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Captain Underpants Anon (Dash/Twi/Tia)

Mar 8th, 2014
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  1. >"Psst. Anon."
  2. >*shuffling noises*
  3. >"Anooooooooon~."
  4. "Grrhmnnnmhn."
  5. >"Come on Anon, it's almost noon."
  6. >A sudden hoof jab to the side causes you to jolt up in surprise
  7. >The only reaction that seems logical to stop the potential onslaught is to grapple your attacker
  8. >Unfortunately since you're barely awake it's more like a snuggle attack
  9. >So the two of you lay under your covers, both enjoying the warmth of your bed
  10. >Until something wet touches your face
  11. >It takes several seconds to realize this is a ponies tongue you're being assaulted with
  12. >You push her off and wipe away the small amount of slobber that covered your eyes
  13. >Slowly opening your eyes reveals none other than Rainbow Dash, giving you a bit of a playful glare
  14. "You're worse than my old dog."
  15. >"Well somepony has to get you out of bed before noon."
  16. "Says the mare that sleeps the most in town."
  17. >"Hey, naps on clouds are awesome," she retorts with a light hoof-punch to your chest
  18. "So's my bed."
  19. >Slowly you rise from bed and proceed to get dressed, Rainbow staring at you the entire time
  20. "If you want a show it'll cost ya."
  21. >"Oh ha ha. Did you forget what today is?"
  22. "Oh, right. Happy birthday."
  23. >"Anooooooon. Stop messing around," she whines, clearly not in the mood to play around
  24. "You're no fun. Let me at least get something to eat before you go traipsing through my stuff again."
  25. >Clearly happy with your answer, she pumps a hoof in satisfaction and muttering a quite "Yes!"
  26. >Breakfast is fairly light like always
  27. >A single piece of toast with a glass of milk
  28. >That doesn't stop Dash from trying to get you to eat faster though
  29. >In fact, as soon as you're close to finishing she's disappears, no doubt rushing ahead to the gateway of today's activities
  30. >A short few minutes later you find her in exactly the spot you figured she would be in
  31. >Right underneath the entrance to your attic
  32.  
  33.  
  34. "You know the rules. No making a mess or you never get to rifle through my shit again."
  35. >As soon as the ceiling hatch is down she flies on up, not even waiting for you to pull down the collapsible stairs
  36. >After your ascent you can already see Dash on the floor digging into a box
  37. >Honestly it's kind of endearing how she still takes an interest in your old junk
  38. >A few ponies around town were interested in some of your stuff when you first got here
  39. >But that quickly waned after they realized that most of it was just like their stuff
  40. >Rainbow's only one of two ponies that never stopped wanting to see every single thing inside your house
  41. >It's always fun to watch them explore your stuff and ask questions, but you don't want them know that
  42. >"Is this fiction or nonfiction?" she asks, breaking you out of your reverie
  43. >In her hooves she holds up an old paperback comic book from your childhood, provoking you to burst out laughing
  44. "You're seriously asking if 'Captain Underpants' is fiction or not?"
  45. >"Well I can't read it, so how am I supposed to know?"
  46. "I'd say the fact that all he's wearing is underpants and a cape should be a fairly good tip."
  47. >Sitting back on her haunches, she opens it up to stare at the pictures
  48. >"So whats it about?"
  49. "Oh you know, couple of school kids get tired of listening to their teacher so they decide to mess with him. They hypnotize him into thinking he's a super hero called Captain Underpants, but then he actually does become the super hero. Its a lot of bathroom humor and silliness that I thought was hilarious when I was little."
  50. >Rainbow scrunches up her face in confusion, "Hypnotize? The bucks that?"
  51. "Yeah, in the book they did it with some ring that had a spinning spiral on it. It was mostly just a cheap way to get the story going. In fact.."
  52. >Moving over to the box that previously had Dashes snout in it, you look through it and find exactly what you were looking for at the bottom
  53.  
  54.  
  55. "Here."
  56. >You toss over the plastic red novelty ring to her
  57. >How she can catch something like that in her hooves you'll never understand
  58. "They gave that out as a promotional piece. It's a really cheap imitation of the ring that's supposed to be the one they used in the book."
