SS13: The TV Series-Original

StarToad: I'd love for a SS13 tv show to be a thing tho
StarToad: An hour long, enough to cover a round
StarToad: Each episode covers a different job and antag
StarToad: Starting with, what else, but the clown as a traitor
Crate Time: The codebase is 'whatever the fuck it needs to be.'
StarToad: Goon is the codebase.
StarToad: It's got the most shit
StarToad: And you could have an overarching plot involving the solarium
StarToad: With the penultimate episode being about the crew getting it's shit together to do a Solarium run
Crate Time: The captain just announces
StarToad: And the final episode
StarToad: The crew has to SAVE THE UNIVERSE
Crate Time: of course most of the gags are background things
Crate Time: be it security beating the shit out of someone
Crate Time: or a borg going mad later in the episode.
StarToad: Or the clown floating in the background outside
Crate Time: just generally background gags.
StarToad: Heisenbee reading his storybook to a gathering of bee larva
StarToad: etc
Crate Time: ye
Crate Time: The Atmos episode
StarToad: It's just a guy smashing pipes with wrenches
StarToad: Axing people questions with a fireaxe
StarToad: And then flooding the station with deathgas
Crate Time: tugging canisters along
StarToad: Trying to generally be sneaky
StarToad: Since tugging a plasma can outside of atmos/science
Crate Time: in a big bulky fucking firesuit.
StarToad: Is going to get you lynched faster then a black person in georgia during the civil war
Crate Time: yeah
Crate Time: I literally got shot by security while dragging BZ to the escape shuttle for endround memes
Crate Time: And I mean shot dead.
Crate Time: because science had their shit together and they had actual guns.
StarToad: The RD's episode
StarToad: Is just this
StarToad: http://sam.wileycomputerworks.com/SS13/Lord_Sing.wav
StarToad: Animated
Crate Time: The RD doesn't get an episode
Crate Time: they get a short
StarToad: Yes.
Crate Time: because that's all they really need.
StarToad: And that short is just
StarToad: This animated
Crate Time: with some scientist breaking in
Crate Time: in the background
Crate Time: and fucking with the secbuddies
StarToad: Screaming
StarToad: "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO"
StarToad: "NONONOOOOOOOO-"
StarToad: *RD is in the background screaming ALL HAIL LORD SINGULO*
StarToad: As in
StarToad: The scientist is just
StarToad: Trying to break in
StarToad: Behind two thick glass airlocks
Crate Time: sounds
Crate Time: great
StarToad: With the secbuddies flanking him to fucking tackle that assistant
StarToad: And the secbuddies panic as the assistant starts putting them in
StarToad: And they fucking _run_
Crate Time: Big fucking exclaimation marks on the screen
Crate Time: basically absolute fucking panic mode.
StarToad: Just the
StarToad: "D:" faces
Crate Time: yes
Crate Time: the short ends with the security camera which is the perspective of the short getting sucked in
Crate Time: and cutting to an advertisement.
StarToad: Nah
StarToad: The robuddy error screen
Crate Time: because this'll take a commercial slot.
StarToad: From when the solarium bad ending occurs
StarToad: Or hell
Crate Time: like most TV shorts
StarToad: Why not have this BE the SS13 advertisement?
StarToad: As it cuts to black inside lord singulo
StarToad: It just shows the SS13 Logo
Crate Time: instead of the robuddy
Crate Time: but still with the error.
Crate Time: Short:Lord_Sing
Crate Time: The shorts are just the wiley soundclips
StarToad: yes
Crate Time: except one
StarToad: The Ragin Mages one
Crate Time: where it's the heisenbee video
StarToad: Since that would deafen the listeners
Crate Time: redone
StarToad: And the reveal trailer
StarToad: Is the SS13 audio log one
StarToad: Done in full acting and shit
Crate Time: yeah
Crate Time: I'de watch it.
StarToad: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHH1vfY6HTA
StarToad: This one in particular.
Crate Time: yeah
StarToad: It'd hook audiences in
StarToad: Like
StarToad: Imagine you haven't heard of SS13.
