Key to the Catacombs, Session 2

<WindStrike> *Last time on... lazy-man's quest. You were kicked into the mysterious Catacombs, a damp and musty area that should be an absolute labyrinth of impossibility... and yet, ironically, it's actually been kinda a straight path. You pwned some doors, invalidated some Tonberries, hid beneath lots of keys, screwed over the DM's plans, summoned two Fire Spirits, and got them to nuke themselves and everyone else, and thus somehow also created a Key Boss.*
<WindStrike> -=SESSION START!=-
<DM> *Sephiroth, being the lone survivor of last session's insanity, at least in terms of being healthy, now stands in a blank slated room with lots of stones and bricks. Around him are Darte, Fireblast, and old man Strife reviving to 1 heart each.
<DM> *From the deep depths of darkness in the corner of the room that is magically somehow not lit, you see a dark figure- wait what? How do you see a dark figure inside of dark shadows?! DANGIT DM, STOP BEING SO HIGH!
<SubconsciousEye> ((Technically, didn't Fireblast use Deadringer near the end of the battle))
<DM> (right)
<DM> *Okay, Fireblast is alive and well.
<DM> *Darte's ashes are slowly rematerializing and getting off of Sephiroth's inventory.
<DM> *Anyhow, it menacingly walks towards you Sephiroth, some sorts of weapons and magic in hand, ready to strike when- nah I'm kidding, it's just Hal. Sup Hal.
* DM waves at Hal from beyond the 4th wall.
<Hal> ?
<Fireblast> I think a mysterious force is waving at you.
* Sephiroth high-fives Hal.
<Hal> Anyways, long time no see
* DM high-fives Fireblast.... wait what?
* Fireblast gets a fived on high.
* Hal seems to have wandered into the catacombs looking for some... treasure?
<Fireblast> So, let's see here...
<Fireblast> Tall, silver weirdo.
<DM> *Darte, as he's returning back to life, is kicked out the window of the room (there was a window down here?!) and into another room, being locked into the abyss of a treasure chest.
<Fireblast> Toasted fish from before.
<DM> *We're sorry party, but your Darte is another castl- I mean room.
<Fireblast> Annnd.. Uh... Some person who is full of fur, I guess?
<DM> *A mysterious voice cuts it...
<DM> [???]: Gentlemen, behold! For it is I, the secrets of the universe itself! I have locked your deathly dead friend inside of a treasure chest in the next room. Should you wish to unlock him, you'll need to follow my voice...
<Fireblast> Wow, I didn't know voices held secrets that are completely meaningless in of itself!
<DM> *A door replaces the window that Darte just got kicked out of. It's an open doorway, so please don't be like WindStrike and almost party-kill an ally by accident.
* Hal seems to be feeling a bit tipsy tonight, despite being completely sober. Could it be the effect that the catacombs has on him
<Fireblast> Wowie, looks like that mysterious thing converted a window into a door!
<DM> *Hal, you now suffer a -2 dice penalty for the rest of this session.
* Sephiroth walks through the open doorway.
<Fireblast> What'd he even use, black magic?
<Fireblast> Must be a great wizard that isn't so wise!
<Hal> I don't know what is even going on now
* Darte rocks the chest in a bid for attention.
<DM> *The open doorway welcomes you into the next room, where you see a lone treasure chest on the ground, surrounded by a floor with lots of key locks. The treasure chest rocks back and forth a few time as you hear Darte's rock music from within.
* Hal walks towards the voice
<DM> *Hal, you walk.... into a wall. No damage taken.
<Hal> ?
<Hal> I thought there was a doorway.
<DM> *There is, but not in the same direction of the voice itself.
<Fireblast> There are no doorways, only deadly doors!
* Hal goes through the doorway
<DM> *There is a doorway right next to you, Hal.
<Fireblast> Because, you know, they are aDOORable!
<DM> *In the room with the treasure chest, a key is spawned in front of the treasure chest.
<DM> [Voice]: Now, you have a choice. Inside the chest is clearly a trap, but the floor is simply a distraction into making me think it's not a trap. Which do you choose to unlock?
<Fireblast> I choose to unlock my heart!
<Fireblast> ... Does someone have a key?
<DM> *Fireblast, for that pun, you receive a slap to the face, taking 1 neutral damage.
<Hal> Key right in front of chest. Sounds too convienient for me
<Fireblast> 9h, 9m
<DM> *Hal, I'm removing that negative dice penalty due to..... shenanigans. Enjoy your tipsyness!
* Fireblast actually somehow recovers health, because the neutral damage and neutral armor cancels each other out, resulting in no actual heart loss.
<Fireblast> 10h, 9m
<DM> [Voice]: Convenient it is, but it's the key to victory!
<DM> (GOD DANGIT, I FORGOT YOU HAD NEUTRAL ARMOR TOO. CURSES!)
* Sephiroth walks over to the key and pockets it.
<Fireblast> Obviously, that key is the key to the boss of keys!
<DM> [Voice]: Mhwaahahahahahah, you have fallenr ight into- oh crap, there's no trigger for pocketing it, and it's soulbound..........
<Fireblast> We shall unlock his misery!
<DM> [Voice]: ............
<DM> *Mysterious Voice takes a sudden 5 neutral damage as his mind does a double-take. Well played, Sephiroth.
<Hal> Well done Sephiroth
<Fireblast> I have to wonder, does this voice actually have a body he should unlock?
<DM> *The voice sighs, and you all feel a breath of sighing air actually brush by your ears, but there's nothing there.
<Sephiroth> I'm on to you random voice..
<DM> [Voice]: For your brilliance, I shall unlock the chest... AND the floor!
<DM> *Darte, you emerge from the chest with 1 heart.
<Hal> o.o
<Fireblast> Well, that doesn't sound very swell at all!
<DM> *Floor, you get replaced by a set of random spikes. Everyone roll Courage vs. 20 Successes to dodge!
<Fireblast> Well, it's all on you to find the key to dying in pain!
<DM> *Including you, Darte.
<Sephiroth> $25d10
<Navi> Sephiroth: You rolled 25 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 4, 6, 5, 6, 10, 8, 8, 4, 10, 4, 8, 4, 2, 8, 4, 1, 8, 10, 3, 9, 2, 10, 6, 1 and 6. Total: 147. Successes: 19.
<Hal> $21d10
* Darte pops loose.  "I am fre-- CRAP PUT ME BACK IN PUT ME BACK"
<Navi> Hal: You rolled 21 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 7, 7, 10, 9, 10, 1, 2, 6, 5, 8, 5, 3, 5, 8, 3, 9, 6, 6, 10, 3 and 9. Total: 132. Successes: 19.
<Darte> $33d10
<Navi> Darte: You rolled 33 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 1, 10, 8, 3, 9, 10, 3, 4, 1, 8, 1, 7, 7, 9, 7, 8, 1, 3, 3, 8, 7, 5, 2, 5, 7, 10, 10, 2, 10, 3, 10, 10 and 2. Total: 194. Successes: 27.
<Fireblast> $30d10
<Navi> Fireblast: You rolled 30 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 8, 3, 1, 7, 5, 5, 7, 3, 5, 4, 10, 3, 1, 7, 4, 3, 9, 1, 10, 3, 3, 4, 9, 3, 4, 1, 3, 6, 1 and 3. Total: 136. Successes: 14.
<Hal> 20-19-6 = No damage
<DM> *Sephiroth and Hal, you fall on the spikes and...... just chill out, they bounce off your armor completely.
<DM> *Darte is standing on top of Sephiroth's head.
<DM> *And Fireblast receives a nice 6 damage as a spike breaches his armor.
<SubconsciousEye> ((Who is a his))
<Fireblast> Uh, guys.
<Fireblast> I think I am stuck.
<Fireblast> This feminine body doesn't work very well for these kind of things.
<Darte> (( hi's ))
<DM> https://zurpg.sephiroth.ws/thread-1097.html - here's your key, Sephiroth
<Fireblast> 4h, 9m
<DM> last post
* Hal gets up and brushes himself up; completely unharmed because his armor
<DM> [Voice]: Gah, darn spikes not actually doing much. Or... are they all really spikes?
<Fireblast> Actually, I feel like they are more sticks
<Fireblast> Because I am stuck
<DM> *Fireblast, the "spikes" that breached your armor suddenly move on their own and away from you. They seemed to be attached to a greenish pillow of sorts.
* Darte crawls down Sephiroth's lanky frame and returns to the floor.
<DM> *It puts a little hat on its head and drinks your tea as it's stuck in a running stance but not actually running.
<Fireblast> Because, you know, I was sticked into the stucking
<Fireblast> ... Wait.
<DM> *Darte, roll Courage vs. 20 successes!
<Darte> $33d10
<DM> *The floor is still spikes, Darte. ^_^
<Navi> Darte: You rolled 33 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 8, 8, 5, 9, 5, 10, 3, 1, 2, 8, 5, 2, 1, 5, 8, 4, 8, 7, 4, 7, 9, 7, 1, 8, 9, 4, 9, 2, 10, 9, 4, 8 and 6. Total: 196. Successes: 24.
<DM> *You land on Hal's head this time.
* Hal notices the Zora sitting on his head
* Darte races back up.  "Right.  I'll stick with you for now, chrome dome."
<Darte> (( oh ))
<Fireblast> ... Guess I'll just stay like this for the rest of eternity, contributing nothing to the voice's desires.
<Fireblast> In other words, ow.
<DM> *The spikes all retract, revealing a set of mean-looking grinding killing machines. Aka.... Tonberries and Cactuars.
<DM> *Two Tonberries & Two Cactuars.
* Sephiroth jumps towards the chest.
<Fireblast> Help, I can't get off.
<Fireblast> Ah well, guess a girl like me would just have to wait for death.
* Hal looks directly at one of the Tonberries
<DM> *Sephiroth, you jump towards the chest and..... get eaten by it. It munches on you a bit before you disappear and respawn at the start. You take...... 2 neutral damage. Curse your neutral armor.
<DM> *The Tonberry stares directly back at Hal, tilting its head slightly.
<DM> *Roll initiat- hang on
<DM> $init r
<Navi> DM: No battle in progress.
<DM> *Kay, roll away!
<Sephiroth> 23h, 15m
<Darte> $init 1d10
<Navi> Darte: Your initiative roll has been entered. You rolled: 7.
<Darte> 1h10m
<DM> $init 1d100 Cactuar1
<Navi> DM: Cactuar1's initiative roll has been entered. They rolled: 93.
* Sephiroth stumbles around the entrance, trying to find his way back to the group.
<DM> $init 1d100 Cactuar2
<Navi> DM: Cactuar2's initiative roll has been entered. They rolled: 92.
<Fireblast> ... I don't believe I am even going to bother, I am a dead Subrosian anyway
<Hal> $init 1d10
<Navi> Hal: Your initiative roll has been entered. You rolled: 2.
<DM> *Sephiroth, you attempt to go back to the first room you initially fought enemies in, but the entire room is caved in. As a result of too much debris attempting to load at once, the room crashes, and you rematerialize with the rest of the group. Curse you dungeon performance issues!
<DM> $init 1d2 Tonberry1
<Navi> DM: Tonberry1's initiative roll has been entered. They rolled: 2.
<DM> $init 1d2 Tonberry2
<Navi> DM: Tonberry2's initiative roll has been entered. They rolled: 1.
<Sephiroth> $init 1d10
<Navi> Sephiroth: Your initiative roll has been entered. You rolled: 4.
* DM pokes Fireblast for initiative, unless you're passin'.
<Fireblast> $init 1d5
<Navi> Fireblast: Your initiative roll has been entered. You rolled: 5.
<DM> $init s
<Navi> Bonus Round: Cactuar1 and Cactuar2
<Navi> Round 1: Cactuar1, Cactuar2, Darte, Fireblast, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
<Fireblast> 4h, 9m | Prism Shield Charge: 0 |  Enemies automatically take 2 Neutral Damage (Shield) at start of round | Neutral Armor +1
<DM> *Cactuar1... just proceeds to Kick Fireblast!
<DM> Roll your Courage +5 dice vs. targets' Courage dice
<DM> Damage: Halved
<DM> $38d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 38 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 9, 6, 10, 9, 9, 1, 10, 6, 6, 2, 6, 1, 10, 10, 8, 6, 3, 5, 5, 10, 5, 3, 9, 8, 1, 10, 8, 9, 4, 5, 4, 2, 1, 4, 10, 10, 5 and 10. Total: 240. Successes: 36.
