Thanksgiving Thread Bumpers

>Day 218 in Equestria
>You are Octavia and you've spent the last three months preparing yourself
>Tonight is the night you give Canterlot a solo performance
>Needless to say you were quite a nervous wreck
>You spent many sleepless nights writing and re writing various portions to your piece
>Now here you are on stage
>Celestia and Luna watch from their own private booths
>Tens of thousands of ponies watch and wait with baited breaths
>You close your eyes and take a deep breath before raising your bow
>You play, you pour your soul out for these ponies
>Your cello is nothing more than an extenion of your very essence
>Minutes go by and a small smile forms upon your lips
>There is no way this could go wrong, you're playing much better than you expected you would.
>Your dream like performance comes to a crashing halt when Anonymous comes running up on stage
>With a single swing of his foot you go flying off stage
>Your cello comes with you. It splinters into tiny pieces when it hits the ground
"Everyone you want a real treat tonight?!"
>He smiles to the crowd before... playing the air?
>His hand movements are sporadic and odd
>What is he doing?! What could he possibly be playing!?
>He waggles his tongue at the crowd
>Finally he ends his eight minute performance by sliding on his knees while screaming "YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!"
>When he stops he looks to everyone... slowly they start to stomp their hooves
>They're applauding his performance!
>"Terrific show!"
>"Such raw talent! Someone get this monkey his own show!"
>"Shut up and take my money!"
>He... he ruined your performance and stole the hearts of YOUR crowd.
>You go home a defeated mare
>The next morning you hang yourself with your own cello strings
>Anon plays his electric air guitar for your funeral song
>Today was a bad day

>Day 2830292.238293115 in Equestria
>The day is November 22
>For a week you begged and pleaded and finally your p0ny friends gave you your thanksgiving
>Though, admittedly procuring the turkey was a bit of an issue
>After all finding one to slaughter to sate your hunger was hard work
>Even though the princesses themselves put themselves up to the task
>Eventually you, Celestia, and various noble p0nies sit around a huge table in honor of your holiday
>Because noble p0nies are greedy by nature they were more than willing to take part in your feast
>Some even brown nose you, congratulating you on having such a wonderful holiday
>Free food seems to be a language every sentient creature speaks
>Right now Luna seems to be missing
>Royal guards hunt high and low for the Princess of the Night
>Unfortunately no one is able to find her
>You're forced to eat without the little autist
>Chef p0nies come walking in wheeling a giant silver tray with a cover concealing the lovely bird beneth
>Using magic they set it in the center of the table
>As Celestia starts a small speech about giving thanks she lifts off the cover to reveal...
>Luna having sex with the turkey corpse...
>She grinds her marehood against one of the exposed wings
>She's panting like a mad horse
>Her eyes are rolled up in the back of her head
>Instinct drives her to continue despite every p0ny vomiting around her
>You and Celestia watch her slack jawed
>Her juices cover the turkey
>As Luna humps your dinner she looks to you with lust filled eyes
"Luna what are you doing?"
>"DO NOT WORRY ANONYMOUS WE ARE MERELY BASTING THINE TURKEY!"
"Luna stop..."
>"HERE COMES THINE GRAVY!"
>She squash soups all over the turkey corpse
>Neither you nor Celestia will ever be clean
>Today was an okay day

>Day Gilda in Equestria
>Be at home
>Suddenly Gilda outta nowhere
>It's been quite a while since you saw her last
>She looks scared as fuck
>Her belly seems to be distended
>"Anon I need your help."
>You walk over to your bro and look her over
"Holy shit what happened?"
>"Listen Dweeb I don't wanna talk about it so are you gonna help me or not?"
"I'll help just tell me what's wrong."
>"I'm pregnant."
"Well congr-"
>"I don't want to be a mom."
>She sees your blank expression from taking in that bit of information
>"See I knew you wouldn't help me thanks for nothing."
"Whoa I didn't say I wouldn't help."
>"So you'll take care of my chicks?"
"Even better..."
>You shoot her a warm smile before leading her up into your room
>"Oh Anon I can feel one of them coming."
>You have her stand on your bed and lift up her tail
>Sure enough you see one of the eggs crowning
>And your boner is standing at full mast
>"So what are you going to do on the bed?"
>You quietly unzip your pants and position your cock in the best place you can
"SURPRISE ABORTION!"
>You jam your cock into Gilda's griffin parts with the force of 1000 suns
>Gilda ba-gawks from the sensation of her eggs being smashed by your diamond like dick
>Using the yolk from her eggs as lubricant you slide yourself in an out
>Gilda hates you for killing her chicks
>But she loves what you're doing right now.
"I call this position the Egg Beater!"
>"S...shut up loser..."
>You can feel your peak coming so you shout as loud as you can
"Take this! My love, my anger, AND ALL OF MY SORROW!"
>You spew your load into Gilda's ruined hole
>Your sperm mixes with the yolks, both spill out onto your sheets
>When Gilda recovers from her post coital bliss she mauls you
>Today was an okay day

