AWAKENING?REVELATIONS?BETTERTHANYOU

My name is ____. I am a human. I am a thirty year old female human. Over the past few months of my life I have realized that for the entirety of my existence here on Earth I have been living and shaping my norm and my ideal of what life should be based off of the construct of my environment and my society. I was taught these things by my family, my parents, grandparents, and all other prominent role models.
There is a discomfort I find in this reality. A deep discomfort. As most people I see on a daily basis spend so much of their time concerned with haircuts, designs of houses, and what piece of a dead animal they will be serving for dinner, I find my mind always wondering. My soul aches when I hear the words most people say. So disconnected I find them, and I find great anger at myself and the beliefs heavily instilled in me that cause me to be surrounded by these illusions. I do not try to sound rude, pretentious, or judgmental, however I find that as I am aging in this skin the more I am around the typical humans and their current preoccupations, the more uncomfortable I am beginning to become.
I recognize that I, like my parents, and theirs before them have been programed. To claim fault and point fingers would be a waste of energy, but the recognition of my own personal awakening is starting to overcome my every thought. Day and night I find that I am becoming more and more uncomfortable doing what I have been so readily trained to do. The way I conduct my living and survive this body is becoming beyond my ability to hide, repulsive to me. To feed a system so drenched in disconnect from source and to put a smile on my face when I know the pain of the planet. To act as if I support another’s choices in choosing to consume the flesh of my brothers and sisters the animals; to pretending as if the mass amount of wasted speak that is consumed by daily modern living is not anything short of a blatant bastardisation of the work we could be choosing to do with our minds, bodies, and energy.
I find that every day is becoming harder to fake. My eyes have been opened for a long while, although I cannot make claims for my soul, I know that it is an embarrassment to be human at this time in history and even more so discomforting to know that I am still partaking as a dirty little side kick in the ideals instilled so deep into my person, these same ideals that have lead me so far from truth, far from who I am, and away from HOME.
I think the part I am becoming the most uncomfortable with and most angry with my being for partaking in, in the pity. Not only do I find myself overcome with the emotions of wanting to scream out when surrounded by other humans who find themselves just as suppressed as I, but I pity them. They tell me their woes of the times and the state of things and I woe right alongside. There has to be a way to break free from this program. The one I have been fed for so long. The only one I know how to survive this vessel through. There has to be some truth left, somewhere on this planet. A space, a place, where not everyone is fighting, using, abusing, and destroying. A place far away from politics, away from religious corporations, and those that would keep it all looking like the illusion we all suffer from. When I will break free I do not know. When I will finally find this place and choose to become it fully embodied, I do not know. But I do know that it is starting to hurt being human the way I am and I know that soon enough this story is going to explode in my face, because I am just as much a part of the problem as anyone I find so frustrating and ignorant. The mirror is a fickle mistress and as I see my skin get older I cannot help but wonder what it will take for me to finally break free of it