Thread 78: Stories 61-75

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Celestia"
~~~~
> Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and I can bother ponies at my leisure! Now for our main guest...PRINCESS CELESTIA!!!

"Hello, my little ponies."

>How's your school for gifted ponies?

"It's still going well...I mean it hasn't blown up yet."

>Considering how many students are experimenting with magic, that's a good sign!

"I think so too. However, I do get concerned during-"

>That's all we have time for folks. Don't stress too hard over your finals!
Celestia wakes up.

"...especially when ponies practice high level fire spells. Some don't take failure well."

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>Pinkie
"Dash"
~~~

"...tell me you're not loading that cannon with what I think you're loading it with."

>Hey, apparently being a pink earth pony with a really big explodymaker makes you popular and gets you into all sorts of clubs, I'm just showing them how it's done!

"You're an Element of Harmony! How much more popular do you need to be!?"

>...About sixteen pounds of C4 more popular.

"Point that at me and you're dead."

>Well, somebody will be dead...

"..."

>...I mean, noooooo.

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>7
"77"
~~~~

"Are you sure you don't want me to go in your stead? I am much more capable as an infiltrator than you are."

>Oh yeah? When's the last time you used your disguise magic.

"...."

>...

"...I haven't needed to?"

>Okay, fair enough, mind control?

"..."

>....

".... I do not like using that."

>Uh huh.

"I am a better fighter than you."

>Aren't we trying to avoid fighting here?

"...."

>...

"....Good luck."

>I'll do my best.

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~~~~

They all watched with bated breath as their little infiltrator came up to the gate just outside the single-story entrance to the complex. Every one of them hitched just a bit when the security guard gave him a sidelong look, freezing in abject horror and prepping to launch from their cloaked position somewhere just outside of range, but that frozen breath gradually thawed as he rolled his eyes and waved their agent in, sending him on his way while mumbling under his breath.

The moment he was in, they waited, and watched, but there was no signs of detection or recognition on the security guard's face, only mild annoyance.

They relaxed, but they dared not let out yet.

"He's in."

The words from the soldier were almost haunting, chilled even. It sent a somber message through the airship, all of them quiet and reflective.

And yet, they were not stagnant.

It was Applejack who spoke first.

"If we get so much as a whiff he's in trouble, get ready ta' get in there fast and hard. This whole mess ain't worth nothin' if we lose a changeling gettin' him back."

Seventy Seven cocked a look to her, tilting his head ever so slightly to see with his one good eye.

"He know's the risks."

"We all know the risks, that ain't changin' nothin'. Everyone's commin' home ta'day. Everyone."

Spike was soon to step up next to her, giving her a comforting look as best he could, for what little that meant right now.

"We'll get him, AJ. Or if not... we'll raise hell trying."

Again, another quiet, reflective silence passed over them.

"...Sooo... anybody got any good stories? Forty Two! You look like you've got stories!"

A few groaned in annoyance at the pink bouncing pony, but most just rolled with it.

"I'm afraid I am in no mood to talk about it."

"Okay. Twilight! Funny stories with Celestia, go!"

"Pinkie! I'd never talk about her behind her back like that!"

"Spoilsport. Rarity! Crazy dates?"

"A lady never tells"

"Fluttershy? Wanna talk about some crazy chaos stuff?"

"...no..."

"Eeesh, tough crowd. Spike!"

"Nope."

"Seventy..."

"...."

"....Er, nevermind, probably not the best time... Dashie!"

"...Meh, okay, so there I was, walking into the Wonderbolt's locker room, and all of a sudden I see these two janitors, both of them guys, and they're just-"

"WHOAAAAAHOHOHOOO! Noperino!"

"It was amazing though!"

"...nope."

Again, a hushed, now much more awkward silence followed.

"...One thousand bottles of cider on the wall..."

"...one thousand bottles of ciderrrrr."

"Ya' take one down, ya' pass it around"

"Nine hundred Ninety nine bottles of cider on the wallllll."

Idly, Forty Two wondered if she should put a stop to this.

"...nine hundred ninety nine bottles of cider on the wall."

She thought the better of it.

Slowly, they all began to sing, sharing as one the honest, true and almost desperate desire that no complications would arise.

~~~~~

Inside, a complication had arisen.

