Perfect Talk #4.5

10:08 PM - Perfect.: there is nothing i want to do
10:08 PM - Perfect.: its the end
10:08 PM - TheBurningBanana: Was cleaning keyboard sorry about that
10:09 PM - Perfect.: after this year everything is over
10:08 PM - TheBurningBanana: Why after this year
10:09 PM - Perfect.: no more school
10:09 PM - Perfect.: school is as far as i feel like i can go
10:09 PM - TheBurningBanana: How fit are you
10:09 PM - TheBurningBanana: Not mentally
10:09 PM - TheBurningBanana: Physically
10:10 PM - Perfect.: i used to be fit
10:10 PM - Perfect.: but probably not anymore
10:10 PM - Perfect.: i look it, but whether i am is debatable
10:10 PM - TheBurningBanana: And how did you do in year 10 maths and english
10:11 PM - Perfect.: ive failed
10:11 PM - Perfect.: everything
10:11 PM - Perfect.: between year 8
10:11 PM - Perfect.: and 12
10:11 PM - TheBurningBanana: Was that because of distractions, depression, anxiety
10:11 PM - Perfect.: mostly
10:12 PM - Perfect.: more recent years were due to depression
10:12 PM - Perfect.: the earlier years was because i was stupid (this is when i was with my mum still)
10:12 PM - TheBurningBanana: You know, you were in good physical health, which should be easily recoverable
10:13 PM - TheBurningBanana: The military is always an option
10:13 PM - TheBurningBanana: All you gotta do is the year 10 equivalency test
10:13 PM - TheBurningBanana: Pass that then you gotta do the aptitude test
10:14 PM - Perfect.: >implying im not going to die after the end of this year
10:14 PM - TheBurningBanana: End of the year huh
10:14 PM - TheBurningBanana: that gives me little less than 11 months
10:16 PM - TheBurningBanana: Taken the fact that I dont go for the army before than
10:21 PM - Perfect.: its going to take a miracle to change my view on everything
10:21 PM - TheBurningBanana: Then it is a miracle i will ask for
10:21 PM - TheBurningBanana: But for now
10:21 PM - TheBurningBanana: Baby steps
10:22 PM - Perfect.: there is nothing for me after this year
10:22 PM - TheBurningBanana: What about your gf
10:23 PM - Perfect.: thats not a future is it
10:23 PM - Perfect.: i mean
10:23 PM - Perfect.: thats not going to last forever
10:23 PM - TheBurningBanana: Well you dont start off with marriage
10:23 PM - TheBurningBanana: You gotta start somewhere
10:24 PM - Perfect.: i fuck up everything
10:26 PM - TheBurningBanana: Now you listen here mister
10:26 PM - TheBurningBanana: You are one of the strongest people I know
10:26 PM - TheBurningBanana: Don't you argue just yet
10:27 PM - TheBurningBanana: You are also one of the nicest people I know
10:27 PM - TheBurningBanana: Sure you've had your ups and downs with friends
10:27 PM - Perfect.: nah man im weak af
10:27 PM - TheBurningBanana: But you still have them
10:28 PM - Perfect.: as for niceness, i have no comment other than i dont really know
10:27 PM - TheBurningBanana: How are you weak
10:28 PM - Perfect.: gullible and manipulative
10:28 PM - TheBurningBanana: That aint weak
10:28 PM - TheBurningBanana: Thats just cunts exploiting you
10:28 PM - TheBurningBanana: Fuck em
10:28 PM - TheBurningBanana: They're a bunch of cunts
10:29 PM - TheBurningBanana: As for me next point you are flawed, everyone has they're flaws, me, i just talk shit to people and not expect them to be hurt
10:29 PM - TheBurningBanana: As for your flaw
10:29 PM - TheBurningBanana: Gullible and Manipulative
10:30 PM - TheBurningBanana: Like you said
10:30 PM - TheBurningBanana: And when people find that out, depending if they are as previously stated, a cunt, they will try to exploit those flaws
10:30 PM - TheBurningBanana: So nah, you arent weak
10:30 PM - TheBurningBanana: Your human
10:31 PM - Perfect.: i should of just like kept to myself
10:31 PM - Perfect.: never make friends
10:31 PM - TheBurningBanana: lol am i annoying now
10:32 PM - TheBurningBanana: But lets take a look at what would have happened if you never made friends
10:32 PM - TheBurningBanana: You said you stopped someone from cutting
10:32 PM - TheBurningBanana: Where would they be
10:33 PM - Perfect.: idk
10:33 PM - TheBurningBanana: I doubt it would be a good place
10:33 PM - TheBurningBanana: Root said you have helped him on many personal problems
