Alternate - Shizune Neutral/Misha Good End

"Misha, what are you doing...?!"  My voice is calm and low despite the horror at what I am seeing right now.  Short pink locks blow in the breeze as Misha stands on the edge of the roof, looking down to the courtyard below.  After last night, after my rejection, I don't want to imagine what she's doing.  As my words reach her, she turns around to face me, and my heart drops into the pit of my stomach.

“Hiichan...”

Her cheeks are stained with the trails of tears. Dark circles sit under her eyes.  Did she sleep at all after she left my room?  Despite her tears, she smiles, but something is wrong.  There is no light in that smile, it's dead and cold, plastic.  There is no life in that smile, no Misha.

“I was just thinking, Hiichan...  Wouldn't it be better if I just died?”

My heart thumps in my chest and my palms grow ice cold.  The wind is like daggers against my skin.  What did she say?  That's not Misha.  Please, Misha, come down from there.

“That way, it could stop hurting, and you and Shiichan could be together.  You wouldn't have to worry about me anymore...”

Her lip trembling betrays the fact that she's scared, hurt, and very alone.  Misha...did I do this to you?  Did Shizune?  I take a step forward, reaching out my arm toward her.  I feel like I'm made of lead, and my hand is trembling.  Please...

"Misha, come down, please." I beg.  "We can talk about this, please..."  My breathing quickens and I gulp down air.  A cold sweat is beginning to form on my brow.  She shakes her head.

“No, Hiichan...  I'm a waste of space.  Everyone always loves Shiichan...  They say I'm fat.  They say I'm loud and weird.  They laugh at me, tell me I'm stupid...that I'm just Shiichan's shadow.”

She whimpers almost imperceptibly, swallowing back her tears again.

“Shiichan is smart.  Shiichan is skinny and pretty.  She just wants to help everyone and...I love her.  But I'm not good enough for Shiichan, Hiichan...  I'm not good enough for anyone...”

“Misha!”

I call out to her again, my heart racing.  Please Misha, please don’t do this!  As she speaks, I can feel my heart aching.  What she says is true.  Shizune does want to help people, but...she also pushes them away, doesn’t let them get close.  What is it that I even have with her?  Does she love me?  Or am I just another friend like Misha?

“Hiichan… Please take good care of Shiichan for me...”

 She speaks and closes her eyes, turning her back to me.

“Mish—agggh!”

I fall to the ground clutching my chest.  Pain grips my torso and arms, squeezing the life out of me as my heart pounds in my ears.  My face reddens, my sweat still feels like ice on my skin.  Not now, dammit!  Not now!  My vision fades in and out and my face hits the gravel.  A sound from far away catches my attention for a moment.  This is it, isn’t it?  I failed Misha as a friend, just like I failed to get close to Shizune.  My thoughts fade somewhat, before I feel someone holding me.

My heart beats once, then again.  Then another beat pulses through me, and another...and another.  The pain is subsiding from my chest, I gulp air and my eyes frantically try to figure out what is happening.  Slowly, my blurry eyes regain their focus, and what I see before me confuses me.  My head is cradled into a soft surface, a surface where traces of pink hint as to the owner of the chest.  A sweet smell washes over me, Misha's smell.  Misha...

“Hiichan!”  She cries out.  “Don't die, Hiichan!”

Warm dampness against the top of my head signals that Misha is crying, but why?

"Misha...?"

“I'm...I'm so stupid, Hiichan!  So stupid...”  Misha sobs uncontrollably against me, holding me to her as if I was about to slip away and out of her grasp.  If my heart hadn't started to work again right when it did--  Could that have been the truth?  Several minutes pass as I try to console Misha as best I can.  When she finally calms down enough, and is assured that I'm not going anywhere, she speaks again.

“I'm so stupid, Hiichan...  Last night, I thought that maybe...you could accept me as someone that wasn't Shiichan...”

I'm taken aback by her words.  Didn't she just say that she loved Shizune?

"Misha...I don't understand."  She looks sad, but offers a small smile.  This time, however, some of the old Misha shines through.

“I do...but...  I... I also love you, Hiichan...”

I feel a blush cross my face as she speaks.  She loves me?  And she also loves Shizune?  But that would mean...  Seeing the confused look on my face, she smiles faintly and continues.

“I'm bisexual, Hiichan...  Shiichan...she was kind to me.  She made me feel welcome when I first came to Yamaku.  I had...been bullied a lot before I came, and was hesitant to open up to anyone, but Shiichan saw that, and made me come out of my shell.  And I loved her for it...”

Misha sighs and I keep listening.  How could people bully someone as caring as Misha?  She looks distant for a moment before she speaks again, pulling me from my thoughts.

