A Thousand Son in Equestria, part 30 (Opportunity)

>CLANG
>CLANG CLANG
>CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG
>You open your eyes wearily, annoyed at the sound pounding in you ears, but thankful about being pulled from nightmares about Eldar Fire Pikes.
>You resolve to never sleep again.
>CLANG
>"Anonymoussssss. Aaaaaanooooon. Waaaake uuuupppp."
>CLANG
>What in Tzeentch's name?
"Trix-"
>CLANG!
>You move your head to the side and watch Trixie as she hits you in the head with a frying pan again.
>You grunt in surprise, and she jumps, nearly dropping the pan from her levitation.
>Then she laughs as you glare at her.
>"Oh good, you're awake! You kept muttering things in your sleep. You kept me awake. Come to the kitchen. Trixie made us some breakfast."
"What the...breakfast...huh?"
>"You havn't eaten since Trixie rescued you. I assumed you were hungry. If not, I can eat all by mysel-"
>You lift your hands to your helmet and hurl it off.
>Then you get up and rush to the kitchen table.
>Trixie smirks.
>"Thought so. Dig in. We need to have a little talk."


>You sit down at the tavel and happily shovel eggs, pancakes, and bacon....made out of hay, it seems, into your mouth as Trixie stares at you in surprise.
>"Anon, wha-"
>You hold up a finger for peace as you continue to tear through breakfast like a starving Hormogaunt.
>Then you lean back and let out a satisfied belch.
"That was....filling. I didn't know you could cook, Trixie."
>The blue unicorn beams.
>"Trixie IS amazing at everything she does, yes."
"Do we have any water? My mouth tastes like vomit."
>She glares at you, and you grin at her.
>"Anon, no matter how hard you try, you will never be funny."
>It's your turn to frown, and her turn to grin.
"So what did you want to talk about anyway?"
>"Oh sooo many things, Anon....so many! But let's start at the beginning. Our little gray pegasus, Miss Derpy Hooves."
"Mhm...."
>You lift up a cup of some caffeinated drink that Trixie prepared and begin to drink.
>Her grin widens.
>"When are you planning on hitting that?"


>You spit out the caffeinated drink, and Trixie leans out of the way of the spray of fluid, already laughing.
>She falls on her rump and waves her legs in the air as you glare at her.
"Why does EVERYONE insist on asking that question? By Tzeentch, our relationship is NOT a physical one. It CAN'T be. It wouldn't wor-"
>She's not even listening, and you shut up and settle on glaring at her.
>"I...I'm sorry Anon...pffff...your face! You should see it! Okay...okay...I understand, truly I do. But as your roommare I have to ask these things. I don't want to stumble upon any...."
>She starts laughing again, and your glare deepens.
>Eventually, Trixie calms down.
>"Alright, alright, I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. You're the big topic right now, Anon. While you were asleep, that snobby white pony Rarity and Fluttershy wouldn't stop whispering about you and her. Sparkle wouldn't stop glaring at Derpy, it was hilarious!"
>You set your mouth in a thin line as Trixie breaks into laughter.
"If that's all, Trixie, I think I'll be going."
>She holds up a hoof to stop you.
>"Wait...Anon, wait. For serious now, Trixie has to ask you for a favor."
"What...what kind of favor?"
>"Weeellllll.....you know how I came here because I was low on bits?"
>Bits...pony currency, right.
"Yes, I do remember. The point?"
>"Welllllll....it seems through some bleak fluke, Trixie has nearly spent all of our reward funds."
".............."
>".........................."
"..............We had a reward fund?"


>Trixie's response is a sheepish grin.
"A reward fund?"
>"Yes."
"Of how many....bits, was it?"
>"A little over twenty thousand. We're heroes , after all! And it's a hero's right to indulge herself!"
"How many bits are left, Trixie?"
>"Trixie has expensive tastes!"
"How many?"
>"........around a hundred."
>You stare at her incredulously for a moment, struggling to reconcile the number in your head.
"I was....I was only out for two week...how did..."
>"Expensive tastes!"
"What KIND of expensive tastes, Trixie!?"
>"Well, there were celebrations...parties, gatherings...you know, the usual ceremony and rave to celebrate the treaty and the Princesses being safe, and all that...and Trixie sort of....lost track of the money."
>You give out a world-weary sigh and hold your fingers to your forehead.
"That's.....okay...alright, I'm not angry. I only eat rarely, and we can budget the rest for groc-"
>"Trixie also lost a few gambles."
>You stop talking, your hand still covering your face.
>"We're......erm....about 500 bits in debt....Trixie put down your name in a few bets, you were a hero after all! It was only proper that you share Trixie's winnings! Only....now we're flank deep in shi-"
"YOU DID WHAT!?"


