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  1. Ok /b/ i'm going to tell you my own personnel tard tory, the story of neal.
  2.  
  3. >Be in 5th grade
  4. >Be in AI class it's like advanced shit for smart kids)
  5. >The teachers decide it is a good idea for us to spend a say with the tard kids because we were ahead for the marking period
  6. >I had never seen a tard previous to this encouter, so I didn't know what to expect
  7. >Walk into tardHQ
  8. >It seems to be a regular class room filled with ugly ass kids
  9. >Ecerybody is assigned their own personnel tard to talk to
  10. >I get assigned neal
  11. >I walk up to the tard and say Hello i'm phil
  12. >"haypil"
  13. >One fluent word, "haypil", he says this whenever he is within thirty feet of me, and it becomes my only warning of the inevitable oncoming shit storm
  14. >Sit down and see he is cutting paper
  15. >Ask him what he's making
  16. >"mrhhms"
  17. >"what?"
  18. >The tard starts to make this screeching sound, the only thing I can compare it to is the sound of a fucking raptor
  19. >A fat downy tard runs up to us "STUOP ITTTT"
  20. >Neal gets up and continues his raptard roar directly in her face
  21. >Downy tard goes batshit, engages tard strength and flips the entire table over
  22. >Neal not only continues his tard roar but moves closer to downy child
  23. >Down kid just starts screaming and tries to run for the door, forgets to open it and smashes into it head first
  24. >KO
  25. >Neal silences his roar, sits down and continues cutting the paper as if nothing had happened
  26. >allmywut.jpg
  27. >Tardwranglers run in and retrieve Neal, and the downy child, they are both sent home
  28. And that my friends is the first of my many stories of neal. just tell me if you want more.
  29.  
  30. After our first faithful encounter I hadn't seen Neal for a while, so this story takes place about 3 months after my previous story
  31. >Be walking down the hall with friends to lunch
  32. >Hear a faint yet memorable voice
  33. >"haypil"
  34. >Don't answer, pretend I heard nothing due to the events of last time
  35. >Hear the sound yet again, except this time it is directly in my ear
  36. >"HAYPIL" He had just appeared on my side, he had to be atleast thirty or so feet in the other direction previously (this speed will come into play in later encounters)
  37. >Wave awkwardly to him "Hey Neal"
  38. >He extends a bag of cheetos he had in his hand in my direction "Want sum?"
  39. >"No thanks Neal"
  40. >My friend not knowing the kind of devastation Neal is capable of reaches over and grabs one of the cheetos out of the bag without asking
  41. >Neal looks up with pure malice
  42. >Oh fuck not again
  43. >Approaches my friend deliberately looking into his eyes
  44. >Engage raptard roar
  45. >This one was in short bursts, it appears as if he has different roars for different situation
  46. >Friend says "what's wrong with him?"
  47. >Say nothing, as I do not want to feel Neals wrath
  48. >Friend backs away as Neal appraches chewing the cheeto
  49. >Neal lets out one last violent tard roar and hurls himself at my friend, knocking him over
  50. >He jams him hand into my friends mouth and retrieves the liquidy remnants of the cheeto while continuing his tard roar directly in his face
  51. >Stands up and eats liquidy half eaten cheeto after silencing his roar
  52. >Tardwrangler comes speeding down hallway and grabs Neal by the wrist to pull him back to tardHQ
  53. >Waves at me "Buypil" not a single ounce of regret or any emotion for that matter in his eyes
  54. >I wave at him in utter aw "Bye Neal"
  55.  
  56. Neal Part 3: Battle of the Tards
  57. You see Neal mainly kept to him self, he did not like his tard kind. But he extremely dislike one tard name hames, this is the first of their battles that I saw.
