Welp, I officially lost all my nerve to tag out to people or reach out for CR anytime in the near future.
Cosmic Cube
what the person said is totally legit and I appreciate their honestly completely
Cosmic Cube
but being a bother to people is such a trigger for me and makes me just totally shut down
Cosmic Cube
the idea that one person out there wouldn't appreciate my advances makes me just not want to do it to anyone
Miss Union Jack
Other people can take care of themselves. If someone doesn't want to tell you unanon that they don't want to play with you, then that's on them.
Cosmic Cube
I deleted the plurk too because I can't handle anon things right now lol just makes me ansty now
OtterPop
Quite frankly, your fear of people reacting like that (Not that I saw it) is one of your bigger problems that generally get in the way of your tagging.
OtterPop
Tell me. Do you enjoy playing Steve?
Cosmic Cube
Miss Union Jack: thats true, but I just don't want to bother people if they don't want me to bother them, ahaha its why I have severe issues making phone calls
Cosmic Cube
OtterPop: I don't deny that that's 100% true, it does make me shut down to the point that i just cant bring myself to tag because what if the people waiting on tags dont want those tags anymore
Cosmic Cube
what if getting that tag is more of a bother because they rather i had just dropped it
OtterPop
Fuck off
OtterPop
Look if they don't want tags?
OtterPop
100% their problem
OtterPop
It's o them to not tag you back
OtterPop
*on
Cosmic Cube
And of course, i love playing steve and I love my CR, it's why I keep coming back to it even when I feel like this so often
OtterPop
You NEED to stop giving up your shit for everyone else
OtterPop
You love playing Steve
OtterPop
P L A Y H I M
OtterPop
If someone doesn't want your tags they are under no obligation to reply
Cosmic Cube
true
OtterPop
But this whole one person anon said they don't want tags from me has killed my want to play the character
OtterPop
Quite frankly pisses me off, because not only are you shooting yourself in the foot for one person
OtterPop
You're not tagging the people who love your tags and enjoy tagging you.
OtterPop
It's fucking stupid to live like that because it'll never make you happy
OtterPop
Everyone pisses someone off, those someones aren't worth giving up what you enjoy
Miss Union Jack
Honest question: do you feel good when you play Steve in this game? I mean overall, not just when you're threading, but when you're part of the game.
Miss Union Jack
Does the fun outweigh the anxiety, or the other way around?
OtterPop
Otherwise Tom Cruise/Adam Sandler/Nic Cage would have given up acting a long time ago
Miss Union Jack
Because I think this is about the anxiety, not about that one anon.
Cosmic Cube
Miss Union Jack: Fun outweighs the anxiety, yes I think so. When I tag and have fun, I really do have fun, but I feel bad, because I'll never be a fast tagger, I am really trying hard to be consistent though
OtterPop
That's literally all that's important then
Cosmic Cube
and I hit a rough patch in real life in the last month and it's been really hard to recover from it and get back on tags and because of whats going on in RL, I find my anxiety is worse lately
Cosmic Cube
so I think it just gets set off easily and I just... being a bother to people just triggers my anxiety so bad and the more anxious I am the more paranoid I am of being a bother to people
Miss Union Jack
Does being in a game make it worse than when you're just doing PSLs, or is it the same across the board?
Miss Union Jack
Because this is a reoccurring problem, where you are paralyzed with anxiety. Other people can take care of themselves and use their words if they don't want tags, but you need to take care of yourself too.
Miss Union Jack
I'm concerned that you're suffering with this cycle of anxiety.
Cosmic Cube
PSLs I don't feel as pressured, so they cause less anxiety
Cosmic Cube
but I dont think RP makes it worse as it's just another place to be triggered. If I wasn't doing Rp I'd be doing something else that could result in the same thing
Cosmic Cube
i think so long as people are involved, i'll always be worried about what other people think and feel and if i'm bothering them
Cosmic Cube
I just dont really consider myself worth peoples time, so when I take up time, I get worried and anxious
OtterPop
You exist, you're worth peoples god damn time and to hell with those who don't think so because they only make your life shorter worrying about them
Miss Union Jack
I'm sure you know that that's a problem. You shouldn't have to live with this reoccurring anxiety and self esteem issues.
Miss Union Jack
It's not the kind of thing you can talk yourself out of on your own time, and it's not the kind of thing we can make go away. This might be presumptuous of me, but have you considered talk therapy?
Cosmic Cube
Yeah, I'm hoping to get professional help, maybe work passed it, I know it's not health or right, but I- ahaha you beat me to it
Miss Union Jack
This is bigger than RP. This is about your ability to deal with your self worth and other people, and that's important. You deserve a good life and this anxiety is weighing you down.