StarToad: You're sitting in the theatre.
StarToad: Or, well
StarToad: On YT
StarToad: And you see this new trailer for a new TV show/netflix original.
StarToad: "Space Station 13? Sounds interesting."
StarToad: Then you watch this.
StarToad: "...Oooh."
StarToad: Because seriously
StarToad: This is an awesome af trailer
StarToad: It just explains everything about SS13
Crate Time: yeah
StarToad: In a concise manner
StarToad: And every season finale
StarToad: Would focus on a specific super antag
StarToad: The first season, ofc
StarToad: Would end with the Nuclear Emergency gamemode.
StarToad: With the episode title simply being
StarToad: "Nuclear Emergency"
StarToad: y/y
Crate Time: And ofcourse
Crate Time: it ends with a crash
Crate Time: it starts on Cog 1
Crate Time: but season two moves us on over to Cog2
StarToad: And every episode
StarToad: The station is cleaned
StarToad: Dead crew are cloned
StarToad: And buisness returns
Crate Time: season 2 ends with a command line
Crate Time: of someone recompiling the game.
StarToad: Season 2's finale
StarToad: Is Malf AI
Crate Time: I mean
Crate Time: s1
Crate Time: beacuse gotta swap the map
Crate Time: gotta recompile
StarToad: And ofc
StarToad: The seasons end
StarToad: With
StarToad: "You wanna put a bangin' donk on it."
Crate Time: Man I'de love to see this shit
StarToad: S3
StarToad: Is Clockwork Cult
StarToad: Vs
StarToad: Narsian Cult
StarToad: With the entire season building up towards Narsie's cult...
StarToad: Only for the penultimate episode to reveal the clockwork slab instead
StarToad: And the HoS merely goes
StarToad: "We've got... What... Two cults?!"
StarToad: Then it just cuts to the title.
Crate Time: 'Wait.... What?
StarToad: The clockwork cultist asks what's wrong, just before the sec officers lynch him
StarToad: The sec officers hold their batons in shock
StarToad: And the next episode fades in to the HoS briefing his men, with the broken, bloodied corpse of the Ratvarian cultist in the corner.
StarToad: "Alright men, listen up. We've got two cults onboard. Fucking panic. That is all."
Crate Time: clockwork components spread across the table.
Crate Time: lookin' like the HoS had some good shit planned out.
StarToad: The Warden brings in a box of narsian cultist stuff.
StarToad: "We've confiscated this stuff from our uh, Prisoners."
StarToad: "We should test how they react to one another. Chaplain?"
StarToad: And it just shows the various clockwork/narsian components/items just not working together
StarToad: Or even outright hitting each other
Crate Time: trying to place a guvax capacitor on a tome just results in a rather large plume of smoke
Crate Time: as both burst into flames
StarToad: And ofc
StarToad: Not being able to pick up cultist crap
StarToad: Is handwaved
StarToad: In favor of showing the viewer the plot.
Crate Time: yeah
Crate Time: and giving them some visual gags about how they hate eachother.
StarToad: Inhabited Soulstone + The clockwork brain
StarToad: Just has their spirits pop out
StarToad: And they get into a slapfight
Crate Time: This all started because some clever fuck used papa john breadsticks as a prop in an episode of Stargate.
StarToad: yes
StarToad: Oh and ofc
StarToad: The final fight of the episode
StarToad: Is both cults summoning their gods
StarToad: AT THE SAME TIME
StarToad: So the HoS breaks the security team in two
StarToad: One is lead by him and the Chaplain
Crate Time: Jumpcuts swap to splitscreen at the final molments.
StarToad: The Warden and a Miner who's loyalty implanted with an Inquisitor's Hardsuit on
StarToad: And three officers each
StarToad: As the rest of the crew panics/goes insane
StarToad: The two fireteams have to work to save the world.
StarToad: And at the end of it
StarToad: The Narsian Cultists draw their rune
StarToad: And spend like five minutes trying to get all nine in position
StarToad: And the celestial gateway starts opening wider, Ratvar in the distance inside of it
StarToad: Oh and ofc
StarToad: The miner has a guardian spirit
StarToad: Looted from another necropolis chest.
