Spaceball the Jumpchain

Spaceballs the intro

Take these 1000 Spaceballs the Choice Points (SCP) to help you.

Spaceballs the origin

Roll 1d8+20 for age, keep gender, 50 CP to decide whatever you want for both.

Drop-in (0 SCP)
You drop into the world as you are now.  No memories clouding your judgement, but no friends either.

Space rogue (100 SCP)
You are a dashing rogue, but in space.  Sometimes people doubt your morals, but you usually end up doing the right thing.  Also, you tend to have exciting adventures.

Spaceball (100 SCP)
You are a Spaceball, from planet Spaceball.  All you do is dirty deeds.

Cameraman (100 SCP)
You don't actually have a role in this adventure, your job this time around is to be the guy (or girl) who points the camera at the people who are having adventures.  Maybe you'll finally understand what I go through around here.

Spaceballs the locations
Roll 1d8, or pay 100 SCP to choose if you don't like what you get.

1 Planet Spaceball
The heavily industrialized home planet of the Spaceballs.  They're unlikely to be friendly if you're not one of them, and they are currently experiencing a serious air shortage.  Spaceballs may choose to start here for free.

2 Planet Druidia
A peaceful and air rich planet ruled by King Roland, you'll need the combination to get past the oxygen shield surrounding the planet.  Here's a hint, it's the kind combination an idiot would have on his luggage.

3 Moon of Vega
A desert moon surrounding the planet Vega.  There's not much here besides sand, though there are whispers that a plain hermit makes this world his home...

4 Planet of the Apes
Pretty much what you expect.  May actually be Earth.

5 Space Diner
A '50s diner, but it's in space.  They have gas and food, but don't order the special.

6 In Pizza the Hutt's limousine
You are in the limousine of the notorious gangster Pizza the Hutt, better come up with a good excuse.

7 In the middle of space
Hope you have a ship

8 Free choice
Lucky you.  You still have to pick somewhere in this universe though, you can't choose to go to a better universe.

Spaceballs the perks

We're on Pluto (100 SCP) Free Drop-in
You have the unusual ability to determine what planet you're on by the texture of tree bark.  Does not work on planets without trees, for obvious reasons.

General Dashing-ness (100 SCP) Free Rogue
People swoon over you, you can pull off crazy plans, and you're good at space-swashbuckling.

I didn't see you playing with your dolls again! (100 SCP) Free Spaceball
You're fast and smooth, you can easily hide what you're doing when people forget to knock.  Actually, that's a lie.  Really it's that people are either too scared of you or respect you too much to call you on it when you get caught doing something embarrassing.

Action! (100 SCP) Free Cameraman
You actually know how to operate a camera.  Kind of a key skill if you decide you want to lug one around all day.

Vulcan Neck Pinch (300 SCP) Discount Drop-in
You can safely and quickly render people unconscious by squeezing a nerve cluster.  Remember, it's down where the shoulder meets the neck.

Pretty good for Rambo (300 SCP) Discount Rogue
You flunked out of Stormtrooper academy, and as a result are really good with a gun.

Comb the desert (300 SCP) Discount Spaceball
Need to find something?  With this, your investigative abilities increase dramatically.  You also learn how to coordinate people to help in large scale search operations.  Just try not to be too literal.

Don't look at the camera (300 SCP) Discount Cameraman
When you try to be inconspicuous, as long as you keep to yourself and don't do or say anything, people tend to forget you're there.  Good for when you want to get footage when people are at their most open or hear things they wouldn't admit to your face.

Moichandising (600 SCP) Discount Drop-in
You are an expert at merchandising.  The basics of mass production and advertising are now known to you, and you have the legal rights needed to put characters from any world you've been to on whatever mundane crap you want to sell to an unsuspecting public.  As a bonus, you also get 200 SCP worth of items from the Merchandise section.

Schwartz-sensitive (600 SCP) Discount Rogue
You're attuned to mystical energy underlying the universe, known as the [s]Force[/s] Schwartz.  This grants you minor telekinetic ability, which will grow with time, and the ability to manifest a laser sword from a Shwartz ring.

If you took Spacball as your origin, you instead get the Downside of the Schwartz.  Your abilities start out weaker, but to compensate you gain an additional attack that targets a foe's most sensitive bits.

Hail Jumper! (600 SCP) Discount Spaceball
You are now president of planet Spaceball, with all the power that being the leader of an evil, heavily industrialized planet entails.  As a result of your experience in this position, you are also granted a large boost to your charisma and political abilities.  Unfortunately, being around so many Spaceballs may make you think you took the Surrounded by Assholes drawback.

We are looking at now (600 SCP) Discount Cameraman
By using the latest in  cinematic technology, you're able to get movies on the shelves while they're still being made, including the movie for your current world.  Whenever you have television you may watch the movie of your current adventure, even going past the present moment.  Be very careful though, compressing ten years into ninty minutes is going to leave a lot of important stuff on the cutting room floor.  In addition, you also receive movies of all your previous adventures, and will receive the movie of a world upon visiting it.

Spaceballs the merchandise

500 Spacebucks (50 SCP)
Moolah.  Not much, but can pay for gas and tolls.

Spaceballs the Schwartz ring (50 SCP) Free with Schwartz-sensitive
Bupkis.

Spaceballs the Dolls (50 SCP)
Nine dolls.  One is of you, and the others are of your choice of up to 8 companions.

