Estrus: The Movie Part 1 (DEAD PROBABLY)

>Day ‘This will only end badly’ in Equestria.
>You are Anonymous.
>And apparently this place is the worst place in the world to be transported to randomly.
>There’s nothing to do.
>There’s especially nothing to do when you’re the only human in Equestria.
>Day in and day out, you just sort of laze around your government issued standard living abode.
>You like to call it your house.
>There are no video games.
>No TV.
>No internet.
>And the only residents of this god forsaken world are talking horses.
>You could get a job, but for what purpose?
>What is there to buy?
>No new video games, no plastic miniatures to build and paint, no amazing fiction novels based in your favorite fantasy universes.
>Clothes? You’d have to get them custom-ordered. Not like you really need any anyway.
>For you are Anonymous, expert level couch potato.
>And it has been quite a while since you’ve even stepped outside your door.
>This house was the best gift ever.
>As you sit on your couch and ponder the simplicities of a boring existence, you hear a knock on your door.
>…no one ever visits you.
>Maybe something exciting finally?
>Doubtful.
>But why not, you’ve nothing to lose.
>You rise to your feet, your lazy bones creaking with disuse.
>Shuffling to the door, you look out the peephole.
>Holy mother of god what
>All you see is a huge blue eye looking back at you.
>You stumble backwards, mouth agape.
>HAVE THE HORRORTERRORS FINALLY COME
>”Anoooooon! Come on out! I have a surprise for you!”
>Pinkamena Fucking Pie.
>To clarify, she was the only one that ever visited you.
>But, to call them visits, would be like saying you’re friends with the pizza guy.
>She’d knock on the door.
>You’d ignore it.
>She’d try again.
>You’d ignore it again.
>Generally she’d stop after that.
>You put a hand to your chin, stroking your magnificent neckbeard.
>Surprises aren’t that boring.
>You wager it’s better than counting the dots of paint on your ceiling, and open the door slowly.
>There the pink pony of madness awaits, hopping excitedly in front of you.
>”You opened the door! Oh my gosh you opened the door this time! I didn’t think you’d open it, you usually just stand there and look through the peephole and ignore me but then today I said ‘You know what Pinkie, you’re going to get Anon to open that door today!’ and I was all ‘You really think so?’…”
>Why did you open the door
>”…and so I came over here after setting everything up with the rest of the girls and…Anon are you okay?”
>You stand there, eyes glazed over, mouth agape.
>This is why you did not open the door to Pinkie Pie.
>”Anooon! Hello!”
>She waves a hoof in front of you.
>You shake your head violently.
“What happened, where am I, who are you, and what’s for breakfast.”
>Good, train of thought is back online.
>She cocks her head.
>”That’s why I like you, Anon. Breakfast really is the most important meal of the day, you know.”
>You blink at her incredulously.
“What’s up, Pinkie. What’s your surprise.”
>”Didn’t you hear me the first time? I’m throwing a party JUST FOR YOU. Isn’t that the best thing ever?”
>You rub your eyes and end the gesture with a facepalm.
“Pinkie…why are you throwing a party for me.”
>”Duh! You need to get out of the house. You know, I don’t know why I didn’t try this sooner. Everp0ny loves parties. That probably goes for everyhuman too.”
>You look around the colorful world.
>The trees sway in the breeze, birds chirping happily…a beautiful spring day.
>You breathe in deep.
>You know what, take a chance.
>You’ve got nothing to lose, right?
>You exhale sharply, and straighten out your back.
>Your vertebrae pops noisily.
“One party, Pinkie.”
>She explodes into the atmosphere with the excitement of a thousand frozen pudding pops in front of Bill Cosby.
>She lands in the very same spot, only after maneuvering through a barrel roll-corkscrew-180 McTwist in midair.
>You hold up four fingers.
“Four out of five, needed better air time.”
>She giggles cutely.
>”Oh Anon, you and your fingers. I count that as a hoof out of hoof. A perfect score, as always.”
>You actually find yourself laughing at the silly pink pony.
>Oooh that hasn’t happened in a while.
>”Anywho, it’ll be at Applejack’s barn in about four hours. Why don’t you go talk to Twilight? I heard she had some letters from the Princess for you.”
>…from the Princess?
>And why not just deliver them to you?
“Alright Pinkie. I guess I’ll see you then.”
>Why did you agree to a party…the divot in the couch is going to miss you.
>Because…
>You didn’t have a reason.