>Day 9001 in Equestria
>Be wanting to fly with the pegasi in P0nyville
> Unfortunately you can't fly
>But you know of a few pegasus ponies who can help
>Both Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash would be more than willing to help
>They are madly in love with you after all and they'd like you to be happy
>After sending a letter out to both of them telling them to visit you wait at home
>Suddenly Rainbow Dash
>RD: Sup Anon, whatcha got planned today?
"Hold on we gotta wait on Fluttershy to get here first."
>RD: Fluttershy? Really? What's she gonna do?
>Rainbow's jealousy is so obvious it causes you to cringe
"She's going to help of course."
>RD: Hmph, fine, whatever I don't care."
>As the two of you wait Rainbow stays hovering with her hooves crossed
>She glares angrily in the direction of Fluttershy's Cottage
>A few minutes later Fluttershy comes trotting along with a basket balanced on her back
>FS: "Oh hi Rainbow Dash are you here for the picnic too?"
"Picnic?"
>RD: Picnic?"
>Flutterhush's ears flatten and she looks away timidly
>FS: Oh... um... I'm sorry. I thought we were going on a picnic today... and I wanted to surprise you with something nice...
>She sets the basket down on your front porch
>Those freaky pegasus wings can not only grab things, but they'll be helping you out with your project today
>RD: Okay Fluttershy's here so what are we doin?
>You smile before bringing the two in to a huddle
>They blush when your hands come a little too close to their wings
"Girls... today you are gonna help me fly."
>Minutes later your feet are scotch taped to Fluttershy's and Dash's backs
>You're wearing the two like shoes
>The two struggle to maintain balance while keeping you standing
>RD: This doesn't seem like a good idea... I dunno if we can fly like this.
>FS: Um... I dunno either... are you sure you don't want to have a nice quiet picnic?
"Yes I'm sure Fluttershy, and Dash if you two can pull this off I will massage your wings for the rest of the day
>Their ears and tails perk up at that offer
>They don't know that you know that pegasus wings are erogenous zones
>Yeah you're going to get em both off for helping you do this
>Dash gives Fluttershy a competitive glare and Fluttershy shrinks away
>RD: Yeah I'm totally getting one of those massages first.
>With that Fluttershy and Dash manage to take off with you still holding on
>It's amazing... the wind in your hair, the clouds that surround the three of you...
>The open air... the scenery below, it's magical
>You hoot and holler while the two continue to fly
>Fluttershy is having a hard time but Dash has managed to find a good way to fly and stay comfortable
>She's obviously annoyed by banana timid's lack of wing power
>Before she can give Fluttershy a snide comment you squat down and hug them both
"Thanks so much you guys this is amazing!"
>One hand rubs an ear on both of them
"And don't forget our little agreement. I hope you'll enjoy it."
>And it appears you've said too much
>Your words and hands cause them to get simultaneous wing boners in the air
>Because they can't flap their wings anymore the three of you fall to your deaths
>When you hit the ground the three of you splatter, bloody parts and organs are all that remains
>Today was a bad day

>Day Atomic Death Holocaust Gigga Nigga 9000 in Equestria
>You and Dash are chilling out by the lake when this monstrosity appears in town
>It's like a huge nigger, but with machine guns and other niggers growing out of it
>You believe it reproduces by scootaloo rape and budding.
>Regardless this machine of death starts unleashing hell through it's Gatling Guns
>Ponies left and right are gunned down in their prime by this unforgiving beast
>It is up to you and Dash to save the day
>Unfortunately your idea to set up TRIP bombs only powered him up
>Gigga Nigga 9000 is now in the process of setting off the doomsday device
>Dash believes that the only way to stop him now is to use the Sonic Rainboom
"Dash!"
>You call out to her before she takes off
>"Yeah Anon what is it?"
"Will this be the last time I get to see you?"
>"I... I dunno... but if it is... I just want to say you were the greatest bro I ever had."
>Bro...
"Yeah... right... cool..."
>Dash puts a hoof to your shoulder
>"Don't worry bro we'll be pounding back cider before you know it!"
>She flashes you an unsure smile before taking off into the sky
>She flies high up before coming straight down upon Gigga Nigga
>The sonic rainboom occurs... setting off the doomsday device.
>A rift in space occurs sucking in everything within 100 yards
>When it does the rift closes
>Equestria is saved... but your bro... no your love is gone for good
>And you never got to tell her how you felt
>You go home crying and Fluttershy gives you a pity fuck
>She even wears the rainbow wig you love so much
>Today was the worst day