StarToad: So shit goes JoJo really fast
Crate Time: Lavaland gets it's own short
Crate Time: Short: Ash_Liggers
StarToad: It's that same miner
StarToad: But with his guardian spirit
StarToad: And he's in his explorer's suit fatigues
StarToad: It's set literally
StarToad: A minute or two
StarToad: Before the final episode begins
Crate Time: The penultimate
Crate Time: begins
StarToad: He and his holopara wage a war against a built up tribe of ashliggers
Crate Time: so they have time to get back to the station
Crate Time: and security
StarToad: Yep
StarToad: Inside a necropolis crate after destroying the tendril
Crate Time: cut when they open the chest
StarToad: He finds merely a bible and an inquisitor's hardsuit.
StarToad: Inside the bible is a loyalty implanter and a null rod.
Crate Time: jump to a gubbuck being spitroasted.
StarToad: Ye
Crate Time: with the gear in view.
Crate Time: and a used implanter on the ground.
StarToad: The Guardian Spirit is turning the handle of the Gubbuckroast
StarToad: And they're waiting out an ash storm
Crate Time: the miner whistling that one dwarf fort song.
StarToad: And listening in on a recovered security bowman's headset from the ashligger's loot cave
StarToad: And when he hears about the cult on it
StarToad: He stops
StarToad: And looks to his guardian spirit, who looks back.
StarToad: They both grin evilly.
Crate Time: grabs their shit, and exits stage right.
StarToad: And the Miner dons the Inquisitor armor
StarToad: And the Null Rod shapeshifts into Chainsword form
StarToad: And the scene ends with the hardsuit helmet engaging.
----
StarToad: Yes.
StarToad: (Also fuck I love the inquisitor's hardsuit)
StarToad: (I just wish it'd be upgradeable with goliath hide)
StarToad: (And that it'd have a headlamp)
Crate Time: yeah
Crate Time: anyway
Crate Time: back to 'Heil Honey I'm Home 2'
Crate Time: No wait that's the name of the HoS episode
StarToad: One of the ending scenes of the finale
StarToad: Is the Guardian Spirit, a standard type
StarToad: Getting into a rapid-fire punching match with a Juggernaut
StarToad: JoJo style, ofc
Crate Time: of course
StarToad: Because ORAORAORAORAORAORA
Crate Time: man
Crate Time: this could never be a show
Crate Time: it'd have to be a netflix original
Crate Time: or a YT series
Crate Time: because this shit would /NOT/ fly with copyright
StarToad: I imagine if this were a netflix original
StarToad: Netflix would get
StarToad: So much goddamn money
Crate Time: yeah
Crate Time: anyway
StarToad: So both gods are summoned
StarToad: And the miner and his holopara barely escape.
StarToad: And they can only watch in horror as two eldritch beings fight for dominance
StarToad: Then the Miner remembers something he looted.
StarToad: "Wait, hold on..."
StarToad: And he digs in his backpack
Crate Time: BoH
StarToad: And pulls out a fucking pulse destroyer
StarToad: Massively, massively upscaed
StarToad: upscaled*
StarToad: Into a not-BFG 9000
StarToad: And he just aims and fires
StarToad: The charging/beeping sound as it charges attracting the two elder gods' attention,
StarToad: Before their looks change from anger to sheer fucking "OH GOD NO" horror
StarToad: As a blue beam envelops them both, evaporating them.
Crate Time: the miner just chucks shit out of their BpH looking for it.
Crate Time: sight gag opertunity.
StarToad: A used lazarus injector
StarToad: An empty legion soul
Crate Time: a music tape
StarToad: A bottle labeled "Dragon blood"
StarToad: Sonic Jackhammer
StarToad: Clownmask
StarToad: Grey jumpsuit
StarToad: The HoS's beret.
StarToad: etc
Crate Time: a space bee
Crate Time: fully grown
StarToad: "Oh, I was looking for you."