<Fireblast> Yep, I am dead. Guess I won't be able to return to my home.
<Fireblast> $30d10
<Navi> Fireblast: You rolled 30 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 5, 10, 2, 1, 10, 1, 10, 8, 6, 3, 2, 1, 3, 6, 3, 1, 3, 3, 1, 1, 1, 4, 6, 5, 6, 6, 9, 5, 5 and 3. Total: 130. Successes: 17.
* Fireblast watches as all enemies proceed to somehow take some neutral damage due to the shield, and then proceeds to die on the spikes.
<Fireblast> $remove me
<Navi> Bonus Round: Cactuar1 and Cactuar2
<Navi> Round 1: Cactuar1, Cactuar2, Darte, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
<Fireblast> 0h, 9m
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Bonus Round: Cactuar1 and Cactuar2
<Navi> Round 1: Cactuar1, Cactuar2, Darte, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
<DM> *Cactuar2.... goes inside the chest. It closes.
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Bonus Round Over!
<Navi> Round 1: Cactuar1, Cactuar2, Darte, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
<DM> (Fireblast, how much neutral damage is that?
<Fireblast> ((Read Fireblast's status line))
<DM> right
<Hal> (2 Neutral Damage)
<DM> "Cactuar1"           8h, 5m
<DM> "Cactuar2"           8h, 5m
<DM> "Tonberry1"          45h
<DM> "Tonberry2"          45h
<DM> *Cactuar 1 uses Cover on Tonberry1
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 1: Cactuar1, Cactuar2, Darte, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 1: Cactuar1, Cactuar2, Darte, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
* Sephiroth forgot to mention siphoning 1 magic from all enemies at the beginning of the round.
<DM> "Cactuar1"           8h, 4m
<DM> "Cactuar2"           8h, 4m
<DM> DANGIT ORITHAN, WHY'D YOU STICK A 5 MAGIC COST- OAWF8OAWEGH954RAEGUI
<DM> *Whelp, Cactuars are effectively disabled, outside of punching and kicking.
* Fireblast is still dead
<DM> *Annnd I get the feeling we're gonna get a repeat of what happened to the Tonberries from before...
* Darte rummages around in his inventory, scooping up a Pot Roast and munching happily.  The juices from his ravenous ravaging drizzle steadily over Hal's head.
<Darte> 12h 10m | Fareed's Fin Stance | 4 Charges
<Darte> $endtaurn
<Darte> $endturn
<Navi> Round 1: Cactuar1, Cactuar2, Darte, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
* Sephiroth ... proceeds to lock the chest using his key. ....
<DM> *Hal, as someone that could arguably be considered cooking food, you feel a little enraged at your carnivorous Zora teammate...
* Hal licks his lips as the juices from the pot roast dribble all over him. Foxes love chicken
<DM> *The key magically disappears as you completely somehow one-shotted Cactuar2 by locking it into an eternal state of being locked away for eternity.
<DM> $remove Cactuar2
<Navi> Round 1: Cactuar1, Darte, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
<Sephiroth> $endturn
<Navi> Round 1: Cactuar1, Darte, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
* Fireblast is still on the floor, blood flowing out of her
* Hal equips his white sword over his wand and fires a blade of air at Tonberry1
<Hal> Magical Blade:
<Hal>     REQUIREMENTS: You being at Maximum Hearts
<Hal>     DESCRIPTION: Fire a magical blade of air, powered by your Hearts, at a target.
<Hal>     Roll your Courage +9 dice vs. targets' Courage dice
<Hal>         Damage: +0
<Hal> $26d10
<Navi> Hal: You rolled 26 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 5, 10, 2, 6, 1, 2, 7, 1, 9, 3, 4, 10, 3, 6, 6, 5, 6, 9, 8, 6, 9, 8, 10, 4, 3 and 5. Total: 148. Successes: 20.
<DM> $33d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 33 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 10, 2, 10, 5, 4, 5, 4, 6, 10, 5, 8, 7, 6, 6, 9, 9, 6, 1, 5, 1, 5, 1, 9, 2, 6, 8, 10, 6, 1, 3, 10, 10 and 5. Total: 195. Successes: 30.
<Hal> Tonberry
<Hal> Oh wait.
<DM> oh
<DM> .....
<DM> right, hang on
<DM> $13d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 13 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 9, 4, 8, 3, 8, 4, 3, 3, 2, 10, 8, 7 and 8. Total: 77. Successes: 8.
<DM> *It's a hit!
<DM> 20 - 8 = 12 - 5 = 7 damage
<DM> *Tonberry1 is now aggro'd towards Hal.
<DM> "Cactuar1"           8h, 4m
<DM> "Tonberry1"          38h
<DM> "Tonberry2"          45h
* DM pokes Hal - doin' anything else or $endturn?
<Hal> $endturn
<Navi> Round 1: Cactuar1, Darte, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
* Fireblast tries to lift up her left arm, which holds the shield. But she is dead! She cannot lift her arm when she is dead! So she just lays there like a useless corpse is.
<DM> *Tonberry1 starts walking towards Hal, preparing for a little attack from a little knife...
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 1: Cactuar1, Darte, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
<DM> *Tonberry2 starts walking towards Sephiroth, preparing for a little attack from a little knife...
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 1 Over!
<Navi> Round 2: Cactuar1, Darte, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
* Fireblast slowly rots away.
<DM> *Fireblast's corpse causes 2 more neutral damage to them all (because wynaut), and moar magic siphoned from Cactuar1
<DM> "Cactuar1"           6h, 3m
<DM> "Tonberry1"          36h
<DM> "Tonberry2"          43h
<DM> *Cactuar1 waltzes over to Tonberry1.... and picks it up!
<DM> ATTACK 1: Roll your Power dice vs. targets' Power dice
<DM> Damage: None
<DM> IF SUCCESS: You manage to pick the target up! Throw them at another target using ATTACK 2, which uses the same success rate for you.
<DM> *Cactuar1 does a partial roll while Tonberry1 chooses not to roll.
<DM> $5d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 5 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 7, 3, 8, 1 and 4. Total: 23. Successes: 2.
<DM> oh wait
<DM> crap, I rewrote that- scratch that
<DM> *Full roll then
<DM> $27d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 27 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 3, 1, 3, 5, 7, 10, 5, 2, 1, 8, 2, 1, 2, 10, 5, 10, 3, 3, 4, 6, 5, 5, 5, 3, 2, 2 and 9. Total: 122. Successes: 16.
<DM> $13d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 13 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 4, 10, 10, 8, 3, 10, 10, 8, 7, 10, 2, 8 and 10. Total: 100. Successes: 16.
<DM> ......
<DM> ROLLOFF
<DM> $27d10 for Cactuar1
<Navi> DM: You rolled 27 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 10, 9, 10, 1, 9, 5, 1, 2, 7, 4, 7, 1, 8, 1, 4, 9, 3, 3, 2, 2, 2, 10, 4, 2, 10, 1 and 8. Total: 135. Successes: 16.
<DM> $13d10 for Tonberry1
<Navi> DM: You rolled 13 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 9, 3, 6, 9, 2, 5, 9, 3, 3, 3, 3, 4 and 9. Total: 68. Successes: 6.
<DM> *Cactuar1 then THROWS Tonberry1 at Hal!
<DM> ATTACK 2: Target rolls Courage dice to defend
<DM> Target Damage: +0
<DM> Projectile Damage: Halved and based on difference in successes from ATTACK 1
<Hal> $21d10
<Navi> Hal: You rolled 21 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 6, 1, 10, 3, 1, 3, 2, 4, 5, 4, 5, 7, 3, 9, 8, 2, 10, 5, 10, 3 and 10. Total: 111. Successes: 15.
<DM> *Hal, you're just barely hit, unless you wanna call for reroll.
* Hal rerolls, because he doesn't want death by tonberry
<Hal> $21d10
<Navi> Hal: You rolled 21 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 9, 5, 5, 7, 7, 7, 9, 10, 1, 8, 6, 2, 7, 9, 3, 9, 10, 6, 4, 3 and 1. Total: 128. Successes: 17.
<DM> wow
<DM> *Hal, you evade the thrown Tonberry1, which is hurled to the other side of the room and takes no damage.
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 2: Cactuar1, Darte, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
* Fireblast has her soul realized that she had a fairy, so she would've used it. The fairy is too important to even use at this point, so Fireblast just stays on the floor.
* DM pokes Darte.
* Darte pirouettes off of Hal's head, slinging a Magical Blade at the Tonberry.
<Darte> Roll your Courage +9 dice vs. targets' Courage diceDamage: +0
<DM> hmmm..... do I physics that.... or not...
<Darte> $44d10
<Navi> Darte: You rolled 44 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 10, 5, 10, 7, 7, 10, 2, 6, 2, 2, 5, 7, 6, 1, 4, 3, 9, 3, 4, 7, 8, 5, 3, 6, 7, 2, 6, 2, 5, 8, 3, 5, 3, 2, 2, 9, 1, 4, 5, 3, 5, 9, 9 and 1. Total: 223. Successes: 28.
<DM> *Because you failed to define the Tonberry, the magical blade couldn't decide which one to attack, and so it spiral'd around and now returns back at you, Darte. Roll Courage to Defend against yourself!
<Darte> $33d10
<Navi> Darte: You rolled 33 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 9, 2, 3, 8, 5, 7, 4, 3, 1, 7, 9, 7, 8, 4, 9, 3, 2, 2, 8, 4, 3, 9, 2, 4, 2, 7, 6, 7, 5, 5, 7, 4 and 7. Total: 173. Successes: 18.
* Darte ponders his choices
<DM> *Alright, your blast of wind blasts you in mid-air and sends you hurtling towards Tonberry1! Tonberry1, roll Courage to dodge!
<DM> $13d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 13 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 10, 1, 1, 6, 5, 4, 6, 1, 2, 3, 8, 6 and 2. Total: 55. Successes: 7.
* Darte chucks a reroll at his defense
* DM rewinds slightly.
<Darte> $33d10
<Navi> Darte: You rolled 33 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 1, 7, 3, 8, 10, 6, 7, 2, 9, 8, 8, 5, 4, 3, 10, 1, 6, 6, 10, 6, 7, 5, 1, 1, 1, 1, 2, 4, 9, 8, 5, 9 and 4. Total: 177. Successes: 23.
* DM unwinds the rewind.
<DM> *Tonberry1 is unable to dodge Darte as a projectile, and thus Darte is hurled into Tonberry1, causing 16 damage to Tonberry1. However, Tonberry1 had a little knife out...
<DM> *Darte, roll Courage to defend again!
<Darte> 7h 10m | Fareed's Fin Stance | 5 charges
<DM> $112d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 112 Dice with 10 Sides. Total: 635. Successes: 83.
<Darte> $35d10
<Navi> Darte: You rolled 35 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 6, 9, 6, 1, 1, 3, 8, 3, 9, 2, 9, 7, 10, 2, 3, 10, 7, 8, 10, 8, 6, 6, 6, 7, 1, 4, 4, 8, 1, 4, 9, 6, 3, 4 and 7. Total: 198. Successes: 24.
<DM> *Darte is impaled to death as he died to death from a little stab from a little knife from a little fella. His corpse writhes to the floor, and is lit on fire by Tonberry1's lantern, which roasts Darte's corpse into a fine fish. Anyone that eats this fish, dead or not, will revive to full hearts and magic!
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 2: Cactuar1, Darte, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
* Fireblast is just a freshly killed-off Subrosian on the floor as low-low-low as she can get.
<DM> "Cactuar1"           6h, 3m
<DM> "Tonberry1"          20h | Satisfied
<DM> "Tonberry2"          43h
* Sephiroth casts Shadow Speed on himself.
<Sephiroth> EFFECT: Target gains 5 Courage.
* Sephiroth then begins charging.
<Darte> $removeme
<Sephiroth> $endturn
<Navi> Round 2: Cactuar1, Darte, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
<Sephiroth> 23h, 6m | +5 Courage | Charging
* Fireblast tries to move closer to the dead fish, except that she is already dead, so she cannot move.
<Darte> $remove me
<Navi> Round 2: Cactuar1, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
* Hal unequips his sword and shield and equips his Ocarina in place. He then proceeds to COVER Sephiroth and play the Elegy of Emptiness.