  59. >You can't help but smile at how hard she starts squinting and inspecting the ring from every possible angle
  60. >"How does it work? I don't see anything that spins."
  61. "It doesn't work. Like I said, it's cheap. You're supposed to have someone look at the spiral on it and then tilt the ring back and forth in the same direction the bands go in. It's got two pictures of a spiral on there, and the shifting from one to the other is supposed to make it look like the spiral is moving."
  62. >And of course, after your explanation Rainbow starts rocking the ring from left to right while staring intently at the little black spiral
  63. >For some reason she keeps going longer than necessary even after you told her it doesn't work, probably hoping for something to magically happen
  64. >Eventually though her hoof stops moving, and the ring drops from her grasp onto the floor
  65. >"Rainbow?"
  66. >She seems incredibly relaxed, and just continues to stare at her now empty hoof in front of her
  67. "You can stop now. This wasn't funny when I got tricked in grade school about it, and it's not funny now."
  68. >You close the distance to her and start to poke her in the sides
  69. >There's absolutely no response though
  70. "If you don't stop I'm gonna start messing with your wings."
  71. >That threat alone should be enough to stop whatever she might be up to, but she just sits there with her thousand yard stare
  72. "Don't say I didn't warn you."
  73. >Very carefully you more your hands to the wing joints on her back, where you know she'll be most sensitive
  74. >Touching them feels a little bit different from the rest of her, as if the fur is softer there
  75. >Yet no matter how much you poke and prod in the area, Dash makes no movements whatsoever
  76.  
  77.  
  78. >Moving back to the front of her you take her still outstretched hoof into your hands
  79. >Similar to her wings you start running your fingers all up and down its underside
  80. >And still she doesn't move an inch
  81. >Fuck it, if she's this dedicated to pranking you about this, she's earned it
  82. >"Rainbow?"
  83. >Her mouth moves ever so slightly and you hear a faint "Yesss."
  84. >You sit down on the floor and putting on the fallen ring onto your finger, placing it directly in front of her gaze
  85. "Watch the spiral, Rainbow."
  86. >Her eyes move very subtly, shifting to look at the ring on your finger despite retaining their glazed over appearance
  87. >It's so slight that if you didn't watch it happen you probably wouldn't be able to tell the difference
  88. "Rainbow, are you listening to me?"
  89. >"Yesss," she slurs out
  90. "You're completely hypnotized by my ring."
  91. >Jesus Christ this is cheesy
  92. >"Yesss."
  93. "When I snap my fingers, you will be ... Uh ... My dog, sure lets go with that. When I snap my fingers you will turn into my obedient pet dog. Do you understand?"
  94. >Still staying true to the script, all she mutters is the same "Yesss."
  95. >With that, you stop moving the ring on your finger and instead put your hand into snapping position
  96. "Three, two, one."
  97. >*Snap*
  98. >In an instant you're on your back with Dash on top of you, licking your face for the second time today
  99. >"Bark!"
  100. >You try and push her off, but she's using all of her might to make sure you know just how much her doggy self loves you
  101. "Rainbow! Get off of me."
  102. >And just like that she stops
  103. >Sitting yourself upright, you see her standing in front of you, swishing her tail back and forth, and panting like a dog would
  104. >Her eyes seem off too
  105. >She's blissfully staring at you, probably waiting for you to make a move, so it's easy for you to tell that her iris and pupils seem much larger than normal
  106. >Maybe she isn't faking?
  107. >No, that would be crazy
  108. >If she isn't, this is gotta be one hell of a prank
  109. "Go downstairs Rainbow."
  110. >"Bark!" is all she says before quickly flying down the hatch
  111. >You quickly follow her out of the stuffy attic, making sure that the ring is with you before leaving
  112. >Once you've closed the hatch you turn to find Rainbow staring at you once again, tail swishing all the while
  113. "Follow."
  114.  
  115.  