  58. >Be in 6th grade now
  59. >New AI teacher is a very avid tard supporter
  60. >We are now going to help the tards out once a week for the entire year
  61. >I enter the tardHQ and see Neal in the corner
  62. >Hasn't grown an inch sense last year (turns out he will remain 5'0 for his entire life)
  63. >He looks as if he is in total concentration reading a book
  64. >I walk up to Neal "Hey bud whatcha reading"
  65. >Gives me one of those toothy tard grins "haypil"
  66. >Sit next to him and look at the book
  67. >Dr. Seuss a cat in the hat
  68. >A skinny, tall, tard walks over to us
  69. >I could tell he was a dick from the first second I saw him
  70. >"wut ar yu reding nile"
  71. >snatches book of out neals hand
  72. >"Tis buk is fur babbys"
  73. >Neal gets up "giv ut bac yames"
  74. >James holds it up above his head "tak it"
  75. >Neals rage is apparent, it is that of a thousand suns
  76. >Neal sounds his raptard screech
  77. >This is slightly different from his roar, it's soul effect is to piss off other tards
  78. >"Stup it nile tak yur dum buk"
  79. >too late for that bud
  80. >Neal continues to approach with his fist above his head as far as he can rach
  81. >Screech continues, at this point TardHQ is compromised, tards are going crazy
  82. >Crayons and shit is being thrown, one tard is crawled into a ball in a puddle of piss
  83. >AI class is told to evacuate, I stay to watch imminent luls
  84. >James is not clenching his ears for dear life
  85. >Neal is finally within striking reach of james
  86. >He throws his mighty fist down into james nuts with the accumulative force of 1000 banhammers
  87. >James drops and begins to throw up on the "magic" carpet
  88. >Neal silences the screech, picks up the book james had stolen from him, and sits down to read it directly in james puddle of throwup
  89. >butwhy.jpg
  90. >He looks up at me with that toothy grin as I just stare
  91. >Tard wranglers bust in, one grabs me to bring me to safety the others grab the debilitated james and Neal
  92. >Neal screams after me "buypil"
  93. >I just watch as he is hulled off to the principles office, not giving a single bit of resistance
  94. >That day was known as N day up until I left for the highschool
  95.  
  96. Neal part 3
  97. >Be in 2nd marking period now
  98. >Neal had been suspended for pulverizing James nuts
  99. >He's back now
  100. >I have started to look forward to our days helping the tards just because of Neal
  101. >Unfortunately it's not that day
  102. >Be in art class
  103. >Teacher says we have a tard coming to our class from now on cus the school has started new integration program for tards
  104. >Neal walks through the fucking door
  105. >"Class this is Neal"
  106. >"Hello Neal" we said in unison as I waved
  107. >"Haypil"
  108. >Teacher lets him sit next to me cus he knows me
  109. >James walks into class after him
  110. >Ohshitnigger.jpg
  111. >James is introduced to class and is put at the same table as us just by luck
  112. >We are starting water color painting right now
  113. >Neal decides he wants to paint an apple, cus that's what I was painting
  114. >James starts shit with up because he's a dick
  115. >"Yur apals luk lik shet"
  116. >Neal ignores him because... well because he's fuckin neal he doesn't give a fuck
  117. >James obviously angered by being ignored by me and Neal pours all of him paint onto my painting
  118. >Don't give a fuck, but Neal sure as hell did
  119. >Commence raptart roar short burst mode (this is when I found out that short bursts means he's about to wreck shit)
  120. >Neal throws all his paint right into james eyes as the class looks on in horror
  121. >"MUY AIS"
  122. >James can't see shit and Neal has not taken out skittles that I assume he had hid in the foreskin of his penis (I found out he's uncircumcised in a later incident) and begins pelting james with them
  123. >He's hurling these at mach 5 speeds into him
  124. >James falls off the stool he is sitting on and brings the girl sitting next to him along too
  125. >Neal walks around the table, picks up the paint and slowly empties it onto both James and the girl (it is apparent that Neal does not give two shits about civilian casualties)
  126. >The roar has stopped
  127. >Kids are all huddled into the corner aside from me, the two tards, and the poor girl caught in the mix
  128. >Teachers siggnals for tardwranglers waiting outside, hames and Neal are picked up and taken from the classroom
  129. >Neal is in complete and utter peace while being carried away, he simply waves at me
  130. >"buypil"
  131. And that was the end of the schools integration program after the girl who got wreckeds parents attempted to sue the school
  132.  