<DM> (touche)
<Hal>     EFFECT: When played, a veil of Magic surrounds you and produces a creepy empty (but weighted) shell of yourself that automatically covers you from attacks. This does not require channeling.
<Hal>         Roll your current Hearts. The result of that roll will be the shell's Hearts * 2.
<Hal>         The shell can not defend itself and will continue covering you until it hits 0 Hearts, whereupon it breaks.
<Hal>         This song can be played again to absorb the shell, causing you to recover Hearts equal to the shell's remaining Hearts.
<Hal>             Elegy of Emptiness’ standard Heart cost does not apply for this. here.
<Hal> $15d10
<Navi> Hal: You rolled 15 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 3, 7, 4, 6, 6, 6, 4, 2, 6, 6, 5, 5, 3, 2 and 4. Total: 69. Successes: 8.
<Hal> 12h 13m | Covered by 16h Shell
<DM> ($endturn?
<Hal> 12h 13m | Covered by 16h Shell | Covering Sephiroth
<Hal> $endturn
<Navi> Round 2: Cactuar1, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
<Sephiroth> 23h, 6m | +5 Courage | Charging (2 turns) | Covered by Hal
* Fireblast meanwhile plays uno with the other souls.
<DM> *Tonberry1 selects a new target and starts waltzing towards Hal.
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 2: Cactuar1, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
<DM> *Tonberry2 continues its waltz towards Sephiroth.
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 2 Over!
<Navi> Round 3: Cactuar1, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
* Sephiroth immediately flies into the air.
<DM> .....
<Sephiroth> Once charged, you can immediately fly into the air.
<Sephiroth> You are temporarily out-of-the-battle, meaning you cannot be hit by anything and are unaffected by everything except Status Effects.
* Fireblast is playing GO FISH instead.
<DM> *Hal......... you're now covering a piece of air.
<DM> *Cactuar1 tries the throw strategy again, this time hurtling Tonberry1 at Hal! First throw...
<Sephiroth> 23h, 6m | +5 Courage | In the air (Cannot be hit by anything.) | Covered by Hal
<DM> $27d10 Cactuar1
<Navi> DM: You rolled 27 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 10, 8, 10, 5, 4, 10, 8, 8, 8, 9, 2, 6, 5, 4, 10, 1, 7, 6, 5, 2, 1, 1, 6, 3, 7, 1 and 8. Total: 155. Successes: 22.
<Hal> (If this does hit, it hits the shell)
<DM> $13d10 Tonberry1
<Navi> DM: You rolled 13 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 1, 3, 10, 5, 3, 7, 4, 8, 1, 4, 5, 8 and 1. Total: 60. Successes: 7.
<Hal> (Not me)
<DM> (ah)
<Hal> $21d10
<Navi> Hal: You rolled 21 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 4, 10, 7, 8, 3, 6, 9, 9, 2, 4, 1, 3, 4, 6, 6, 10, 7, 3, 1, 9 and 3. Total: 115. Successes: 13.
<DM> *Tonberry1 is picked up effortlessly!
<DM> *It's a hit, and the barrier takes a solid... 9 damage.
<DM> *Tonberry1 takes...
<DM> 15 - 5 = 10/2 = 5 damage
<DM> "Cactuar1"           6h, 3m
<DM> "Tonberry1"          15h | Satisfied | Right in front of Hal
<DM> "Tonberry2"          43h
<DM> wait
<Hal> (It can't hit me.)
<DM> *Another whisk of flames from Fireblast's corpse hits the enemies, and 1 magic is siphoned to Sephiroth.
<DM> "Cactuar1"           4h, 2m
<DM> "Tonberry1"          13h | Satisfied | Right in front of Hal
<DM> "Tonberry2"          41h
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 3: Cactuar1, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
* Fireblast is still dead while her corpse flows out blood.
<Hal> 12h 13m | Covered by 7h Shell | Covering Sephiroth
* Sephiroth 's shadow looms over Tonberry1's head.
<DM> *Tonberry1 is screeeeeeewed.
* Sephiroth descends upon Tonberry1 with his Masamune, Skewer-style.
<Sephiroth> Roll your Power +12 dice vs. targets' Power dice
<Sephiroth> Damage: +12
<Sephiroth> $32d10
<Navi> Sephiroth: You rolled 32 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 5, 2, 9, 9, 9, 10, 3, 4, 8, 3, 7, 7, 10, 5, 9, 6, 3, 8, 8, 6, 8, 10, 10, 3, 6, 10, 9, 9, 10, 8, 1 and 5. Total: 220. Successes: 31.
<DM> $13d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 13 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 10, 10, 3, 8, 9, 5, 2, 6, 8, 9, 3, 8 and 3. Total: 84. Successes: 11.
<DM> 31 - 11 = 20 + 12 = 32 - 5 = 27 damage
* Sephiroth returns to being covered by Hal.
<Sephiroth> $endturn
<Navi> Round 3: Cactuar1, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry1 and Tonberry2
* Fireblast wishes she brought her special microphone with her.
<DM> *Tonberry1 is skewed as the ground beneath it unlocks and reveals more spikes, thus causing it to be skewered between a powerful Masamune and lots of deathly spikes. Its own lantern, as it disappears, sets Tonberry1 on fire. It's also roasted, and can also be eaten! Won't be as tasty as Darte's corpse though.
<DM> $remove Tonberry1
<Navi> Round 3: Cactuar1, Sephiroth, Hal and Tonberry2
<Sephiroth> 23h, 7m | +5 Courage | Covered by Hal
<DM> "Cactuar1"           4h, 2m
<DM> "Tonberry2"          41h
* Hal equips his shield and wand and then proceeds to cast Nullify on Cactuar1
<Hal>     Roll your Wisdom +7 dice vs. targets' Wisdom dice
<Hal>         Damage: Halved
<Hal>         EFFECT: If it hits, target gets Numbed:
<Hal>             Target’s Combat Actions have their Dice & Damage Modifiers removed.
<Hal>             DURATION: Two rounds.
* Hal changes his action then
* Hal takes out his shovel and digs a trench
<Hal> $10d10
<Navi> Hal: You rolled 10 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 1, 3, 6, 8, 10, 1, 6, 10, 1 and 8. Total: 54. Successes: 8.
<DM> *It's official, Hal is drunk.
* Hal then casts Fairy Beam on Fireblast
<DM> *He's now digging his own grave.
* Fireblast has the radius of her pool of blood area multiplied by two.
<Hal>     EFFECT: Roll your Power stat, digging a trench into the ground, and then automatically taking Cover behind the newly formed mound of dirt.
<Hal>         The mound of dirt has Hearts equal to the Successes of half your Power roll.
<Hal>         Anyone can take Cover behind the mound of dirt, and the mound will continue to Cover until it runs out of hearts.
<Hal> 12h 7m | Covered by 7h Shell | Covered by 8h Trench | Covering Sephiroth
<DM> *The sheer magnitude of blood surrounding you Fireblast revives you to full health. However, you're still soaked in your own blood and still bleeding despite not actually bleeding. It's just for visual effects.
<Hal> 12h 7m | Covered by 7h Shell | Covered by 4h Trench | Covering Sephiroth
<Hal> $endturn
<Navi> Round 3: Cactuar1, Sephiroth, Hal and Tonberry2
<Fireblast> Aw man, this is my favorite set of clothes!
<DM> *Tonberry2 continues to walk towards Seph- oh wait, it's been two rounds.
<Fireblast> 10h, 9m | Prism Shield Charge: 0 |  Enemies automatically take 2 Neutral Damage (Shield) at start of round | Neutral Armor +1
<Fireblast> $init j
<Navi> Fireblast has entered the battle.
* Sephiroth is covered by Hal.
<Darte> (( I think Fireblast just made their own custom Red Tunic ))
<DM> *It attempts to attack Sephiroth, but he's being blocked by Hal, who's blocked by a barrier, who's blocked by a trench.
<DM> $112d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 112 Dice with 10 Sides. Total: 643. Successes: 82.
<Hal> $21d10
<Navi> Hal: You rolled 21 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 4, 7, 10, 3, 10, 8, 5, 5, 4, 7, 1, 9, 3, 7, 9, 7, 3, 7, 10, 1 and 7. Total: 127. Successes: 17.
<DM> *The trench is demolished as there's a massive nuclear explosion that..... yeah, nothing else happened.
<DM> *Tonberry2 sulks in a corner, but it must take another 2 rounds to reach the corner.
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 3: Cactuar1, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry2 and Fireblast
* Fireblast casts Burning Blade upon herself for +2 ATK Dice
<Fireblast> 10h, 6m | Prism Shield Charge: 0 |  Enemies automatically take 2 Neutral Damage (Shield) at start of round | Neutral Armor +1 | +2 ATK Dice
* Fireblast then proceeds to cast Valoo's Rage on Tonberry2
<Fireblast> COSTS: 5 Magic
<Fireblast> DESCRIPTION: Bring down the rage of the great Fire dragon upon the target!
<Fireblast> Roll your Wisdom dice vs. targets' Wisdom dice
<Fireblast> Damage: +0
<Fireblast> Neutral Damage: 8
<Fireblast> $20d10
<Navi> Fireblast: You rolled 20 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 10, 10, 6, 1, 9, 3, 1, 8, 8, 7, 2, 4, 7, 5, 4, 4, 9, 8, 8 and 6. Total: 120. Successes: 15.
<DM> $13d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 13 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 8, 6, 8, 5, 5, 5, 8, 1, 4, 9, 8, 4 and 8. Total: 79. Successes: 10.
<DM> *Tonberry2 is hit..... for 8 neutral damage!
<DM> "Cactuar1"           4h, 2m
<DM> "Tonberry2"          33h
<Fireblast> 10h, 1m | Prism Shield Charge: 0 |  Enemies automatically take 2 Neutral Damage (Shield) at start of round | Neutral Armor +1 | +2 ATK Dice
<Fireblast> $endturn
<DM> (yay for 5 armor)
<Navi> Round 3 Over!
<Navi> Round 4: Cactuar1, Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry2 and Fireblast
<DM> *Moar neutral damage and 1 magic siphoned.
<Sephiroth> 23h, 8m | +5 Courage | Covered by Hal
<DM> "Cactuar1"           2h, 1m
<DM> "Tonberry2"          31h
<DM> *Cactuar1 attempts to use Darte-fish's roasty corpse to revive Cactuar2!
* Darte becomes plant food.  How humiliating.
<DM> *Darte-fish corpse is thrown at Cactuar2, but a treasure chest blocks the way, thus reviving the treasure chest back to full health and magic, despite not having any before, thus cloning itself, but because two objects cannot occupy the same space, they thus unexist each other out of existence, and Darte is nowhere to be found.
<Hal> (This must be the second time this happened to Darte
<Hal> (First time was during the Sheikah trials when he rolled a 10 on the 10-sided coin)
<DM> *Cactuar1, completely baffled by this turn of events, is suddenly crushed by Darte's corpse. The sheer force applied to Cactuar1 thus crushes the remainder of Cactuar1 and pushes back against Darte, causing him to, in fact, eat himself, thus reviving himself back to full hearts and magic.
<DM> $remove Cactuar1
<Navi> Round 4: Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry2 and Fireblast
<DM> "Tonberry2"          31h
<DM> *Therefore and thusly, we are all stuck, in a giant... team deathmatch.
<Darte> $init j
<Navi> Darte has entered the battle.
* Darte blinks into existence.  He's... not even gonna question this.  Nope.  12h, 10m
<DM> *Darte you experience the strange yet sensational taste of your delicious, roasted self in your mouth from eating yourself back to life.
<Hal> I am just not gonna question this
<Hal> Must be logic giving in
<DM> *What is a logic, but a miserable pile of secrets?
* Sephiroth attempts to STAB Tonberry2 with his Masamune!
<Sephiroth> Roll your Courage dice vs. targets' Courage dice
<Sephiroth> Damage: +15
<Sephiroth> IF FAIL: Target can Counterattack you with a ranged attack, regardless of CONDITIONS.
<Sephiroth> $25d10
<Navi> Sephiroth: You rolled 25 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 3, 5, 7, 5, 5, 5, 3, 2, 7, 6, 8, 1, 9, 2, 10, 7, 9, 6, 5, 5, 3, 9, 10, 8 and 7. Total: 147. Successes: 21.
<DM> $13d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 13 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 1, 2, 5, 8, 5, 3, 1, 9, 10, 6, 3, 4 and 8. Total: 65. Successes: 8.