StarToad: "Bzzz."
StarToad: "I'll feed you later, daddy's gotta kill two elder gods."
Crate Time: puts the bee back inside.
StarToad: yes
StarToad: Then he finally pulls out the BFG ripoff
StarToad: ...Fuck
StarToad: How would we do xenomorphs?
StarToad: That's REALLY copyrighted
Crate Time: the answer is we don't
Crate Time: because they've played /THEMSELVES/ out
StarToad: The S4 finale is replaced with Rev.
Crate Time: is it just
StarToad: A bloodbath
Crate Time: a finale for every large roundtype?
StarToad: Yes
Crate Time: i'm game
StarToad: Every round buildup is either extended (AKA Shenanigans)
StarToad: Traitor
StarToad: Changeling
StarToad: Or Traitorling
Crate Time: every season is a mapswap
StarToad: The final season is back on Cogmap
StarToad: And it opens with a telescientist finding the solarium
Crate Time: however
StarToad: Only to get blasted in the back of the head by his assistant with a revolver
StarToad: "Nobody must learn of this."
Crate Time: yeah that's the cold open.
StarToad: And the assistant blows his brains out.
StarToad: Because he learned of it.
StarToad: Then it pans up
StarToad: To show the Automaton just staring at what played out.
StarToad: It shakes it's head, and turns back to face the sun.
Crate Time: zoom into sun
Crate Time: titlesequence.
Crate Time: interjected at the end with a BWOINK
Crate Time: The_Production_Team Announces:
Crate Time: We ran out of maps, sue us.
StarToad: And the finale episode
StarToad: Opens with this
StarToad: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebnC_U83TjI
StarToad: Instead of the normal intro.
StarToad: With all the scenes, ofc
StarToad: Reenacted by the actors/animated
Crate Time: yeah
Crate Time: or should we just leave it normal as a reference to the original?
StarToad: Or it's a "Greatest scenes we've done"
StarToad: Someof the sprites are copyright
StarToad: So
Crate Time: right
StarToad: And the scenes
StarToad: It'd have to be remade by actors/animators
StarToad: In the show's style, ofc
StarToad: The music could probs stay tho
Crate Time: yeah
StarToad: And the finale is just
StarToad: A first person horror/survival thing
StarToad: It's the assistant that killed himself in the first episode.
Crate Time: The solarium ends on the penultimate
Crate Time: the finale is Disaster
StarToad: He wakes up unconsious in the maintenence shafts, covered in dirt and grime.
StarToad: And as the crew gathers into the safe zone after surviving the end of reality
StarToad: They ultimately realize the truth:
StarToad: They're stuck in a groundhog day situation.
StarToad: The only way to stop it is to destroy an elder god or themselves.
StarToad: Either one ends with the groundhog day scenario being fixed,
Crate Time: The elder god is the production team.
StarToad: But one ends with the universe being annihilated,
Crate Time: because admins
StarToad: And the other results in the universe being reset to before SS13 was created,
StarToad: But every being has knowledge of the events that transpired during and after it.
StarToad: Suffice to say
StarToad: The crew opts to kill the elder god.
StarToad: Because they ain't going down without a fight.
StarToad: And every single antag shows up to try and help the crew.
StarToad: Even as horrible eldritch monstrocities pour in from the outer dimensions
Crate Time: they get teleported in
StarToad: The crew gets it's shit together, and the assistant flings himself into the solarium.
Crate Time: by disaster
Crate Time: someone asks
Crate Time: 'Now why the fuck are you here?'
Crate Time: 'Plot convenience.'
StarToad: "We're here to save the world."
Crate Time: 'Yeah that too I guess.'
StarToad: Even the normally hostile syndicate nuclear team
StarToad: Is on the station's side
StarToad: Giving them immense fire support as the crew retraces their steps
StarToad: And the assistant charges into the solarium, and calms the automaton down.
StarToad: Just as the universe seems to be resetting, it stops.
StarToad: And the King in Yellow appears.
StarToad: AKA.