Slowly, the infiltrator looked around the room with wide, horrified eyes. Reflected in them were no less than three dozen others, looking to him with a heated, burning gaze that bore right into his very soul.

A very angry, very hard looking pony stepped forwards, and whispered to him in the most threatening, callous voice Seven had ever heard.

"...You forgot Beakers birthday, didn't you?"

Internally he didn't know how to answer that.

HE, personally, had not forgotten shit.

Of all the ponies he could have mindjacked, he picked the DICK of the bunch.

"...I uh... actually just bought a gift card. I didn't have any time to do any shopping."

There was a groan throughout the room.

"It's for over a thousand bits at Winners Winery, though!"

The room froze, looking thoughtful, before nodding appreciatively.

"Actually? That's pretty kickass."

"You've redeemed yourself for last week!"

He now felt much, much less guilty of robbing this guy for a gift card that was most certainly not meant for this

Guy was a DICK.

"Now come on, since you made up for it, you can join the party instead of being banished to your desk for once."

Internally, he let out the loudest FUCK of his life.

"Now come on, you're first up for Limbo!"

"...Uh..."

"We know you suck at it."

"That's why we're making you do it."

"Now shut up and limboooooo!"

He was dragged into the party before he could get another word out, and shoved towards the bar.

He had been thorough in reading the ponies mind... but not THAT through!

Mission officially endangered.

Time to wing this, figure out how to get away from the party, find where the highly guarded scientist and changeling were without raising suspicion, and then somehow make it back through the party without being detected and getting shot by all the many many many ceiling mounted guns he just noticed.

"...Fuck."

No pressure.

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>Cadence
"18"
~~~

>...Have you seen Two around here? I've been looking everywhere, but I can't find her.

"She's in Canterlot."

>Oh... how did you know that?

"I made sure she's being watched by some guards, obviously I'm not going to let her cross country unsupervised."

>Oh... good. Cool, that works, thanks.

"..."

>...

"...Sooooo, uh... any chance after all this blows over we try for round two?"

>Think we should deal with the raging ball of hate and the hell she shall bring down upon Canterlot if Twelve is dead first.

"No, yeah, obviously, but after that."

>Well, we should probably talk about it after that, would hate to make a plan and then just have it get ruined because we're reattaching the entire castle to it's foundation.

"...Right, good point."

>...

"..."

>...Thanks for looking out for Two.

"Hey, my job too, isn't it?"

>Yes... guess so...

"..."

>...

"...Bets on if she strangles applejack again? A hundred to one odds!"

>Eighteen? I'm a bit airheaded sometimes, but I'm not stupid.

"Awwww."

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>Luna
"Zecora"
'Trixie'
[MM]
~~~~~

>Oh dear... hee hee.

"And what is so funny oh princess of every star? What is in that letter that comes from so very far?"

>Hm? Oh, tis but a note from Fifty Six, making sure I am not being too harsh on his dear cousin.

[Awww, that's sweet.]

>...And he wished me to know he saw another six.

[Wait, who's Six? Never been introduced to that changeling.]

'Trixies SWEARS she saw one of them once who answered to six... or maybe it was sixty six... the one with the funny symbol on his head!'

>No no no, not Six, A six. As in, out of ten.

"...Ohhhh... I know what. You mean the butt."

>We would not put it so crass, but yes. He has a rather complicated rating system.

'...how good is Trixie?'

[Trixie!]

'Just curious!'

>Seven.

'HAH! IN YOUR FACE!'

>Why art thou trying to mock Zecora? She's a nine.

'...'

[....bringing this from the top... and a BOOM! Mic drop!]

'H-HE WOULDN'T KNOW A REAL BUTT IF IT SAT ON HIS FACE!'

>He seems to know his work, actually.

'You're just saying that because you're a ten!'

>How... how did you-

'Because DAMN.'

[Baby got back.]

>........

[Inappropriate, sorry.]

'Trixie can look!'

"So then you disagree with his choice? A score less than that, would you voice?"

'...'

"..."

'...Trixie is just higher is all.'

[You ever worry he's objectifying us?]

>No.

"PFFT!"

'Trixie likes being appreciated.'

[Just checking... how much am I?]

>Nine, but apparently thou are special because you are bouncier than me?

'THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT'

[You do realize you're complaining because a gradeschooler doesn't like your ass as much as you think he should, you get that right?]

'........Shut up.'

>...Our sister is a ten as well.

['"Duh."']

>Just pointing it out.

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>7
"Scientist ponys"
~~~

"So I says to Mic, I'm like, no fuckin' way you slept with princess Cadence, no fuckin' way, but he swears he did, swears he tapped that crystal heart until it turned red last fuckin' month!"

"Bulllllll."

"That's what I said!"

>No, really, bull. He does remember what happened last month, right?

"...Oh, shit, right."

"Forgot all about that."

>H... how?

"Meh, not like any of us got infected. We were nice and snug down here."

"Actually? Was hoping to dissect a couple, never got around to it."

"Would've been kickass, and they keep regenerating so no malpractice suit!"

>...

"Oh come off it, you know why I can't go back to Fillydelphia."

>I didn't say anything.

"Were fuckin' thinking it, man. Were fucking thinking it."

>...Sooooo... anybody heard anything about that new resident that just came in? The blue pony?

"...Screwloose?"

"Sshhhh!... Don't say her name. She might be hearing this."

>Er, right.

"She ain't the fuckin' candymare!"

>Say her name three times in a mirror.

"..."

"OHHHH! What now-"

"Screwloose screwloose screw-"

>Did someone say my name?

"AHHHHHHFUCK... not fuckin' funny."

"How the hell did you do that?"

>Magic.

"..."
"..."

>...Pffffft-

>"Ahahahah!"

"Ah, man. You know, you really loosened up, man."

"Seriously, like night and day!"

>Oh, you know... just had a nice... long sleep. Felt like a whole new being in a flash.

"HA! Oh, this guy."

>...So, seriously, where is she? I don't want to go near there accidentally.

"Huh? Oh, uh... don't think you gotta worry about that. Plate-steel is guarding her today, and ain't nothing getting past him."

>Interesting...

"..."
"..."

>... Er... what, you think doing the voice would be too far?

"...fuckin'... yes."

"Seriously, whole new you, man!"

>Yep... whole new me...

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>42
"Dash"
~~~

"...You know, this came at a really bad time."

>You don't say.

"I'm serious! You know? I was actually starting to think Chrysalis might not be the worst. I actually said to myself 'maybe she's not so bad'. I mean, she was helping Fluttershy just because she could, which you'd think would mean she couldn't be all bad. But nope! Then comes this whole mess and it turns out she's a raging lunatic."

>Because she was angry.

"Look, mare, there's angry, then there's that mess. That mess is not fine."

>So she took it too far.

"Aduh! You know what she did? She actually strangled AJ! Actually strangled her!.. Friggen lucky I wasn't around, totally would've rainboomed her right off the side of the friggen castle."

>...

"I've totally done it. Ask Twilight and Spike, this totally happened already with Chitania."

>...

"Seriously! I did it!"

>I believe you.

"So, you see my point here? Total nutjob."

>I suppose so... she's a little too loyal to her subjects to care so much when one of them is lost due to neglect, you mean?

"..."

>...

"...Low blow, mare."

>I was aiming for your brain. Not my fault if I hit lower.

"...Still though, bullshit. She tries this again, RAINBOOM!"

>Hrm... I wonder if I could catch that.

"Seriously?"

>What can I say?... I stick by my friends.

"...heh."

>Heh?

"Just... heh."

>...heh indeed.

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>77
"Spike"
'7'
[Various]
~~~~~

>...This is taking too long.

"Be patient."

>But what if he's been spotted?

~~~

[HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THAT GUY!]

[How is he eating six pieces of cake AT THE SAME TIME!?]

[That is something worth looking at!]

~~~~~

"I doubt it, he blends into the background pretty well."

>But what if he's approached by the security?

~~~~~

[Well look who it is!]

[This guy... this guy right here, he's trying to hide isn't he?]

[What are you hiding?]

[Can it be that... you are trying to hide from pin the tail on the alicorn!?]

[That bastard!]

~~~~~

"I think he'll be able to handle himself, he's pretty skilled with his hooves."

>...It's been too long, what if he's been compromised, and dragged into some dark, dank place?

~~~~~~

[Hey, cutie. You know, I never noticed how attractive you are before... ever been with a scientist mare before?]

