ELRICH

"A Cabbage In King Skipper's Court"

[[>]]
[[module Rate]]
[[/>]]

**Item #:** SCP-1305

**Object Class:** Safe

**Special Containment Procedures:** All instances of SCP-1305 is to be held in a standard containment chamber, located within Site-77. Personnel assigned to SCP-1305 must familiarize themselves with Document 1305-A, and observe at least 6 hours of preexisting research staff interacting with SCP-1305 before being allowed to interact themselves. Any vegetation found to exhibit suspicious behavior on Site-77 grounds is to be detained by security and investigated as a possible additional instance of SCP-1305

**Description:** SCP-1305 designates a set of 5 different vegetables, a complete list of which can be found within this document. Whenever a sapient organism approaches an SCP-1305 instance, they will be able to hear a "voice" attributed to that specific instance.

Communication with SCP-1305 instances has revealed that they consider themselves to be royalty or citizens of the "Kingdom of Elrich." Communication with these instances has been limited, due to their uncooperative nature.

If a human subject claiming to be "Royalty" or some other form of authority figure approaches SCP-1305-E, the subject will begin to suffer headaches, which will slowly escalate into extreme cranial pain, and possibly fatal wounds to the Cerebellum if the subject is not removed. When questioned about this, SCP-1305-A will claim it has engaged in a "battle of the wills" with a pretender to its crown.


||~ Vegetable ||~ Identity ||~ Notes ||
|| SCP-1305-A, Eggplant || Royal Militiaman Simon Boyle || Claims to have fought in the Tebian Civil Uprising, in which Elrichian Militiaman fought against "Wicked, unjust marsupial sorcerers." ||
|| SCP-1305-B, Carrot || Prince Luftwerian Asgrania X || Displays extremely low intelligence, barely able to respond to yes/no questions, and laughing at every third word said to it. When other SCP-1305 instances are questioned about thid, they will claim it is inherit to "his growth." ||
|| SCP-1305-C, Pickle || Royale Scribe Sebastian Heiznerplickle || Does not respond to attempts at communication, beyond requesting a "Sea Pigeon Quill" and "Grandian Silfer-Silk paper." Foundation personnel have been unable to provide either of these items. ||
|| SCP-1305-D Broccoli || Dmitri || Claims to be a member of the "Fifth Elrichian Nationalist Party", the only political party allowed in Elrich. Claims to have lost the privileged of possessing a last name after its facial hair was caught in public without her.  ||
|| SCP-1305-E, Cabbage || King Housauir Lulennial XXVIII || Claims to be "Holy Commander of the Elrichian Land, fair ruler of his people and scourge of his enemies." When interviewed, defers all questions to SCP-1305-D, which it refers to as its "Royal Page-master." Claims to descend from a long line of Elrichian rulers. Generally uncooperative. ||

SCP-1305 was discovered on 11/19/1989, after reports of "talking cabbages" were picked up by Foundation operatives investigating anomalous phenomenon in rural Bulgaria. These operatives were able to find the ruins of a small castle, which appeared to be the rumors origin. Native residents had no explanation for the purpose of the ruin or why this passage would be located within it. In addition to SCP-1305 and Document 1305-A, several non-anomalous cabbage plants growing on the grounds.

**Addendum 1305-A:** Document 1305-A, fragments of documentation recovered with SCP-1305.

> When the sun rises on the rest of the land, Elrich wakes first, stepping boldly into the day, and trying to avoid tripping on the carpet. We tower above others, watching as they tremble in our wake. Our mighty nation must watch the enemies at our borders, such as the Revelans, who possess a butter goat monopoly... //Testimony from SCP-1305-A indicates that this is outdated, due to the butter goat being extinct.//

> If they do not have any uncles under the Jimmy nomenclature, please see "Summoning (Powerful?) Multi-Dimensionals And You."

> Stargazing as an art and science has fallen out of favor in recent years. Maybe because there isn't much to see besides the low hanging stars and the blackness, but I respectfully disagree. Looking up to heaven is a way to move forward, and wonder what could lie in the beyond. So as a reward for my enthuiasm for the practice, I often get sent to map out the sky.

> Somewhere in a castle, a clock rolls over.

> I don't know why it decided to spare me. The sky fell around every place except where I had camped, sweeping up around the plains and valleys, swallowing them into a vast sea. Before I could even blink, everything in this new sky began swirling again. This time, towards the old heavens that had taken their place again.
>
> The violent tempest swirled around me, smashing through all barriers and creating a sound comparable to the death of a god. The cacophonous roar grew louder and louder as it was torn asunder, spiraling and entwining itself back through the rip. It came in thousands of miles, shifting and bending until it reached its zenith. Then, it was gone, up to whence it had come.

> Firstly, the seeds for the royal cabbage must be chosen. This is a very delicate process, as a Gardener must judge the strength, tenacity, humor, and handsomeness of each seedly specimen. Once a seed has been selected, it is placed in some of the most ornate urns in the kingdom, with dirt taken from the tomb of the 1000 martyrs. Once the seeds have been planted, it will take several months for initial specimens to grow.

> They keep me under the bones now. But that's okay. At least I can still see my old friends. But that's it. All watching. I guess all they wanted in the end was someone to be with them. Someone who knew what it was like to see.

>  The stars look beautiful tonight.