A few years ago we had Steve Jobs, Johny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have no Jobs, no Cash and no Hope.
Why do elephants have trunks? Because a suitcase just won't do!
Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium BAT-MAN!
Descartes walks into a bar and is asked if he wants a beer. Descartes says, "I think not," and ceases to exist.
There are 2 types of people in this world. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data,
There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don't.
The Higgs Boson walks into a church and is told, "Sorry, we don't allow Higgs Bosons in here." It replies, "But if you don't have me, how can you have mass?!"
What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus? A meeting with the ethics community and a swift removing of your research funding... Duh...
A mathematician, a scientist and a statistician are hunting in a forest. They each have a shotgun. They spot a deer, so they each take a shot. The mathematician shoots, but misses 5 feet to the left. The scientist misses 6 feet to the right. The statistician takes the final shot, misses 1 foot to the left and yells "We got him!".
Shródingers cat walks into a bar and doesn't.
A photon arrives at a hotel and is asked "Do you have any luggage?", he replies, "No, I'm travelling light."
What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass? Beer.
A logicians wife gives birth to a child and asks her husband, "Is it a boy or a girl?", he replies, "Yes."
2 chemists walk into a bar. The first orders a H2O. The second orders a H2O too. The second chemist dies.
Two kittens are sliding down a sloped rooftop. Which one falls off first? The one with the lowest mew!
There are 101 hard things in computer programming. Cache validation, java errors, binary and off-by-one errors.
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Entropy isn't what it used to be...
A monk approaches a hotdog stand and says, "make me one with everything!".
Why do mathematicians confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct31 = Dec25.
Argon walks into a bar, but the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gasses here". Argon doesn't react.
Did you hear about the man who was chilled to absolute zero? He's 0K now!
A programmers wife tells him "Go run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs get a dozen." A few minutes later, the programmer returns with 12 loaves of bread.
You might not have heard about the band yet, they're called 1023MB, they haven't gotten a gig yet.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. The bartender says, "D'you [he's a Dubliner] mean a martini?" The Roman replies, "If I wanted it double, I would have asked."
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey Tea? Because all proper tea is theft!
Knock Knock!     Who's there?     To.     To who?     No, to whom!
What do you say when comforting a grammar Nazi? There, their, they're...
C, E flat and G walk into a bar together. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."
What is a physicists favourite food? Fission chips!
The past, the present and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
What's another name for Santa's Elves? Subordinate Clauses!
What do you call two crows on a tree branch? Attempted murder.
You're so classless, you could be Marxist Utopia.
The teacher pointed to a student and told them to name 2 pronouns. They said, "Who, me?"
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.
On a scale of 1 to 10, what's is your favorite color of the alphabet?
Why can't you trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
The first rule of the tautology club is  the first rule of the tautology club.
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'd like 10 times more drinks than everybody else!". The bartender says, "Now that is an order of magnitude!"
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a pint. The second orders half a pint. The next orders a quarter, then an eighth, etc; Eventually, the bartender hands to pints over and says "you mathematicians, you just don't know your limits!"
How do you make seven even? Remove the S!
What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito? Nothing, you can't cross a vector and a scaler!
There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who didn't expect this joke to be in base 3!
There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand hexidecimal, and F the rest!
When a man shows up for work late, his boss yells, "You should have been here at 8:30!!". The man replies, "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
A young boy enters a shop and the man behind the till whispers to his friend, "Look at this, this guy is the stupidest kid ever!". He puts a dollar in one hand and 50 cents in the other, then puts both his hands out to the kid. He lets him choose one. The kid chooses the 50 cents. Later on, the shopkeepers friend asks him why he chose the 50 cents in stead of the dollar and he says, "If I choose the dollar, he'll stop offering me the money!"
Two hunters are walking in a forest when they suddenly spot a bear. The bear turns to them and starts towards them. One of the men beings preparing to run. The second man says, "you can't outrun a bear". He replies, "I don't need to, I just have to outrun you!".