StarToad: "Oh, FUCK."
StarToad: The Assistant dives for his old corpse
StarToad: And grabs his revolver, magdumping the last five rounds into him.
StarToad: Nothing.
Crate Time: magdumps 4
StarToad: Just as the King in Yellow approaches the prone assistant, ready to devour his soul,
StarToad: The Solarr Bee intervenes, and beans the King in Yellow on the head.
StarToad: Solar*
StarToad: They converse in whatever language the elder things on goonstation say
StarToad: And then the Lunar Bee and Overbee arrive.
StarToad: Then Ratvar and Nar-Sie appear on the outside of the Solarium.
StarToad: Then finally, Lord Singulo.
StarToad: The Assistant only barely manages to turn his head away as they tear him to shreds, and causes reality to continue restarting.
StarToad: Fade to white, then fade out.
StarToad: The Assistant wakes up on an idyllic Earth, set twenty years after the events transpired.
StarToad: The Syndicate and Nanotrasen agreed on a peace treaty after the universe almost ended,
StarToad: And vowed to put their plasma researches together for the betterment of Mankind.
StarToad: The result is a new golden age for man as they expand to the edges of the galaxy.
Crate Time: seems like too nice an ending for a SS13 series
StarToad: The Assistant looks up at the sky, and sees two familiar blinking dots, and it zooms out to show his face, having grown a smile, and he walks off screen.
StarToad: And eh.
StarToad: It's either this or shit goes grimdark really fast and leads into Lifeweb.
StarToad: I'll gladly take the happy ending over the russian krok addict's wet dream
StarToad: Besides, after all that shit?
StarToad: The crew _earned_ eternal peace.
Crate Time: zoom out
Crate Time: BYOND window
Crate Time: Chat:
Crate Time: Medal Unlocked
Crate Time: "Master of Unlocking"
StarToad: "Unlocked every medal! Way to go!"
StarToad: "(And you cleared the good ending!)"
Crate Time: "Apply for Star-Trek Status"
StarToad: The Bad Ending, ofc
StarToad: Is the entire universe resetting
StarToad: And everyone forgetting it.
StarToad: Except for the Assistant
StarToad: Who just screams audibly.
Crate Time: no
StarToad: As he has to relive all that shit AGAIN
Crate Time: just replay the cold open of episode 1
StarToad: Except instead of the clown
StarToad: It's the assistant waking up in the dorms.
Crate Time: no
StarToad: And he just looks around him, dead silent for a few moments.
Crate Time: of that season
Crate Time: where they shoot the scientist.
StarToad: Oh.
StarToad: Then he realizes what's happening
StarToad: And just
StarToad: Drops his gun
StarToad: And screams audibly
StarToad: And collapses from shock.
StarToad: Which is why he finds his gun has five rounds in it.
StarToad: He literally died from the shock of having to relive it all.
StarToad: That's how it ties in.
StarToad: Honk?
Crate Time: brilliant.
Crate Time: that's roughly
Crate Time: 425 lines of chat
Crate Time: so
Crate Time: which gamemodes get a season
StarToad: A season finale?
Crate Time: yeah
StarToad: Nuclear Emergency, Cult v Cult (Clockwork and Narsian), Rev, Malf AI, and Disaster
Crate Time: 5 seasons
StarToad: Disaster is, obvs
StarToad: The finale
Crate Time: 2 episodes each minimum
Crate Time: how many eps per season
Crate Time: minus the required 2 parters
StarToad: One round is traitor, another is changeling, one is traitorchan, one is Wizard, and one is Shadowlings
StarToad: So
StarToad: 5 Episodes
StarToad: Oh
StarToad: And one Extended one
StarToad: And a Meteor one
StarToad: So ten episodes a season, total, when you count the twoparter finale
Crate Time: 9
Crate Time: round it out to 10
StarToad: Enough for every job/role to get a spotlight
StarToad: With the Assistant being saved for last
Crate Time: with each season starting with an extended round
Crate Time: extra
StarToad: The Extended Round mostly just
StarToad: Establishes the station
Crate Time: yeah
StarToad: The crew personalities
StarToad: etc
StarToad: Basically it's just a cozy af episode to watch
Crate Time: so for each seasons
Crate Time: 2 extended rounds, meteor, and the other ones
Crate Time: Each season starts with an extended round except the final one
Crate Time: which gets a short
Crate Time: Short: This Place Again?