  116. >Walking through your house and into the backyard has never felt so weird before
  117. >Thinking about it, you can't recall a time where Dash has actually followed behind you to someplace
  118. >She even maintains her position until you stop the middle of the yard
  119. >Turning to her, you're greeted with that same stare that she's been maintaining on you the entire time
  120. >It's starting to get a little creepy
  121. >In any case, it's time to really push the letter and see what she's willing to do
  122. "Sit."
  123. >Immediately her haunches hit the ground
  124. "Roll over."
  125. >Again she performs it instantaneously, mussing her mane and tail even more than usual in the process
  126. "Beg."
  127. >You can't remember the last time you heard a pony whine before, but somehow Dash does it while sitting on her haunches, front hooves raised up in front of her as if in want
  128. "Shake."
  129. >Back to a normal sitting position she goes, albeit with one hoof stretched out to you that you actually have to bend down to shake
  130. "Chase your tail."
  131. >You can't help but chuckle as Rainbow starts running in a circle, growling and trying to nip at her own tail
  132. "Stop."
  133. >With that, she's back to sitting and staring at you
  134. >Might as well keep up with the prank
  135. "Good girl."
  136. >You reach down to pat her head and scratch behind her ears like you would your own dog
  137. >She tries to press her head into your hand more, and smiles in contentment
  138. >After a bit though, you move your hand away and just barely hear her whining when you do
  139. >Hmm
  140. >One last test
  141. "Alright Rainbow. See that bush?"
  142. >"Bark." she replies as you point to one of bushes off in the corner
  143. "Go to the bathroom over there. And make sure I can see you."
  144. >Whelp, you're probably walking into this one
  145. >You'll be expecting to hear for weeks Rainbow calling you a pervert and all manner of other things for wanting to see her 'relieve herself'
  146. >Only, that's not what happens at all
  147.  
  148.  
  149. >Instead, she merrily trots over to the bush, and empties herself in plain view next to it
  150. >A dopey grin is plastered on her face as she returns to sit in front of you
  151. "Uh."
  152. >This can't be real life
  153. >I mean, sure, if this was earth, seeing a pony take a shit wouldn't be a big deal
  154. >But when ponies have actual bathrooms in their homes, doing that outside is just as taboo as it was for a human to do so back on earth
  155. >There's no fucking way she would just take a shit outside without either being incredibly inebriated or out in the woods
  156. "Follow."
  157. >Still a bit star struck and with a smiling Dash in tow, you make your way to the only pony you trust to help make sense of this:
  158. >Twilight Sparkle
  159.  
  160.  
  161. >When you finally get to the library you don't even bother with the usual knocking
  162. "Twilight!"
  163. >Really it's a no-brainer coming to Twilight for confirmation
  164. >She's absolutely terrible at pranks, and wouldn't be able to keep it to herself even if she was apart of it
  165. >Some shuffling noises can be heard from upstairs, "Just a second!"
  166. >And on the other hand she's the best pony to come to on the off chance it isn't a prank and something happens to be seriously wrong with Dash
  167. >It's actually turns out to be several seconds later that the purple princess trots down the stairs from her room, but who's counting?
  168. >"Hey Anon, Rainbow. What's brings you two here?"
  169. "Twilight can you.. examine Rainbow for me?"
  170. >"Examine her? Does she need to go to a doctor?" she asks with a bit of worry
  171. "I was hoping you'd check her magically or something. I don't really know to be honest, but I wanted you to do it and not some doctor."
  172. >"Anon, the staff at Ponyville general I'm sure would be more than qualified to look at Rainbow, but if it makes you feel better I can check a few things. Although, a better question is, why are you asking and not her?"
  173.  
  174.  
  175. >You scratch the back of your head guiltily
  176. "Heh, about that. Rainbow, speak."
  177. >"Bark!" your companion offers happily
  178. >Twilight takes awhile to shift her eyes from you to Rainbow and back again several times
  179. >Finally she bursts out in laughter
  180. >"Okay, you had me going there for a bit. Good prank you two."
  181. >"Ruff!"
  182. "Twilight, this isn't a prank. And if it is, I'm not sure who it's on anymore."
