gwyn2

A week passes. Gwyn and Kelly hang out most days -- it's quiet and awkward at the outset, each with their own reasons for fumbling through most conversations between the two.
2:39 PM The two of them kind of shut themselves off from the rest of campus, and Gwyn doesn't get any meaningful human interaction outside her for that period of time -- her roommate is... mysteriously absent. Applied for a room transfer? Shacking up? Little bit of columns A and B? It doesn't really register on her radar.
2:39 PM No leaps and strides in the improvement of her chemistry course, but some progress, at least. No dining halls, either, but a lot of takeout and delivery on Kelly's dime. She doesn't seem to be very cognizant of Gwyn's feelings, but on the flip side, she doesn't seem to mind the close proximity, physical contact, or increasingly frequent hang-outs. ||
2:47 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Hey Kelly?" I ask while grabbing another potato chip from the bag on Kelly's lap. My hands shake a little as I do so. I still haven't gotten the courage to just *ask* her if she likes me. I don't know if I can. "What was that about um. Boyle's law or whatever again?" I scooch a little closer to her, hoping that maybe I can gauge something . Anything. ||
2:51 PM A<•Antioch|GM> She points to one of the highlighted formulas in her workbook, brushing off some crumbs.
2:51 PM "P-one times V-one equals P-two times V-two," she replies matter-of-factly. "Umm, basically have a fixed amount of gas and reduce its pressure, its volume will increase, or if you reduce its volume, its pressure will increase."
2:51 PM She turns to respond, tilting her head for a moment and looking at Gwyn. Kelly's room is dimly lit by just her desk lamp -- the blinds are shuttered and it's late afternoon besides, and her smoke diffuses slowly off her skin, further darkening the room. ||
2:53 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff God damnit. God *Damnit*. "Right. Pressure." I nod, though it feels like my breath is stuck in my throat. "I'm not... I'm not pressuring you at all, right?" Shit. That... "Into being my friend I mean. I know you just wanted to help but..." Shit shit shit. What if she thinks I'm gay. I mean. I'm a little gay. Especially for her. But. She doesn't need to know
2:53 PM that?||
2:57 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "No! Nonono! I wanted to be your friend! I was the one who u, kind of pestered you into hanging out with me, remember?"
2:57 PM She seems to laugh this off, still smiling a little.  ||
3:00 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "You didn't pester me." I say, my volume dropping significantly. She's... she's pretty. And her oversized sweatshirts are so cute and... She's the only person who's kept me from being completely miserable. At this point I'm so close I can smell her shampoo. Jasmine and vanilla. Shit, I'm in so deep. "I just didn't realize how much I needed you." She's so
3:00 PM close... God damnit. My hands shake. I'm so fucking scared right now.||
3:07 PM A<•Antioch|GM> She nods shallowly, less an agreement and more an acknowledgment of what was said.
3:07 PM "I'll always be there if you do," she replies, still smiling. "C'mon, let's wrap up that study guide and we can get some dinner, okay?" ||
3:10 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff Gwyn nods, but doesn't back away. If anything she gets closer. "Can we... just wait a moment?" I flash her a small smile, but god I'm so nervous. It's dark in here, and we're the only ones in the room and... It feels like my heart is going to jump out of my chest as I lean in and kiss her.||
3:14 PM A<•Antioch|GM> Her eyes are screwed shut as she leans forward, so it kind of takes her by surprise when she's fed a potato chip instead.
3:14 PM "No rush on dinner," she says, still sounding pretty cheery. "We've got lots of snacks." ||
3:16 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Right." Oh. Of course. I frown and stand up quickly, crossing my arms over my chest. "Um. Maybe I should just... You know. Go? It's uh. It's getting late." How could I be so stupid? Stupid, stupid, STUPID. The shadows coalesce over my skin, but maybe it's too dark for her to see. God, I'm so embarrassed.||
3:17 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "I, um, you sure?" ||
3:18 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Look I just. Maybe this was all a mistake, Kelly." I'm trying so hard to make the armor go away. I want her to see me. I want her to want me. But I guess I had it all wrong.||
3:21 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "Wait, no, no, what's wrong?" ||
3:22 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "I like you, Kelly! That's what's wrong!" I turn away from her and try my hardest not to cry but it's... It's hard. "Like. Like you, like you."||
3:24 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "O-oh!"
3:24 PM She falls silent for a little while. ||
3:26 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "I'm. I'm sorry. I'm. I'm stupid. It was stupid for me to think that anyone would feel the same way about me." I begin to walk towards the door again, but I turn back once more to look at her. She's small. And cute. And god I want to kiss her. But... "I'm so sorry."||
3:26 PM A<•Antioch|GM> ((Will be a little slow to respond here, trudging over to the lab after I fetch the notes for Teller.))
