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- >Day who gives a fuck in Equestria
- >Wake up from a dream about watching TV back on earth
- >Really starting to wish they had TV here
- >Look at your calendar
- >The day is circled in bold, bright red
- >Holy shit! It's the day Billy Mays died!
- >You feel a deep sorrow in your stomach and slump
- >You miss that loud bastard, even more than MJ or Feral Faucet
- >You start crying softly
- >You go to your kitchen and reach around in the shelf above your fridge
- >You pull out a 20-year-old bottle of Jack Daniel's whiskey
- >Well, now's a better time than ever
- >You think about pouring a glass, but then decide you'll just drink it straight from the bottle
- >That's probably what crazy old Billy would have done
- >But first...
- >You walk outside and pour a little of the drink out for Billy, like black people do for their dead homies
- >Yeah, poor out a little for your late homie Billy
- >Even though you never actually met him
- >Oh well
- >You go back inside and shut your door, then sit down at your table and bring the bottle to your lips
- >Right as you're about to take a long gulp...
- >*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*
- >Jesus Christ...
- >You open it and see Fluttershy hovering and spreading her pussy lips
- >They are covered in nasty krust
- >Something about that kunt krust just makes you want to...clean it
- >"Are krusty kunts your fetish Anon?"
- "No, that's disgusting, now fuck off before I smash your face with this bottle."
- >You slam the door
- >You turn around, but then there is a knocking again
- >Jesus fucking Christ!
- >You open the door
- "Fluttershy, don't make me--OH!"
- >The ghost of Billy Mays is standing in your doorway!
- >You get down on your knees and bow to him
- >"HI, BILLY MAYS HERE WITH KUNT KRUST REMOVAL! ARE YOU TIRED OF YELLOW PONIES WITH DISGUSTING PUSSIES TRYING TO RAPE YOU?"
- "Yes!"
- >"WELL THEN GIVE THEIR GNARLY VAGINA LIPS A FEW SQUIRTS OF THE INCREDIBAL KUNT KRUST REMOVAL! ONLY $19.99"
- "I'll buy it!" You whip out your wallet.
- >"BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!"
- "What more is there, oh divine Billy?!?
- >"ORDER NOW AND--OW!"
- >Suddenly Vince punched Billy out of the way.
- >"Hey, don't listen to that guy. I'm the top salesman now. It's Vince, here with Kuntwow!"
- "Fuck off, Vince, you faggot wannabe!"
- >"Hey, don't make me beat the shit out of you like a hooker!"
- >Billy got up and started strangling Vince
- >Fuck yeah, it was on
- >The fight to end all fights
- "GO BILLY!!!"
- >Vince elbowed Billy in the crotch
- >That was a cheap shot, what a fucking fag
- >But Billy had balls of steel, and he simply socked Vince in the gut, knocking the wind out of him
- >Vince stumbled back, but then pulled out a pair of nunchucks
- >Billy whipped out two small knives
- >They charged at each other
- >Vince smacked Billy in the arm with the nunchucks and he dropped one of his knives
- >But Billy used the other knife to stab Vince through the hand
- >Vince dropped the nunchucks, held his hand and gasped with wide eyes
- >Then he pulled the knife out of his hand slowly, growling
- >He whipped the knife at Billy's leg but Billy rolled away and dodged it
- >Vince screamed, "That's it, Billy! No more games! It's time to end this once and for all!"
- >He pulled out an AK47 and blasted Billy in the chest
- >Billy fell over onto the ground
- "BILLLYYY!!! NOOO!!!"
- >But luckily Billy was wearing a bulletproof vest under his shirt!
- >He picked his knife up off the ground, rushed Vince, grabbed him, and stabbed him in the chest, over and over, until they were both soaked in blood
- >Vince let out one last breath and then collapsed
- >Billy crouched down and with several cuts he severed Vince's head
- >He held it up like a trophy in one hand, then walked over to your mailbox
- >He kicked the box part of your mailbox off and then put Vince's head on the wooden post as a warning sign to any other salesmen/ponies
- >He walked over to you and handed you Kunt Krust Removal
- >You hand him money, but he says "THIS ONES ON THE HOUSE, BOY!"
- >Tears of joy stream down your face
- "Oh thank you based Billy Mays!"
- >Billy rocketed off into the sky with his rocket boots and dissapeared into the clouds
- >Fluttershy came up to you and said, "Oh, I get it! Severed heads are your fetish Anon!"
- >You spray her in the eyes with Kunt Krust Removal, which burns her pupils off
- >She screams and runs away
- >You go back into your home, lock your door, and furiously jerk off to fantasies of Billy Mays
- >Today was a good day.
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