  133. Neal: story of the lightning raptard
  134. >Be in 7th grade now
  135. >Haven't seen Neal in over a year, he and his parents had moved to a different school district due to the previously mentioned problems with this one
  136. >Be in the third marking period, it's ok, not the same without Neal though
  137. >Walking down the hall one day, low and behold Neal is walking down the hall, all 5 feet of him
  138. >Run up to him
  139. >"Hey Neal! You coming back to this school again?"
  140. >"haypil"
  141. >He now has his own personal tardwrangler at all times except for lunch, who explains everything to me
  142. >Unfortunately I have no classes with Neal do to the whole integration system being destroyed by the wrath of Neal
  143. >I see him in the halls all the time though
  144. You see the thing about our middle school is it is that it has multiple buildings, which you have to travel outside to get to
  145. >As I mentioned before Neal possesses lighting speed, which he doesn't display very often
  146. >One day while I am walking to woodshop with my friends I see something blaze past me followed be a familiar noise
  147. >the lighting raptards mighty roar
  148. >50 feet behind him is the wrangler unable to keep up with him
  149. >Everybody looks on in shock as Neal plows directly through a small Asian girl carrying her books (As previously stated Neal doesn't give two shits bout civilian casualties)
  150. >Neal looks behind to see how far he is from the wrangler
  151. >He silences his roar as he can see he has won
  152. >Neal fails to see the glass door directly infront of him and plows through that just as he did the asian girl
  153. >Neal is out
  154. >Tardwrangler finally catched up and picks up Neal to bring him back to TardHQ just as he comes back to consciousness
  155. >Neal sees me as he is being carried away
  156. >"haypil"
  157. >Neal is back everybody
  158.  
  159. >Be in 6th grade still
  160. >Only a week left of school
  161. >Neal has been rather quiet lately, mainly cus me and my friends now let him sit with us at lunch and what not because he never disrupted anything, and there was the possibility of Neal unleashing his wrath yet again, so james wasn't near him without tardwrangler supervision often
  162. >AI teacher thinks that it is a wonderful idea for us to throw an end of the year party with tards
  163. >Teacher has no idea of the sequence of events she has set forth
  164. >This party is to be held three days before the end of school, and it is to be 80s themed
  165. >Be the day of the party, I have my hair slicked back and be in a white t-shirt cus i'm lazy and unoriginal
  166. >The AI class has set up the entire thing, soda, candy, food, music, and what not
  167. >I talk to my friends as we wait for the tards to enter
  168. >The tards make their entrance into the gymnasium where this is being held
  169. >Most of the tards look... well retarded
  170. >Neal is dressed up as micheal jackson, he looks fucking badass
  171. >Neal walks over to us, everybody says hi
  172. >"haypil"
  173. >Neal seems a little bit off today though, lots of energy
  174. >Turns out Neal skipped out on his meds today, not a very good thing
  175. >Neal=ticking time bomb of raptardness
  176. >James walks over to us, I can already sense his bad intentions
  177. >"Hay gaybo wuts op"
  178. >Neal just stares at him, in a way I had never seen before
  179. >"Wats rong wit nile"
  180. >Neal drops his soda on the ground
  181. >ohshitminorities.jpg
  182. >Neal walks away
  183. >Wait wut?
  184. >James shouts after him "ya guna cri gaybo?"