3:29 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff ((it's fine))
3:34 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "So... we can't be friends anymore?"
3:34 PM She sounds worried, a little upset. ||
3:36 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "I didn't say that!" I shout, my voice quivering as I do so. "I just. Kelly. I ruined things. You wanted to be my friend and I had to go and get gay." God. I sink down to the floor and just start sobbing my eyes out. "I didn't even ask you what you wanted."||
3:40 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "What are you gonna do now?" she snaps, her tone taking a shift towards hostility. ||
3:42 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "I don't know! I obviously misinterpreted this whole thing!" My chest feels like it's going to cave in. Kelly is the most important person I have and... I just ruined everything. "Kelly, I'm so sorry."||
3:48 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "What--- what the heck, Gwyn?!" She's clearly wanting to say more, but incapable of coming up with the right words or coherent thought, so she's left mouth opening and closing, slightly indistinct amidst the billowing dark fog. ||
3:50 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "I'm. I'm not gay, you know. I like... I like boys too. I'm just." I don't even know what to say anymore. I try to use the desk to help pull myself up, but... Something isn't right. My claws sink through it, leaving more of those jagged purple marks. "Shit. Shit, shit shit. I can fix it. I'm..."||
3:55 PM A<•Antioch|GM> She looks at Gwyn, uncertain, then tries to push past her in the narrow room to leave.
3:55 PM "F-forget it," she mutters. ||
3:57 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Kelly, please." I stand up, this time without taking out most of the furniture, and hold my hand out. "Don't leave me. Please. I can stop. I don't..."||
4:01 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "I– I can't fricking believe this!" she shouts, fear and exasperation mingling in her tone, making her voice crack. ||
4:03 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Can't believe /what/?" I snap, taking a step towards her. "That I could fall for you? That you picked the one broken cape who happened to like chicks?" The word 'cape' sticks in my mouth, feeling gross and foreign. It's not a word I ever wanted to describe myself as. "Why won't you just talk to me?"||
4:12 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "So now you say you're a fricking cape! When you're tearing up all the shit in my room because I said something you didn't like!"
4:12 PM She goes to wrench the door open, her voice shaking slightly even as she yells. ||
4:16 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "I didn't mean to!" I follow after her, but everything inside of me feels like acid. My scars hurt. My feelings hurt. "Kelly, please. You're my only friend!"||
4:36 PM A<•Antioch|GM> "Just-- just go creep on the next person dumb enough to try to be nice to you," she spits, apparently on the verge of tears, slamming the door and booking it. ||
4:40 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff I run out of the room, but I don't bother chasing her. My dorm is a hike from hers but... I need to end this. Mom and dad will be pissed at me but... Maybe they don't need to know. I swallow as I head back to my room. Fuck this. Fuck Kelly. Fuck everyone. There's no place for me here. Hopefully Paige isn't there. I don't need her to see me like this, or see
4:40 PM me at all.||
4:42 PM A<•Antioch|GM> Her dorm is empty when she gets back. Small blessings.
4:42 PM Her crap is still lying all over the place. The camping gear she brought on the trip is still in its backpack. Looking at it is difficult enough -- unpacking seems impossible. ||
4:45 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff I leave the backpack, instead looking around for a suitcase. At this point I don't even care if it's not mine. I grab it and start throwing in the clothes that can fit, and scrounge together all the money I can find in the room. I can take my cell phone and charger, but... the laptop doesn't make the cut. I pack up as many things as I can, then open my
4:45 PM laptop. The withdrawal forms have to be on the school's site somewhere... I don't have much time. I have to do it and get out. I just need to go.||
4:47 PM A<•Antioch|GM> Punching in her username and password to log into the university student hub feels terribly final.
4:47 PM Her parents will get an email about her withdrawal, but it only faintly registers in her mind. ||
4:53 PM S<Saff|Gwyn> Saff "Goodbye, Cleveland State." I mumble as I slam the confirmation button. I don't even bother to close the lid of the laptop as I roll out of the building. I have to go. I ruined things with the only friend I had left in my life. I'm disgusting. I'm broken and monstrous. I can never let this happen again. It's not worth it. I don't know where I should
4:53 PM go--where I could go. Not to my parents', that's for sure. I'm lost. I'm alone. All because I had to get feelings for a straight girl.||
4:58 PM A<•Antioch|GM> It's dark enough out that she's able to simply stalk off into the night, suitcase rolling quietly on the gravel. She doesn't know where exactly she's headed, but she has to keep moving.
4:58 PM Wrapped in inky smoke, Gwyn finally disappears.