>Four months into your stay in Equestria
>You are tattoo artist Anon, and you are pretty much out of a job
>No tech with which to apply your art, nor do any of these ponies want your business
>They get these things called "cutie marks"
>You call them "free tattoos" and it pisses you off to end.
>Some ponies even think that because you have sleeves among various other tattoos you have some disease
>Ponies avoid you like the plague
>Saying you have the "Cutie Pox" or some shit like that you don't know
>Despite all of that you've managed to attract the attention of three adorable little fillies
>The Cutie mark Crusaders: Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Applebloom
>Day in and day out they come to you for ideas on how to get their cutie marks
>Since they're unlike the ponies you've come to despise you're more than happy to have them in your company
>Even if they break the shit in your cave every now and again
>Right now you're sitting on a stump near the edge of the everfree
>The CMC are looking over the tattoos on your back
>SL: Oh wow that's so cool Anon what's this one for?!
>They believe each tattoo represents a talent... they are so jelly and they don't even know its art
>Scootaloo points to your skull and cross bones tattoo you have in the center of your back
"I got that because a foal asked too many questions!"
>She yelps in surprise before you reach around and tickle her mercilessly
>When she's sufficiently brought to the ground Sweetie Belle points out another tattoo
>SB: What about this one? Are you a mommy?
>She points to a certain tattoo that probably holds the most sentiment to you
>A single heart with the black text: Mom written in the center
"I... yes I'm a mommy..."
>It's best if they don't hear that story...
>The fillies giggle at your answer
>AB: But Anon stallions CAN'T be mommies!
"On Earth it's different. Can you ask me about another?"
>You want them to move on as soon as possible.
>SL: What about this one near your butt Anon?
>The girls giggle when they see the tattoo Scootaloo points out
>Now THAT one is a bit special
>You remember getting that one plain as day
>SB: B.. I... T... C... H... Bitch? What's a bitch Anon?"
"A well respected member of the community back on Earth."
>AB: Are ya'll sure? Ah heard mah sister callin Winona a bitch the other day.
"Are you questioning me about MY planet?
>AB: No...?
"Good. Then don't question my facts."
>AB: Fine...
>Today was an awkward day

>Day MURICA! In Equestria
>You are Captain Anon and you're sporting a suit made from the grand colors...
>OF MURICA!
>It's specially made to cover your 350 lbs of Mc Donalds and Wendy fat
>It also has extra pockets for hay fries dipped in batter
>Red white and blue the great colors of freedom adjorn your clothing
>Your mighty shield sports the same patriotic shades of beauty!
>All else is the color of dirty evil communism!
>Except Applejack, hick ponies are best capitalist ponies.
>But Twilight... she's a whole nother story
>You go marching along P0nyville streets looking for the dirty evil slave driver
>You find her walking along with Spike on her back
>She doesn't see you she has her face in her book
>Twilight bumps into you, startling her
>She drops her book and looks up to find you staring at her with disgust
>"Uh... hi An-"
>You backhand her with your shield causing her and Spike to go flying
>Twilight breaks a table on landing
"TAKE THAT YOU DIRTY COMMIE!"
>Twilight's unconscious body twitches but she doesn't move beyond that
>You move on to the next pony
>Rarity the puritan... who's coat is of the cleanest white
>WHITE LIKE THE NAZIS!
>You find lighter fluid and a few matches and set her boutique on fire
>When she comes out screaming about her dresses being burned you throw your shield at her
>She goes flying back into her building and burns with it
"You won't be killing more Jews today missy!"
>Rainbow Dash appears and attempts to put out the fire
>Her rainbow colors sport the gays
>And you don't like gays
>BECAUSE THEY ARE DESTROYING YOUR PRECIOUS MURICA!
>So when she lands to ask you for help you grab hold of her and walk her over to your shield
>You sling her into your shield like a sack of potatoes
>When she's unconscious you throw her into the burning boutique with the nazi
>You don't do anything to Applejack cause mentioned in previous post
>Fluttershy is your waifu
>You've successfully purged P0nyville of pony impurities
>Next is Canterlot
>A monarchy?! In your precious free world?
>You don't think so!
>Today is bout to get more patriotic