>You lean across the table, picking up Trixie by her silly purple cape.
>All you feel is rage.
>Trixie holds out both of her hooves.
>"Whoa, whoa Anon, calm down now! There's no need to be upset! Trixie has a plan to fix this!"
"Talk."
>She leans her head into her cloak and pulls out a poster in her teeth.
>"The plan'sh shimple! There'sh a Noble Auctshion going on in Appleloosha!"
>You take the poster from her mouth and speed read it.
"What does that have to do with anything? I own nothing I am willing to part with over some 'auction.'"
>"Hear me out, Anon. Powerful ponies are going to be at that auction. Rich ponies! According to the latest scuttlebutt, there's going to be a big royal wedding going on in Canterlot in the next few days!"
>You roll your hand in the air, signaling her to go on.
>"And those rich, noble ponies are all going to be looking for a wedding gift. Something unique, something special to give the bride and groom. Trixie's suggestion is simple. We put on a show!"
"What does that have to do with anyth-"
>"Anon, trust Trixie with this. I know how showmareship works. That auction is going to be boring with a capital B. Those nobles will pay out of the pocket for any sort of entertainment. So we give them a show! The Great and Powerful Trixie and her Mysterious Assistant, The Son of Prospero!"
>She waves her hooves in the air dramatically.
"......So what happens if we don't pay our debt?"
>"We lose the house. And probably get arrested."
"Appleloosa, eh? Alright, when do we leave?"
>"This afternoon."
"This afternoon, this afternoon?"
>"Yep."
>You sigh again.


>You growl in annoyance and drop Trixie.
"Fine, this afternoon. I need to make some short visits first. Then we'll leave."
>Trixie claps her hooves together, smiling.
>"Good!"
>You roll your eyes and turn to leave your house, scowling.
>"Don't forget to give Derpy Hooves a kiss for me!"
>You glare back at Trixie as the blue mare laughs again, and you consider setting her on fire.
>You slam your door shut in anger as you leave.
>You need to make sure Twilight Sparkle's not going to go insane and murder somep0ny over....
>The Horror...
>Then, of course, you have to say goodbye to Ditzy.
>The rest of your friends can find out you're leaving from Twilight, as far as you're concerned.
>You stomp your way to Twilight Sparkle's library and knock on the wooden door.
>And you're answered by the sound of screaming.


>You think about busting the door down.
>Then you remember what happened the last time you tried that.
>The Horror....
>Instead, you calmly muscle the door open, peaking past to make sure there are no naked Eldar.
>There aren't.
>You step inside, coughing loudly to announce yourself.
"Twilight? I was just checking by to make sure you'd reco-"
>OH SWEET GODS, DUCK!
>You dip your head low as four blasts of purple magic go roaring towards your head, and then Spike flies past you and slams into a wall.
>He immediately jumps up and grabs your leg, clearly terrified.
>"ANONYMOUS! Oh thank Celestia you're here! Twilight's gone CRAZY! Well, crazier than usual! She woke uplike an hour ago and hasn't stopped ranting about 'Eldar micks!' Or maybe it was ricks, or di-"
"I think I know what she was talking about, Spike."
>"And then when I asked her what was wrong, she stared at me and started saying she was going to 'castrate' me! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, ANON!"
>It's worse than you thought.
>You hear the quiet clopping of hooves on the stairstep.
>"Spiiiiiiike....where aaaaareeee you? I have a giiiiift for you!"
>She jumps down the stairs, a manic expression on her face, a massive pair of scissors gripped in her telekinesis.
>What the hell was WRONG with this mare?
>The moment she spots you she gives a creepy giggle, and makes a half-hearted attempt at smoothing her frazzled mane.
>"Anon. So nice of you to join us. Why don't you take a seat right over th-"
"Twilight, I'm going to need you to snap out of it and stop trying to mutilate Spike."
>Her eyes move out of focus. It reminded you of Ditzy in a horrifying way.
>"After what I saw? No, no, no, gotta get rid of all-"
"TWILIGHT. SERIOUSLY. SNAP OUT OF IT."