StarToad: The crew just
StarToad: Audibly groans
StarToad: Some of them shouting
StarToad: "WE'VE ALREADY WORKED ON THIS BEFORE WHY ARE WE BACK"
Crate Time: Centcomm comes on the loudspeaker
Crate Time: 'If you want a variety you need to stop destroying the stations we give you.'
StarToad: "...FAIR POINT."
Crate Time: And of course
StarToad: "ALTHOUGH TO BE FAIR WE'VE HAD TO FIGHT SO MUCH SHIT WE'RE PROBABLY MORE WELL TRAINED THEN EVEN YOUR DEATH SQUAD CORPS, CENTRAL."
StarToad: "...THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?!"
StarToad: "CAPTAIN YOU MORON"
StarToad: etc
Crate Time: jojo style to be continued as the death squad crash into the hull.
StarToad: All of them have holoparas
StarToad: And one of them gets into a fight with the Inquisitor Miner
StarToad: So they just have a stareoff
StarToad: As blood seeps out from under their suits
StarToad: As their stands fight.
StarToad: "So, we have the same type of guardian..."
StarToad: "Yeeeeeeep. Killed two Elder Gods last week. What about you?"
StarToad: "Oh, killed an ascendant with a supermatter sword after they arrived at Central."
StarToad: "Cool."
StarToad: y/y
Crate Time: y
Crate Time: recall the guardians
Crate Time: the two lean against the walls and chat
Crate Time: and become a sightgag later in the season.
StarToad: Ye
StarToad: They're seen in the bar sometimes
StarToad: Occasionally shooting goliaths
StarToad: etc
Crate Time: just the usual
Crate Time: totally not gay bro team
StarToad: Ye
Crate Time: dorm scene
Crate Time: both of them just walking past a NO ERP poster.
StarToad: Disaster round.
StarToad: He's just looking at a pile of bones and ash
StarToad: Holding a death squaddie's helmet in his hands.
StarToad: He just clangs it silently against his own helmet, and begins shaking.
StarToad: And his Guardian Spirit just looks solemn as well
StarToad: r8 my depressing writing
Crate Time: 10/10
---
StarToad: Because this is something that
StarToad: Realistically
StarToad: Any sane human would do if their best buddie died
StarToad: And they had to witness it
Crate Time: yeah
StarToad: And all that's left was their helmet
Crate Time: and they're back for the happy ending at the end of the episode.
StarToad: Yep.
StarToad: They're sitting on a park bench, dressed down to their civvie fatigues
StarToad: Just chatting
StarToad: And their guardians are just posing and flexing
StarToad: Just overall basking in the sunlight
StarToad: The Clown and Mime are entertaining a bunch of kids at a birthday party
StarToad: The syndicate strike team are a SWAT team raiding a nearby crack house
StarToad: etc
Crate Time: basically
Crate Time: world server
StarToad: Everyone gets a happy ending.
Crate Time: opertunity for a spinoff
Crate Time: SS13 the sitcom
StarToad: And the finale cuts back to the Captain, his command crew, and Ian on the Bridge of the NSS Destiny
StarToad: Ready to explore the galaxy in NT's finest ship yet.
Crate Time: SS13: Destiny
StarToad: And ofc
StarToad: Ian is wearing the Captain's Cap
StarToad: And he's the one to engage the Hyperdrive.
StarToad: "WHY DID YOU LET THE DOG DRIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvvvvvvvvv..."
StarToad: honk?
Crate Time: that's the aftercredit scene
Crate Time: yes
Crate Time: yes\
StarToad: So the NSS Destiny ends up lost in space
StarToad: And that spinoff is about them trying to return to known space.
Crate Time: yeah
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