'...Nope.'

[First time for everything.]

~~~~~

"Look, we're just going to hope he gives it his all and performs well."

>It's a big pressure.

"Well, time to find out if he can handle all of it."

>There is a lot to handle...

"..."

>...What're the odds he's fucking around in there?

"Seven? Nooooo. No way."

>Yeah, I guess that's pretty silly. He gets into his work. Really, really into his work.

"..."

>...Let's get ready to pull him out.

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NC
'Er, mission control? this is going to take a bit.'

>Have you been compromised!?

'Er... noooope. None of that. Just uh... add another... another few minutes to the clock. Loooooottta few minutes.'

>What is that noise?

'...I've gotta go.'

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>Screwloose
"12"
'???'

>Right, add this to that and that to this, not saying the chemicals involved because I'm going to WELL outlive my usefulness, Penny dear.

"These hidden mics aren't really effective when they won't let us out of the room when they're installed."

>The perks of being a safety hazard.

'A charmed life, no doubt.'

Twelve looked over at the now opened door to the lab, where a navy blue pegasus with a slicked back black mane stood, a smile on his face.

'Hey, I'm Chuck from HR?'

"Uhhh..."

>Snake Eyes, don't be a dickhead.

'You always could see right through me.'

"Wait-what!?"

The pegasus snickered as he walked up to the changeling and earth pony.

'What, did you think I'd stay a chalky white protector of Equestria forever? Guy like me has to have options.'

"How did you change so completely?"

'Through a very long and painful process of dyes and mane care products. But hey, we can't all just fwoosh ourselves to be whoever we want, not yet anyway.'

"Yeah..."

'March of progress, my friend, march of progress. From how things are progressing it's probably going to shake out with me being the last pony in this company to use the old methods up to retirement.'

>That's one way of looking at it.

"Is there a reason you came down here?"

'Ah, nah, just wanted to say goodbye before Penny dearest sends me off to clean up this Stalliongrad mess. Figure I just got to cut a few wires here, say the right programming password there, and suddenly the nation's free, prosperous, and a willing customer again.'

>Joy of joys, have you estimated how many throats you'll have to slit?

'None if I'm doing the job right.'

>So ten or so.

'Ballpark.'

>...take care of yourself, Snake Eyes.

'Heh, you say that like I don't intend to. Just got to do this and something else for her and I'm done.'

Screwloose looked down at her work, a slight twinge coming across her face that only 12 could see.

>Of course you are.

'Look after her, eh buggo? She's gotta have someone she can trust around her.'

"I've literally never left her side since we got here."

'See? Already doing a great job. I'll send you both a postcard from Haywaii. See ya 'round.'

>See you.

The pegasus left, the earth pony heaving a sigh as he went.

>Idiot.

"Uh...is there some-"

>No there is not some whatever you're implying. Just a friend watching another friend be a Faustdamned fool.

"I don't follow, the favor thing?"

>Yes, the favor thing.

"But he's only just got one more after he does...whatever horrible thing he's about to do."

>12...that stallion has only needed to do 'One more favor' since Fawntaine yanked his ass off the streets of Manehattan decades ago. That is a dog that can't stop chasing its tail and doesn't know why it hurts when it bites the damned thing. He's one of the reasons we need to continue our work.

"Uh...why?"

>Because, he's going to keep coming back, no matter how fat his bank account gets, no matter how many times he talks about that fucking beach. The only way to keep someone like that from doing what he does...is to make sure there's nothing for him to come back to.

"Ah...uh..."

>I saved one of the mics during the last clear out and used it to cobble together a jammer. She didn't hear a thing.

"You scare me some times."

>Some times? I'll have to work on that. Now hurry up, we just need one or two more things and it's done.

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>AB
"2"
'SB'
'SL'
~~~~

[I'm telling you, this will be TOTALLY awesome!]

>Ah' dunno about this one, scoots... actually sounds like iffin Applejack gets a whiff of this, she's gonna tan my hide and hang it on the wall.

'And I'm pretty sure Rarity would need her extra big fainting couch if she heard about it.'

[Pfft, that's just cause they don't want to admit they did the same thing when they were our age.]

'Wait... where were they going to find a changeling to do this?'