<DM> hooooooly
<DM> 21 - 8 = 13 + 15 = 28 - 5 = 23 damage
<DM> "Tonberry2"          8h
<DM> *Tonberry2 receives a near fatal blow from Sephiroth's ultra stabby shenanigans.
* SubconsciousEye goes over to the jukebox behind the fourth wall and plays https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imzd9nftP10
* Sephiroth then follows-up with a very courageous, yet highly intelligent and powerful Super Poke upon Tonberry2.
<Sephiroth> EFFECT: This bypasses Cover. No really, ain’t no one allowed to block you from super pokin’ someone.
<Sephiroth> Neutral Damage: 2
<Sephiroth> FYI: This does not break Cover.
<Sephiroth> $endturn
<Darte> $turns
<Navi> Round 4: Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry2, Fireblast and Darte
<Navi> Round 4: Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry2, Fireblast and Darte
<DM> *Tonberry2 is devastated!
<DM> "Tonberry2"          6h | WHO DARES POKE A POKER
* Hal casts PSI Blast at Tonberry2
<Hal>     Roll your Wisdom +3 dice vs. targets' Wisdom dice
<Hal>         Damage: +0
<Hal>         EFFECT: If it hits, recover 3 Hearts.
<Hal> $21d10
<Navi> Hal: You rolled 21 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 5, 10, 3, 2, 1, 2, 3, 10, 8, 2, 5, 2, 6, 8, 1, 6, 6, 8, 6, 7 and 2. Total: 103. Successes: 14.
<DM> $13d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 13 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 3, 1, 5, 4, 9, 5, 9, 2, 8, 6, 6, 8 and 8. Total: 74. Successes: 9.
<DM> *Annnd it just bounces off its armor.
<Sephiroth> 23h, 8m | +5 Courage | Covered by Hal
<DM> *But you recover 3 hearts.
* Hal recovers to full HP and pouts, retalliating by just poking the Tonberry in the face
<DM> "Tonberry2"          5h | STOP POKING ME
<Hal> $endturn
<Navi> Round 4: Sephiroth, Hal, Tonberry2, Fireblast and Darte
<DM> *Tonberry2 does the only logical thing; it attempts to poke itself. ..... with its little knife.
<DM> $112d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 112 Dice with 10 Sides. Total: 667. Successes: 94.
<DM> $13d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 13 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 5, 4, 5, 5, 2, 1, 6, 7, 10, 5, 2, 7 and 9. Total: 68. Successes: 10.
<DM> *Tonberry2's poke was far more painful than it realized as the knife pierces its heart, causing a flash of bright light that blinds everyone else and decimates any semblance of Tonberry remains.
<DM> $remove Tonberry2
<Navi> Round 4: Sephiroth, Hal, Fireblast and Darte
<DM> $init r
<Navi> DM: The bot has been reset.
<DM> $4d3
<Navi> DM: You rolled 4 Dice with 3 Sides. Results: 2, 2, 1 and 2. Total: 7.
<DM> *1 Restoration Heart and 3 Magic Jars drop.
<Fireblast> 10h, 1m | Prism Shield Charge: 0 |  Enemies automatically take 2 Neutral Damage (Shield) at start of round | Neutral Armor +1
<DM> *Along with 2 Fairies.
<DM> *Everyone gets 512 Rupees.
* Fireblast takes a Magic Jar and consumes it
<Fireblast> 10h, 5m
* Sephiroth swipes a magic jar and a faerie.
* Darte filches a fairy and a magic jar.
* Hal takes a Fairy
* Sephiroth consumes said magic jar.
* Darte relinquishes the fairy, scooping up the restoration heart instead.
<Sephiroth> 23h, 12m
* Hal takes a Magic Jar and consumes it
<DM> *Suddenly, the entire room unlocks itself as you all barely manage to stay on the floor. The room rubik's cubes itself into a new room without killing you all, and in front of you, lies a large key. You hear a booming voice from the key itself.
<DM> *It sounds annoying familiar to that voice you were hearing from before...
<Fireblast> Oh hey! A Key Boss!
<Hal> 15h 10m
<Fireblast> ... Didn't you appear somewhere else?
<DM> [Key]: ........ sure.
<Hal> 15h 12m
<Fireblast> I swear, I remember there being a Key Boss in some other worldly entertainment
<DM> [Key]: Fear me, for I am a key boss completely unrelated to the intended theoretical designs of this area.
<Fireblast> Boy, you sure did have a nice life! What'd you do? Sit around and spawn keys?
<DM> [Key]: I was born from the flames that you caused from the destruction of all my key brethren earlier, and now it is my sole goal and duty to unlock what remains of you all to nothingness!
* Hal just facepalms, as logic fails to work.
<DM> Key Boss stats! - https://zurpg.sephiroth.ws/thread-1097-post-2587.html#pid2587
<Kefka> ZURPG: 9-3-16: Key to the Catacombs
<Fireblast> So... You're going to unlock our hearts?
<DM> [Key]: Yes! An- oh.......... ....... no. No love for you.
<DM> $init 2d9 KeyBoss
<Navi> DM: KeyBoss's initiative roll has been entered. They rolled: 7 and 1.
<Fireblast> And just how will you unlock your mind in order to unlock our hearts?
<Hal> $init 1d10
<Navi> Hal: Your initiative roll has been entered. You rolled: 6.
<Sephiroth> $init 1d10
<Navi> Sephiroth: Your initiative roll has been entered. You rolled: 9.
<DM> [Key]: An excellent question! I shall answer it as soon as I remember how to unlock that which I failed to lock from John Locke.
<Fireblast> Like, don't you think that unlocking things is pretty a-DOOR-able?
<Hal> So where is Cloud?
<DM> *KeyBoss takes 5 more pun damage. Fireblast, you receive 5 neutral damage as a backlash effect.
<DM> *Hal, who is Cloud?
<Fireblast> 5h, 5m
<Hal> (Strife)
<Fireblast> Cloud? What is that? The key to the heavens?
<DM> *The clouds are in strife. He's trying to remember from his own senility how to get to the room you're in.
* DM pokes Fireblast and Darte for initiative.
<Darte> $init 1d10
<Navi> Darte: Your initiative roll has been entered. You rolled: 5.
<Fireblast> Like, is Cloud just someone who is intended to unlock the way to heaven?
<Fireblast> Does heaven even exist?
<Fireblast> Do we even exist?
<Fireblast> $init 1d10
<Navi> Fireblast: Your initiative roll has been entered. You rolled: 9.
<DM> $init 2d9
<Navi> DM: Your initiative roll has been entered. You rolled: 6 and 7.
<DM> $init s
<Navi> Round 1: Sephiroth, Fireblast, KeyBoss, DM, Hal, DM, Darte and KeyBoss
<DM> hmm
<DM> $remove DM
<Navi> Round 1: Sephiroth, Fireblast, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte and KeyBoss
* DM converts this battle into a nice classic.
* DM summons some windows.
<DM> BRING IT, SEPHIROTH!
<Fireblast> Wow! Look at those windows! ... They need some curtains.
<Fireblast> Fancy curtains.
<DM> "KeyBoss"           240h
<Fireblast> Also, is it me or does someone have a secret in here
<DM> *KeyBoss is indeed harboring a secret.
<DM> *A secret way to defeat it...
* Sephiroth uses Reverse Cover on Hal
<Sephiroth> EFFECT: Hide behind an ally, causing them to use Cover on you.
<DM> $init j
<Navi> DM has entered the battle.
* Sephiroth then begins charging.
* Hal kicks DM out of the window
<Sephiroth> 23h, 2m | Covered by Hal
<Sephiroth> $endturn
<Navi> Round 1: Sephiroth, Fireblast, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss and DM
<DM> ... where'd the kick-line go?
<Sephiroth> 23h, 2m | Covered by Hal | Charging
<Hal> (it appears I can't kick you)
<DM> (aww)
<Fireblast> Hey Key Boss! You sure are a handsome, large, key!
<Fireblast> $endturn
<Navi> Round 1: Sephiroth, Fireblast, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss and DM
<DM> *Yeeeeaaaaah nowhere near close, Fireblast.
<DM> [Key]: ..... thanks.
<Sephiroth> 23h, 2m | Covered by Hal | Charging (x2)
<DM> [Key]: I'm still gonna devour your souls.
<DM> *KeyBoss tries to unlock Darte's secrets!
<DM> Roll your Wisdom dice vs. targets' Wisdom dice
<DM> Damage: +0
<DM> EFFECT: If it hits, copy one of the target’s Bonuses, which can be any of Power, Courage, Wisdom, Attack Dice, Defense Dice, or Armor.
<DM> Once a Bonus has been copied, you can’t copy it again from that target.
<DM> $20d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 20 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 7, 1, 10, 1, 6, 10, 5, 3, 8, 5, 3, 10, 3, 8, 5, 6, 2, 9, 8 and 3. Total: 113. Successes: 16.
<Fireblast> I wonder, what happens if you dismember a door and throw it at the Key Boss?
<Darte> $21d10
<Navi> Darte: You rolled 21 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 5, 4, 2, 9, 6, 9, 8, 1, 5, 10, 6, 2, 10, 5, 2, 6, 4, 6, 9, 2 and 10. Total: 121. Successes: 17.
<DM> *It's a miss!
<DM> [Key]: Gah, you win this time... but not next time!
<Fireblast> Well, looks like the key to his heart broke.
<DM> *It casts Force of Alteration on itself.
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 1: Sephiroth, Fireblast, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss and DM
* Darte rebuffs KeyBoss' probing.  He is clearly not made of meat.
<Sephiroth> 23h, 2m | Covered by Hal | Charging (x3)
<DM> "KeyBoss"           238h | 45m | Next attack altered
* Hal unequips his wand and equips his Cane of Dekri and proceeds to swing it at the Key Boss
<DM> [Key]: I have no desire to devour you, Fishmeat. I'm a golden vegetarian. I only eat chicken.
<Hal>     Roll your Wisdom +6 dice vs. targets' Wisdom dice
<Hal>         Damage: None
<Hal>         EFFECT: If it hits, disable an affinity they have.
<Hal>             If the target is a boss, it’ll be only disabled until the end of your turn 1 round later.
<Hal> $24d10
<Navi> Hal: You rolled 24 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 2, 1, 3, 9, 6, 9, 10, 5, 6, 2, 9, 10, 4, 7, 5, 3, 5, 5, 8, 4, 1, 9, 4 and 6. Total: 133. Successes: 17.
<DM> (touche)
<DM> $20d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 20 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 10, 9, 9, 6, 8, 1, 6, 9, 1, 9, 7, 7, 7, 7, 1, 3, 9, 10, 3 and 3. Total: 125. Successes: 16.
<DM> *Hit!
<Hal> 15h 9m
<DM> "KeyBoss"           238h | 45m | Next attack altered | No Fire Affinity
<Fireblast> Well, looks like your special burnt out.
<DM> *More pun damage!
* Hal pokes the Key
<Hal> $endturn
<Navi> Round 1: Sephiroth, Fireblast, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss and DM
<Sephiroth> 23h, 2m | Covered by Hal | Charging (x4)
<DM> "KeyBoss"           235h | 45m | Next attack altered | No Fire Affinity | Stop punning me, dangit
<Fireblast> Y'know, if a key grew wings, would it be a Keese?
<DM> *5 MORE PUN DAMAGE!
<DM> "KeyBoss"           230h | 45m | Next attack altered | No Fire Affinity | CURSE YOU FIREBLAST
<Hal> 15h 9m | Covering Sephrioth
<Fireblast> ... Yeah, I got nothing.
* Darte selects an old standby, waving his White Sword frantically at the boss to produce a Magical Blade aimed at KeyBoss, boss.
<Darte> Roll your Courage +9 dice vs. targets' Courage dice
<Darte> Damage: +0
<DM> *LIKE A BOSS! 2 boss damage
<Darte> $44d10
<Navi> Darte: You rolled 44 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 7, 7, 6, 1, 2, 3, 4, 3, 1, 7, 8, 1, 6, 7, 7, 3, 7, 3, 2, 7, 1, 9, 4, 8, 6, 4, 1, 5, 4, 3, 7, 10, 10, 3, 10, 2, 5, 4, 4, 6, 10, 1, 7 and 6. Total: 222. Successes: 27.
