the graveyard shift

Anya: Ah, Shadre Castle. Divixus's premiere daytime eatery. Where it will be closing time right about...
Kaj: [talks cheerfully as he switches the “Open” sign to "Closed"] Now! 8:00! So long, suckers! I've got a hot date with a little lady, and her name is: [pulls out his stakes] Vampire hunting. [Telgard shows up at the door and knocks on it, causing Kaj to drop his stakes] What?
Telgard: Are you open?
Kaj: [points to the sign] Read the sign.
Telgard: [ignores him] I'll have a Zombie Patty Deluxe and a double chili finger fries.
Kaj: No, you won't! I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life.
Telgard: Well, fine, if you don't want my money!
Diana: [says cheerfully] Money?! [Diana then falls from the ceiling on top of Kaj] You mean, if we stayed open later, you'd give us your money?
Telgard: [pulls out cash, Luigsech, a levadra, and an old man appear behind him] Sure!
Diana: Mr. Kaj, [tears up the “Closed” sign] welcome to the night shift. From now on, Shadre Castle is open 24 hours a day.
Kaj: What!? [crowd of people barge in cheering]
Zora: Wow! Now we never have to stop working!
Kaj: Diana..
Diana: See ya in the morning, boys! I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life. [leaves]
Kaj: Diana?
Zora: Isn't this great, Kaj?! Just you and me together for hours and hours and hours and then the sun'll come up and it'll be tomorrow and we'll still be working! [gasps] It'll be just like a sleepover! Only we'll be sweaty and covered with grease! [jumps on cash register counter] Are you ready to rock, Kaj?!
Kaj: No.
Zora: Good! 'Cause we've got customers!
Kaj: [Chamomile walks up to counter; Kaj hands her a baseball bat] Here. Please hit me as hard as you can.
Zora: Psst, Kaj. I'm working in the kitchen [laughs] at night!
Kaj: [takes hat off; leans head on counter] Don't hold back.
Zora: [cuts to Zora in the kitchen] Hey, Kaj. Guess what? I'm chopping lettuce...at night. [cuts to Zora in the bathroom wiping it clean with herself] Look at me, I'm swabbing the bathroom...at night. [cuts to Zora at the grill picking up spatula, misses the spatula and hits the grill; screams] I burned my hand!...at night. [cuts to Zora walking on the counter, singing to the tune of Charge] Night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, na-na-na-na-night! Night!
Kaj: Will you please?! Here, [hands Zora a bag of garbage] give me a moment's peace and take out the trash!
Zora: All right! [takes bag from Kaj] Taking out the trash. Taking out the trash...at night. [stops at the door] You mean outside?
Kaj: That's where the dumpster is, yes.
Zora: I don't know, Kaj, [leans face against window] it's kinda dark out there.
Kaj: But I thought you liked the night shift.
Zora: You're right! [lifts bag over her head] For Shadre! [runs out of the building to the dumpster, screaming and panicking the whole way; reenters the building panting heavily. She snaps her fingers and confidently says] Piece of cake!
Kaj: So you're not afraid?
Zora: Pfft, nah.
Kaj: Well I am. Especially after, [looks around, gulps] well, you know.
Zora: [turns around] What? What do I know?
Kaj: You don't remember? It was all over the news.
Zora: Tell me! Tell me!
Kaj: No, no, no, I probably shouldn't. It would ruin the night shift for you. [gives a sympathetic look, then smiles slyly]
Zora: [excitedly] What happened, what happened, what happened!?
Kaj: You mean you've never heard the story of the [thinks] "Hash-Slinging Slasher?"
Zora: The Slash-Bringing Hasher?
Kaj: The Hash-Slinging Slasher!
Zora: The Sash-Ringing, the Trash-Singing, Mash-Flinging, The Flash-Springing, Ringing, The Cr-Crash-Dinging, daa.
Kaj: Yes. The Hash-Slinging Slasher. But, most people just call her The Ha---[breaks into scream] because that's all they have time to say before she gets them!
Zora: [begging] Tell me the story!
Kaj: Years ago at this very restaurant, the Hash-Slinging Slasher used to be a scientist - just like you - only clumsier. And then, one night, when she was cutting the patties ...it happened.
Zora: She forgot the rubber gloves?
Kaj: No.
Zora: She didn't wash her hands?
Kaj: No!
Zora: Errant reanimated peni--
Kaj: NO! She cut off her own hand by mistake.
Zora: You mean like this? [pulls one of her arms out of socket, another one grows back in its place] Or like this? [pulls it again, another one grows back] Or this? [does it again] Or this? [does it again] But what about this? Or this, or this, or this, or...
Kaj: [interrupts] Except she wasn't a lunar magic user!
Zora: [ask with all her extra hands creating a rainbow-like line] So?
Kaj: So it didn't grow back!
Zora: [screams] OH NO! [all her extra arms lift their hands upwards and run away]
Kaj: And she replaced her hand with a rusty scalpel. And then, she got hit by a bus! And...at her funeral, they fired her! So now, every...what day is it?
Zora: Tuesday.
Kaj: Tuesday night, her ghost returns to Shadre Castle to wreak her horrible vengeance.
Zora: [gasps] But tonight's Tuesday night!
Kaj: Then she'll be coming.
Zora: How will we know?