  183. >"Sure, whatever you say Anon. Well, just let me get a good look at her for you," she says patronizingly
  184. >You stand back and watch as Twilight starts inspecting Rainbows body
  185. >She starts at the tail and slowly works her way up Dash's body, occasionally making her lift her hooves for inspection
  186. >Of course she's very slow and methodical, going so far as to make sure there aren't any broken bones anywhere
  187. >It isn't until she gets to the face that she actually says anything though
  188. >"What did you do to get her eyes like that?"
  189. "Does hypnosis mean anything to you?"
  190. >She cocks her head at that, "Hypno what?"
  191. "Uh, nothing. So you've seen that before, the eyes that is?"
  192. >You can hear the genuine concern in her voice now, "Well no, not this exactly, but things that change the eyes usually aren't good."
  193. >And of course she isn't just coming out and saying what she means
  194. "Not good as in..?"
  195. >"As in usually it's some kind of mind altering magic. Although, most of the ones I've read about have more pronounced and noticeable effects. I can barely make out the whites of her eyes here, but otherwise they look normal. It's nothing like a spell that would change the entire eye's coloring."
  196. "So what your saying is, there might be magic involved?"
  197. >Without giving you an answer, Twilight's horn lights up and a faint aura can be seen circling Rainbows head
  198. >After a bit though, it fades and Twilight looks exasperated at Rainbow's still smiling face
  199. >"No, if she was enchanted that spell would have detected it."
  200. >Good to know that Rainbow doesn't have brain problems
  201.  
  202.  
  203. >But that still leaves one of two conclusions
  204. >Either Rainbow has gone out of her way to do the most elaborate prank ever
  205. >Or that ring is the real deal for ponies, and the only way to test that would be..
  206. >"-I mean, maybe she just fell down and hit her head right? Maybe she hasn't been sleeping and has gone delirious from exhaustion. Although, nothing I've read about says anything about problems with the eyes."
  207. "Twilight?"
  208. >"Anon we gotta figure out what's wrong! We should take her down to the hospital just in case. And in the meantime I can start researching on-"
  209. "Twilight!"
  210. >Raising your voice and grabbing her face with your hands seems to break her out of her hysteria
  211. "I need to test something."
  212. >You quickly pull out your ring and put it on your middle finger
  213. "I need you to just look at this, okay?"
  214. >"But Rainbow-"
  215. "Isn't going anywhere. Just please stare at this for me. If it doesn't work then I'll figure out what to do."
  216. >Twilight eyes you warily a bit after that statement, "And if it does work?"
  217. "Then I'll know how to fix her. But in order to know if it works I need you to help me."
  218. >She still has that look in her eye, but then sighs in resignation, "I don't think you're telling me everything, but I'll help."
  219. >With her acceptance, you move your hand directly into her line of sight, and start wobbling the ring right and left
  220. "Just keep looking at the spiral."
  221. >Similar to Dash, Twilight doesn't immediately appear phased in any way, merely looking at the ring in earnest
  222. >But just like before, Twilight's features change subtly over the next minute
  223. >Eyelids drooping, muscles relaxing, slowed breathing, it's all easier to spot when you're actually looking for the differences
  224. >And she just keeps staring at the ring all the while
  225. "Twilight, can you hear me?"
  226. >"Yesss." she barely whispers
  227. >Whelp, looks like that solves that, your ring is amazing; Twilight can't act worth a damn
  228. >Alright Anon, big question time
  229. >To dick around, or not to dick around?
  230.  
  231.  
  232. >...
  233. >Who are you kidding, this is too good a chance to pass up
  234. >Time to find out what Twilight really thinks about her teacher
  235. "Twilight I need you to listen carefully. When I snap my fingers, you will be Celestia. In every way imaginable, you will think, act, and feel like Celestia. Okay?"
  236. >"Yesss."
  237. >It's all or nothing Anon
  238. "Three, two, one."
  239. >*Snap*
  240. >Instantly a bright blinding white light fills the room, originating of course from Twilight
  241. >Is this is how you die
  242. >Killed by an alicorn that wanted to catch you in the act of being weird
  243. >Nope, the light eventually fades
  244. >Thankfully nothing immediately seems out of place as far as your limbs and organs are concerned
  245. >Turning your head to Twilight though reveals a different story
  246. >She's taller!
