(AiE) "Anon the Pirate"

>“Get off my boat, Anon.”
>Ye spits in front of Shining Armor’s hooves ‘n growl.
“Yar! Over me dead body ya scallywag!”
>Ye waves yer pirate hook at ‘im ta scare the dirty land-lubbers.
>The lad’s face still be stoic as ever, completely unphased by yer antics.
>Yargh...screw the scurvy dog!
>He just be jealous ‘cause ya gots yerself the shiniest boots o’ the seven seas with an’ eyepatch, yargh!
>The blue-maned rascal flabbers his scurvy lips at ye.
>“Anon, seriously, get the Tartarus off my ship before I get my soldiers to throw you off.”
>The lad’s band o’ ponies be whats ye’d expects.
>Them sea-dogs o’ Shining’s ship be garbed with the most gayest sailor rags ya laid ye eye upon!
>Ya lets out hardy pirate laugh.
“Yar har har! Ye thinks ya can make Cap’n Anon walk off the plank, eh?”
>“No, we’ll just put you back onto the dock before we leave.”
“We’ll sees about that ye filthy--wait, we haven’t left the dock yet?”
>You look behind you from the ship.
>The families of many sailor ponies all look bored by your antics, and Twilight and Cadance have an annoyed expression on their faces.
>...Guess you started too soon?
>Shining walks up beside you and places a hoof on your shoulder.
>“Anon, dude. You don’t wanna go with us. You’re not even in the Her Majesty’s Royal Guard.”
>...
“Oh. Shit, you sure we can’t make this like some sort of long-ass story about me acting like I’m a pirate and do some shit that annoys you?”
>Shining shakes his head no with a confused look on his face.
>“Sorry, but why would I do that?”
>Fuck this wasn’t what you had in mind…
“Uh, look, are you sure I can’t make this into a ditzy sort of swashbuckling adventure at sea? I mean seriously, I even got the outfit custom made and shit! Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a pirate costume made for the only human in this world?”
>The stallion sighs at your persistence, and face hooves.
>“Anon, no. We are not doing that, we won’t let you stay on the ship. GET. OFF.”
>Your head hangs low in defeat.
“Fuck.”
>The sound of tiny wings fluttering under your pirate hat makes you remove it.
>The expensive cockatoo you bought from Fluttershy flaps onto your shoulder.
>“Raaa! I'M A FOOKIN LEGEND! Raaa!”
“No, Eric my loyal lackey. No swashbucklin’ for us fuckin' legends...”

And this is why I can’t force out a long Anon story without it becoming some tiny humorous oneshot shit.