self install shroud generator
>She's now licking your chest contently
"But I was awake the whole time how'd you steal my coffee?"
>"Why you could say I had the help of a certain pink spy"
>Oh Noes
"Are you trying to tell me you let the most hyperactive pony in equestria make off with 10 pounds of coffee knowing she'll probably eat it?"
>Fluttershy stops nomming on you and puts on a face of sheer terror
>"U-um i-i-is th-that b-bad?
>All of a sudden a Warning claxon goes off
>The radio in the corner of the room crackles to life
>"TACTICAL NUKE INBOUND!"
>Fucking coffee
>Fucking pinkie pie
>In a split second you are atomized under a pink cupcake cloud.
>But at least you weren't [spoiler] fucking fluttershy [/spoiler]