10:33 PM - TheBurningBanana: As he has done for you
10:34 PM - TheBurningBanana: Where would you two be without your friendship
10:35 PM - Perfect.: if i didnt make friends id be dead or so close to it
10:36 PM - Perfect.: and rust look, im slowly losing them (trina and root at least)
10:36 PM - Perfect.: caca is like the only one im certain on that wont leavce me anytime soon
10:37 PM - Perfect.: just*
10:36 PM - TheBurningBanana: You see, your life choices, making friends with this person, helping this person, etc etc, have all led to this very point in time and sure you wish you could go back and change a few choices, everyone does, but the thing is, all those choices must have been damn well close to good because you got the support of so many people
10:38 PM - Perfect.: i should of just kept to myself man, i shouldnt have met caca, trina or root
10:38 PM - Perfect.: i should of just stuck to dr
10:38 PM - Perfect.: and stayed the loner that i should of been
10:38 PM - TheBurningBanana: Who determined that you would be a loner
10:39 PM - Perfect.: me
10:38 PM - TheBurningBanana: Then why did you make friends
10:39 PM - Perfect.: it was an accident
10:39 PM - TheBurningBanana: You cant help yourself but help someone else
10:39 PM - TheBurningBanana: Even if you are in equal/worse situations
10:40 PM - Perfect.: it was a mistake, like i am
10:39 PM - TheBurningBanana: Thats bloody strong if i've seen it
10:40 PM - Perfect.: i shouldnt have done it
10:40 PM - Perfect.: should of kept to myself
10:40 PM - TheBurningBanana: Stop lookin at the past because you cant fully live in the present if a bit of you is still in the past
10:41 PM - Perfect.: i regret caring about people
10:42 PM - Perfect.: i told myself i wouldnt let myself do that again
10:43 PM - Perfect.: now look ay, all i do is just hurt people, and get hurt back when they respond to it
10:43 PM - TheBurningBanana: Who have you hurt recently
10:44 PM - Perfect.: i hurt fucking everyone
10:44 PM - Perfect.: how recent are you talking
10:44 PM - Perfect.: last month recent?
10:44 PM - TheBurningBanana: Something like that
10:45 PM - Perfect.: yeah i hurt trina pretty bad iirc
10:45 PM - Perfect.: hurt caca
10:45 PM - Perfect.: im sure there are more i hurt
10:45 PM - Perfect.: just from being around them
10:45 PM - TheBurningBanana: Havent hurt me and we've been talking pretty regularly the past few days
10:46 PM - Perfect.: nah, not yet
10:46 PM - Perfect.: give it time, ill slip up
10:46 PM - Perfect.: honestly ive probably hurt danny a few times as well
10:46 PM - TheBurningBanana: Nah you arent gonna hurt me
10:47 PM - Perfect.: thats what trina and caca said
10:47 PM - Perfect.: yet i still managed it
10:46 PM - TheBurningBanana: I dont got much left to be hurt by
10:46 PM - TheBurningBanana: Been called a fucking retarted idiot by almost everyone my entire life
10:47 PM - TheBurningBanana: Used to be bullied by some diqhed named Brandon or something
10:48 PM - Perfect.: at least you werent the bully, its really hard
10:48 PM - TheBurningBanana: Yeah hes mum was a teacher so he had bloody diplomatic immunity
10:49 PM - Perfect.: but ill never get better, this is just how i am now
10:50 PM - Perfect.: until obviously that one day comes where i take too mny pills and then regret it and rip
10:53 PM - TheBurningBanana: Thats what im here for aint it
10:56 PM - TheBurningBanana: I have this weird feeling like im missing something
10:58 PM - TheBurningBanana: Your abusive parents made you feel extremely depressed and scared, starting all this, you go through school like a normal kid until things start getting worse and worse
10:58 PM - TheBurningBanana: But what made it get worse and worse
11:00 PM - Perfect.: i get hurt
11:00 PM - Perfect.: when i lose people i care about
11:00 PM - Perfect.: and i feel ive lost almost everyone
11:00 PM - Perfect.: even though i havent
11:00 PM - TheBurningBanana: Who havent you lost
11:01 PM - Perfect.: idk anymore
11:01 PM - TheBurningBanana: Well for starters you still got a gf
11:01 PM - TheBurningBanana: And you say you still got a solid relationship with Caca
11:01 PM - TheBurningBanana: so theres 2 already
11:01 PM - Perfect. is now playing Garry's Mod. Click here to join.