  247. >"Oh, hello Anonymous. How are you today?"
  248. >She sounds different too, almost like..
  249. "Uh, I'm fine, princess."
  250. >Her giggling sounds nothing like Twilight either, "Please Anonymous, we've been over this, call me Celestia."
  251. >Yup, that's an amazing impression of Celestia, voice and all
  252. "And I've told you I'll call you Celestia as soon as you call me Anon."
  253. >She smirks a bit, "So you have. I must ask though, what am I doing here? One moment I was finishing up court and the next I'm here."
  254. >In her confusion she starts turning and looking around
  255. >A normal thing really, but it gives you a perfect view of her side
  256. >No way is this real life
  257. >You're pretty sure Twilight's cutie mark isn't supposed to be a sun
  258. >It's official, you're a wizard Anon
  259. >Twilight is now a second Celestia
  260. >"-ting long."
  261. >Whoops, she kept talking
  262. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"
  263. >"I said I hope my faithful student hasn't gone missing for very long. I see you and Rainbow Dash have been waiting quite awhile." she says as she nods over in Rainbows direction
  264. >Apparently during the commotion with Twilight she decided to take a nap under a table
  265. >Even as a dog she sleeps a lot
  266.  
  267.  
  268. >"Anyways, as much as I'd like to stay I really should get back to finish my duties at the castle. Farewell Anonymous."
  269. >And just like that, she poofs away with her magic
  270. >Wait
  271. >Fuck
  272. >This can't possibly end well
  273. >You need to book it and get home
  274. "Dash! Come."
  275. >Rainbows head perks up from the floor before she slowly trots back over to you
  276. >The walk back has your thoughts start to go abuzz with problems and scenarios that could play out
  277. >Two Celestia's showing up? One of them being purple and looking suspiciously like Twilight?
  278. >There's no way the real Celestia is going to let you off lightly, assuming she figures out what you did
  279. >Then again, she might not make the connection right away, if at all
  280. >Sure, she'll know something is up, that's for certain
  281. >But is she going to immediately know it's your fault when Twilestia says she just woke up in the library and saw you and Rainbow?
  282. >...Probably
  283. >Arriving home with Rainbow behind you provides little comfort, but the thought of getting a good meal in sounds appealing
  284. "What about you, hungry?"
  285. >"Bark!" she replies with a bit more wag in her tail than normal
  286. >Usually you're kinda stingy about having to cook for Rainbow, but in this scenario it feels justifiable
  287. >Normally you wouldn't put up a fuss about it if she would at least help out somehow and not just eat your food for free
  288. "Heh, I don't suppose you'd cook for me if I said so, huh?"
  289. >"Ruff."
  290. >Rainbow runs through your legs directly for the kitchen
  291. >A clang of pots and pans resound before you enter to find Rainbow messing with the knobs on your stove
  292. >She's starting to boil water in a pot and oiling up a skillet, apparently getting ready to fix the entire meal herself, whatever that may be
  293. >That had to be one hell of an obedience training
  294. >*knock knock knock*
  295. >A chill runs down your spine
  296. >You slowly move to the door, praying it isn't who you think it is
  297. >Taking a glimpse through the peephole shows..
  298. >Fuck
  299.  
  300.  
  301. >Celestia, the real one, is standing out there with a very intense look on her face
  302. >Before opening the door you try and put on a calm smile to greet her with
  303. "Hi princess. How are you tonight?"
  304. >"A bit rattled Anonymous. Might I come in for discussion?"
  305. "Sure, sure."
  306. >The white mare trots inside, eventually stopping to sit near the center of your living room, eyes completely on you
  307. >"I assume you know why I'm here."
  308. >Play the dumb card Anon, maybe it'll give you time to find an out
  309. "Um, maybe."
  310. >"There is a purple ME walking around the castle, and I mean that quite literally. Not only is it disturbing how she has my cutie mark, but how she has knowledge of even some of my most private memories."
  311. >Apparently hypnosis is one hell of a drug
  312. >"And so, after we figured out the only difference between us was waking up at Twilight's, I resolved to investigate myself."
