Rainfall

* lucidChthonia has joined the memo
<tenebrousPsycher> hello.
<lucidChthonia> Consorts no you do not need to put ribbons in my hair
<lucidChthonia> That is /final/
<ExtropianDreamer> Yes, they do.
<lucidChthonia> I have enough hair as it is
<lucidChthonia> Oh hey
<ExtropianDreamer> They look so pretty. :p
<gordianStranger> Clearly you need dollin' up
<lucidChthonia> Long time no see, thousand eyes of cloudy skies.
<lucidChthonia> How goes?
<ExtropianDreamer> Mutual, old clarity. Waiting for my costars with rain upon the tongue already.
<lucidChthonia> Words wrapped and twisted like a blanket, protection and comfort, or something more?
<ExtropianDreamer> When given two options, I choose both.
<tenebrousPsycher> it's kind of like that one time, when TT came on randomly.
<tenebrousPsycher> that was odd.
<lucidChthonia> Which TT?
<tenebrousPsycher> it was some time ago, though. the founder.
<lucidChthonia> Ah.
<gordianStranger> How's it odd?
<tenebrousPsycher> i haven't heard about him bein on before or since while i've been here.
<lucidChthonia> I'm sure the other Founders are in touch, otherwise they would've said something.
<tenebrousPsycher> i was the only one on at the time, i think.
<gordianStranger> People ain't obliged to make regular appearances, Founder or no
<tenebrousPsycher> i know that.
<ExtropianDreamer> I saw the cogs turning. Tears as always.
<lucidChthonia> Say that to Grinds Mister If You Were Off The Chat For 24 Hours You Died Of Internet Withdrawal.
<tenebrousPsycher> only strange that i have a habit of meetin people who either aren't around anymore at all or much at the moment.
<lucidChthonia> Dude's /addicted/.
<tenebrousPsycher> heh.
<ExtropianDreamer> In the beginning there was chaos, and also this one girl who shared that taste.
<lucidChthonia> Primordial soup?
<lucidChthonia> It requires a few strokes of lightning to stir it up, does it not?
<ExtropianDreamer> No, just mine.
<lucidChthonia> Mm. Tell me more?
<ExtropianDreamer> The first of 42, a predessor to passing ghosts. All things end in time, hers already passed.
<ExtropianDreamer> The first drop of red, the paint barely dry from recent coats - I fear for my fingernails.
<gordianStranger> [Rainspeakers. Weeeeird. Go back to clicking through videos on Pits.]
<lucidChthonia> Ah. I... sent mine on their way without their consent, and the ghosts tap at the windows still
<ExtropianDreamer> Ghosts are like feathers, surprisingly heavy when one carries enough.
<lucidChthonia> And that many, /many/, accuse me of doing it in viciousness and not haste.
<lucidChthonia> But enough of my dreams dreamt without the dead.
<ExtropianDreamer> Hah, no viciousness then. Was weakness that first opened sorrow's doors. What else can a Page do?
<lucidChthonia> Become stronger?
<lucidChthonia> The damsel may have been slayed by the dragon but the knight may strike it down to avenge her hair.
<lucidChthonia> Or her heart, I guess.
<ExtropianDreamer> Was more than damsels I lost. But I stood, and lost my mask. And it was long ago.
<ExtropianDreamer> Hah, look at me, gazing past my shoulder. To more present sentiments.
<lucidChthonia> Smith of Heart. Fan out the masks and pick one to meld with, Sburb says. But how?
<ExtropianDreamer> Always a face inside to match each mask, wear the face that fits.
<ExtropianDreamer> Just have to find it.
<lucidChthonia> My... my mentor, or perhaps father too, depending on the time of day - he danced the same from the beginning. Perhaps it's his that I seek.
<tenebrousPsycher> the child's fate is not the parent's.
<lucidChthonia> I have no right not to learn from another's mistakes.
<gordianStranger> Why not?
<tenebrousPsycher> there is a different between a mantle and a skin. are you sure of which you are trying on?
<ExtropianDreamer> I keep a little of my mother's face myself, to wear her smile. A memory I treasure.
