to whom it may concern

To whom it may concern,

By the time you read this, I’ll have already set off to the realm of Faerie. The disappearance of Zerah has not gone unnoticed, and I will find him. No matter what. You may wonder why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t tell you, so that I won’t be followed. It’s dangerous there, and you’re needed here.

I don’t go on this quest ignorant of the dangers of the other side. I know I may not come back the same. I know I may not come back at all. But I have to go. I have to save him, and I need you to be here for him – no, for us, when we come back through. I will gamble my very life and soul to find him, because he’s my best friend. If it were Reva, I would do the same. If it were Roscoe or Midnight or Jason, I would do the same. If it were Jackdaw or Anya, I would do the same.

Candy and I have assembled a team from the local Freehold to locate him. I don’t care about his fetch friends. It doesn’t matter now. If they did this, he will learn. If they didn’t, then I hope nothing comes of it from our hiring the Changelings. He deserves friends no matter what they are.

In case I don’t come back, I want to leave some messages to you, my family.

To Reva,
You are worth so much more than you think you are. Take that fire and let it burn no matter what your cellmates or anyone thinks. You are not worthless. You saved my life, and more literally saved Midnight’s and my sister’s lives. If they believe you are a meek caricature of the ‘bait’ stereotype, prove them wrong. Prove you are far more than the shit you get dragged into, no matter the outcome of one incident in which you could have never known the truth until it was too late. If that stains their perception, throw the dyes of your soul at it until it stains another color, just like that holiday you told me about.

To Midnight,
Take care of Anya for me. You are stronger than I will ever be. You bend, but you don’t shatter. You overwhelm like the ocean on a stormy day. You will be able to read someday. You’re not stupid, you just had your resources robbed from you. And no matter how scared you are of your mortality, remember that where there’s a will, there’s a way. You are beautiful.

To Roscoe,
Thank you for being there. I know when we met, it was under questionable circumstances. I’m really glad I got to see who you really are, after that night at the bar. I’m glad I got to know you as more than just ‘tall, dark and spooky’. You are no longer just the guy my sister is banging. You are my brother, now. I hope I wasn’t just a burden on you. I am mentally ill and I am damaged, and I always will be, and I hope I wasn’t too much on you to have to keep mind of. I tried to help you in return, I really did. But all I could really do is be the fluffy stress ball. Stay strong. Love Anya and Midnight as much as I do.

To Jason,
What happened to you isn’t fair. To be robbed of what you really want isn’t fair. If you wanted to be a Hunter, you should have gotten that chance, and damn them for taking that from you. If I could find some way to help you and Midnight trade places, I would do it in a heartbeat. We started off poorly, but I understand why. I don’t blame you. I tried to help as much as I could. I hope it was at least something. You are a good person. It’s been good to have you in our home. I’m sorry about the body pillow and I’m glad you like it anyway.

To Anya,
Don’t shatter now. Don’t break like I did. For a long time, I lived for you, and I would still die for you, too. Never forget that I love you, and if you break, if you get killed I will find a way to come back and kill you. If I don’t come back, I want you to remember, death is not the end for me. I’ll be with the ancestors. I will be back one day. I know that might not be anything but mystic Garou shit to you, but I hope it means something anyway. I’m sorry for what I am. I’m sorry for everything that happened to you because of me. I don’t deserve a sister like you. Above all, I want you to know that I always was happy that you’re happy. What broke me was everything that happened because of your clan, and because of me.

To Jackdaw,
There are no words that could possibly express how much my heart burns with love for you. When I’m with you, I feel like somebody slam dunked a sunny summer day into the body of a man. My only wish is that I could have you and hold you during the day, too. It’s okay if you move on, if I don’t come back. But don’t forget me. Don’t forget who I was. Take my memory and carry it with you into eternity. I’m sorry I was so broken. I would have loved to take you up on that vacation offer. I would still love to, if I come back from this. I am blessed to have had you.

To the sept,
I was never anything but a burden on you. I run scared whenever anyone mentions a Silent Strider. I want to say I’m sorry for being the way I am. I’m sorry I could never learn to trust again. To the Fianna, I’m sorry my best friend became involved with fetches. I am a true failure of a Garou.

To everyone,
I love you. I’m sorry.