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- Yet Another Horrible Decision
- Prologue
- >You are Anonymous, and you have a short history of making absolutely horrible decisions.
- >Well, not all the decisions themselves are horrible, but at least 8 out of 10 times they have horrible consequences.
- >One of those decisions, of fucking course, led to the situation you're in now.
- >That is to say, in your SUV packed with the few belongings you have left driving... somewhere, anywhere, really, to call home.
- >It wasn't always like this. For most of your life you were the careful, levelheaded one amongst the gaggle of idiots that were your friends.
- >Every decision was carefully considered and cautiously applied.
- >That all changed over the last few years.
- >Your family, small as it was, began to die off. Your grandmother, 6 years ago. That one was expected, though.
- >Year before last, your younger sister passed away. Accidents happen, and one happened to her.
- >Your mom had been sick for some time, and the pain of losing her baby girl was too much to bear. She kicked off not long afterward.
- >Your dad was always an alcoholic, and only worsened after those last two. He croaked on the other side of a ravine driving home.
- >Your friends had mostly grown up and left to live their own lives, so they were of little help.
- >So there you were, truly alone in the world. It was then that your decisions became absolutely horrible.
- >How many fucks do you have to give anymore?
- >Zero. Precisely zero fucks.
- >Actually, probably more like -285 fucks. It would take a long long time to give so much as one more.
- >Suicide wasn't an option. You would like to eventually see your family again and pretty much all religions with afterlives are negative on the whole suicide thing.
- >As far as you could tell, though, it was all about intent.
- >Your predilection for cautious contemplation before any branching paths?
- >Was last seen with your final fuck to give.
- >That was why you up and left your house one day, packing your older Durango with the few
- possessions you might find useful.
- >Laptop? Check. Trunk full of clothes & shit? Check. Guns? Ammo?
- >Box full of booze? Check. Backpack full of your mom's old medicines?
- >There was some good stuff there. Mostly painkillers, always come in handy. Antibiotics don't hurt either. Check. Box full of old books? Yup.
- >That was it. You didn't line up a job, or even a place to stay. Just packed and left on a Thursday evening.
- >No particular direction in mind, you just drive on. Turn where you feel like it.
- >Pass through a few quaint little towns that don't particularly interest you.
- >Maybe a bit after midnight you end up on a long expanse of fucking nothing.
- >You absentmindedly grab a few pieces of jerky. Decide to knock back a gulp of cheap vodka because why the fuck not?
- >First mistake.
- >Drop some jerky, ends up under the seat. The road you're on is straight and fucking boring.
- >Turn on the light and begin Operation Jerky Hunt.
- >Second mistake.
- >Vodka hits you pretty hard, takes a minute to find jerky.
- >Lift head, look at road.
- >No more road, trees.
- >Lots and lots of trees.
- >Fuck.
- >What’s this?
- >An incredibly bright light envelops you.
- >Great. NOW you fucking run into a cop.
- >Or not?
- >Black.
- >Black.
- >Black.
- >Pain Y/N? N
- >Limbs attached and working Y/N? Y
- >Asshole light bringing you back Y/N? Y
- >Prick birds that are going to get shot chirping Y/N? YYYYYYYYYYYYYFUCK
- >Memory... Memory... Memory... Memory Retrieved!
- >Open Eyes Y/Y? N
- >The bright light of midmorning scorches your eyes.
- >God damn it eyes, I said N.
- >To your surprise, you are absolutely unharmed. Your vehicle seems to be in one piece too.
- >Well, you aren't dead. You don't know how to feel about that.
- >Looking about your surroundings, you guess you managed to miracle yourself onto a
- trail on the edge of a forest.
- >A rather... brightly colored forest, but a forest all the same. Probably just the hangover.
- >Oh. Yeah. That. Fuck those things, you're fine where you are.
- >You drop your seat back and cover your face with a jacket.
- >Black.
- >Black.
- >Black.
- >"What do you think it is? Some kind of monster?"
- >"It must be! Look at its eyes, they're huge!"
- >"Do you think it's sleeping? It's not doing anything..."
- >?
- >Fucking birds DO NOT WAKE ME UP. STOP YOUR TALKING THIS INSTANT.
- >Wait, talking? Birds don't...
- >Remove face jacket and open your eyes again, cursing that asshole sun for the misery it causes you.
- >Sit up and look around. No people that you can see, just three little cartoonish p0nies.
- >They must be the ones interrupting your slumber with their incessant babbling. That makes sense.
- >You open the door, a slightly difficult task at the moment.
- "Hey you three! Keep it down will ya? Better yet, go away! Some of us are trying to sleep!"
- >You hear three sharp gasps in unison.
- >"It can talk!"
- >"'Scuse us, Mr. Monster! We weren't tryin' to bother ya none!"
- >AAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
- >Lay on the horn, start the engine, scream at the top of your lungs
- "GO AWAY GOD DAMMIT NOW FUCK!"
- >The monster's eyes flared into brilliant life, and it starts to scream.