<ExtropianDreamer> A soft cover, to the steel I must carry.
<lucidChthonia> Because if I have eyes and if I have ears the world itself has always revealed its secrets. Patterns and streaks.
<lucidChthonia> I might wear another's eyes for a few hours, and that, too, is evidence.
<tenebrousPsycher> the face in the mirror is a stranger still to me. a veil drawn tight over what was that can never be lifted.
<gordianStranger> [....why did you try talking to the Rainspeaking Heart player. Seriously.]
<lucidChthonia> [Aelf you've never /been/ Rain where did you get this talent from]
<tenebrousPsycher> the extants were made less than dust.
<ExtropianDreamer> [Because madness is contagious]
<tenebrousPsycher> [Hello Witch ARC!]
<lucidChthonia> Yours a soul of mica, then. Could grind it up and wear it as powder, but that'd be wasteful.
<lucidChthonia> Mine's caked in the container, dry to the touch.
<lucidChthonia> Carve a figure out of it and it stays.
<lucidChthonia> Souls aren't supposed to do that.
<lucidChthonia> Turn this upside down to reveal the pineapple rings and it's an opportunity - but for whom?
<tenebrousPsycher> more the too-protective embrace of that which is not yet is.
* ExtropianDreamer has popcorn. He did not know his spittle was so infectious.
<tenebrousPsycher> dancing is one way to obscure and complicate.
<lucidChthonia> It's easier this way.
<tenebrousPsycher> my memories were eaten, my name with it. all i have is the hours before i logged in and a record much weathered.
<lucidChthonia> Better that I knew of russet orange with hands of leather, than that I knew of - say - he who carved his initials into Skaia itself and spat upon the Angels, or she who dances the dance of a Grace with violet claws.
<tenebrousPsycher> i wear a blindfold and stride onward, a hound at my feet.
<lucidChthonia> (But what is easier this way?)
<lucidChthonia> (I'm not certain.)
<gordianStranger> Y'all are nuts
* gordianStranger has disconnected from the memo
* bobbedNonsense has connected to the memo
<bobbedNonsense> Hey
<ExtropianDreamer> I wore no mask and tore it off. Though the wind stings, I shall not look away nor don another.
<lucidChthonia> Funny, the Bond of Blood left right before you came on.
<bobbedNonsense> huh?
<ExtropianDreamer> Hello nonsense, welcome to nonsense.
<bobbedNonsense> oh yay
<bobbedNonsense> should i get my snacks?
<tenebrousPsycher> probably!
<ExtropianDreamer> I have the popcorn already.
<ExtropianDreamer> :D
<bobbedNonsense> cool beans

* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (raindancing everywhere, sorry, you should get the context for it too)
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( ohh ok )
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( ....thought you were heart tho? )
* lucidChthonia has sent bobbedNonsense file "logs48-23.txt"! ((everything since Aelf came in))
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (I am. Just trying this on to see how it feels.)
* bobbedNonsense has downloaded file "logs48-23.txt"
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( fair enough. be good to brush up on my raintranslation anyway. cheers for logs. )

<lucidChthonia> My face itself crumbles.
<lucidChthonia> Not sure /how/ to wear a mask on it.
<tenebrousPsycher> a bit of mica, a bit of rose petal of red, a bit of rainbow, but even as the lines give way, the eyes remain.
<ExtropianDreamer> A problem I've never had, I fear to say. So many faces have I (though all are lies).
<tenebrousPsycher> when the music stops, all that remains is a heartbeat.
<lucidChthonia> Lucidity itself is no comfort when the territory itself is unmappable.
<lucidChthonia> Heh. My Mist player's land is like that. Perhaps the metaphor will help.
<lucidChthonia> Haze that shifts the cloudbanks that shifts the land itself, and Consorts that move landmarks without regard to why they exist.
<ExtropianDreamer> Perhaps you should dance in the rain one day? All territory washed away by the falling drops, to stand with distinction. One remembers how to forget.
<tenebrousPsycher> my consorts are as champions, watchful eyes as opposed to those without that they resembled.
<ExtropianDreamer> Though that is one I'd wish to walk. The novelty has value.
