Heavy Rope - Updated 8/04/15

>The rope was heavy in your hands.
>You were never really strong.
>Hell, you were never anything.
>You were never smart, you were never talented, you were never athletic.
>You were never popular, you were never liked, you were never loved.
>And your mother made sure you remembered that every night as she threw her empty bottles of alcohol at you.
>You miss dad.
>At least sometimes on the subway, people wouldn’t treat you like human refuse.
>You would go out of your way to open doors for some people, just to see them smile and thank you.
>The days went by fast after highschool.
>You had failed your finals.
>And immediately you were told to get a job or get the fuck out.
>Today had marked the last day of your life.
>You couldn’t stand your dull, grey life filled with misery and pain anymore.
>So tonight.
>Tonight it ends.
>You threw the rope across the roof beam and secured it.
>The rope slipped on easy, but your knees quaked.
>But they stopped when you realised that, with life offering you nothing, what is left to fear in death?
>You put one foot out, and kicked the chair from under you.
>Like holding your breath in the bath…
>You looked over to the table.
>No suicide note.
>There’s no one you want to tell.
>No one would read it anyway.
>The black claimed your vision.
>And soon, your life.
>Black.
>Black.
>Black.
>Something sparked in your mind.
>You became dimly aware that you were conscious.
>There was something brigh-
>Opening your eyes, you found yourself looking up into the morning sky.
>Sitting up, you saw that you were in an unknown land.
>Bright.
>For the first time, you feel something flutter in your heart, a little bit of happiness.
>There was a town too.
>You took no time in rushing over.

>It’s been three months in this land.
>Your meeting with you rushing blindly into town led to some mistakes being made.
>There were apologies, though mostly on your side.
>It didn’t matter now.
>You looked out the window into the streets of ponyville, it was late at night.
>You were doing some weaving.
>Closest thing to creation you’ve ever done.
>There was that one time in their winter wrap up a few weeks ago though.
>You tried to help the white unicorn, Rarity with making some new homes for animals.
>As you approached, you saw her apprehension and hesitation in you helping.
>It was your fault, really.
>You didn’t know anything about nest making.
>You shouldn’t have tried to do anything.
>When she eventually told you to just go, you were more than willing.
>But that’s in the past. It doesn’t matter.
>Like the time you were in the market, looking to buy food.
>And there was AppleJack.
>You tried to say ‘hi’ but she didn’t seem to hear you.
>Running after her you tried to greet her again, only for her to tell you that she was mighty busy and that you were just in her way.
>You didn’t see how that was, with you just walking alongside her.
>Oh well, it doesn’t matter now.
>Weaving is hard.
>You’ve done it before, scouts don’t fail you now!
>You remember that time you went to borrow some books from the local library.
>Twilight stopped you at the door.
>She had told you that she didn’t trust you not to damage the books.
>Even after you promised you’d be really careful with them.
>Not even a “sorry, anon”.
>“Just go, Anon. Leave” She responded, slamming the door.
>Maybe she was under pressure from the princess.
>People get stressed all the time.
>And you can be annoying sometimes… People told you that all the time.
>Your hands were shaking again.
>But it didn’t stop you from remembering school.
>”Why won’t you guys let me play?”
>”Because you’re annoying, anon.”
>That’s okay, you just got to read in the library.
>N-no big deal.
>A month ago, you had asked Rainbow Dash out.
>She laughed in your face.
>What you said was apparently so hysterical that she didn’t notice you walking away.
>You had never drunk before.
>Your mother had left a lasting scar on you and you had promised yourself to never get like that.
>But tonight you decided to treat yourself.
>With your trembling hands, you poured yourself another glass of amber fluid.
>The taste of the whiskey was terrible.
>But the dullness it offered was bliss.
>Bliss, you have never used it before…
>You try to pick up the glass you poured for yourself, but your shaking hands spill most of it.
“S-silly. S-s-silly. S-silly” You say to yourself, dropping the glass to the ground “N-n-no big deal! Not tonight!”
>It’s all over your work.
>But that’s okay.
>It still works.
>You stand, picking up your weaving.
>Holding it in your hands, you turned it over.
>You’ve made this before.
>Once.
>Three weeks ago, you were out in the town.
>You did not leave your house often, the confines of its walls offering safety from the judgement of the ponies kept you…. Alive.
>The pink pony, Pinkie Pie was handing out cards to everyone.
>She looked excited and was carrying around her little alligator.
>You overheard her talk about a party and invitations and about how everyone was invited.