Miss Union Jack
Talk therapy really helped me learn how to cope with my own depression and anxiety. I highly recommend finding a therapist you click with and figuring a plan of action out with them.
Miss Union Jack
I know it's not necessarily in the cards for everyone, but if you ever find yourself with the time and resources.
Cosmic Cube
I'll definitely look into it again, I was planning to wait til I moved, but I dont know any longer how soon that'll be
Cosmic Cube
Therapy helped me when iw as a teen kinda, it helped to talk and know I'm not bothering the person im talking to because I'm paying them to listen and help me help myself
Cosmic Cube
if it wasn't me in that time slot, it would be someone else, so i dont feel bad or guilty being in that time slot
Cosmic Cube
while if I take an hour out of a friends day like
Cosmic Cube
god the guilt
Cosmic Cube
i feel so guilty for it, wasting their time like that
Miss Union Jack
I understand. That's something you can work on. I remember I was once so bad that I wouldn't even talk to school nurses when I was sick because I was convinced I was being a burden.
Miss Union Jack
It's an awful way to feel. It's an awful way to live. You don't have to live like that.
Cosmic Cube
yeah it would be nice to not live with this anxiety anymore
Cosmic Cube
I'll look into seeking help again
Dave Winchester
Like I know this doesn't necessarily help, having outsiders comfirm or anything but I 100% enjoyed you taking my time
∂ευтscнвαg
Honestly I agree with most of what's been said here. You definitely don't focus enough on yourself and finding a good therapist who will guide you to helping yourself with these issues is the
∂ευтscнвαg
very best thing you can do for yourself.
Dave Winchester
and only really gave up because ot was hard to get in (and also that was at a time when I was dealing with accepting games werent in the cards for me)
∂ευтscнвαg
It was for me, if a personal anecdote helps. I had similar things going on, not manifesting the same way, but what I think are probably the roots of the guilt and stuff.
∂ευтscнвαg
Also I also enjoy tagging with you immensely and you need to let other people be responsible for who they tag. If they don't want to tag with you, then they just won't tag you back. They
∂ευтscнвαg
're under no obligation and neither are you.
Cosmic Cube
Dave Winchester: I'm sorry I made it hard to get in, I didn't mean to do that. But the time you had of mine I enjoyed with you too
Miss Union Jack
And I think it needs to be said that you're under no obligation to stay in this game if you find it's causing you too much anxiety. If the fun keeps outweighing it, I'm happy, but if it doesn't, no one would
Miss Union Jack
hold it against you if you wanted to bow out again.
Dave Winchester
<333 like I said I know this feel (especially in my case with a genderbent character in my case ) so of course no hard feelings
Miss Union Jack
I'm worried that you would let yourself stay in a situation that was causing you pain because you don't want to disappoint us.
Dave Winchester
But focusing on people you want to make happy by being around them is easier to do than to NOT focus on those who are made happy by you not
Dave Winchester
Both will always exsists
Dave Winchester
If you focus on doing no harm and enjoying yourself they'll sort themselves out
Cosmic Cube
∂ευтscнвαg: Thank you, personal anecdotes do help, so thank you for sharing, And I really enjoy tagging with you too and look forward to getting the chance again in D13. That's true, I guess I need to
Cosmic Cube
not take it all on my shoulders
Cosmic Cube
Miss Union Jack: Youre right, normally i would make myself stay in a situation out of that fear, but I dropped before because I needed to step away and re-situate myself and figure out if I really did want to
Cosmic Cube
rp or if I was doing it only out of obligation, but in my time off I realized I really did love RP, I just let anons on WG and RPanons get to me and drive me off
Cosmic Cube
ahaha I should just avoid anon things really, because maaaan I can't do it
∂ευтscнвαg
Basically. And know that, if it's invited, talking with a friend is a perfectly valid way to air stuff if you feel safe and is not a waste of time.
Miss Union Jack
If that's the case, then I look forward to lots of shenanigans with Steve. c:
Miss Union Jack
Just take care of yourself, okay?