“But...Shiichan didn't love me back, Hiichan.  I learned that she had trouble communicating her feelings to people, and that she just wanted to give everyone the best chance at happiness.  But then, you came along.  She attacked you because you looked so sad about something.  Just like I had...”

I think back to those early days at Yamaku.  I felt like I was trapped, sent to a place where no one had to deal with me.  I felt like I was broken and defective.  But Shizune changed that...Misha changed that.

“When I saw you Hiichan, I thought you were sad like I was too.  Like, you felt you didn't fit in.  So, I wanted to be close to you too.  Shiichan knew, but didn't think I liked guys like that...  So...when you asked Shiichan to be your girlfriend…  I felt like I was rejected again...”  Misha frowns, her face taking on that dark cast once more.  I reach out a hand to grip one of hers, and I squeeze it tightly, smiling.  Her face brightens only somewhat.  “She didn't want to hurt you.  Shiichan cares about you, Hiichan.  She cares about you a lot.  But...I don't think she cares about you how you want her to, not like I care about her...or...how I care about you.”

I sigh.  It hurts, but Misha is right.  Shizune does care about me.  I know she does, but she doesn't love me.  At least, she doesn't love me in the way I want her to love me.  Misha has been there for both of us.  She loved me and Shizune enough to stay out of our way so we could try to be happy with one another.  She put her own feelings on hold and locked them away.  But, it hurt her too much.  I lean forward, moving to push myself to stand.

“Hiichan, be careful!”

"I'll be okay, Misha."  I smile at her, and I see her worried expression turn to one of calm.  "I've decided what I have to do...what we both have to do.  We have to talk to Shizune about this.  She has to know about these things."  Misha nods, her face still looking somewhat sad.  "As long as she knows neither of us are going to abandon her, that we will both always be her friends and be there for her, I think it will be okay."

“You're right Hiichan!  Shiichan is very strong, but she wants to do everything alone sometimes.”

"I know.  But, we can all still be friends, and be there for one another when we need it."  I smile softly to myself.  "If coming here, to this school has made me learn anything, it is that everyone needs some support from time to time, no matter how strong they think they are."  Misha’s trademark laugh cuts through the air between us.

“Wahahaha~!  That's why I love you, Hiichan.  You're always so thoughtful...even when I do stupid things...”

I shake my head and turn to face Misha, a smile on my face.  She blinks for a moment before I lean in to kiss her softly on the lips.  They're sweet, and soft, and there is a hint of strawberry lip-balm.  She hesitates for a moment, before she returns the kiss, shyly, I notice, and wraps her arms around me in a hug.  I do the same, and the both of us stand there on the roof, seemingly frozen for a moment in time.

Misha is a strong, loving, gentle person.  She puts on a happy face so others don’t worry about her.  Just like Shizune, she wants to make people happy, and puts others before herself.  I guess despite knowing two languages, she still couldn’t explain how she really felt.  And, even if she could, I don’t think she would have if not for this...  She just loved Shizune and me too much to burden us with her feelings.  I pull away from our kiss and grasp her hand to see that she is blushing, her eyes damp with the beginnings of tears.

“Hiichan... Please hold me again. No one has ever...held me like that before.”

I look into her amber-brown eyes and I know there is no possible way I can refuse a request like that.  I pull her into another warm embrace, her face nuzzling into my chest.  I’m so sorry I never realized how you really felt, Misha, and I’m sorry I hurt you so much with my ignorance.  I know Shizune will be sorry too, because we both care about you.  After another moment, I release her, and stare into her eyes with a smile.

"Come on Misha, we have someone we need to talk to..."

I offer her my hand, and she takes it, smiling and nodding.  Shizune will always be someone special to me.  I owe her a lot for bringing me out of my shell, but, I think that, maybe, she isn’t the person for me.  And, I think that she also knows this.  Misha and I love Shizune, and each other.  We’re more alike than we ever realized.  Maybe that’s why Shizune tried so hard to bring me into the Student Council, because she could see it, and knew that Misha and I were right for one another.

I wouldn’t change what happened between Shizune and I if I could.  We shared some personal moments with one another, made our mistakes, and learned a great deal about ourselves as well.  But just because Misha and I have found one another, doesn’t mean that I could ever forget her, or cast her aside.  I care too much about her to do that, and friends never turn their back on friends.

As Misha and I descend the stairs and walk toward the Student Council Room, I think about everything that has happened since I first walked through the gates of this school.  Yamaku is an interesting place.  It seems unassuming enough, being quiet and secluded from the city below.  However, no matter how people may look on the outside, no matter how much you think you know them, they will always surprise you...

Fin~