>You know you shouldn’t of, but you felt like this was your chance to finally break out of this depressing life, to maybe make a… friend.
”Hey, Pinkie” You remember saying, approaching her “I heard you were having a party-“
>”Oh… Sorry Anon, it’s really only for my friends.”
“Yeah… Sorry”
>You turned around and left without getting the groceries you came for.
>It sounded like she tried to call after you but she stopped herself.
>You didn’t eat that night.
>Yesterday.
>Fluttershy seemed to be the nicest pony in this town, you’re going off what you had heard about her though.
>In fact, you’d never seen her talk.
>You never really saw her at all.
>If you didn’t know any better you’d probably say she was avoiding you…
>Maybe it was bad that you had mentioned that you were omnivorous.
>She liked animals, you had heard too.
>Well, today had been the day you were breaking out of this cocoon of self-pity and talked to her.
>You marched from your house, and eventually managed to find her cottage.
>Reaching forward, your hand stops momentarily, before you knock on the door.
>Fluttershy opened her door, true to her name.
>It opened slowly, and out peeked the pink maned mare.
>But upon seeing you, her soft features soured.
>Oh.
>She swung open her door.
>”And what are /you/ doing here?” She demanded, in a tone that seemed alien to her character.
“I-I…” You stutter, at a loss of words.
>”Well if you’re not here for anything, I don’t want a meat eating MONSTER here! You’re terrifying all my animals!”
>She folded her arms and looked at you expecting you to leave wordlessly as usual.
>Something wet rolled down your cheek.
>You had never cried since you had learnt to dodge mother’s bottles…
>Your cheeks burned red, bringing more tears to your eyes.
>Fluttershy’s stoic face cracked upon seeing this from you.
>Managing to blink them back, you turned and ran.
>You didn’t stop running until you had gotten to your home.
>The one mare you thought could do you no damage, the wound she tore in you honestly felt the deepest.
>A monster?
>You hadn’t eaten any meat since you had come here, there was a very distinct lack of available meat.
>Taking hold of the whiskey bottle, you drank the rest of it and then threw it through the window.
>It shattered against the cobblestone streets.
>But todays the day.
>The rope was heavy in your hands.
>You were never really that strong anyway.
>Your room was bare.
>You had nothing to say goodbye to.
>No achievements, no creations.
>Your thoughts will go unheard.
>And no one will remember you.
>Sure, maybe you’d make the paper, but give it a week.
>No, four days.
>You felt more tears run from your eyes.
>Honestly you’re doing the world a favour, one less drain on resources.
>One less small annoyance in pony’s day to day life.
>You only hope that there’s no other life waiting for you at the end of this rope too, because you just want it to end.
>You pulled the noose over your head, and fastened it.
>Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath which came back in stuttered sobs.
>And without further hesitation, you kicked out the coffee table.
>Letters were piled by your door, but as darkness ate at the sides of your vision one stood out.
>A neat, crisp scroll with a wax seal.
>Too late now.
>Your consciousness faded into black, never to return.
Epilogue.
>The golden chariot landed outside the small home, set in-between the two stores.
“It’s awfully small” The white mare said, concerned “Are you sure Anon doesn’t mind”
>”Of course, Princess Celestia, yeah yeah.” Twilight said half-heartedly, just wanting this to be over.
“And I trust you’ve been keeping him company? I wouldn’t want a visitor to Equestria to be lonely” Celestia asked, observing something “I… is… His window’s broken it looks like he threw a bottle through it”
>Twilight had nothing to say to this, but upon looking at the label attached to some of the shards, she learned that it was a whiskey bottle.
>It was this moment that she began to grow worried.
>The Princess knocked twice on the door.
“Anon? Are you in?”
>”Prooobably sleeping still, probably hit the bottle preeetty hard last night” Twilight joked, making the motion of drinking with her hoof.
>Her jokes were met with a disapproving glare from Celestia.
“Is there anywhere else he’d be?”
>”He… never leaves his house”
“Anon we’re coming in, okay?”

~

>You felt something shake you awake.
>Your eyes opened groggily and you breathed a small rasping breath.
>It… It happened again…
>You can’t kill yourself.
>Looking over, you realised why.
>You were already in hell.
>Twilight’s assistant was next to you, he had his small claws on your shoulder.
>You were slumped up against your single chair, there was a small candle lit on the table.
>Your throat hurt, it hurt to breathe.
>You closed your eyes again, and you felt tears welling up again.
>Giving up trying to hold it back, you cried in front of the small dragon.
>You let out heaving sobs, you could feel the tears run down your cheeks, irritating your skin.