<DM> $15d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 15 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 7, 3, 9, 3, 6, 10, 10, 7, 9, 4, 5, 4, 8, 5 and 8. Total: 98. Successes: 13.
<DM> *It's a hit, 14 damage!
<DM> "KeyBoss"           214h | 45m | Next attack altered | No Fire Affinity | CURSE YOU FIREBLAST
<Darte> 12h 10m | Fareed's Fin Stance | 4 charges | Browsing the boss page laconically
<Fireblast> Wait, since it is a key that is sentient, does it have a keylogger?
<Darte> $endturn
<Navi> Round 1: Sephiroth, Fireblast, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss and DM
<DM> *4 MORE PUN DAMAGE LOGGED
* Hal just facepalms
* Sephiroth interrupts the KeyBoss with an explosive massacre brimming with destructive flames. Heartless Angel!
<Sephiroth> Roll your Wisdom +10 dice vs. targets' Wisdom dice
<Sephiroth> Damage: +0
<Sephiroth> EFFECT: Target(s) hit are trapped inside an Infernal Nightmare.
<Sephiroth> EFFECT 1: Anyone outside the barrier cannot hit anyone inside the barrier. Likewise, anyone inside cannot hit anyone outside.
<Sephiroth> EFFECT 2: Everyone inside the Infernal Nightmare cannot recover Hearts or Magic.
<Sephiroth> EFFECT 3: At the start of each round, all targets inside take 8 Neutral Damage and lose 8 Magic.
<Sephiroth> EFFECT 4: The barrier has Hearts and Magic equal to the Total Difference in successes from the initial attack.
<Sephiroth> EFFECT 5: The barrier's Defense Dice equals the highest difference in successes from the initial attack.
<Sephiroth> EFFECT 6: The barrier is considered a new target, and can be attacked by any means.
<Sephiroth> Non-Magic-based attacks to the barrier reduces its Hearts.
<Sephiroth> Magic-based attacks to the barrier reduces its Magic.
<Sephiroth> DURATION: Infernal Nightmare lasts until it's Hearts and Magic are reduced to 0.
<Sephiroth> $28d10
<Navi> Sephiroth: You rolled 28 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 1, 8, 5, 10, 8, 8, 9, 9, 2, 2, 3, 8, 2, 4, 4, 7, 1, 7, 6, 4, 2, 5, 3, 8, 4, 7, 3 and 7. Total: 147. Successes: 16.
<DM> $20d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 20 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 4, 7, 5, 4, 5, 10, 3, 2, 7, 2, 1, 9, 3, 4, 6, 5, 7, 9, 1 and 7. Total: 101. Successes: 12.
<DM> *It's a hit!
<DM> "KeyBoss"           206h | 45m | Next attack altered | No Fire Affinity | Blocked by 4 Hearts & Magic Barrier
<Fireblast> If it is a keylogger, does that mean that it keeps its logs locked?
<DM> *That would've caused more pun damage, but it's blocked by the barrier.
<DM> *KeyBoss instead wastes its Force of Alteration attack on the barrier by unlocking its secrets.
<Sephiroth> ... the fact that its a keylogger, shouldn't Norton remove it from our systems?
<Fireblast> I have no idea
<DM> *Combined with the Firewall caused by Infernal Nightmare, you cause a C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER PUNSTORMERAMA, dealing 10 neutral damage!
<DM> Roll your Wisdom dice vs. targets' Wisdom dice
<DM> Damage: +0
<DM> EFFECT: If it hits, copy one of the target’s Bonuses, which can be any of Power, Courage, Wisdom, Attack Dice, Defense Dice, or Armor.
<DM> Once a Bonus has been copied, you can’t copy it again from that target.
<DM> $20d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 20 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 5, 7, 10, 7, 2, 3, 5, 5, 9, 7, 2, 2, 4, 6, 6, 8, 6, 8, 10 and 2. Total: 114. Successes: 16.
<DM> [Key]: Gah, curse you all, blocking me out with all these ridiculous puns!
<Fireblast> I mean, you're sentient, surely, you can lock it up.
<DM> (yeah, I don't think it matters what the barrier rolls w/ 4 dice, hearts side is down)
<DM> "KeyBoss"           206h | 45m | No Fire Affinity | Blocked by 4 Magic Barrier
<DM> *It locks up and takes another point of damage.
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 1: Sephiroth, Fireblast, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss and DM
-Navi- To end your turn in #zurpg, use $endturn.
<DM> KICK ME!
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Sephiroth (Requested)
<DM> .... not like that
<Hal> (can you allow me to kick DM?)
* Sephiroth kicks DM out the window.
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Sephiroth (You have been kicked out the window and you landed on Mario! «19,946»)
<DM> (drop me to half-op so Orithan can kick me as well. DOUBLE-KICKEROO!
* Hal kicks DM out of the window
<DM> (try now)
* Hal kicks DM out of the window
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Hal (You were kicked out of the window and landed on Outset Island!)
<DM> ..... oh boy, crossover time
<DM> oh wait, it already exists, it's called Mario Sunshine
<Hal> I don't know who this DM guy is, but I hope he's had a great voyage
<DM> ....... touche
<DM> *Mario walks in with the themes of Mario Sunshine playing in the background. He casually jumps on everyone's heads. Everyone, roll Courage to defend!
<Fireblast> $30d10
<Navi> Fireblast: You rolled 30 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 1, 10, 3, 4, 6, 7, 10, 5, 8, 6, 10, 4, 6, 6, 5, 8, 1, 9, 7, 7, 10, 8, 1, 6, 4, 9, 1, 2, 8 and 3. Total: 175. Successes: 24.
<Hal> $21d10
<Navi> Hal: You rolled 21 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 1, 9, 3, 3, 2, 8, 9, 1, 2, 6, 7, 2, 10, 3, 7, 4, 10, 7, 3, 7 and 4. Total: 108. Successes: 12.
<DM> $47d10 for Mario
<Navi> DM: You rolled 47 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 2, 5, 5, 8, 8, 3, 9, 9, 1, 1, 9, 9, 4, 2, 10, 1, 10, 1, 3, 6, 8, 4, 5, 10, 1, 9, 10, 8, 1, 6, 2, 2, 10, 6, 10, 8, 9, 8, 6, 9, 9, 5, 8, 2, 6, 7 and 3. Total: 278. Successes: 37.
<DM> Damage: Halved
<DM> $15d10 for KeyBoss
<Navi> DM: You rolled 15 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 6, 8, 6, 1, 5, 10, 6, 5, 10, 4, 4, 8, 4, 10 and 10. Total: 97. Successes: 15.
<Sephiroth> $25d10
<Navi> Sephiroth: You rolled 25 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 6, 10, 5, 5, 7, 4, 3, 2, 2, 1, 7, 9, 2, 2, 6, 4, 7, 3, 10, 8, 8, 9, 4, 2 and 8. Total: 134. Successes: 16.
<DM> 37 - 15 = 22/2 = 11 damage to KeyBoss
<DM> oh wait
* Fireblast instantly dies
<Hal> 37-12-6/2 = 10 damage
<Fireblast> 0h, 5m | Prism Shield Charge: 0 |  Enemies automatically take 2 Neutral Damage (Shield) at start of round | Neutral Armor +1
<DM> *Mario is now trapped inside the Infernal Nightmare with KeyBoss!
<DM> *Sephiroth, you're fine, Hal's got ya covered, HEYOOOOOOOOO!
<DM> "KeyBoss"           194h | 45m | No Fire Affinity | Blocked by 4 Magic Barrier | Trapped with frigin' Mario
* DM pokes Darte for a Courage roll to defend.
* Fireblast just lays on the floor, blood gushing out.
* Hal is no longer covering Sephiroth. Curse you fat red plumber
<Sephiroth> 23h, 2m
<Darte> $35d10
<Navi> Darte: You rolled 35 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 7, 6, 6, 1, 5, 5, 7, 4, 10, 1, 1, 4, 4, 2, 5, 4, 8, 4, 6, 10, 10, 10, 7, 3, 9, 5, 10, 7, 8, 2, 5, 5, 7, 1 and 5. Total: 194. Successes: 28.
<DM> *Annnd yep, everyone got hit except the guy that was covered.
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 1 Over!
<Navi> Round 2: Sephiroth, Fireblast, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss and DM
<Fireblast> $remove me
* Hal recovers 2 Magic
<Navi> Round 2: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss and DM
<Hal> 5h 11m
* Fireblast is deader than dead, with more blood flowing out
<DM> *KeyBoss and Mario both take 10 Neutral Damage (dangit Fireblast) and lose 8 Magic, with 1 magic siphonining from each of them as well.
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Kefka (BOOT TO THE HEAD!)
<DM> SERIOUSLY KEFKA?!
<Mario> D'oh
<DM> le-sigh
<DM> okay, via torture..... Sephiroth or Hal, kick me again
<Darte> 7h 10m
* Sephiroth kicks DM out the window.
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Sephiroth (You have been kicked out the window and you landed in the Matrix! What program do you want to load? «19,949»)
<Darte> 7h 10m | Fareed's Fin Stance | 5 charges
<DM> *Mario only has 8 health and is thus roasted alive, turning into some firey mushrooms. KeyBoss can devour the mushroom, and no one else can cause lol Infernal Nightmare.
* Sephiroth downs a Chateau Romani, recovering himself to maximum Magic. .. Also adding a bit of tipsyness to him.
<Mario> Mama mia....
<DM> *Courtesies of the Matrix, everyone now knows Kung-Fu. All Punches and Kicks now deal +5 damage instead of damage halved.
<DM> "KeyBoss"           184h | 36m | No Fire Affinity | Blocked by 4 Magic Barrier | Trapped with a frigin' mushroom
* Fireblast would say a pun, but she is a corpse.
* Sephiroth then casts Second Chance upon himself.
<Sephiroth> EFFECT: Target gains 2 Temporary Reroll Points.
<Sephiroth> These automatically expire at the end of the battle, whether they’re used or not.
<Sephiroth> 23h, 11m | 2 Temporary Reroll Points
<Sephiroth> $endturn
<Navi> Round 2: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss and DM
<Hal> (Keyboss can't use any Magic Attacks)
<DM> *KeyBoss still can't do anything cause dangit no fire affinity.
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 2: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss and DM
* Fireblast is slowly dying despite already being dead
* Hal casts Fairy Beam on Fireblast; recovering him to 6 Hearts and healing himself by 3 Hearts
* Fireblast is somehow now a he, despite being a she
* Hal then consumes a Recovery Heart
<Hal> 14h 5m
<Fireblast> 6h, 5m | Prism Shield Charge: 0 |  Enemies automatically take 2 Neutral Damage (Shield) at start of round | Neutral Armor +1
<Hal> $endturn
<Navi> Round 2: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss and DM
<Fireblast> $init j
<Navi> Fireblast has entered the battle.
* Darte slings a PSI Blast at the key, hoping to cool the fire within its molten heart.
<Darte> Roll your Wisdom +3 dice vs. targets' Wisdom dice
<Darte> Damage: +0
<Darte> EFFECT: If it hits, recover 3 Hearts.
<DM> [KeyBoss]: Mwahahhaha, you fell right for my plans!
<Darte> $23d10
<Navi> Darte: You rolled 23 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 2, 6, 1, 6, 5, 2, 6, 8, 5, 8, 3, 9, 6, 7, 5, 5, 6, 5, 2, 8, 3, 6 and 8. Total: 122. Successes: 17.
* Darte has sudden reason for concern.
<DM> *Darte, your PSI Blast slams into the Infernal Nightmare instead, ending it.
* Darte dies on the inside.
<DM> [KeyBoss]: AND NOW I'M FREEEEEE
* Darte wonders if he still gets three hearts.
<DM> "KeyBoss"           184h | 36m | Trapped with a frigin' mushroom
<DM> (you do)
<Fireblast> Congratulations! You unlocked yourself from your prison!
<DM> *Well played, 3 more pun damage.
<Darte> 10h 10m | Fareed's Fin Stance | Caaram's Crest Stance | 7 charges
<Darte> *9m
<Darte> $endturn
<Navi> Round 2: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss, DM and Fireblast
<Sephiroth> You're free, eh? Does that mean I can simply pocket you then?
<SubconsciousEye> ((Is that mushroom still there?))
<DM> (DON'T TRY IT, MAN)
<Darte> Careful! He might lock your pocket.
<Darte> With your hand still inside.