>You guessed it was just about time to do something.
>Pinkie just happened to show up.
>What’s the worst that could happen, you’re in the land of magical talking horses.
>Pinkie bounces off happy as ever.
>You look down to your day old clothes.
>Good enough.
>You close the door and take your first step outside in…days? Weeks?
>Something like that.
>Alright…Twilight’s housebrary was…this way you think.
>You stride slowly down the path to the town.
>As you make your way to the marketplace, pones scuttle out of your way.
>You wager its probably in confusion.
>It has been a while since you’ve made your presence known.
>You wave to them awkwardly, but the majority just stare at you as you pass them.
>Stupid colorful horses.
>Stupid colorful world.
>You finally see the giant oak in the distance.
>You approach the door and wager a knock on the door.
>Nearly instantly the little purple dragon answers.
>”Oh…uh…hey Anon. What’s up?”
“Something about letters and a party. Twilight home?”
>”Mhm, come on in. Haven’t seen you in a while man, where’ve you been?”
“Home.”
>He leads you into the house and gets back to re shelving books.
>”Twi! Anon’s here!”
>A fizzle of magic and a violet shimmer.
>Twilight Sparkle has arrived.
>”Anon! Where have you been? I haven’t heard or seen you since the Princess gave you that house.”
“That’s where I’ve been. Where else would I have gone?”
>”Well how am I supposed to know that?”
>You shrug.
“Something about letters for me?”
>”Oh! Right! Letters. Spike, would you go grab them from my study?”
>He looks to her, a little pained.
>”Yeah, alright.” He grumbles, climbing down the ladder and walking upstairs with a stomp or two for good measure.
>She giggles.
>”I do it just to get a rise out of him, ya know. So how’s the house?”
“Housey.”
>She blinks at you.
>”Housey?”
>You nod.
>”Uh…alright. Did you hear Pinkie’s throwing a party later? I think she said it was for you, but I couldn’t remember. She was so excited.”
“She’s always excited. And yes, I’m going.”
>She looks genuinely surprised.
>”Really? I mean…that’s wonderful Anon! You need to make friends, you know.”
“Nah.”
>She blinks wordlessly.
>”What do you mean, ‘nah’! Of course you need friends.”
>Spike waddles in with a letter in his claw.
>”I could only find the one; I guess the other one is misplaced somewhere.”
>He shrugs and goes back to his duties.
>Twilight hovers the letter over to you.
“Twilight, you know I can’t read pony scribble.”
>”Oh right. Sorry.”
>She unfurls the scroll.
>Her smile lessens.
>”Anon…um…what’s with you and the Princess?”
>You cock your head in confusion.
“I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
>”Well…apparently she’s invited herself to the party tonight. Some sort of special occasion for you?”
>You shrug, flailing about uselessly.
“I don’t know! Really. God I knew I should have just passed out on the couch like the other mornings.”
>You flap a hand to your head, rubbing your eyes.
>”Well…Anon this sounds like a big deal. The Princess never steps outside of Canterlot without good reason.”
“Yeah, yeah, alright. I’ll go.”
>Why did this day of all days have to be the one where things suddenly get exciting.
>You hated excitement.
>You wave to her and walk out of the library with a slump.
>Well…time to find something to do for two hours.
>You stand outside the library, the sun shining its purifying light into your pale couch-potato skin.
>You cringe like a vampire.
>Stupid sun.
>What did the Princess want with you anyway? What did you do?
>Nothing.
>Maybe she was tired of you doing nothing.
>That’s a laugh.
>Let’s make the alien do stuff so he won’t feel useless.
>You had hands, you were two feet taller than them at least, and you were of a much higher intellect then anyp0ny around.
>You never even tried to offer to help, come to think of it.
>What, to make them think better of you?
>You start to stroll in a random direction.
>Might as well find something to kill a few hours til the…
>Party.
>Ugh, why did you agree to this.
>You shove your hands in your pockets and walk down the road.
>Whelp, you found a road.
>Awesome.
>You stroll slowly down the road, forcing yourself to enjoy the mild spring breeze and the…
>Natural world.
“For fucks sake, I had to end up somewhere happy-go-lucky didn’t I?”
>”Yeah, this place is kind of boring.”
>Wait what.
>You turn and see Rainbow Dash flapping silently beside you.
“Woah when the hell did you get there.”
>”Just now. Surprise you?”
“No.”
>”Yeah, you seem pretty hard to surprise. What’re you up to?”