  185. >Neal walks behind one of the curtains in the gymnasium, nothing can be seen in the darkness over there
  186. >A minute later Neal appears all the way across the gym on top of the stage we had in there
  187. >He is completely naked, underwear and all, aside for the single glove that micheal wears
  188. >Engage raptard screech (the tard rage invoker)
  189. >The tards frenzi
  190. >The downy tard from my original story kicks over the sterio
  191. >"kids just wana hav- kids just wana- kids just wana have fun" it continuously plays that single part of the song
  192. >There are no wranglers around to subdue the tards the rage ensues
  193. >Neal jumps off the stage and charges james
  194. >James is tackled to the ground by the naked neal
  195. >"Gut off may gaybo"
  196. >Neal proceeds to rub his chode-like, uncircumcised penis all over james neck and chest
  197. >The roar is stopped
  198. >"whos da gaybo now yames?"
  199. >Oh god the site was amazing
  200. >The tards run out of the gymnasium crying and screaming now that they can think straight sense the screech has ended
  201. >The only people left in the gymnasium are me, the teacher, and my friends looking at Neal whipe his phallus on james face.
  202. >Neal gets up off a james, his deed has been done
  203. >He proceeds to get dressed again
  204. >Just as he finishes the tardwranglers finally alive
  205. >Too late bros
  206. >The teacher retells the things that had ensued and they walk over to carry Neal and James out
  207. >Neal walks up to me and hands me a quarter for no apparent reason
  208. >As he is being carried away Neal looks to be just as peaceful as he always is, because he did not give a single fuck, he never did, and he never will
  209. >Neal waves as they exit through the double doors and screams "buypil"
  210. >I wave back at Neal as it is the last time I will see him for over a yeah "Bye Neal"
  211. I still have that quarter
  212.  
  213. >Be in 7th grade now
  214. >Haven't seen Neal in over a year, he and his parents had moved to a different school district due to the previously mentioned problems with this one
  215. >Be in the third marking period, it's ok, not the same without Neal though
  216. >Walking down the hall one day, low and behold Neal is walking down the hall, all 5 feet of him
  217. >Run up to him
  218. >"Hey Neal! You coming back to this school again?"
  219. >"haypil"
  220. >He now has his own personal tardwrangler at all times except for lunch, who explains everything to me
  221. >Unfortunately I have no classes with Neal do to the whole integration system being destroyed by the wrath of Neal
  222. >I see him in the halls all the time though
  223. >You see the thing about our middle school is it is that it has multiple buildings, which you have to travel outside to get to
  224. >As I mentioned before Neal possesses lightning speed, which he doesn't display very often
  225. >One day I while I am walking to woodshop with my friends I see something blaze past me followed by a familiar noise
  226. >the lightning raptards mighty roar
  227. >50 feet behind him is the wrangler unable to keep up with him
  228. >Everybody looks on in shock as Neal plows directly through a small Asian girl carrying her books (As previously stated Neal doesn't give two shits bout civilian casualties)
  229. >Neal looks behind to see how far he is from the wrangler
  230. >He silences his roar as he can see he has won
  231. >Neal fails to see the glass door directly infront of him and plows through that just as he did the asian girl
  232. >Neal is out
  233. >Tardwrangler finally catches up and picks up Neal to bring him back to TardHQ just as he comes back to consciousness
  234. >Neal sees me as he is being carried away
  235. >"haypil"
  236. >Neal is back everybody
  237.  