<lucidChthonia> No, no. I was called to the Path as a child and to the Path my allegiance remains. That which is, is; and that which is not, is not. "Should" has no place in my land.
<tenebrousPsycher> good.
<tenebrousPsycher> do or do not. will, has, won't, didn't.
<tenebrousPsycher> i could conjugate up a storm to illuminate but meh.
<lucidChthonia> Denial means walking out over the crevasse without a rope, because you were walking and whistling with your eyes shut.
<ExtropianDreamer> So true.
<bobbedNonsense> [Chinhands, while you read the logs from Aelf and try to keep pace with the current chat.]
<ExtropianDreamer> No mask, no face, no hiding. One must face the wind with flesh flayed raw.
<tenebrousPsycher> every journey that carries any begins with 0, the fool.
<ExtropianDreamer> And progresses from there.
<lucidChthonia> The hanged man very nearly hanged himself from the neck, is the dangerous thing.
<tenebrousPsycher> the motley and the gold of empresses, the scales and the wheel.
<tenebrousPsycher> allfather found much revelation in the deed.
<ExtropianDreamer> Hah, toss the deck aside, the house always wins that game.
<ExtropianDreamer> The only mask to ever fit is made from your face, if you must wear one.
<lucidChthonia> I have none.
<lucidChthonia> Only eyes and nose and mouth, detachable like Mr. Potato Head.
<ExtropianDreamer> The dig until you find it. Mayhaps your face is a skull?
<ExtropianDreamer> *then
<lucidChthonia> I did love being a Dame of Doom, but I've been told it is not becoming of me.
<ExtropianDreamer> Somewhere twixt the skin and bone then? Search and you shall find.
<tenebrousPsycher> mm.
<ExtropianDreamer> My face was found in blood and sinew, myself.
<tenebrousPsycher> my face is still veiled, by shadow, less than and more than.
<tenebrousPsycher> cut from the roots that made me be.
<tenebrousPsycher> grafting others and finding only muddled things.
<lucidChthonia> Epiphytes put down roots in the air, and not in the ground, and drink deeply from the rain that pools in the center. Perhaps that is your destiny.
<ExtropianDreamer> Truth has an iron core, dig and you shall find it. Though the furnace may burn and scar, the core is ever to be found - as long as the spark still shines there is something to reach for.
<tenebrousPsycher> mmm.
<tenebrousPsycher> and what if truth has been touched by the n ll?
<tenebrousPsycher> what left is there?
<ExtropianDreamer> Then you may see it by it's outline. Or you must make a new truth.
<tenebrousPsycher> [Consider this and sigh.]
<lucidChthonia> ...if it's any comfort know that I, too, have been dipped into oblivion, however briefly, and by whose hand I do not know.
<ExtropianDreamer> A clown stole some time from me too, 'till the rain washed him away.
<tenebrousPsycher> yes. i remember, learning that as well as learning your name.
<tenebrousPsycher> earnest still.
<tenebrousPsycher> that does not seem to have changed from aelfli.
<lucidChthonia> I've never been much good at deception. Ha. Tempt fate, perhaps; though if I ever venture into the Sands it will be not without a proper bandit's bandanna to keep the scouring wind away.
<tenebrousPsycher> i have told i need the break, but i am made in the shade.
<ExtropianDreamer> Grasp the text, I prefer straight roads myself.
<lucidChthonia> Perhaps I broke myself in Rage, though... no, that does not fit the evidence, or the timeline.
<lucidChthonia> Purple came after the Witch.
<ExtropianDreamer> Stop the ticking, I see dolphins!
<lucidChthonia> And the witch came after the void.
* ExtropianDreamer has left the memo
<lucidChthonia> Well.
<lucidChthonia> That was interesting.
<tenebrousPsycher> welp.
<bobbedNonsense> heh
<bobbedNonsense> was indeed
<tenebrousPsycher> [You are slowly seeing what keeping yourself busy was hiding.]
<lucidChthonia> [Funny how approaching at an angle makes it clearer.]
<bobbedNonsense> [Ponder, and look at an empty PM window.]