<DM> *2 more pun damage!
<Fireblast> I mean, he could also try to pick your locket
<Darte> Polly Locket.
<Fireblast> ... That doesn't sound right at all
<DM> so Darte, you've got, what... +5 attack dice now?
<Darte> ^^
<Hal> It appears logic does not like keys tonight
<DM> ^_^
<Fireblast> Key logic does not apply, look for next line of code
<DM> *KeyBoss casts Force of Alteration to change its next attack to power-based, then tries to unlock Darte's secrets again! Darte, roll Power to defend, sucker!
<Hal> (Oh GOD)
<DM> Damage: +0
<DM> EFFECT: If it hits, copy one of the target’s Bonuses, which can be any of Power, Courage, Wisdom, Attack Dice, Defense Dice, or Armor.
<DM> Once a Bonus has been copied, you can’t copy it again from that target.
<DM> $15d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 15 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 10, 3, 9, 5, 7, 6, 5, 2, 7, 10, 3, 3, 5, 4 and 8. Total: 87. Successes: 12.
<Darte> $11d10
<Navi> Darte: You rolled 11 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 3, 9, 5, 6, 8, 10, 2, 3, 5, 8 and 7. Total: 66. Successes: 9.
* Fireblast pokes a reroll at Key Boss
<DM> $15d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 15 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 6, 6, 10, 2, 4, 10, 5, 3, 4, 1, 8, 9, 3, 5 and 9. Total: 85. Successes: 11.
* Sephiroth flicks one of his temporary reroll coins at the Key Boss.
<DM> $15d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 15 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 5, 7, 3, 9, 5, 6, 7, 9, 1, 5, 9, 3, 7, 4 and 1. Total: 81. Successes: 10.
<Darte> :(
<DM> *It's still a hit!
* Darte tosses a reroll point
<Hal> (Who wants the key to get +5 Attack Dice?)
<Darte> @ key
<DM> $15d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 15 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 3, 10, 6, 3, 1, 10, 2, 5, 2, 6, 6, 10, 4, 8 and 4. Total: 80. Successes: 11.
<Darte> :((
<DM> *Yep, it gets a nice +5 attack dice. Thanks for meal, Darte!
<DM> "KeyBoss"           179h | 32m | +5 Attack Dice
* Darte no longer has +5 attack dice.
<Fireblast> Well, it would seem it unlocked some kind of new bonus.
<Sephiroth> 23h, 11m | 1 Temporary Reroll Point
<DM> [KeyBoss]: Excellent, up next... a little defense would go a long way.
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 2: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss, DM and Fireblast
-Navi- To end your turn in #zurpg, use $endturn.
<Hal> Put that attack bonus to use and unlock that locker Strife is looking for.
<DM> BRING IT, KICKERS!
* Sephiroth kicks DM out the window.
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Sephiroth (You have been kicked out the window and you landed inside a shotgun barrel? BANG! «19,951»)
<Hal> (don't forget to demote DM)
* Hal kicks DM out of the window
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Hal (You were kicked out of the window and landed in Super Smash Bros as a contestant!)
<DM> hmmm
<SubconsciousEye> Tfw you cannot join the kickfest
<SubconsciousEye> Smh
* DM joins the fight with a shotgun and randomly rolls his stats via $5d30.
<DM> $5d30
<Navi> DM: You rolled 5 Dice with 30 Sides. Results: 6, 8, 2, 14 and 2. Total: 32.
<DM> ....... really
<DM> screw that
* DM throws a reroll point from that.
<DM> $5d30
<Navi> DM: You rolled 5 Dice with 30 Sides. Results: 15, 1, 22, 12 and 4. Total: 54.
* Fireblast rerolls that
<DM> theeeere we go
<DM> DANGIT
<DM> $5d30
<Navi> DM: You rolled 5 Dice with 30 Sides. Results: 5, 8, 12, 24 and 19. Total: 68.
<DM> whelp, I'm a support caster now
* DM aims at a random target.
<DM> $1d4
<Navi> DM: You rolled 1 Die with 4 Sides. Result: 2.
* DM fires at KEYBOSS!
<DM> $18d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 18 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 1, 6, 1, 4, 7, 10, 5, 1, 1, 10, 7, 10, 4, 5, 4, 6, 7 and 4. Total: 93. Successes: 13.
<Fireblast> Wait, he hasn't even unlocked his proper moveset!
<DM> [KeyBoss]: WHAT THE F-
<DM> $15d10 for KeyBoss
<Navi> DM: You rolled 15 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 10, 8, 9, 10, 5, 3, 1, 6, 6, 5, 4, 2, 9, 5 and 7. Total: 90. Successes: 13.
<DM> ......
<DM> ...............
<DM> $18d10
<Hal> What the Forge?
<Navi> DM: You rolled 18 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 10, 8, 3, 9, 3, 4, 9, 3, 10, 9, 6, 4, 2, 1, 1, 6, 1 and 8. Total: 97. Successes: 11.
<DM> $15d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 15 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 5, 1, 2, 7, 2, 8, 2, 6, 2, 3, 5, 6, 10, 4 and 4. Total: 67. Successes: 8.
<DM> *KeyBoss is hit by a bunch of bullets, taking 3 * $1d5 damage!
<DM> $1d5
<Navi> DM: You rolled 1 Die with 5 Sides. Result: 2.
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Kefka (*Drives a random ambulance over you!*)
* DM requests another kick from Hal or Sephiroth.
* Sephiroth kicks DM out the window.
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Sephiroth (You have been kicked out the window and you landed on the cement forty stories down! «19,952»)
* Hal kicks DM out of the window
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Hal (You were kicked out of the window and landed in a china shop! Looks like you just smashed all the pots.)
<DM> "KeyBoss"           173h, 32m | +5 Attack Dice
<DM> "DM"                24h, 19m, 5p, 8c, 12w | ARMED WITH A SHOTGUN!
* DM is killed immediately afterwards, reluctant of the pot.
<DM> "DM"                ded
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 2: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss, DM and Fireblast
<Fireblast> Well, don't mind me, I guess.
* Fireblast sits down and sips some tea.
<Fireblast> $endturn
<Navi> Round 2 Over!
<Navi> Round 3: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss, DM and Fireblast
<DM> *2 more damage to KeyBoss, another magic siphoned
<Fireblast> 6h, 5m | Prism Shield Charge: 0 |  Enemies automatically take 2 Neutral Damage (Shield) at start of round | Neutral Armor +1
<DM> "KeyBoss"           171h, 31m | +5 Attack Dice
* Sephiroth siphons 1 delicious magic point from the KeyBoss.
<Sephiroth> 23h, 12m | 1 Temporary Reroll Point
<DM> *By the way, there's still a mushroom wandering around the battlefield, if anyone is crazy enough to eat it. ^_^
<Hal> 14h 7m
* Sephiroth does just that.
<Fireblast> Remind me again why we haven't gotten something for the key to unlock? Like a chest?
* Sephiroth noms on a delicious mushroom.
<Fireblast> The dead man's chest?
<DM> *Sephiroth, you receive the following...
<Darte> *boot to the head*
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Hal (BOOT TO THE HEAD!)
* Sephiroth then equips his Spacial Wand and proceeds to Flip! the KeyBoss!
<Sephiroth> DESCRIPTION: Fire a bubble of space at a target.
<Sephiroth> Roll your Wisdom +10 dice vs. targets' Wisdom dice
<DM> *You grow large, gaining 10 Power and 10 Hearts! However... you're now a little tipsy. Your targeting is now randomized and can include DM.
<Sephiroth> Damage: None
<Sephiroth> EFFECT 1: If it hits, you and the target are Flipped! for a brief moment:
<Sephiroth> All of your allies are able to immediately attack the target you flipped.
<Sephiroth> All of your target's allies are able to immediately attack you.
<Sephiroth> During this time, Counterattacks are disabled.
<Sephiroth> EFFECT 2: Afterwards, you both return to your original positions.
<Sephiroth> $28d10
<Navi> Sephiroth: You rolled 28 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 2, 6, 6, 1, 8, 6, 9, 4, 9, 1, 4, 10, 6, 5, 7, 10, 5, 9, 7, 6, 7, 9, 2, 8, 2, 6, 3 and 1. Total: 159. Successes: 21.
<DM> (kay, I posted that after the flip, that one is clear and fine)
<DM> ...... oh god
<DM> $20d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 20 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 10, 7, 4, 2, 2, 9, 2, 10, 5, 1, 3, 4, 1, 7, 3, 7, 1, 9, 7 and 5. Total: 99. Successes: 12.
<DM> *Flip successful!
<DM> *Darte, Fireblast, and Hal, you all get an attack on KeyBoss!
<Sephiroth> 33h, 12m | 1 Temporary Reroll Point | Enlarged (+10 Hearts, +10 Power) | Tipsy (Target is randomized)
<DM> *KeyBoss goes to try and unlock the secrets of Sephiroth!
<DM> Roll your Wisdom dice vs. targets' Wisdom dice
<DM> Damage: +0
<DM> EFFECT: If it hits, copy one of the target’s Bonuses, which can be any of Power, Courage, Wisdom, Attack Dice, Defense Dice, or Armor.
<DM> Once a Bonus has been copied, you can’t copy it again from that target.
<DM> $25d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 25 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 8, 4, 1, 4, 2, 2, 1, 3, 7, 4, 4, 7, 10, 7, 8, 1, 6, 10, 1, 10, 10, 3, 3, 1 and 9. Total: 126. Successes: 15.
* Sephiroth cannot be targeted by the KeyBoss.
* Hal uses his cane to wipe off the boss' Fire Affinity again
<DM> ..... wha?
<Hal> $24d10
<Navi> Hal: You rolled 24 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 5, 8, 10, 4, 5, 5, 2, 8, 5, 5, 9, 6, 6, 2, 3, 9, 5, 9, 8, 1, 7, 9, 7 and 6. Total: 144. Successes: 20.
<DM> ......
<DM> riiiiiight
<DM> $20d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 20 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 10, 6, 6, 2, 9, 7, 1, 3, 4, 1, 7, 8, 5, 8, 5, 9, 3, 4, 5 and 8. Total: 111. Successes: 14.
<DM> *Fire Affinity removed again!
<Hal> 14h 4m
* Fireblast performs a typical Slash Attack from her White Sword that is totally not racist at all to keys!
<Fireblast> Slash:
<Fireblast> Roll your Courage +6 dice vs. targets' Courage dice
<Fireblast> Damage: +0
* Fireblast is currently attacking Key Boss
<Fireblast> $29d10
<Navi> Fireblast: You rolled 29 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 5, 8, 6, 9, 7, 4, 10, 3, 3, 6, 9, 2, 2, 4, 4, 10, 10, 4, 3, 3, 4, 9, 1, 9, 7, 6, 8, 9 and 9. Total: 174. Successes: 20.
<DM> $15d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 15 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 2, 6, 3, 10, 2, 2, 6, 5, 2, 9, 8, 7, 7, 9 and 8. Total: 86. Successes: 11.
<DM> *It's a hit, 9 more damage!
<SubconsciousEye> $turns
<Navi> Round 3: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss, DM and Fireblast
* Darte retunes his PSI Blast, firing once again at the KeyBoss.
<Darte> Roll your Wisdom +3 dice vs. targets' Wisdom dice
<Darte> EFFECT: If it hits, recover 3 Hearts.
<Darte> $26d10
<Navi> Darte: You rolled 26 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 10, 3, 7, 9, 6, 10, 2, 10, 8, 3, 8, 4, 8, 6, 3, 6, 8, 8, 9, 7, 9, 1, 2, 4, 2 and 10. Total: 163. Successes: 21.
<DM> $20d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 20 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 1, 9, 6, 10, 6, 6, 2, 3, 5, 8, 2, 6, 8, 10, 8, 6, 4, 6, 1 and 6. Total: 113. Successes: 16.
<DM> *5 more damage!
<Sephiroth> $endturn
<DM> "KeyBoss"           157h, 31m | +5 Attack Dice | No Fire Affinity
<Navi> Round 3: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss, DM and Fireblast
<Sephiroth> 33h, 12m | 1 Temporary Reroll Point | Enlarged (+10 Hearts, +10 Power) | Tipsy (Target is randomized)
<Darte> 12h 8m | Fareed's Fin Stance | Caaram's Crest Stance | Sahuagin's Scale Stance | 9 charges!