  238. Neal: Clash of the tards part II
  239. >Be in the last marking period of 7th grade
  240. >Neal has been quiet for a while now because the principle claims that he will not deal with the same stuff the grade school did
  241. >Neal don't give a fuck, but he is inactive for a while
  242. >My classes no longer have a tard day, so I don't get to see Neal as often
  243. >To my luck my lunch is moved to the same period as all the tards
  244. >Neal starts sitting with us again with the blessing of his tardwrangler
  245. >Everything going fine, and then I see somebody walking over to us that looks familiar
  246. >ohshitnigger.jpg
  247. >It is james, in all of his dickishness
  248. >He has started to grow a pedophile-esque mustache (tard got held back in tard classes)
  249. >He a foot behind Neal just breathing
  250. >"Wuy yu guys let a gaybo laik nile sit wit yu"
  251. >I calmly tell him to go away, as I don't to start any trouble
  252. >"Ai stay uf ai want"
  253. >proceed to ignore him
  254. >Frustrated by nobody giving a fuck about him he pushes Neal out of his seat and sits in it
  255. >"Hey james that wasn't nice, let Neal sit down again"
  256. >"no nile es a gaybo"
  257. >Neal has had enough of this shit
  258. >Commence the raptard screech
  259. >The new lot of tards have yet to feel the rath of Neals screech rattle through their brains making them ultrasensitive
  260. >Tards all rage, food is thrown, it happened to be hot dog day, tiny meat-penis replicas were flying everywhere
  261. >Neal picks up a hot dog and starts smacking him in the neck and chest with it, while simultaneously screeching directly into james eardrum
  262. >Kinda reminded me of Neal rubbing his dick on james chest
  263. >The wranglers are almost done restraining the raging tards and are about to move onto Neal and james
  264. >Neal sees this and goes for the finisher
  265. >He rises his hand just as he did in the first clash of the tards
  266. >Falcon punch charging
  267. >Just as the last of the raging tards is restrained Neal hits James nuts as if he is trying to kill all of the little james that are stored up in there
  268. >James faints out of the pain
  269. >Neal silences his screech, sits down and eats the hot dog he had just rubbed all over james
  270. >The tardwranglers finally arrive and carry them both off to HQ as the cafeteria watches in aw
  271. >Neal looks as if nothing is wrong, he simply waves at me and utters that familiar slur of words
  272. >"buypil"
  273. Score:
  274. Neal:2
  275. James:0
  276.  
  277. >Be in 8th grade now
  278. >First marking period
  279. >Old special ed. teacher quit for personnel (I personally think she couldn't handle the rath of Neal)
  280. >This year there is a special class you can take if you are interested in using a period of your day to help the tards
  281. >Obviously I signed up in order to be with Neal more so I could make sure I see if anymore hilarity ensures
  282. >I walk into TardHQ that day and there is a new teacher
  283. >She's young, seems to really enjoy what she is doing, everything looks as if it has been going well for the day
  284. >Her day is about to take a very unexpected turn for the worse
  285. >I am sitting down on the carpet with Neal helping him read a book on Dr. Suess (this kid really fucking loves his Dr. Suess)
  286. >Neal doesn't understand what half the words mean so I do my best to help him by explaining the meanings
  287. >We come across a word that neither of us knew
  288. >Neal thinks that I am only not telling him because I want him to figure it out for himself (which I did sometimes just because I felt it was better for him than me just telling him)
  289. >Neal is starting to get very frustrated, and for the first time it is directed at me not somebody else
  290. >Ohgodpleasehelpme.jpg
  291. >I do my best to calm him down but he is stuck on the thought that I know what it means
  292. >Neal engages in the mighty raptard burst roar(For you new guys in hear he does this when he is about to wreck shit)
  293. >I am going to die
  294. >It didn't matter than I was half a foot taller than him, I was scared shitless
  295. >Everybody except for the teacher knows what is about to happen, they just watch on in horror as there is nothing they can do
  296. >Teacher runs over thinking she can help
  297. >bad idea
  298. >Neal engages raptard screech, enraging his tard brotheran
  299. >James is on the floor pissing himself, the others are throwing shit at each other in the utter rage that neals screech invokes
  300. >The teacher gets hit with a stapler traveling at speeds previously unseen by man
  301. >KO
  302. >Neel now turns toward me and stops his screech momentarily to talk
  303. >"tal me wat it mean pil"
  304. >In despiration I tell him it is a bad word that nobody is supposed to say
  305. >Neal believes me entirely
  306. >He goes the rest of his life as far as I know convinced that acumen is just as bad of a word as fuck
  307. >All of his anger immediately disappears
  308. >He gives me that toothy grin and simply sits back down as if I had just shared a secret with him
  309. >I sit down next to him and he whispers to me "Don wury ai won tal enyon wat acurmin mens"
  310. >"Ok Neal"
  311. >Tardwranglers burst through the door
  312. >One carries Neal the other carries the new teacher to the Nurses office
  313. >As Neal is exiting TardHQ his toothy grin remains
  314. >"buypil"
  315. >She has no idea what the fuck she is getting into
  316.  