>She jumps at your raised voice, before shaking her head.
>"Wha? What's going on?"
"You just tried to castrate Spike, apparently."
>"Why would I..."
>Her eyes move apart again, and she twitches.
"TWILIGHT."
>She jumps again, shaking her head.
"Twilight, I know, it's horrible. I was there. But you can't go around attacking your...whatever Spike is to you because of Eldar nudity."
>"It's....Celestia's like a second Mom to me, Anon. And we walked in on her...with him...doing....I just...his looked...like Spi-"
"I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW."
>She smiles up at you, embarrassed.
>"....Right. Sorry."
"Just....I was just checking in. Wanted to make sure you didn't do anything crazy."
>Spike mutters something that you respectfully ignore.
>"Yeah....thanks for that....I just...whew. Yeah. Listen, we're having a picnic in the park in a few hours, wanna come along?"
"No can do, Twilight. Trixie and I have a job to do in Appleloosa."
>"A...a job? You're working for Trixie now?"
"Something like that. I need to earn a few bits. Enjoy your picnic. And don't do anything crazy, please. For Spike's sake."
>She smiles, and you shake the purple and green dragon loose before bidding Twilight goodbye.
>You have one last mare to visit.


"Ditzy!"
>Her ears perk up when she hears your voice, and a second later, she's on you, hugging your neck and smiling.
>"Good afternoon, sleepyhead!"
"Hello there, Ditzy Doo."
>You smile at her, and she responds with a quick kiss on your forehead, which launches what Pinkie called, The Game of Smooches: everybody wins.
>After a short round of laughing, giggling, and hugging, the pair of you are walking down Ponyville's streets, where Ditzy stops to pop an envelope in a mailbox.
>"So you need to go out of town for a few days?"
"To Appleloosa, wherever that is. Trixie and I are going to do a magic show there."
>"I really do love magic shows. I'm still sorry about ruining that last one."
"I told you, you only made it better."
>She smiles up at you, and you smile back.
"So you got an invitation to this 'Royal Wedding,' then?"
>"Oh yes, it's going to be the greatest thing! I was going to head over with your ticket today, but you found me first!"
"You had...you got a ticket for me?"
>"Of course I did, muffin!"
"I am...I'm sorry I agreed to Trixie's plan, Ditzy. I-"
>She taps you lightly on the head with a grey hoof.
>"You go do what you need to do. I'm just glad you're actually TELLING me you're going. The last guy I knew, he never spoke. He'd just hop in his blue box and vanish."
>This mare. You chalk the blue box up to Ditzy being Ditzy, but still.
>You give her another hug, and she nuzzles your face, before flying higher up.
>"Alrighty then, Anon! I'll get back to the mail. You better see me when you get back!"
"You can count on it, Ditzy."
>You both smile, before parting ways.


>You make your way back to your red house, where you spot Trixie already pulling the door shut with her mouth.
>That's.....actually somewhat disgusting.
>She smiles when she spots you.
>"Ready to become FAMOUS, Anon!?"
"More ready to pay off YOUR debt than anything else."
>"Ehehe....I AM sorry about that. Now come on, let's get to that train."
"How long will this ride be, anyway?"
>"About a day."
"And how are we going to pay our way?"
>Trixie's smile grows devious, and you get a sinking feeling in your stomach.
>And that's how you found yourself lying on the top of the Ponyville Train, Trixie the unicorn curled around your leg.
"THIS IS INCREDIBLY STUPID."
>Trixie shouts back so you can hear her above the wind.
>"IT'S ALSO FREE! TRUST TRIXIE, SHE'S DONE THIS A MILLION TIMES!"
>You doubted that.
>You doubted that very much.
>"WHEN WE GET TO APPLELOOSA, COUNT TO THREE, THEN JUMP!"
"THEY'RE GOING TO NOTICE A GIANT RED ASTARTES JUMPING OFF OF THE TRAIN, TRIXIE!"
>"NO THEY WON'T! BRAEBURN WILL TAKE CARE OF THAT!"
"WHO IN TZEENTCH'S NAME IS BRAEBU-"
>"NO MORE QUESTIONS, LOYAL ASSISTANT! TRIXIE'S GOING TO NEED HER SLEEP FOR THE SHOW!"
>What.
>Moments later, your most insistent prodding is greeted only by Trixie's never ending snoring.
>The night is dark and full of tumbleweeds.