- >"Run Crusaders run awaaaaaaayyy!!!"
- >Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo all tore off screaming back towards Ponyville as quickly as their hooves can take them.
- >Well it worked. They left and took their chatterboxes with them.
- >You turn the car back off and recline back in your seat, replacing your makeshift eyemask.
- "Damn babbling horses."
- >Applejack and Big Mac were at their usual tasks.
- >Bucking apple trees, collecting apples, carting apples away to be sorted...
- >All in all, just another day in Sweet Apple Acres
- >Until an utter cacophany sounded from the far edge of the orchard.
- >Followed by screams. Familiar screams.
- >A glance between Applejack and Big Mac was all that was necessary, and they began bolting in the
- direction of the shrill, high pitched sounds.
- >Apple Bloom and her two friends tore past them at blinding (for a group of fillies) speed.
- >"Apple Bloom! What in tarnation!?"
- >None of the Cutie Mark Crusaders bothered to acknowledge either of the two.
- >"I swear, if there was a cutie mark for findin' trouble..."
- >Still, there was something loud and frightening at Sweet Apple Acres, and that just wouldn't do.
- >It didn't take but a few more seconds to find exactly what had terrified the three fillies so much.
- >"Uh... Hey Big Mac?"
- >"Eeyup?"
- >"If'n I saw somethin' that didn't make no sense, you'd tell me if I was crazy, wouldn't ya?"
- >"Eeyup."
- >"An' if I told you there was a... well buck if I know what to call it... an alien space chariot sittin'
- in our orchard, would I be crazy?"
- >"Nope."
- >"An' if I said... I think I can see something... horrible... with no face and long, thin... ears? Inside? >Would I still not be crazy?"
- >"Nope."
- >Alright, seriously? You've had it about up to here with this shit.
- >You throw the door open and stumble out, the jacket falling from your head as you face your latest tormentors.
- "Can't you peopl-... Pe..."
- >Now that you're actually half awake you realize you're glaring at two, um, horses?
- >Horses with Apple shaped brands no, body paint? on their flanks.
- >You're also pretty sure horse eyes are not supposed to be quite that big.
- >The smaller one is also wearing a hat.
- >Now you KNOW you're being fucked with.
- "Alright, I know it's boring living on a farm and all, but where the hell are you? Do you really expect me to-"
- >"Big Mac?"
- >"Eeyup?"
- >"Is it talkin' at us?"
- >"Eeyup."
- >"In Equestrian?"
- >"Sure seems to be, sis."
- >WAIT WHOA HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE
- >Those horses' mouths moved in perfect sync with the words being spoken.
- >There's nobody else around.
- >And you just woke up from a dream where three smaller horses pestered you with their... speech...
- "T-t-talking horses."
- >AJ was starting to get a little unnerved now
- >"Big Mac, I'm pretty darn sure that thing’s other face is still..."
- >"Eeyup."
- >You are hungover. You think. Horses are talking to you. One wears a Stetson. You've either cracked or died.
- >If it's the latter it's definitely NOT what you were expecting the afterlife to be.
- >An uneasy silence descends on the forest... no... orchard? P0ny eyes meet human eyes in a battle of wills.
- >Both lose.
- >Applejack and Big Mac panic, screaming YES SCREAMING NOT NEIGHING OR WHATEVER THE FUCK WOULD MAKE SENSE AAAGH.
- >You completely lose your shit, scrambling toward the tailgate to grab whatever you can reach first.
- >Applejack and Big Macintosh both regain their composure after seeing the lanky, bipedal, and LARGE creature scurry around the back of its space chariot.
- >"Hey Big Mac? Would ya say I'm crazy if'n I decided to try and lasso this critter down before it does anything funny?"
- >"Eeyup."
- >"I must be one crazy mare then. Toss me a rope, would'ya?
- >Great fucking locked fuuuuuuucccckkkk
- >Don't panic don't panic don't panic
- >They're horses that can talk, no big deal. There's not too much they can do to hurt you.
- >Maybe you can try and talk to them? They do seem to understand English.
- "Ahem. Sorry for the-"
- >The smaller of the two horses (they were awfully small to be horses. They must be p0nies, right?) is whirling a rope around in its teeth.
- >Now this is just fucking stupid.
- >Suddenly the rope tightly wraps around your upper body, constricting your arms against your chest tightly.
- >Yup. Really, really fucking stupid.
- >You're not just going to sit there and take this, oh HELL no.
- >You start off at running-from-the-cops speed in the opposite direction.
- >Despite catching the small p0ny off guard with your speed and strength,
- it catches its balance and digs its hooves in the dirt, sending you pinwheeling around in a semicircle.
- >Which just so happens to be speeding towards the bigger red one.
- >Who happens to be speeding at you.
- >The breath is knocked out of you as the bigger p0ny’s head slams into your solar plexus.
- >Things start to get a bit fuzzy...
- >Fucking beef jerky... is the last conscious thought you have as you careen towards the dirt.
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