so uh. we got high twice last night and the 1st time was as perf as it could be to get high and make out w/ the person you love and the 2nd time was v awful for me bc i was cold and panicky and time was running rly slowly and i felt like Sadness from inside out lmao anyway

i could feel he wanted to tell me smth important bc he kept saying random weird shit so i gave him timw and finally at some point today he said he loved that i was there and i said me too and then hhe siad i also love you and i was like wth i panicked i didnt know what to do and say i mean i knew what to say but i couldnt make myself actually produce the words tho ive shouted them in my mind for hrs at time lmao nd then we had serious talk bc 1st during our 1st getting high i had to tell him abt the halloween guy experience and so today he 1st told me i deserved smth much better than that guy and than him and i said i didnt need anything better than him but hhe said i deserved to get everything i needed which he couldnt give me and he meant sex and i told him it wasnt anything i was too much in need of and basically if we keep on like this smth moght hppen idk and he said hed also thought abt asking me abt dating many times and we were both so confused while we talked lmao bc we couldnt get our words straight but basically we figurtd out everyone already thinks we’re dating, and that if we were dating nothing would change anyway so yea

also we decided we’d remain friends when this thing ends idk how but

god the past 24 hrs have been so wild lmao everythings in a haze and idk what is real and im rly not sure if he truly said he loved me or it was smth else ghhg h

also idk how im feeling its like im just. meh. like im not sad like on friday but im also not happy like i was until 4 am last night and. idk its like ive just been waiting for these things to happen tho ive never expected them to ???

- JULY 5TH - REBLOG