>Spike didn’t say anything, he was probably disgusted at how pathetic you were.
>You tried to hold back your gross bawling but in doing so you ended up sputtering out a hoarse whimper.
“I-I c-can’t even ki-kiiiilll myself” You sobbed, unable to hold your quavering voice.
>You continued to bawl, barely aware of the diminutive dragon squeezing your shoulder.
>“Hey man… I…” He spoke, finally.
>You didn’t want him to see you like this.
“J-Just g-g-go a… away…”
>You turned away from him and there was silence again.
>“Your name was Anon, right? I… I think I’ve seen you around town a few times.”
>You didn’t answer.
>”I… Um… My name’s Spike…”
>…
>“I… I got you some water.”
>You looked over through tear blurred eyes.
>Cupped in the little dragon’s hands was a glass.
>You became aware of how dry your throat was.
>Who knew that hanging yourself would build such a thirst?
>You gingerly took the glass from him and you drained the water.
>“Geez, um… I feel a little over my head now… Wha… I mean… What happened? Did you… Did you do this to yourself?”
>You set the glass down, breathing heavily for a moment or two.
“Yes.”
>“You… You actually tried to strangle yourself? L-like, intending to kill yourself?! I-I don’t… I never knew anypony would actually ever try that… What…What went wrong?” He sputtered incredulously, his eyes flicking over to the cut rope lying across the floor.
“No one wants me around… Everyone’s made that clear enough… Some more than others…Why… why did you cut me down... I just want to end it… Though I tried this before and I just ended up in this fucking garden of Eden BULL SHIT!”
>You hurled the glass at the wall, and it shattered into a hundred pieces.
>Spike flinched.
>“I know what it’s like to be an outcast… I’m a dragon in a pony’s town…”
“And I’m the meat eating apex predator… A wolf trying so hard to be a sheep…”
>“I… I suppose you don’t get invited to things… Told to go away a lot…”
>You looked up to the small dragon, his large emerald eyes were wet, like yours.
>“Even though I have the elements of harmony as friends, I still feel like an outsider among them. I’m the annoying friend who won’t go away, and they’re too polite to say anything directly.”
>Spike sat down against your couch next to you, slumping against it.
>“Sometimes I think they only keep me around because I’m free labour. I mean… I feel like a pet. I got so jealous when Twilight got an owl that I tried so hard to sabotage a pet’s reputation so that I wouldn’t be replaced! I mean, how pathetic is that!?”
>You blinked back another torrent of tears and hesitantly you put an arm around him.
>There were tears in his eyes now.
>“I’m-I’m sorry for bothering you with my problems, I’ve never had it so bad I’ve tried to kill myself, I’ve never e-even heard of that happening! I-I’m sorry.”
>The purple dragon wiped at his eyes, and you felt more of your own tears well up inside you and burst down your cheeks.
“It’s fine.” You managed to say, hugging the dragon into you.
>You tried to say something else, something to follow up, but nothing came to mind.
>So you just sat there with the little dragon.
>When the tears had dried, the sun was peeking over the horizon, and washing the land with its radiant glow.
>“What happens now?”
>You were watching the sunrise through your broken window.
“I don’t really know… I’ll probably try to kill myself again tonight.”
>“But… Why?”
>The sun was encroaching towards your house, pushing back a shadow.
>It was halfway to your house from the opposite street.
“I’ve no friends. I’m still going to be treated the same.”
>“We can be friends!” Spike exclaimed hopefully.
“I’m sure your current friends won’t approve.”
>“They won’t care, they don’t care much about anything else I do as long as I sweep the floor and make the food.”
“What do you have to gain from being friends with me? I’d just be another burden on your life.”
>”You’re an interesting guy. I mean, you’re a damn carnivorous alien! How cool is that!? I’m just some boring dragon!”
>The sun had reached the curb now.
“Omnivorous…”
>”I don’t even know what that means, so it must be cool! You’ve got claws, like me, see? They’re not sharp like mine, but I bet you’re really strong with them!”
>You looked over and smirked just slightly.
“You think so, huh? All this is normal to me, and hideous to ponies.”
>“They’re all a bunch of… um… scared of aliens.”
“Xenophobes?”
>”That’s the word!”
>You rubbed your throat, you think a bruise was forming.
>“You don’t say much, do you?”
“I’m not good at holding conversations, I’ve never had much practice with them.”
>“Oh.”
>“Hey, today I had to go into the everfree to collect some stuff from Zecora. You should come with!” Spike said excitedly.
“Who’s Zecora?”