<Fireblast> 6h, 5m
<DM> *KeyBoss uses Force of Alteration again, and... aims for Darte. It's grabbin' that tasty lookin' +3 Wisdom! Roll Power to Defend!
* Darte clasps his White Sword in his mouth, bringing his wielding total to three blades.
<DM> $25d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 25 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 2, 8, 4, 10, 4, 3, 1, 6, 6, 3, 6, 7, 1, 2, 7, 7, 7, 9, 10, 2, 6, 2, 7, 4 and 1. Total: 125. Successes: 15.
<DM> wait
<DM> wrong roll
<DM> $5d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 5 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 5, 9, 5, 10 and 10. Total: 39. Successes: 7.
<Darte> $11d10
<DM> ...........
<Navi> Darte: You rolled 11 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 1, 2, 7, 4, 2, 1, 7, 2, 7, 3 and 4. Total: 40. Successes: 3.
<DM> 8 successes on the attack
* Fireblast rerolls Darte
* Darte REROLLS
<Darte> $11d10
<Navi> Darte: You rolled 11 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 2, 9, 5, 4, 6, 1, 1, 4, 10, 2 and 10. Total: 54. Successes: 7.
<DM> 8 vs. 7, still higher
* Sephiroth rerolls Darte with his other temporary reroll point.
* Fireblast already threw a reroll at Darte
<Sephiroth> 33h, 12m | Enlarged (+10 Hearts, +10 Power) | Tipsy (Target is randomized)
<Darte> $11d10
<Navi> Darte: You rolled 11 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 1, 9, 4, 2, 3, 2, 6, 3, 1, 7 and 4. Total: 42. Successes: 3.
<Darte> $11d10
<Navi> Darte: You rolled 11 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 8, 10, 6, 8, 7, 7, 4, 9, 1, 6 and 8. Total: 74. Successes: 10.
<DM> *After enough time traveling and DM screwing up KeyBoss' attack roll, Darte manages to evade the attack!
<DM> "KeyBoss"           157h, 27m | +5 Attack Dice | No Fire Affinity
<DM> [KeyBoss]: Grar!
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 3: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss, DM and Fireblast
* Darte accepts the bafflemath.
* Hal casts Heal Beam on Fireblast, healing himself and Fireblast to full as a result.
<Fireblast> 10h, 5m
<Darte> 12h 8m | Fareed's Fin Stance | Caaram's Crest Stance | Sahuagin's Scale Stance | 11 charges!!!
* Hal then consumes a Green Potion
<Hal> 15h 11m
<Hal> $endturn
<Navi> Round 3: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss, DM and Fireblast
* Darte 's eye flashes.  Is that... a bandana on his head??
* Darte unleashes a Cross Slash on the KeyBoss!
<Darte> DESCRIPTION: Expend all Charges. Attack a target with all three of your swords as three separate attacks.
<Darte> EFFECT 1: Each successful attack causes you to recover Hearts and Magic equal to half the number of Charges you expended.
<Darte> EFFECT 2: You do not gain any Charges from using this move.
<Darte> ONIGIRI
<Fireblast> Isn't an onigir a food?
* DM will go ahead and roll all three defense rolls.
<DM> $15d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 15 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 5, 9, 3, 5, 10, 7, 5, 1, 7, 6, 9, 10, 7, 2 and 2. Total: 88. Successes: 13.
<Fireblast> Actually, isn't an onigiri also food?
<DM> $15d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 15 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 3, 5, 2, 9, 9, 10, 9, 4, 8, 5, 1, 2, 3, 1 and 7. Total: 78. Successes: 9.
<DM> $15d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 15 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 10, 5, 6, 3, 10, 5, 9, 5, 6, 6, 10, 5, 5, 7 and 6. Total: 98. Successes: 17.
<Darte> ((That's the joke in his attack names, they're all food puns)
<DM> (noice)
<Darte> (( See: One Piece's Zoro for context plz k thx ))
<SubconsciousEye> ((I have never watched One Piece))
<Darte> Stab:
<Darte> Roll your Courage -3 dice vs. targets' Courage dice
<Darte> Damage: +8
<Darte> $35d10
<Navi> Darte: You rolled 35 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 6, 9, 1, 8, 8, 10, 7, 6, 3, 4, 1, 3, 5, 4, 4, 2, 3, 9, 8, 6, 8, 3, 5, 3, 8, 10, 2, 2, 4, 8, 8, 10, 6, 8 and 7. Total: 199. Successes: 24.
<Darte> $35d10
<Navi> Darte: You rolled 35 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 4, 7, 4, 10, 10, 8, 10, 3, 3, 3, 6, 5, 6, 5, 2, 1, 3, 4, 5, 5, 2, 5, 6, 4, 9, 3, 1, 8, 9, 9, 5, 3, 6, 8 and 2. Total: 184. Successes: 23.
<DM> 24 - 13 = 11 + 8 = 19 damage for attack 1
<Darte> Magical Blade:
<Darte> REQUIREMENTS: You being at Maximum Hearts
<Darte> DESCRIPTION: Fire a magical blade of air, powered by your Hearts, at a target.
<Darte> Roll your Courage +9 dice vs. targets' Courage dice
<Darte> Damage: +0
<Darte> $47d10
<Navi> Darte: You rolled 47 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 6, 5, 1, 8, 8, 3, 4, 2, 8, 8, 3, 9, 10, 7, 4, 4, 9, 8, 10, 2, 6, 3, 3, 3, 2, 2, 8, 4, 8, 5, 5, 3, 10, 5, 1, 7, 8, 4, 8, 6, 2, 1, 4, 2, 7, 8 and 6. Total: 250. Successes: 29.
* Darte eyes his pile of reroll points
<DM> 23 - 9 = 14 + 8 = 22 + 8 = 30 for attack 2
* Darte throws one at the Magical Blade
<Darte> $47d10
<Navi> Darte: You rolled 47 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 5, 5, 5, 7, 1, 7, 9, 4, 8, 10, 1, 1, 7, 5, 6, 10, 5, 10, 10, 1, 8, 4, 9, 3, 6, 9, 7, 7, 5, 4, 2, 10, 8, 7, 6, 8, 4, 5, 2, 2, 4, 2, 3, 1, 7, 8 and 10. Total: 268. Successes: 37.
<DM> 37 - 17 = 20 damage for attack 3
<DM> $calc 19 + 30 + 20
<Kefka> 19 + 30 + 20 = 69
<Hal> (lol, 69 damage)
<DM> (really man)
<DM> $calc 157 - 69
<Kefka> 157 - 69 = 88
<SubconsciousEye> ((PERFECT))
* Darte has initiated a salacious relationship with the KeyBoss.
<Darte> 12h 10m
<Fireblast> Whoa, did someone put some saucy method into that attack?
<Darte> $lovecalc Darte KeyBoss
<Kefka> $lovecalc: Syntax error; use $help lovecalc for more information, Darte.
<DM> *KeyBoss, after harassing Darte all game for his stats, finally receives a backlash of attacks that knocks off a massive chunk of its health. ORA ORA ORA ORA ORAAAAAAAA!
<Darte> $lovecalc Darte, KeyBoss
<Kefka> The chance of a successful sexual relationship between Darte and KeyBoss is 10%.
<Darte> $endturn
<Navi> Round 3: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss, DM and Fireblast
<DM> [KeyBoss]: I will not unlock your heart.
<SubconsciousEye> $lovecalc Fireblast, KeyBoss
<Kefka> The chance of a successful sexual relationship between Fireblast and KeyBoss is 5%.
<Hal> $lovecalc Hal, Keyboss
<Kefka> The chance of a successful sexual relationship between Hal and Keyboss is 13%.
<SubconsciousEye> $lovecalc Fireblast, Key Boss
<Kefka> The chance of a successful sexual relationship between Fireblast and Key Boss is 93%.
<Hal> It appears the Key Boss doesn't want to unlock any of our hearts
<Darte> Well that makes sense
<DM> *KeyBoss turns its attention to Fireblast's love and attempts to unlock her hea- I mean secrets.
<Darte> All Fireblast's blood is rushing to his, uh.  Prongs??
<DM> Roll your Wisdom dice vs. targets' Wisdom dice
<DM> Damage: +0
<DM> EFFECT: If it hits, copy one of the target’s Bonuses, which can be any of Power, Courage, Wisdom, Attack Dice, Defense Dice, or Armor.
<DM> Once a Bonus has been copied, you can’t copy it again from that target.
<DM> $25d10
* Fireblast is a she, not a he, but eh
<Navi> DM: You rolled 25 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 1, 8, 10, 1, 5, 3, 9, 7, 8, 7, 3, 5, 2, 6, 7, 1, 4, 3, 7, 2, 6, 1, 3, 7 and 5. Total: 121. Successes: 15.
<Fireblast> $25d10
<Navi> Fireblast: You rolled 25 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 4, 9, 5, 10, 7, 5, 1, 4, 5, 1, 8, 8, 10, 4, 5, 7, 6, 10, 9, 2, 6, 9, 5, 8 and 6. Total: 154. Successes: 22.
<DM> *Yep, miss.
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 3: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss, DM and Fireblast
-Navi- To end your turn in #zurpg, use $endturn.
* Fireblast sips tea like a boss
<Darte> (( the key's prongs ya silly ))
<Hal> (demote DM)
* Sephiroth kicks DM out the window.
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Sephiroth (You have been kicked out the window and you landed in Super Mario 64! «19,953»)
* Hal kicks DM out of the window
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Hal (You were kicked out of the window and landed in Freddy Fazbear's! Hey look, they are hiring a night watchman.)
<DM> (oh god dangit mario, not-
<DM> ............
<DM> .........................
<Fireblast> Well, don't mind me, I'll just get a pizza that heart!
<DM> *Mario returns from the dead, stitched up by Freddy Fazbear. He's now watching you all as his head rotates mechanically... BEWARE...
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 3: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss, DM and Fireblast
<Hal> o.o
* Fireblast just continues to sip tea, while attempting to Magical Blade the Key Boss!
<Fireblast> Magical Blade:
<Fireblast> REQUIREMENTS: You being at Maximum Hearts
<Fireblast> DESCRIPTION: Fire a magical blade of air, powered by your Hearts, at a target.
<Fireblast> Roll your Courage +9 dice vs. targets' Courage dice
<Fireblast> Damage: +0
<Fireblast> $32d10
<Navi> Fireblast: You rolled 32 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 6, 4, 6, 9, 1, 1, 3, 9, 5, 2, 6, 10, 3, 9, 4, 3, 6, 2, 3, 10, 7, 10, 5, 6, 8, 7, 1, 6, 2, 9, 2 and 7. Total: 172. Successes: 22.
<DM> $15d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 15 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 2, 8, 6, 2, 8, 8, 1, 3, 10, 7, 2, 2, 5, 6 and 5. Total: 75. Successes: 10.
<DM> *12 more damage!
<DM> $init j Strife
<Navi> Strife has entered the battle.
<Fireblast> $endturn
<Navi> Round 3: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss, DM, Fireblast and Strife
<DM> "KeyBoss"           76h, 27m | +5 Attack Dice | No Fire Affinity
<DM> *Strife interrupts the turn process by finally remembering how to remember where he isn't...... wait what?
<DM> [Strife]: Did someone call for a senile old man? Well, no, I did, but I forgot I did.
<Fireblast> Hey look! It's Amnesia Blondie!
<DM> *Strife then does a chain of unthinkableness.
<Hal> (What's Strife's current stats again?)
<Hal> (as in Hearts)
<DM> https://zurpg.sephiroth.ws/thread-1113.html
<Kefka> ZURPG: Strife
<DM> Strife         27h, 6m
<DM> *Strife has been lying in wait with Leap Attack charged.
<DM> *He then uses the Clawshot to reel KeyBoss towards him while readying a punch to the face with his other hand
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Kefka (*Drives a random ambulance over you!*)
<Darte> Ambulance...? AMBULANCE!?
<Darte> IS KEFKA BACK
<DM> $32d10 for Strife
<Navi> DM: You rolled 32 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 10, 8, 7, 9, 4, 6, 4, 9, 3, 1, 10, 9, 2, 8, 1, 8, 10, 8, 4, 2, 5, 1, 3, 7, 10, 9, 9, 1, 3, 5, 6 and 3. Total: 185. Successes: 23.
* Hal kicks DM out of the window
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Hal (You were kicked out of the window and landed into a speedrun! Gotta go fast!)