  313. >Hold on
  314. "But if you decided that, wouldn't the other Celestia decide that as well if she really is that much of a copy?"
  315. >*knock knock knock*
  316. >Called it
  317. >Both of you stare at each other for a few seconds before Celestia sighs
  318. >"If she is me, she'll come in herself if you don't answer."
  319. >Not even bothering to look in the peephole this time, you open the door to find the purple Celestia staring at you with the earlier expression
  320. >Also her hair changed to look more like the real Celestia
  321. "Evening princess. Come on in."
  322. >"I assume you know why I'm here." she states while taking her time to trot inside
  323. "Kinda. I mean, you're already here."
  324. >Twilestia stares at Celestia for a few seconds before replying with a small, "Oh."
  325. >She soon finds a place to sit near but not completely next to Celestia
  326. >It's incredibly off putting when both of them look at you
  327. >Seriously, if Twilight wasn't purple and had the same hair color, they'd look exactly identical
  328. >"Anonymous," they both say in unison, "please explain."
  329. >So much for coming up with an out in time
  330.  
  331.  
  332. >...
  333. >Celestia has said honesty is the best policy..
  334. >You point a single finger to the purple one
  335. "You're actually Twilight."
  336. >"I suspected as much." the white one mutters
  337. >"But, but how? I remember everything. If I'm Twilight how would I know all the things I make sure to keep private? Like that last estrus I spent more than 48 hours wi-"
  338. >She's unable to finish as Celestia uses her magic to close her mouth
  339. >"Ahem, I don't think Anonymous needs to hear that. In any case, what are your plans now Anonymous?" she asks with a twinkle in her eye
  340. "You're not mad?"
  341. >Eerily both of them giggle, "Of course not. In fact I find it kind of flattering to be honest. I'm still not sure how you did it, but I don't see the harm as long as no one is hurt."
  342. >Sweet, no moon vacation for you
  343. "Uh, I didn't really have a plan, I just thought it would be funny to be honest. If you want I can bring her back."
  344. >Twilestia quickly pipes up, "Yes, I suppose I'll go back to being Twilight now."
  345. >"Now hold on, why do you get to be Twilight?" Celestia asks
  346. >"You heard Anonymous. He said I used to be Twilight, therefore it should only be right that I return to being Twilight." she says with a hint of giddiness
  347. >"Yes, he changed you already, which means it should only be fair that I get to go next. I'll take a turn at being Twilight."
  348. >Man, fuck real life, it doesn't exist
  349. >"No, I should be Twilight."
  350. >"No, I should."
  351. >"No, me!"
  352. >"Me!"
  353. "Princesses! The hell makes you want to be Twilight so badly?"
  354. >Both of them sigh at you before the white one responds with "Anonymous you don't understand. I don't get a chance at holidays very often-"
  355. >Only to be interrupted by the purple one, "which means when given the chance to play as Twilight Sparkle for a bit I would do anything to do so."
  356. >...
  357. >A single eyebrow raises itself on your head
  358. "Anything?"
  359. >"Anything." they both state
  360. >Gradually, a large smile works its way onto your face
  361. "Alright then, here's the deal.."
  362.  
  363.  
  364. ********
  365. >Sometime later you stand in your doorway waving at the purple Celestia and white Twilight as they trot to the library
  366. >It isn't long before the larger one nips at the neck of the smaller one, and then runs a tongue across her cheek
  367. >A small omen of things to come
  368. >They'll be back though; you made sure to put that in the instructions
  369. >And when they do, you'll get a turn with one of them
  370. >It's totally a win-win, you get a nonstop source of entertainment that can change up every few days and Celestia gets to take vacations
  371. >Although, they'll definitely end up being more lewd than what she originally had in mind
  372. >Still, she did say anything
  373. >Walking back into the kitchen area reveals a fully setup dining table with something that smells absolutely wonderful sitting in the middle
  374. >You walk over to where Dash is sitting expectantly and begin patting/scratching her on the head
  375. "Good girl! You know Rainbow, I was wrong. You're way better than my old dog."
  376. >"Bark!"
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