Cosmic Cube
but Right now, i really do feel my fun is outweighing the anxiety right now
Cosmic Cube
Dave Winchester: This is true, make the people you care about and care about you happy instead of making the people who don't care happy. It's hard, but I know its better to do that
Cosmic Cube
I'll try to focus on that more, just have fun and not worry about people as much
Dave Winchester
Yep. And it's always easier to DO a thing than to NOT do it when breaking bad brain habits imo
Cosmic Cube
ahahah true, I find breaking a habit by starting a new one is easier that just trying not to do that other habit
Cosmic Cube
∂ευтscнвαg: I know, just hard because I care so much about my friends and the idea of wasting their time with... me i guess just is terrible. I feel really bad about it. Which is silly, i know, but it's hard
Cosmic Cube
not to think that way
Cosmic Cube
Miss Union Jack: I will do my best and thank you, I really appreciate you taking the time to help me like this
Cosmic Cube
all of you, thank you
Miss Union Jack
No worries. I remember you helped me with some nasty stuff too. <3
Cosmic Cube
Always happy to help when I can<3 never a problem
ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ♑ᴏ
Coming in here to say I really enjoy tagging with you and quite frankly think anyone who doesn't want to be tagged but says so on anon can fuck right off.
ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ♑ᴏ
In fact, anyone saying anything on anon can go blow a trumpet until they gather the guts to stand and put a face behind their words. :/
ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ♑ᴏ
I'd suggest, on top of all this stuff, not doing anon things, blocking comms, and so on. I just don't see any integrity in that stuff since It never does any good.
ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ♑ᴏ
There's plenty of "say nice things" or "HMD me" memes that don't need anon
Cosmic Cube
ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ♑ᴏ: I enjoy tagging with you too! and yeah I am def avoiding anon things from now on. It gives me so much anxiety, legit worst part of rping for me
Cosmic Cube
think I learned my lesson this time at least
Cosmic Cube
and just to defend anon a little they said that they kept hoping I would become better at keeping up at threads but I keep disappointing them and they are giving up on our cr
Cosmic Cube
they didnt so much say they didnt want me to tag them but idk not knowing who they are and that they gave up on our cr and threads with me just makes it hard for me want to tag around when I might tag them?
ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ♑ᴏ
which is the main reason why it was a shitty thing for them to do
ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ♑ᴏ
and, idk man, like you just got back and you've so far had a few threads and you have been keeping up with them?
ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ♑ᴏ
unless you recently dropped something i don't know about /shrug
Cosmic Cube
only things ive dropped are threads with people who dropped the characters, like Clem and Kurt. I did hit a rough patch and fell behind on my tags but i am working to catch up and keep up with them again?
ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ♑ᴏ
yeah, exactly. Like, idk, slow doesn't mean "doesn't tag ever". I'll admit I hate the concept of anon altogether so I'm quick to be annoyed about it but
Cosmic Cube
idk they said that when I apped back they said I didn't approach them for CR and they didn't approach me either? So idk if I even had a thread with them in that case?
ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ♑ᴏ
if they're respectful and actually care that much, they should take the time to PP or PM you or something
Cosmic Cube
idk because of how I was so slow and unreliable before, I was letting people approach me so i wouldn't force myself on anyone, so if someone didn't come to me for CR, I left them alone, figuring they didn't
Cosmic Cube
want the cr to continue
ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ♑ᴏ
It would suck, obviously, but this does damage to ALL your RP cause you worry who it might be and are fearful of tagging out. As it stands, it was inconsiderate.
Cosmic Cube
yeah i encouraged them a couple times to PP me, but they seemed really resistant to the idea
ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ♑ᴏ
then it makes even less sense. Maybe they be grudgy.
ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ♑ᴏ
You don't seem like the type to bite someone's head off to me
Cosmic Cube
definitely not, I'm more the person to tuck tail and take fault
Cosmic Cube
as much as I wish I wasn't, I know I'm a submissive personality
JSᴡᴀɴɴ Dᴇʀᴜʟᴏ
Anon should have come forward and talked to you personally. That said, you did build yourself a reputation as a flaky player and that's something you're going to have to undo over time. The only way to shake
ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ♑ᴏ
I think, easily they could PP you and go "hey, so things didn't work out and I was really disappointed by that. I don't want to try with CR anymore and would like that you don't tag me."
ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ♑ᴏ
and maybe further request to not tell anyone else, if that's what they're afraid of
JSᴡᴀɴɴ Dᴇʀᴜʟᴏ
that reputation is through time and follow-through.
ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ♑ᴏ
And, I know I'm a broken record
ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ♑ᴏ
it CAN be undone.
JSᴡᴀɴɴ Dᴇʀᴜʟᴏ
Getting caught in an anxiety-spiral is counterproductive to that. Looking at the people around you, who are coming forward to tell you that they want your CR, and wondering if they're secretly a hateful
ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ♑ᴏ
it's totally possible to outgrow old reputations. Just keep on trudging through it.
JSᴡᴀɴɴ Dᴇʀᴜʟᴏ
anon is only going to push you further away and handicap you.
JSᴡᴀɴɴ Dᴇʀᴜʟᴏ
You need to take people at their word. If they are asking you for tags, that means they probably want them. If they are pursuing CR with you, that means they want that.