<DM> $15d10 for KeyBoss
<Navi> DM: You rolled 15 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 2, 2, 1, 5, 8, 5, 3, 1, 5, 2, 9, 6, 10, 9 and 4. Total: 72. Successes: 9.
<DM> *Clawshot successful!
<DM> kay, so... +5 attack and -5 defense... plus matrix punch = +5 damage...... dear god
<DM> $37d10 for Strife
<Navi> DM: You rolled 37 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 9, 6, 7, 10, 1, 8, 2, 7, 7, 1, 6, 8, 3, 1, 3, 5, 2, 5, 6, 7, 2, 10, 10, 2, 5, 1, 1, 1, 1, 10, 4, 10, 6, 1, 10, 6 and 8. Total: 192. Successes: 28.
<DM> $10d10 for KeyBoss
<Navi> DM: You rolled 10 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 1, 3, 5, 2, 8, 3, 4, 8, 6 and 8. Total: 48. Successes: 5.
<DM> 28 - 5 = 23 + 5 = 28 damage
<Hal> (also 1.5x damage)
<DM> righto
<DM> 23 * 1.5 = 35 + 5 = 40 damage
<DM> *Strife effectively does a FALCON PAAAAAWWWWWWWNCH to the KeyBoss. Despite his senility and old age, he still has the power of an OP Smash 4 character pre-nerf, bringing KeyBoss to its knees..... oh wait, it has no knees.
<DM> "KeyBoss"           36h, 27m | +5 Attack Dice | No Fire Affinity
<DM> wait
<DM> $1d3
<Navi> DM: You rolled 1 Die with 3 Sides. Result: 3.
<DM> ......
<DM> crit
<DM> 60 damage
<DM> "KeyBoss"           16h, 27m | +5 Attack Dice | No Fire Affinity
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 3 Over!
<Navi> Round 4: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss, DM, Fireblast and Strife
<DM> [Strife]: My work here is done.
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Kefka (*Drives a random ambulance over you!*)
* Sephiroth kicks DM out the window.
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Sephiroth (You have been kicked out the window and you landed on Peter Griffin! «19,954»)
<DM> *2 more damage and another magic siphoned
* Hal kicks DM out of the window
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Hal (You were kicked out of the window and landed on the fourth wall!)
<DM> "KeyBoss"           14h, 26m | +5 Attack Dice | No Fire Affinity
<Sephiroth> 33h, 13m | Enlarged (+10 Hearts, +10 Power) | Tipsy (Target is randomized)
<Hal> 15h 13m
<Fireblast> Wow, it seemed like Key Boss may have been locked into shock mode from impact!
<Hal> You don't say
<DM> *Okay, driving around at the speed of sound, Sonic runs DM over twice, first reviving him with life, and then killing him with an over abundance of life. DM then bounces off of Peter Griffin and back on the fourth wall, where he's supposed to belong.
* Sephiroth equips his Death's Edge. ... and attempts to cleave ...
<Sephiroth> $1d6
<Navi> Sephiroth: You rolled 1 Die with 6 Sides. Result: 6.
* Sephiroth attempts to Cleave Strife!
<Sephiroth> Roll your Power -10 dice vs. targets' Courage dice
<Sephiroth> Damage: +20
<Sephiroth> EFFECT: If it hits, target gets Enfeebled:
<Sephiroth> Target's Magic Costs are doubled.
<Sephiroth> IF FAIL: Target automatically gets to counterattack you.
<Fireblast> Well, it would appear that Strife was LOCKED ON
<Fireblast> ... Who is Strife?
<Sephiroth> $15d10
<Navi> Sephiroth: You rolled 15 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 4, 6, 2, 4, 5, 3, 8, 6, 4, 9, 7, 3, 2, 6 and 8. Total: 77. Successes: 8.
<DM> *Annnd despite Strife's help with a falcon punch, Sephiroth instead decides to revive his long lost rivalry with Strife. With much strife, Strife tries to..... defend?
<DM> $20d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 20 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 3, 5, 4, 1, 6, 6, 6, 7, 4, 8, 10, 2, 3, 8, 2, 2, 1, 7, 4 and 5. Total: 94. Successes: 11.
<DM> *Annnd it's a miss! ...... I'm so tempted to find a way to reroll that.
* Sephiroth chooses not to reroll.
<DM> $1d7
<Navi> DM: You rolled 1 Die with 7 Sides. Result: 1.
<DM> *Freddy Fazbear locks his gaze onto Sephiroth! He stares ominously....
<DM> errr
<DM> *Freddy Fazbear'd Mario
<Sephiroth> $endturn
<Fireblast> Wait, since there is a Key Boss, and we were attacking it a lot, does that mean that we were locking onto him?
<Navi> Round 4: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss, DM, Fireblast and Strife
<DM> *KeyBoss receives yet more pun damage.
<DM> "KeyBoss"           12h, 26m | +5 Attack Dice | No Fire Affinity
<DM> [KeyBoss]: Gah, DM did not give me enough power! I CALL HAX!
<DM> *KeyBoss then attempts to unlock the secrets.......... on DM.
<Darte> We're bringing on the Apokeylypse.
* DM cannot roll, cause he's stuck on the fourth wall.
<Fireblast> We did it guys, we found the Key Boss's secret! It was... Locks.
<DM> $25d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 25 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 7, 3, 7, 10, 1, 3, 3, 3, 9, 1, 5, 3, 4, 6, 8, 10, 1, 4, 4, 8, 4, 5, 1, 2 and 7. Total: 119. Successes: 13.
<DM> (for KeyBoss)
<Fireblast> Wait, did you just unlock the fourth wall?
* DM has his secrets unlocked! KeyBoss and DM have merged together, forming a boss with the powers of the DM! NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW!
<DM> MWAHAHAHAHAH!
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 4: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss, DM, Fireblast and Strife
<Fireblast> Because in order to unlock DM, you had to unlock the fourth wall, which means unlocking other things.........
<SubconsciousEye> Oh shit.
* Hal unequips his cane, swapping it with a Hookshot. He then proceeds to eat a Pegasus Seed for +4 Courage and then hookshots the Keyboss
<Hal> $31d10
<Navi> Hal: You rolled 31 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 2, 3, 3, 6, 7, 5, 2, 9, 1, 1, 9, 4, 4, 2, 2, 4, 6, 5, 8, 1, 2, 7, 2, 6, 10, 9, 9, 5, 9, 1 and 1. Total: 145. Successes: 16.
<Darte> but he only gets one bonus
<Darte> WHICH OF DM'S POWERS DID HE GET
* Darte looks at the forums
<DM> ^_^
<Darte> Did he get power to edit his own profile??
* DM accepts the hookshot attempt from Hal.
<DM> BRING IT ON!
<SubconsciousEye> Nah, it has to be a counterattack
<SubconsciousEye> Why I am here, I blame the Key Boss for unlocking the Fourth Wall.
* Sephiroth kicks SubconsciousEye out the window.
* Sephiroth has kicked SubconsciousEye from #zurpg (You have been kicked out the window and you landed on Chuck Norris! =O «19,955»)
* Hal dives right into the key, screwing the key with a corkscrew kick to the metal
<Hal> DESCRIPTION: Why run when you can kick the crap out of your enemy? Kick a target with your leg!
<Hal>     Roll your Courage +5 dice vs. targets' Courage dice
<Hal>         Damage: +5
<DM> *Fireblast's handler takes astronomical damage, automatically killing both SubconsciousEye and Fireblast.
<DM> *No one simply lands on Chuck Norris. He lands on you.
<Hal> $31d10
<Navi> Hal: You rolled 31 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 1, 3, 4, 6, 9, 8, 8, 8, 9, 8, 7, 3, 1, 8, 5, 5, 4, 9, 2, 5, 1, 9, 6, 6, 8, 4, 5, 3, 3, 5 and 4. Total: 167. Successes: 19.
* DM blocks the kick with ease.
<DM> $50d10
<Navi> DM: You rolled 50 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 4, 7, 7, 10, 6, 5, 7, 3, 3, 5, 9, 6, 5, 7, 10, 10, 10, 8, 1, 4, 8, 9, 9, 4, 7, 3, 8, 10, 6, 3, 3, 9, 10, 10, 8, 5, 5, 4, 8, 8, 8, 7, 3, 3, 3, 2, 3, 2, 10 and 4. Total: 309. Successes: 41.
* SubconsciousEye doesn't actually exist, which means that Chuck Norris somehow made SubconsciousEye exist...
* DM fails to counterattack.
<DM> I AM INVINCIBLE!
* Fireblast explodes into a gush of blood.
<Hal> $endturn
<Navi> Round 4: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss, DM, Fireblast and Strife
<Fireblast> -100000h 5m
<Fireblast> $remove me
<Navi> Round 4: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss, DM and Strife
* DM turns Hal into a Hall of Hals.
* Hal waits for Kefka to drive his ambulance over DM
* Fireblast has her corpse fall flat.
<DM> Kefka has no power over me. YOU FOOL!
<SubconsciousEye> ... Welp.
<Darte> ...
* Sephiroth simple goes and sits in a corner. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
<SubconsciousEye> Wait, there is actually no secrets in the universe, because those secrets rely on trust. And trust is not absolutely exactly 100%, as there is some doubt. Due to this, that means there is never enough trust, and the secret is the truth, which means the truth does not exist.
<DM> Excellent.
<SubconsciousEye> The reason being that the truth is not 100% true, meaning that it is false by default.
<SubconsciousEye> So..... Nothing exists.
<DM> $lovecalc SubconsciousEye, Truth
<Kefka> The chance of a successful sexual relationship between SubconsciousEye and Truth is 99%.
* Darte points at Sephiroth, making a rapid series of incomprehensible hand gestures, before seating himself as well.
* Sephiroth sets ban on *!*WindStrik@*.cable.mindspring.com
* Sephiroth kicks DM out the window.
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Sephiroth (You have been kicked out the window and you landed in the middle of a Civil War! «19,956»)
* Sephiroth removes ban on *!*WindStrik@*.cable.mindspring.com
<Darte> :(
<Darte> $endturn
<Navi> Round 4: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss, DM and Strife
<DM> Mwahahha, I still live!
<DM> $endturn
<Navi> Round 4: Sephiroth, KeyBoss, Hal, Darte, KeyBoss, DM and Strife
-Navi- To end your turn in #zurpg, use $endturn.
<DM> ....... oh sh-------
* Sephiroth kicks DM out the window.
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Sephiroth (You have been kicked out the window and you landed right in front of an Anubis enemy. Just back away, don't fall in the pit, and whatever you do, DON'T swing your sword! «19,957»)
<SubconsciousEye> So, essentially, we all are contradicting each other
* Hal kicks DM out of the window
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Hal (You were kicked out of the window and landed into an infinite portal loop! You have to stop sometime...)
<SubconsciousEye> ... Annnnnd there is that key drop.
<SubconsciousEye> Because when you are in an infinite loop due to portals, the key drop cannot simply be retrieved
<DM> *DM, despite his incredible godmodding, has been kicked out the window multiple times in a row, first landing in a Civil War, and then being faced down by an Anubis. DM then falls down the pit, which extends into an infinite portal loop as a blaze of bullets bounce across the battlefield, piercing DM & KeyBoss repeatedly. The fourth wall reasserts itself, KeyBoss finally dies, and DM hands you all the key to Strife's Locker.
* You have been kicked from #zurpg by Kefka (*Drives a random ambulance over you!*)
<DM> .......
* Sephiroth proceeds to pocket the KeyBoss err Key to Strife's Locket.
* DM is now getting running over on repeat inside the portal look by Kefka for all eternity.
<Sephiroth> Locker*
<DM> $init r
<Navi> DM: The bot has been reset.
<Fireblast> -100000h, 5m
<DM> [Strife]: Hey now, that's my key thar! I finally remembered where the locker is-
<DM> *Suddenly, a locker falls from above, bouncing off of Strife's head and landing next to him.
<DM> [Strife]: ...... found it.
<DM> *He passes out.
* Fireblast still hasn't revived fully, as her corpse is beyond deader than dead.
<DM> *So Sephiroth... you usin' that key on that locker?
* Sephiroth proceeds to unlock the secrets of the locked locker.
<DM> *The key disappears, and the locker opens, revealing lots and lots of goodies....
<DM> -=SESSION END=-
<DM> alright, gimme a moment...