5 para story

							The internet civilization by leadstriker ( true story )

	It was only a few days ago I played a game of Civilization with my buddies on funnyjunk. "Buddies." It was an unusual time of the summer. Most beta weeboos call it the 'steam summer sale' time. Some weeblord out of no where got us 6 real niggas together for a funnyjunk "king of the civ 5." The tournament had the old king of the civ whom only known to play one civ, Egypt. It should not be forgotten, that he was obviously had an upper hand last time because I wasn't playing. With my miniscule 30 hours game play on Civilization 5 i decided to embrace my ambition of winning. The game commenced as I realized I was playing with the biggest weeb lords in the world.

	During the pregame phase i wanted to play as Polynesia, because all these nigs pick land civilization. But G&K wasn't active, because some weeblord somewhere didn't beg sickit hard enough for it.  My next alternatives were Alexander (honor & patronage) mid game world congress dominator, Mongols (liberty & honor) early mid - renaissance era massive conquest or Suleiman (flexible) water dominator. Well i picked Suleiman because sea power. When the game started i knew i was on an island or something. Surprised to find out i spawned on a land similar to real world Spain, a peninsula blockaded by a mountain to the main land. That is when i decided to go single city wonder rush counting on the fact that no one can invade me. Sadly, before finding this out i had already built a scout who can't go over sea. To compensate, I rushed towards quick embarking to have my scout do missions for city states. After rushing Sea techs, one weebo tried to bluff saying they had 2 turns away from the stonehenge, i was 13 turns away from it. Considering the fact that since i didn't have to build many workers, settlers, or any land units for that matter I thought i had a pretty good chance of getting it. Luckily I finished the stonehenge and weebd the weeblords. From then on things felt like smooth sailing, literally. I started building up some scouting trimeres. While I was exploring the world I noticed that the lone weeboo swords man (japs) were attacking a city state that i found to be a good strategical ally. I decided to declare war on the weebo swordsman and sacrifice sacrifice all my units to repel this attack. He had maybe, through my guesstimation, 4melee 3 archers 2 scouts or something along the lines. It was a considerable amount of units and it had already damaged the city state. I sacrificed all my units by giving away warriors to city state and suicide attacking Osaka, now Better Memphis. The weeblord was stupid enough to get bluffed

	He stopped all his attack, probably making his first among many mistakes he made through out the game. Afraid of him trying to muster up a counter offensive through my north by making alliance with Egypt, at that time a weak economic country with unknown military, I decided to ruse all the people in my continent with some good anti weeblord propaganda to make them the enemy of lone weeblord swordsman. With the current geography the continent could split any shape possible. Considering my naval power and the stand still between shoshone and the lone weeblord swordsman my goal was to break up the alliences and friendships between countries because no one could touch my mainland giving me a clear economic and Wonder advantage. Around this time I was #1 on science, pop., and sea power, maybe gnp too. To my surprise Egypt allied with me, at first I thought this nigga gonna backstab me I wanted to test the waters by making a deal which he declare war on the lone weeboo swordsman ending all trade and commerce with him but not attacking with any military units. To my surprise again, he doesn't seem to have any bone in his body to back stab me while I defend my city state against the loneweeboo swords man and declared war on the lone weeboo swordsman. Also I was hoping for, though a long shot, Shoshone to attack the lone weebo swordsman; I wanted to achieve this by making him think all 3 civs on the continent were gonna war the lone weeboo swordsman and making it look like a land grab instead of a conflict for him. If he had declared war then I would've just bailed and sat back and laughed my ass off while i start fucking egypt as he had 2 coastal cities. Though this action may create alliance of Shoshone and Egypt I had already made a deal with Brazil against Poland, though not really stated on the deal but i knew it would end up that way, the deal would've guaranteed the fact that I would only have to defend my Capitol while my nigga Brazil and I would fuck Poland ass up.

	But the Shoshone being a pussy punk btich they decide to pussy away from the war. This concluded my ambition towards taking over Better Memphis and breaking the trade routes between the other civs. At this time, the only thing i could do was declare peace with the the weeboo swordsman and try to open borders with him and solidify my relationship with Egypt. Mostly because I was afraid of the fact that shoshone and the lone weeboo swordsman had already became allies and bluffing about the military build up between them. This was supported by the fact that Shoshone was building considerable amount of Wonders considering the fact that he had "a lot" of military units. I started to message the lone weeboo swordsman about the amount of land Shoshone has to expand that's being kept away from the lone weeboo swordsman. I don't know what effect this had on the lone weeboo swordsman, but i knew, when confronted about it, Shoshone told me he kept the the weeboo swordsman away from seeing the land airtight. This led me to believe maybe the lone weeboo swordsman is to Shoshone as Egypt is to me. I was certain now the weeboo swordsman and the Shoshone were allies. So started to make a deal with Egypt to make a surprise attack on the lone weeboo swordsman at the same time. I had fully gained the trust of Egypt by giving him free silver and such so he wouldn't have fucking barbarians spawning in the middle of his land. It should be noted, that the lone weeboo swordsman was stupid enough to make an open borders with me so i can sneak my caravels to attack him from the west, another mistake in his endless mistakes. I think it was around this time dragx started to bitch about how he needed sleep and shit, so he just left like bitch. Well continuing on, just as Egypt and I were about to attack the lone weeboo swordsman he somehow convinced the Shoshone to attack Japan. lol wut. I was really mad about that. I was certain that they were allies and he had warned them of our "surprise"

	Well we carried out the attack anyway, the lone weeboo swordsman put up a sad but futile defense against all sides. He was maybe 10hp from taking away from taking one of Shoshones cities to my surprise. I realized i was wrong about the entire Shoshone alliance. During the war Poland just came out and said i'm gonna go and gave me his cities and said something along the lines of 'have fun with your victory'. lol wut. My happiness immediately dipped negative so i had to give the cities to fucking Pedro the AI. Well, the lone weeboo swordsman got fucked and showed a shameful display by rage quitting the game. I immediately attacked the Shoshone after the shameful defeat of the lone weeboo swordsman. Shoshone started to cry about how life was unfair and we were cheating using aimbot or something. He showed an abysmal effort to have me war Egypt with his ruse. Well i speculated he was using the same ruse on Egypt to have him fight me. So I immediately shut his ass up by taking over all his cities and shit, which he reluctantly fought for by afking 2 minutes every turn. After the defeat of Shoshone, I was extremely tempted to attack Egypt for the final coup de grace. His empire was so stretched and had a huge body of water between his mainland and his puppet cities. Around this time my newly acquired Mount & blade: napoleen war was having a special event and my regiment was calling for me. I had already told Egypt that i was gonna declare defeat. The game i think in my opinion not truly a legitimate game considering all the fucking leavers. I don't consider my successful conquest a fortune of skill, but rather luck of a mountain placed between me and all the other civilizations. I wish to play a game again with the fellow funnyjunkers for the true king of civ 5 bnw someday.

game 2... coming soon