“Walking.”
>”And where are you going?”
>You shrug.
>She looks at you, a little puzzled.
>”Well, it looks like you’re walking to Fluttershy’s.”
“Well then I’m walking to Fluttershy’s.”
>Why were you walking to Fluttershy’s.
>”Uh…you sure about that big guy?”
“Is there something wrong with walking to Fluttershy’s?”
>”I guess not, but you sound bored. I don’t think Fluttershy is the best at being non-boring. All she does is play with animals all day.”
>Well, you actually liked playing with animals.
”Well, if I get bored I’ll yell for you, alright.”
>She shrugs.
>”Fair enough. See you at the party Anon.”
>You nod at her as she speeds off into the sky.
>She was supposed to be the ‘awesome’ p0ny, but really she’s just the showoff.
>Wings would be cool to have.
>You reach Fluttershy’s cottage.
>The bubbling brook adds a final touch to the fairytale scene.
>And there’s the yellow pone herself, filling a birdhouse with feed.
>You approach her with no purpose.
“Hey.”
>You startle her apparently, and she drops her bucket of feed.
>She is then surrounded by millions of birds, all chomping at the bit to get them some of that delicious birdseed.
>You run up and shoo them away.
>Stupid birds.
>She sits there shaking, covered in seeds.
“Flutters. It’s fine. They’re gone.”
>She looks up at you with big doe eyes, shining a brilliant teal in the sunlight.
>You help her to her feet and brush some seed off of her with a hand.
>”Y…you…you saved me!”
“No I just scared them away. Birds can be viscous you know.”
>”No…you saved me. That must mean you like me!”
>Wait what.
”Fluttershy how in the world does that make sense to you?”
>”Well…if you didn’t like me you…you’d let them peck me and hurt me…”
>She looks a little solemn.
“Uh, well then I guess I care enough about you to not want you hurt.”
>Her eyes light up.
>”So you do like me!”
>Her wings flutter happily.
>”Oh this is the best day ever. First I found out there’s a party tonight for you, and now you come and save me and then you tell me you like me! Oh joy oh joy.”
>She dances in place.
>This day is going to be weird isn’t it.
>Fuck you fate.
“Fluttershy, I think you need to calm down or something. I don’t like you. Or well, I don’t hate you it’s just…I’d do that for anyone. Not just you.”
>Smooth.
>”But…but you showed up in the nick of time and…you were my knight in shining armor…”
“Just a twist of fate, maam.”
>”No…it’s more than that…”
>She gets up in your face.
>This is awkward.
>”…you love me don’t you?”
>Wat
“Uh, excuse me? I barely know you and you’re a pony.”
>”Why does that have to stand between us my love?”
>Okay this got weird fast.
”I…I have to go. My uh…toaster is calling.”
>”So is mine, honeybun…”
>You catch her turning around and wiggling her rump at you as you sprint away.
>This is far too much exercise.
>You don’t make it far anyway.
>”Don’t run from my love, Anon!”
>Oh god she’s chasing you.
“Rainbow! Help!”
>You shout to the heavens as your basement dwelling body heaves.
>Sprinting was something that Manly McMuscle Space Marines did.
>Not something that neckbearded basement dwellers did.
>You search your HUD for your sprint bar.
>It is empty and not regaining.
>Damnit where’s a turkey randomly lying on the ground when you need one.
>One rainbow streak later and Rainbow is standing in front of you smirking.
>”You rang?”
“Flutter…*pant* chasing me. *wheeze* Must escape.”
>She looks at you puzzled, and then seeks past you.
>Sure enough, Fluttershy is in pursuit, albeit she’s rather slow.
>”Well, it looks like you’ll be fine. She’s the slowest Pegasus in Cloudsdale, you know.”
“Not fine. She’s got a *pant* crush on me or something.”
>”Really you? You’re not even a pony.”
“I know! Just…go talk to her or something while I hide.”
>Fluttershy finally arrives, grinning maniacally.
>”There you are my sweet. Why did you run from me? Oh I bet you stink now…and need a shower…”
>She then notices Rainbow.
>”Oh…uh…hi Rainbow.”
>This is too much.
>She smirks and looks at you, then back to Fluttershy.
>”Hey Fluttershy. So…you have a crush on this here monkey eh?”
“I’m not a monkey.”
>She ignores you.
>”Yes I do. And he loves me too. He’s just too shy to admit it.”
“I am not shy.”
>Ignored again.