Kaj: There are three signs that signal the approach of the Hash-Slinging Slasher. First, the lights will flicker on and off. Next...
Charlotte: [interrupts] Dude, can I have some ketchup?
Kaj: Oh, here you go. [hands her ketchup] Next, the phone will ring and there will be nobody there. [shows Zora eating her fingernails] And finally, the Hash-Slinging Slasher arrives in the ghost of the bus that ran her over. [shows Zora eating her fingernails, starts eating her arms, the arms regrow and she eats those] Then she exits the bus and crosses the street without looking both ways because she's already dead! [Zora begins eating her hands like popcorn] Then she taps on the window with her grizzly scalpel hand..
Zora: No.
Kaj: She opens the door [pushes his hand to Zora's face, making it looking like she's a door that's being opened; while doing this he imitates the sound of a squeaky door opening. leans towards Zora's face, which sinks in] She slowly approaches the counter ["counter" echoes menacingly] ...and you know what she does next?
Zora: What?
Kaj: You really want to know?
Zora: What?
Kaj: Are you sure you want to know?
Zora: What, what, what does she do?!
Kaj: [sneaks up on Zora, taps her] She gets ya! [Zora now screams repeatedly for about 20 seconds while Kaj is laughing] Zora... [continues screaming] Zora I wa... [screaming continues] I was ju... [Zora's pupils are now screaming too] I was jus... [screaming continues] Zora, I was joking!
Zora: What?
Kaj: It's not true! None of it's true!
Zora: It's not?
Kaj: Of course not. Nobody has a scalpel for a hand. It was all a joke.
Zora: Ohhhhh. [laughs repeatedly like she did with screaming] [cuts into later in the night. Shows Shadre Castle with a big sign that says 'Open Forever']
[Kaj is shown at the counter reading a book. Kaj hears spooky noises and feels water dripping on him but he doesn't know what it is.]
Zora: [on the ceiling wearing suction cups cleaning] Isn't this great, Kaj? [Kaj screams] There's never time to wash the ceiling during the day.
Kaj: [says to himself] Open 24 hours a day. What a stupid idea! Who wants a Zombie Patty at three in the morning?
[cuts to Patrick's bedroom]
Jaz: [Jaz's alarm clock goes off] Oh, boy! Three A.M.! [whips out a Zombie Patty and starts to eat it; cuts back to Shadre Castle]
Kaj: Just look at this place. It's like a ghost town in here! [lights start to flicker on and off] Very funny, Zora.
Zora: What?
Kaj: "And the lights will flicker on and off." Just like the story. I get it. [realizes no one is flickering the light switch and looks shocked]
Zora: Hey, Kaj, how are you doing that without moving the switch?
Kaj: I'm not doing it. It must be the stupid, faulty wiring in here. This place isn't built to run 24 hours a day! [phone rings, Kaj picks it up] What, what, hello? Hello? Hello?
Zora: [walks up to the counter] Nice try, Kaj.
Kaj: Nice try, what?
Zora: "The phone will ring and there will be no one there." [raises eyebrows up and down and giggles] Oh, you crack me up.
Kaj: Zora, I'm not doing this. [hangs up phone] Oh no, calm down, calm down. All right, what was it? There was the lights, [lights flicker on and off] and the phone, [phone rings] and the walls will ooze green slime! [walls start to ooze green slime] No, wait. They always do that. But what was that third thing? [hears a motor, turns his head and opens his eyes wide; a bus pulls up to the castle doors]
Zora: [walks up to the counter] I didn't know the buses ran this late.
Kaj: They don't! [a woman gets out of the bus and the bus pulls away, all Kaj and Zora can see is her spooky outline]
Zora: Well, they're dropping someone off. [from the outside, the woman lifts her scalpel]
Kaj: [screams to the point where hair grows from his head and starts wiggling]
Kaj: The Sash-Ringing, Flash-Singing, the Bash-Pinging...
Zora: The Hash-Slinging Slasher! [starts to cry]
Kaj: At last you understand! We're doomed!
Zora: No, that's not it. [wipes tear] I am just so touched that you would go through the trouble to dress up as a ghostly scientist and stand on the other side of the street, just to entertain me! You must really like me! [cries again]
Kaj: Zora, there are two problems with your theory. One - I hate you. And two - how can that be me when I'm standing right here!? [the woman taps on the door with her scalpel]
Zora: [screams to the point where her eyelashes grow and start wiggling]
Zora and Kaj: The Hash-Slinging Slasher! [the lady walks in the door and up to the counter]
Kaj: [screams]
Zora: She's going to flip me! Get away! Get away!
Kaj: Zora, no matter what I've said, I've always sort of liked you!
Zora: Kaj, I used your stakes to unclog my toilet!
Kaj: Huh? [a nerdy Aqualia reaches the counter]
Zora: Get away! Get away! You're not welcome here!
Kaimana: Can I have a job application? I brought my own scalpel. [holds up scalpel] I called here earlier, but I hung up 'cause I was nervous.
Zora: Do you have references?
Kaj: Wait, if that was you on the phone and you on the bus, then who was flickering the lights? [lights flicker on and off; Zora, Kaj, and Kaimana look over to see Nosferatu]
Zora, Kaj and Kaimana: Nosferatu!
Nosferatu: [smiles, light turns off]