>As the dawn rises, you feel Trixie shift and wake up on your leg, and you glare down at her even as you hold onto the train car with your ceramite-clad fingers.
>"GOOD MORNING, LOYAL ASSISTANT!"
"TRIXIE, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING ME THA-"
>"IT'S PART OF YOUR COVER, ANON! YOU ARE TRIXIE'S MYSTERIOUS ASSISTANT! YOU CAN'T REVEAL YOUR IDENTITY UNTIL WE START THE SHOW! AFTER ALL, YOU'RE A RECOGNIZED FIGURE, NOW. THE NOBLES WILL BE THRILLED TO SEE YOU PERFORM!"
"...................THERE ARE NOT THAT MANY THOUSAND SONS ON EQUESTRIAN SOIL THAT I AM AWARE OF, TRIXIE. THESE NOBLES WOULD HAVE TO BE INCREDIBLY STUPI-"
>"THEY ARE!"
"EVEN SO, I'LL BE RECOGNI-"
>"DON'T WORRY, TRIXIE HAD A CLOAK MADE FOR YOU!"
".....THAT DOESN'T SOLVE ANYTHI-"
>"WE'RE ALMOST THERE, QUICK, JUMP OFF!"
"ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A GOOD IDE-"
>"JUST TRUST TRIXIE!"
>And that's how you found yourself covered in a thin layer of sand and dirt, while Trixie was hurling into a stand of cacti.
>A mile out of town, because Trixie is terrible at judging distances.


"Just trust Trixie, she's done this a million times!"
>"Shut it."
>The two of you trudge into town, irritated.
>As promised, she had made you a massive monster of a cloak, gray and hooded.
>It made you look like a giant walking cloak more than anything else.
"So NOW what do we do, Oh Great and Unintelligent Trixie?"
>"Okay. Okay. Trixie can do this. We're late, really late. The middle auctions should be coming out by now. So what we do is, we mingle in the crowd, and when someone brings up a particularly boring auction, we start our show. Get all the noble's attention on us, and the bits'll start flowing in."
"Uh huh."
>"Trust me, Anonymous. I'm a showmare."
>You roll your eyes under your re-donned helmet, and let Trixie lead you.
>She leads you to a massive crowd of ponies, some in what passes as finery, others in massive ten-gallon hats.
>They all look on stage, to a massive object covered in a brown tarp.
>Even as you watch, two male ponies take the stage, smiling at the crowd before....
>....launching into song?
>"Well lookie what we got here, brother of mine, it's the same in every town!"
>"Ponies with full pockets, bored faces, and not a worthwhile auction to be found!"
>"Maybe they're not aware that there's no need for such teary despair?"
>The other pony picks up on the song as the crowd shifts, suddenly a lot less bored.
>"That the key to solve this sad item shortage you and I will share!"
>You have to admit, the tune is kind of catch-
>They lean their heads closer to each other and sing as one.
>"Well we've got Ne-cron tech-nology, in this ve-ry comm-unity!"


>Oh shit.
"Oh shit.
>"Oh shit."
>You and Trixie both glance at each other, worried.
"Surely they can't-"
>"They wouldn't-"
>"He's Flim, He's Flam, we're the world famous Flim Flam brooooooooooooothers! Traveling salesponies nonpareil!"
"We have to stop them."
>"But our show!"
"Trixie!"
>"I suppose by now you're wondering, 'bout our peculiar mode of transport!"
>"Okay, okay, fine Anon."
>"I say, our mode of transportation!"
>"My brother and I have something most unique and superb, unseen in any time in this great new world!"
>You and Trixie fan out among the crowd, trying to make your way to the stage.
>"Folks, it's the one and only, the biggest and the best! The unbelievable! Unimpeachable! Indispensable! I can't believe-able!"
>"Flim-Flam Brothers Super Speedy Metal Squeezy 7000!"
>The croud erupts, making it that much harder for you to reach the stage.
>"Ready Flim? Ready Flam? Let's bing-bang-zam!"
>The two unicorns turn their horns towards the tarp, and green light hurtles from their horns to slam into the object under it.
>And the Necron Tomb Stalker lifts itself free of the tarp.