11:02 PM - TheBurningBanana: Trina, Root, Darth, Snipe
11:02 PM - TheBurningBanana: Theres another 4
11:02 PM - TheBurningBanana: Danny
11:02 PM - TheBurningBanana: makes 7
11:03 PM - Perfect.: idk about trina, root or darth honestly
11:03 PM - TheBurningBanana: Why not
11:05 PM - Perfect.: i just dont know
11:05 PM - TheBurningBanana: 10:05 PM - Root: I care for perfect for so many reasons
10:06 PM - Root: the fact he's helped me through lots of problems
10:06 PM - Root: and just alot of more private reasons
11:05 PM - TheBurningBanana: 10:11 PM - Delta 4: he is a good friend
10:11 PM - Delta 4: one of the best
10:12 PM - Delta 4: imo he is the reason why I am here
10:12 PM - Delta 4: why I am in DF
10:12 PM - Delta 4: and why I play DR
11:06 PM - TheBurningBanana: Darth wasnt on when i was asking those around
11:07 PM - TheBurningBanana: Okay Root i can see i mean he was very broad with his answers so that either means
11:07 PM - TheBurningBanana: a) hes not all too close to you as you may suspect
11:07 PM - TheBurningBanana: b) he wants to keep the specifics private
11:11 PM - Perfect. is now playing Garry's Mod. Click here to join.
11:12 PM - Perfect.: idk anymore
11:13 PM - TheBurningBanana: So thats 4 on the definate list
11:13 PM - TheBurningBanana: And 3 on the maybe list
11:14 PM - Perfect.: idk about trina anymore
11:14 PM - TheBurningBanana: If you dont mind me asking what did you guys fight about
11:15 PM - Perfect.: who?
11:15 PM - TheBurningBanana: Trina, well how did you hurt Trina or what happened
11:16 PM - Perfect.: me just being me hurt them, me being the dicky person i am
11:16 PM - TheBurningBanana: Did you like insult Trina or something
11:18 PM - Perfect.: no
11:18 PM - Perfect.: i was just a cunt
11:18 PM - Perfect.: i treated them like crap
11:18 PM - Perfect.: i brought it on myself
11:19 PM - Perfect.: ive tried to change myself to prevent it happening
11:19 PM - TheBurningBanana: Hard isnt it
11:20 PM - Perfect.: they thought i was just accepting their help but didnt give a fuck about them
11:20 PM - Perfect.: which was the opposite but i didnt show that at all
11:33 PM - TheBurningBanana: Alright im finding it really hard to keep my eyes open at this point because swimming
11:34 PM - Perfect.: night
11:33 PM - TheBurningBanana: But i suggest talking to Trina and asking for all bullshit aside and ask where your relationship stands
11:34 PM - TheBurningBanana: Same with Root and Trina and everyone else you dont know about
11:34 PM - TheBurningBanana: Gnight