  317. >Be in 8th grade still
  318. >Still in the first marking period
  319. >The new teachers thinks that it would be a wonderful idea for people to bring in things to show the class every day it's a different student
  320. >Today it happens to be Neals turn
  321. >He brings in his pet turtle jimmy in to show the class
  322. >Everything seems to be going well for the show and tell, Neal is passing around the turtle for people to hold, I mean it's a fucking turtle what could happen, right?
  323. >Seeing as nothing that good is goin on I leave to go to the bathroom
  324. >Take a piss in probably what is three minutes (It was a very long piss)
  325. >I walk back into the class room and utter chaos has insued
  326. >Neal is screaming "JEMMI JEMMI WUR AR YU" while one of the tards is crying in the corner (I'm assuming Neal let lose a short screech for a second to get everyone attention)
  327. >The turtle was gone apparently he was lost among all the handing him around
  328. >Do you hear me? They lost. A fucking. Turtle.
  329. >I run up to Neal asking him what is wrong,
  330. >"JEMMI IS GUN!!"
  331. >"Ok Neal calm down, i'll find Jimmy"
  332. >I start looking around, I search fucking everywhere, turtle is no where to be found
  333. >All of a sudden that fucker james walks in
  334. >He's got a big retard grin on his face, and he has been gone sense right after I left
  335. >Neal immediately catches on and commences the tard screech
  336. >Shit goes from chaos to pure cluster fuck in seconds
  337. >Not only is Jimmy the fucking turtle gone, now I have a raging mob of tards in a close space
  338. >I scream to james over all of the noise
  339. >"WHERE IS JIMMY"
  340. >"MAI EURS HART"
  341. >James is now crying and is of no use
  342. >I see a sliver of green in the back of the room in the corner of my eye
  343. >I investigate the site
  344. >It is Jimmy the fucking turtle half way under a bean bag, he was there the entire time
  345. >I pick him up and present him to Neal who is overcome with happiness to have jimmy back
  346. >"JEMMI TANKSPIL"
  347. >The new teacher still isn't able to handle shit, and she is just sitting in the corner of the room
  348. >Neals screech may have stopped but the tard rage hasn't
  349. >A tard finds the stapler yet again and boom it connects with the Ms. springer while breaking the sound barrier
  350. >Out cold
  351. >Tardwranglers burst in the room and subdue the tards
  352. >Neal is perfectly fine so he is left in TardHQ this time but apparently it was my fault jimmy was lost
  353. >I am dragged out by the principle who accompanied the wranglers
  354. >The last thing I see is Neal, there sitting in the corner with jimmy
  355. >"buypil"
  356. >I got a fucking week of detention
  357.  
  358. Ok Tards in love it is
  359. Neal and the secret admire
  360. >So in Neals class there was one jody
  361. >Jody was a above average height, ugly ass fuck, half-functioning tard who always wore these fucking berets
  362. >She was annoying as fuck, all she would every do is make blatant lies, and she knew nobody believed her I mean she had to, one time she said she was related to Leonardo Da Vinci and she had some stuff autographed by him, and she's fucking irish, but I digress
  363. >So it turns out that she secretly had a crush on Neal, I found this out in a rather frightening way though
  364. >One day during gym (gym was the only class integrated) I was cornered by jody and her nasty fucking odor
  365. >Seriously the girl didn't know how to use deodorant I swear her stench could counteract saddams mustard gas
  366. >So she cornered me in gym and whispers in my ear "Pil ur frends wit nile rait?"
  367. >"Yeah what about it"
  368. >"duh ya thank he mait laik meh?"