>“She’s this super nice pony who lives in the wood, we get exotic herbs and potions from her.”
“Last ‘super nice pony’ I met called me a monster.”
>Spike hesitated.
>“Zecora was treated like us, not too long ago, everyone in town hid from her when she came in, looking to buy things, we treated her like she was a vicious witch.”
“And that changed?”
>“Applejack’s little sister, Applebloom went out after Zecora and all my friends chased Zecora off into the forest. They stepped in this flower and they thought the flower’s side effect was a curse by Zecora. Some stuff happened and Zecora cured them. It was a huge misunderstanding and everyone said sorry afterwards.”
“Doesn’t seem like they learnt anything from it.”
>“I… No.”
“I suppose I should get out of this house, it’s suffocating in here.”
>“You mean you’ll come!?”
“Yeah.”
>Spike grinned wildly.
>The sort of innocent grin you can only get from a child.
>He mustn’t be any older than twelve.
>You’d always wanted some kind of younger sibling, or cousin.
>The morning sun crept into your room through the broken remains of your window.
>“I think you’ll like Zecora, she’s always willing to help and she’s a lot like you!”
>You chuckled softly.
>“She likes strange things, and you’re really strange, no offense…” Spike continued “And you could help me carry stuff back, you look really strong!”
>The sun reached your legs, warming them from the night’s cold.
>Useful.
>It’d been awhile since you had actually helped someone.
>“Okay, you stay here! I’m gonna go back to my house and grab some stuff, Twilight might make me do some chores first though so I might be late!”
>Spike stood and ran to your door.
>“Seeya later, Anon! I won’t be too long, okay?” Spike said, waving.
“Seeya, Spike.”
>The little dragon opened the door and ran out, closing it behind him.
>You sighed and stood up.
>Surveying the mess, you started to clean up the room.
~
>An hour passed, Spike hadn’t returned yet but you found yourself growing excited for today.
>You know you shouldn’t, this zebra was still a pony, after all.
>You just felt good about today.
>Walking into the kitchen you looked into your shelves for some kind of food.
>You found some sweet cereal.
>You didn’t bother with milk, rather you preferred to eat it straight from the box.
>Taking the box, you turned and looked around your kitchen.
>You know those moments that you look at a room in your house as if it was the first time you saw it?
>You crunched on a handful of cereal.
>A small table, never had any company so why bother having a larger one?
>There were a few scraps of paper littering it, a few attempts at writing poetry.
>Frowning, you walked over and picked all of them up, scrunching them up.
>You dumped them in the bin, then grabbed another handful of cereal.
>Next, you walked to the kitchen window and pulled open the curtain.
>Light filled the room, giving it a less grim look to it.
>You left the kitchen, instead opting to move to your bedroom.
>You slept in a cupboard… It was a tiny room, holding only a bed, wardrobe and a bedside table.
>Putting the cereal down on the kitchen bench, you stepped into your room.
>The curtains were drawn in here too, but you couldn’t see with them up.
>You pulled those aside too.
>What a mess.
>Kicking all the clothes to the corner, you set them up in an “I’ll deal with it later” pile.
>Next you cleared your bedside table of scraps of paper and food wrappers.
>How had you never realized how dusty it was in here?
>Taking a step back over to your window, you attempted to pull the window open.
>It wouldn’t budge and you had to let go.
>Not today.
>You latched yourself onto the window and heaved with all your might.
>You heard a creaking and suddenly the window shunted upwards, slamming against the top of the windowsill.
>Cool morning air hit your face and you grinned.
>There was a knock on the door.
>Spike?
>“Anon? Are you in?”
>Huh? Who was that?
>It took a second to register.
>Celestia!
>You hadn’t seen the Princess of Equestria since you had first come here!
>In your efforts to get to the door faster, you tripped over your clothes and hit the ground.
>Oh, crap, get up fool!
>This was the nicest pony you had ever met!
>She had been so hospitable and friendly to you!
>You got to your feet and made your way out of your bedroom.
>You daresay that she is the nicest p- Anyone’s ever been to you!
>As you got to the other side of your kitchen you heard her voice again.
>“Anon we’re coming in, okay?”
>You just entered your front living room when the door opened and you saw Celestia in the doorway, her brilliant celestial mane waving in the unseen air.
>You saw a wave of relief wash over her face as you saw her.
>“Oh my goodness, Anon. For a minute I thought something had happened to you.” She said with genuine smile that warmed your heart “Are you alright?”
>You had to squint as the sun shone in your eyes.
“I’m just fine, Princess.”
>You smiled.