<lucidChthonia> [You resolve to figure out whether Nan wouldn't mind hanging out, once she figures out how to work Rain.]

* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( that was really interesting to watch. thanks for giving me context. )
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (.........................)
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (interesting in what way?)
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( in the way of getting to learn about people. )
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( while i don't get everything, with a good dollop of context and rumour, most raindancing can be broken down. i did survive being des' moirail for a little while at least. )
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (ah)
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (so... what do you have to say to me, then?)
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( do i have a right to say anything? )
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (yes)
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( i think you and scott are rather similar, in a fashion. )
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( though you've less an inclination to use up firewood for making crosses for yourself. or perhaps just less obvious about it. )
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (Also you don't need to get me drunk to get me to talk.)
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( mhmm. though mimicking a raindancer seems a little like drinking non-alcoholic beer and telling yourself it's real. )
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (...point)
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (I don't know, I'm pretty sure Ross did something to me so that my first impulse is "I feel down, must talk to nearest person")
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (rather than, say, curling up somewhere unimportant)
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (or bottling it up)
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( i'd say, from personal experience, the former is a healthier habit to keep. )
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( and i guess fathers do what they think is best, and we strike lucky if it does work out for us. do you feel better being able to explain, rather than bottling? )
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (...usually, yes, I think)
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (is there)
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (is there something wrong with me)
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( i don't think so? )
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (then why does everything feel wrong)
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( maybe because you're being made to look at who 'you' is )
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( i've never rolled Heart, i'm native Rage, but i don't think it has to be about changing who you are. it can be about learning to be comfortable with established facts. )
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( sometimes we need to be given the ability to change in order to realise 'no, i'm fine thanks' )
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (but it's not okay)
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( can i ask what 'it' is? )

* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (...)

* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (I don't know maybe it's everything that I do maybe it's not being able to /know/ maybe it's not being able to /think/ maybe it's not being able to /feel/ without having everything at once and as soon as I try I'm crushed under the weight of what I couldn't have helped and shouldn't have done)
<bobbedNonsense> [Swallow hard.]
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( i don't know how to fix it )
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( i just learnt to live with it )
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (then I)
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (is that what I'm supposed to do)
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( i find ways of making it easier. do selfish little things disguised as altruism, things that i can show and help others with, but ultimately it's to make me busier, to make it- to give me less time to think. )
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( short of taking a shot of Void to the memory banks, there isn't any way i can get past it, but to do that would change who i am, who i've tried to decide to become. )
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( whether or not you want to try the same, that's up to you. maybe there's a better path out there, which i missed for being Rage and not Mind. )
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (Void doesn't help, that much I know.)
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( heh. i became 0k with being alone a long time ago, so i guess i'll have to take your word for that one. )
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (There's even a word for it. aVoidance.)
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( pfff )
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (Ha. Ha ha.)
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (No, I think I'll opt for reality.)
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( that's fair enough. i'll try to keep the windows of my bubble painted for a little while longer, i suspect, but far be it from me to force the same on anyone else. )
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (I live the life of a Game researcher. There is nothing too disturbing to notice nor too small to ignore, because maybe there's a pattern to it.)
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (...though I've been too disturbed as of late to pattern my own anxiety.)
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( oh? )
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (Figure out what makes it happen. Figure out what makes it /stop/.)
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (No different than a simple dungeon puzzle.)
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (Except instead of water and pipes it's my own head.)
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (...though I might be approaching this Mindways instead of Heartways. I'll see whether it works out.)
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( mm. i hope it goes well. )
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (Can I talk to you again about how it goes?)
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( i'd love to hear how it goes. )
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( i tend to be lurking on the server fairly regularly. and i check my offline message bank for when i'm not. )
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (...don't check mine much, I'm afraid. Too many harassing messages, not enough fuel to deal with them.)
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( that's understandable. i'll try to catch you when you are online then, or drop a note with Scott if he's amicable to play messenger. )
<lucidChthonia> [...you didn't expect her to be so accommodating.]
* lucidChthonia PMs bobbedNonsense (Well. Thank you.)
* bobbedNonsense PMs lucidChthonia ( no problem. )
* lucidChthonia has disconnected from the server