  369. >I immediately did a littler duck under and ran to the safety of my decent smelling friends
  370. >Later that day when I saw Neal I asked him if he liked jody
  371. >"Yody is gros, she smel liek jemmis pee"
  372. >I laughed and dropped the subject because it would obviously never happened
  373. >As I left the TardHQ to go to my next class I was cut off by Jody
  374. >"So wat ded he say pil"
  375. >Sorry he doesn't like you
  376. >"WAT?"
  377. >ohshitnotagain.jpg
  378. >Jody runs over toward Neal at the pace of a muscular dystrophy child
  379. >She begins screaming in some kind of high pitched tone almost like her own raptard roar, but no where near the magnitude of Neals
  380. >Neal takes this as a challenge and unleashes the most mind deafening raptard screech I have heard yet
  381. >Jody is cut off mid-scream, the power of neals is just overwhelming
  382. >The tards go batshit instantly it was as if world war tard had hit the TardHQ
  383. >Ms. Springer is now a littler better at handling the situation, but she is no where near capable of handling this
  384. >This time she has the common sense to get under the desk before the stapler and her head have a collision that rivals the power of the Haiti earthquakes
  385. >I try to calm neal down but it is futile
  386. >The tardwrangler finally arrive before the tards reach full on hulk mode and are able to restrain them
  387. >Neal stops his screech seeing that the situation no longer requires it as jody is subdued
  388. >The wrangler pick him up to carry him out of TardHQ yet again
  389. >I wave at Neal as he is carried out the door, peaceful as he is every time it happens
  390. >"buypil"
  391.  
  392. >Be in 8th grade still
  393. >Be third marking period now
  394. >Neal and I have just been chilling for quite some time in that class, nothing terrible has happened in a while, I started to think that I would never see the wrath of Neal again
  395. >Lol think again
  396. >So Neal had recently got his first cellphone, his parents bought it for him so they could keep tabs on him better and what not
  397. >Neal loved the new phone and texted me frequently, as far as I know I'm the only one he texted
  398. >So while we were sitting in class one day that the teacher actually attempted to teach the tards something, Neal sent me a text saying hi
  399. >Ms. Springer saw him send this message unfortunately
  400. >She made the very terrible mistake of taking Neals shitty cellphone
  401. >Neal didn't take to this to kindly, in fact he took it terribly
  402. >As soon as she took it out of his hand he let out a raptard screech so fearsome it made Ms. Springer drop his phone
  403. >At this point Neal thought he had broke her phone and went into full on rage mode, I made no attempts to calm him down because she brought this upon herself
  404. >The tards ran rampid, it was as if Neal was Liontard and he was leading an army of tards against Ms. Springer, all he needed was the blue facepaint
  405. >The tards commenced their attack on anything within their reach
  406. >The very same tard as the previous times was in reach of the stapler and this time ms. springer wasn't smart enough to hide under her desk
  407. >That tard grabbed the stapler and hurled it with all his might, when it connected with Ms. Springer it was as if Chernobyl had just happened in her head
  408. >And she's down for the count
  409. >1... 2... why even bother she was fucking out
  410. >Now that it appeared as if somebody had suffered extreme headtrama I figured I might as well help a little.
  411. >Turns out that Neals phone was fine, the battery just fell out, I put it back in and handed it to him and he returned to his realm of not giving a fuck about the damage he had caused
  412. >Turns out Neal was leaving early that day so he bailed before the tardwranglers even got there to clean up the mess
  413. >Neal just walks out the door looking at his phone, and simultaneously waving to me behind him
  414. >"buypil"
  415. >"Cya Neal"
  416. don't fuck with neals shit
  417.  