[Not that part! They probably used... like.. fake IDs or something.]

>That don't sound like somethin' Applejack would do.

'Yeah, Applejack would just run away from home and only come back because a rainbow told her to!'

>...
[...]

'...What?'

[OH OH! Here she comes!... Well!? Did you get it!?]

"Yep! Got the drinks right here!"

[AWESOME!]

>Ah' dunno about this Scootaloo, seems wrong ta' be drinkin' this stuff without her knowin'.

[Pfft, you big sissy!]

>Ah' Ain't no sissy!

[Prove it! CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG]

'CHUGGA CHUGGA'

"WOO WOOOO!"

[...]

'...Were we not doing train noises?'

"Ah' think Ah' got mixed up there."

[...Drink drink drink drink-]

SLAM!

>WOO!

[HA! Told you it would be awesome.]

>Woo, mah head is spinnin'.

[Pfft, SISSY! Sweetie Belle, your turn!]

'Okay!'

>...Wow.

[Uh... shoot, Sweetie Belle, you don't have to take the bottle into your throat-]

SLAM!

'...Your turn!'

"No thanks, Ah' can't get ta' sleep when Ah' drink soda."

[SISSYYYYYY!]

"...Do ya' think this is what teens do? Buy soda and drink it out the back of a convenience store?"

[Pfft, DUH! I see them drinking it all the time!]

"...M'kay, seems legit."

>...Does anyone else wanna watch Sweetie Belle do that agai-

[YES!]

>CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA

"WOO WOO!'

[...I do not know why, but this is making me feel funny...]

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Spike"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and we air even when guests aren't asleep in story! Now for our main guest...SPIKE!!!

"Hey hey hey."

>Have you heard about the latest advances in cardboard technology?

"Um, no I don't think so."

>Cardboard boxes are super duper sturdy nowadays and can make a great disguise!

"...how?"

>Nopony ever suspects a box! You should try using one when you're on some sort of stealth mission.

"...I don't know about this."

>Don't doubt the power of the box!
Spike wakes up.

"...Did I doze off or was I day dreaming?"

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WARNING: T-t-too l-lewd!

NC
~~~

He watched, mesmerized like by a predatory snake, as the little white-coated filly slid the just tip into her muzzle with a heavily lidded, pleasured look in her eyes. From his vantage point slightly above and before her, he could easily watch the tip disappear beyond her moist lips -she had licked them before going down- and slowly slid deeper and deeper. Only two seconds later she gulped once and took it down her throat. He could even see the little bulge along her slender neck as the long part pressed onto her slightly wiggling tongue.

When the the thick, white fluid that was her reward came out, her eyes widened just a little. And then she started swallowing, her throat over and over across the length within her throat. Sweetie Belle was insatiable, not stopping until there wasn't even a single drop left to give, nursing on it like a toddler.

When at last, she was finished with doing what she wanted, she slid the length back out of throat and mouth. He didn't hear her gag or cough even once. When the tip, coated thickly in saliva and a bit of white emerged from between her lips, she gave it a small flick of her tongue, scooping up the fluid and swallowing.

For a moment, both of them were silent, gazing at the source of the lone Cutiemark Crusader's delight.

Then her face shifted into childish delight and she looked up at him expectantly, while enveloping it in her faintly shimmering magic.

"May I have another bottle of milk, Mr. Donut Joe?"

Donut Joe swallowed, slid the slightly dripping bottle away, and handed Sweetie Belle another.

"As many as you want. On the house."

"REALLY?! Thank you!"

His left hindleg started shivering when he heard her cute vociecrack, and he knew instantly that one day he was going to Tartarus for this.

"Mmmmh, come here, milky. Ssllrrrp..."

But he would die as a very happy stallion thanks to this memory.

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NC
>Applejack
"Rarity"

>...Uhh...Rares? You feeling ok?

"Don't mind me AJ, just have the sudden instaiable urge to kill right now"

>I know, we're all feeling it an-HEY! WHAT'RE YA DOING WITH THOSE CONTROLS?!

"I HAVE IMMEDIATE BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO IN CANTERLOT!"

>LANDS SAKE WE GOTTA SAVE 12 IT CAN WAIT!

"NOTHING WAITS FOR MURDER!!!!!!!"

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