Spaceballs the Lunchbox (50 SCP)

Spaceballs the Prairie Air (50 SCP)
A six pack of canned Prairie Air, from planet Druidia.  The freshest air you'll ever breathe.

Spaceballs the Jam (100 SCP)
Lets you jam radars, gets rid of the bleeps, the sweeps, and the creeps.  The default flavor is raspberry, but you can pick the flavor for another 50 SCP.

Spaceballs the Flamethrower (100 SCP) Free Drop-in
Kids love it

Spaceballs the Blaster (100 SCP) Free Rogue
A high-quality blaster.  Legally I have to tell you that you're not supposed to aim this at people, and we're not liable if you do.

Spaceballs the Spaceballs Helmet (100 SCP) Free Spaceball
A genuine Spaceball Helmet, it looks like you're wearing a large ping-pong ball on your head.  It's ridiculous.

Scapeballs the Camera (100 SCP) Free Cameraman
This is a large, professional quality video camera.  It comes with a special unlimited-guarantee to never break.  It is, however, heavy and will likely be a pain in the ass to carry everywhere.

Spaceballs the Virgin Alarm (100 SCP)
This alarm can detect, and will go off, when a virgin attempts to have sex within 50 meters of it.  Great fun.

Spaceballs the Mr. Coffee (100 SCP)
Provides you with a perfect, piping-hot cup of coffee.  Good for when you're watching radar.

Spaceballs the Mr. Radar (200 SCP)
It's space radar.  Now you can detect things more accurately than by staring out the window.  Goes great with coffee.

Scapeballs the Self-Destruct Button (200 SCP)
A self-destruct button that you can install on anything you own.  Never press it.

Spaceballs the Liquid Schwartz (200 SCP)
This can boost the speed of anything with an engine up to the speed of plot.  Refills once a month.

Spaceballs the Medallion of royalty (200 SCP)
Showing this can temporarily convince people you're royalty.  However, since this is a licensed good, it's not actually real and your story will eventually fall apart.

Spaceballs the Hyperjets (300 SCP)
Any vehicle these are installed on gains the ability to travel at lightspeed.  You should probably only instal this on a spaceship, for obvious reasons.

Spaceballs the Ludicrous Speed Drive (600 SCP)
Lightspeed too slow?  Installing this on a vehicle grants it FTFTL (Faster than Faster than Light) travel.  Be careful, you'll go so fast you'll turn to plaid.

Spaceballs the Self-Destruct Cancellation Button (1000000 SCP)
When installed, this button enables you to cancel self-destruct sequences.  This button is in perfect working order and will never break.

Spaceballs the spaceships
How are you going to get around space?  This is how.

Space bicycle (0 SCP)
A space bike.  It'll get you around, but it's pretty weak, runs on pedal-power, and any passengers have to sit on the handlebars.

Space Car (100 SCP)
It's a space car.  Well, space clunker. It can be any model you want, provided it's a lame model.  Comes with a radio that works in space and a cassette player.  For an extra 50 SCP it can be upgraded to any model or make of car you want.

Space RV (200 SCP)
Can be any make of RV you want, even a Winnebago.  Unlike the cheaper options, there's actually room to walk around.  Comes with a bed and a very small kitchen.  You can buy Hyperjets for it at a discount.

Spaceball 2 (1200 SCP) Discount with President
You have an exact copy of Spaceball 1 for your personal use.  It's extremely powerful, but requires a crew the size of an army.  It also has a mall, a three-ring circus, a zoo, and a bumpersticker with your choice of humorous phrase.  It can also transform into the mighty Mega-Maid.  Comes with a free Mr. Coffee, Mr. Radar, self-destruct button, and Ludicrous Speed Drive.  Fitting it in your warehouse might give you some trouble though...

Oh, it also comes with a free self-destruct cancellation button, but it's broken.  I'm sure that won't be a problem.

Space import (400 SCP)
"Wait a minute," you say, furious at what's been graciously presented to you, "these options suck!"  Try this.  You can take a vehicle you already have, any vehicle, and make it spaceworthy.  You may take your choice of either free Hyperjets or a discounted Ludicrous Speed Drive.

Spaceballs the Drawbacks
Can take up to 2

He did it! (+100 SCP)
You didn't see who shot first, because the guy who missed hit you.  Fights tend to break out around you, and usually a few punches or blaster shots will go awry and come right at you.  Better get used to dodging.

Oh no...not again (+100 SCP)
On occasion, an alien will burst out of your torso, sing, and then run away.  This won't kill you, but it's annoying and hurts like hell.  For 100 SCP, the first one to do so will join you as a companion.

Deep Dish (+200 SCP)
You're in debt to Pizza the Hutt for one hundred thousand spacebucks.  Well that's not too bad, certainly not 200 SCP worth of...  Oh, what's that?  Sorry, the interest just raised it to one million spacebucks.  Better find some cash quick before Pizza sends out for you.

Matching luggage (+200 SCP)
You'd sooner die than go anywhere without your matching luggage.  By which that I mean you'll literally risk death rather than try to go anywhere without your matching luggage. Keep in mind it's a large set. If you survive ten years, you may keep it.

Surrounded by assholes (+300 SCP)
You're surrounded by assholes.  This affects all allies or subordinates, even companions you bring into this world.

Even in the future nothing works! (+300 SCP)
Fuck!

Ending

The End
Go home

The crappy animated series
Oh no

The search for more money
Continue