  418. >Be in 8th grade
  419. >Be in 4th marking period now
  420. >Shit has been far from smooth for neal lately, as I said before he destroyed some bitch recently and wasn't sparing a single fuck to give about it
  421. >Cus of this tardwrangler has been paying close attention to Neal, trying to prevent him from getting into any more trouble
  422. >lol nice try
  423. >During the period that I help the tards out there was a major tardmergency on the other side of the school, it required all tardwranglers so Neal was left alone for the time being
  424. >As soon as the tard wrangler is out, someone walking over to us
  425. >It's james the dick head, no doubt approaching to start shit with Neal
  426. >Neal was playing the pacman freetrial on his phone and could not give a shit about anything else going on
  427. >James is now standing directly infront of us
  428. >"Ay pil wai yu always wit nile"
  429. >"James just leave please, go read or something"
  430. >"Ba I wan tu see wat nile es doing, watcha doin nile?"
  431. >Neal is completely focused on the pacman game, and nothing else
  432. >James grows angry that Neal won't let him see what he's playing
  433. >James grabs the phone from Neal mid-game, as James looks at the phone all you hear is the "womp, womp, womp" sound of pacman dying
  434. >Bad idea james, bad idea
  435. >Neal emits the raptard screech as he stares at james with the fury of 1000 burning migits
  436. >James is now able to resist the screech to an extent, but it is futile none the less, his future was set the second he touched Neals phone
  437. >Neal approaches james with very blatant cruel intentions
  438. >When Neal is within striking range, he begins to cock back his leg back as far as possible
  439. >The tardwrangler is now turning the handle of the door, too late now though james man hood is about to be decimated
  440. >Neal unleashes the most powerful kick every performed by man, when it collided with james nuts it was as if there was a disturbance in the force
  441. >James drops and for the second time now he was throwing up due to Neals intentions of making sure his family line ends with him
  442. >The tardwrangler restrains Neal as fast as possible, although it wasn't needed, Neal had stopped his screech now, and was back to his oh so blissful state
  443. >As he was being yanked out the door way he waves over to me
  444. >"buypil"
  445. >Got a text 15 minutes later "hiphil"
  446. >People need to learn not to fuck with Neals shit
  447.  
  448. Neal vs. Barb the bitch
  449. >Be in 8th grade still
  450. >Be in the final few months of school before summer starts
  451. >Kinda sad that i'm not gonna see Neal for a while again
  452. >Walking to TardHQ with Neal to in between periods
  453. >Neal wasn't paying very much attention, as usual, he was just talking and looking down at his feet as if he was mystified by how the allowed him to walk
  454. >I see Barb the bitch walking down the hallway in the corner of my eyes
  455. >Barb got this nickname because, well she's a huge bitch, even to tards
  456. >Sense Neal wasn't paying attention he walks directly into Barb and knocks her onto the ground
  457. >He quickly says sorry and motions to help her up
  458. >The bitch smacks his hand out of the way and starts to yell "WHY DON'T YOU WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING"
  459. >poordecisions.jpg
  460. >Neal takes this as an imminent threat unleashes his short burst roar (his only warning that he is about to slap someones shit)
  461. >Barb continues to yell "WHY ARE YOU MAKING THAT SOUND NEEDLE DICK"
  462. >I begin to grow angry with her "Barb what the hell is your problem"
  463. >Neal just puts his arm in front of me like he's telling me he's got this
  464. >Neal dives for her legs and she topples over
  465. >She struggles but Neal has engaged raptard strength, resistance is futile
  466. >He gets into a full mount position on top of her and positions his head directly over hers
  467. >The roar has stopped
  468. >wut.jpg
  469. >All that can be heard throughout the hall is the sounds of phlegm being draw up someones throat
  470. >It's Neal
  471. >He slowly lets the nastiest lougy I have every seen drip out of his mouth and directly onto her forehead
  472. >It seeped onto her forehead and then down the sides of her head
  473. >Barb proceeded to cry and gag so hard she was choking
  474. >Neal sees this as a sign that he has won and releases her from his tard strength grapple
  475. >He says "Comepil" motioning over toward the TardHQ
  476. >It was as if he erased the memory from his head entirely, and it was glorious
  477. Captia: heybarb round
  478. Shit it was meant to be
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