Fun rants to stay sane

Rants and raves, just to blow off steam (none of this is critical info, just read it for fun if you like)

Buyer: "Hey Dinitro, I need an order of 50!"
Me: "Certainly! Here are my terms first; make sure you agree."
Buyer: "Sounds great! 50 please, send me payment info."
Me: "Absolutely! This confirms an agreement to complete the order. Here is my info!"
Buyer (within the same afternoon): "Thanks, but I decided to cancel/buy somewhere else."
kingjeezy33@yahoo.com did this just today.

Buyer: "List"
Me: sends list
Buyer replies on the same day to list, still quoted in the reply: "I was wondering how much your prices are?"

Buyer sends four emails in a row during a short period of time while I'm offline. Then emails once more, "I guess I'm not suitable. Do you know who would agree to sell to me?" You know, because I didn't spend every moment staring at my computer so I can reply to them within an hour...

International buyer's local post office in their country is being slow with their package. Buyer emails me: "My package hasn't arrived, even though tracking shows it's in my country. Can you help make the delivery faster?" Yes, because local post offices in other countries do what I say...


Me: "This is confirmation of your order. ETA is one week."
Buyer: "Did you ship yet? Did you ship yet? When will I receive it? Did you ship yet?"


Buyer: "I'd like 12 caps, and I'm ready to send you paypal."
Me: LOL.


Buyer: "On all the forums, people say you're the top guy to go to for this product. But before I commit, can you provide me with some references that you're legit?"
Me: :/


 Me: "Thank you! You will receive your order in about a week."
Buyer, two/three days later: "I haven't received it yet..."


I have long since stopped being astonished at how many people get their own addresses wrong, LOL!
Buyer: "I made a mistake on my address, so the pack was shipped back. but you'll replace it for free now, right?"

Buyer: "The package arrived, but my roommate threw it out. You'll replace it for free, right?"

Buyer: "I ordered on Monday, but it's Wednesday now and I just moved so I won't get the package you shipped to the address I just gave you. You'll replace it, right?" (I swear I am not making these up!)

Buyer: "I'd like to order 100!"
Me: Absolutely! Here's the info to pay."
Buyer: "Oh, sorry, I meant I want them in a month. I'm not ready yet. I'll get back to you."

Buyer: "Do you ship to the UK?"
Me: "No, sorry, I'm USA only."
Buyer: "PLEASE? I can't find anyone else! I'm desperate!"
Me: "I would do it under these terms..."
Buyer: "AGREED! Thank you!"
Me: "Cool! Okay, here's the payment info."
Days pass.
Me: ???
Buyer: "I changed my mind. Cancel the order, please."

Buyer: "I'd like to buy from you"
Me: "Sure! Here is my info!"
Buyer: "I don't like your prices. Can you tell me who's cheaper than you so I can buy from them instead?"

Buyer: "Here's my payment info."
Western Union: these details don't match.
Buyer: "Sorry! I got my name wrong. It's not 'John Smith' like I originally said, it's actually 'Ghandham Ipperwash'."

Me: "Do you want to use Western Union or Bitcoin?"
Buyer: "Yes."
Me: ...