>”Well…that’s too bad because he’s with me.”
“Wha-“
>Suddenly a pair of furry lips are pressed to yours.
>You can feel your whole body shaking in panic.
>A set of large magenta eyes look at you half lidded.
>Oh god what’s happening
>Then she opens her mouth and the slight tip of her tongue touches your lips.
>INITITATION  OF PLAN MAXIMUM RUSTLE
>ENGAGE
>You fly backwards, shoving the blue pone off of you in a hurry.
“NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE,” you yell at the top of your lungs as you lumber quickly through the forest.
>You trip, of course.
>Trees have these things called roots that like to go above the ground.
>People trip over them a lot.
>It’s a thing.
>You fall flat on your face.
>You struggle to pull yourself up.
>Blood drips on to the forest floor.
>Shit you may have a broken nose.
>You feel around your face.
>No, your nose is alright.
>Your lips are bleeding though.
>You must have bit into them when you fell.
>Fuckity fuck.
>You wager a glance around.
>No p0ny in sight.
>Great, but you’re lost.
>Well just keep walking, behind you is Flutterbutter and Bluefast. And you’re not about to start kissing p0nies.
>The fuck was all that about.
>Fucker stole your first kiss too.
>Son of a bitch.
>Wait does that count if it’s not a human?
>Worry about that later, for now, you elude.
>You continue walking, a little bar in your HUD slowly going down.
>…wonder if everyone else has a HUD too.
>After a few minutes of walking, you realize you should probably stop walking into random woods.
>What if this place has some kind of strange magical wolf or something.
>It’s probably made of wood or some crazy shit too.
>That’d be crazy.
>You glance around you suspiciously.
>Okay, good, fate doesn’t hate you yet.
>Checking the sun, you can make an estimate that its probably about party time.
>If it isn’t, tough shit, you’re tired of waiting.
>Uh…wait maybe this will work again.
>And if she tries to kiss you again, you’ll show her a move you learned from a certain F-Zero driver.
“Rainbow Dash!” You call to the heavens.
>Behind you, you hear an explosion of sound.
>Oh shit maybe this wasn’t a good idea.
>A few seconds after you call to her, sure enough, she arrives.
>Though she seems to be tired, breathing heavy and looking a tad red in the face.
>”What the heck did you run off for, Anon! *pant* I was trying to get Flutters off your tail.”
“By kissing me? What the hell Rainbow. Why would that ever be a good idea?”
>”Well…I…I kind of enjoyed it more than I thought I would. Sorry. I was just trying to make her think you was taken or something.”
>She rubs a hoof to her head, where a small bruise sits.
>”If its any consolation, she threw a rock at me.”
“Wow, that’s kind of hardcore for Fluttershy, isn’t it?”
>”Yeah, I guess she’s real serious about you.”
>Jesus christ how terrifying
“Okay, let’s just uh…put that past us, yes? Now where the hell are we? I don’t want to miss this party thing.”
>”I thought you didn’t like parties, Anon.”
“I don’t.”
>She looks at you blankly.
>”Uh, okay. Well hold on let me look.”
>She flies up the tops of the trees and looks around.
>And descends.
>”Looks like we’re actually not too far from Applejack’s barn actually. I could uh…fly us there if you want.”
>You stare at her in silence.
>”I…to make up for kissing you and stuff? It’s better than walking. Come on, I’m trying here.”
>You sigh lightly.
“Rainbow, do you think you can even lift me?”
>”Yeah, I don’t see why not. What are you, 50lbs?”
“Okay, no, more like four times that, Rainbow.”
>Her jaw drops comically.
>”Holy moley you should be the one carrying me!”
>She blushes and you lower your eyebrows at her.
>”Right, sorry. Uh,  no, I don’t think I can lift you but…uhm…I do have an idea.”
“And that is…what exactly. Get Fluttershy to help?”
>”You could…ride me…”
>Her whole face is turning a shade of purple now.
>Well, they are horses, that actually makes sense.
“Alright, but I hope you can carry me.”
>She shakes her head in disbelief.
>Oh right, they’re not really horses. This is probably weird for them or something.
“If that’s okay? I mean I don’t want to be weird or anything.”
>”No! No no no it’s fine I just. I’ve never been ridden. I’m just…uh…just get on.”
>She kneels down, not that she needs to.
>She can’t even maintain eye contact now.
>You walk over to her and slide your legs over her, placing your hands on either side of her neck.
>It was not comfortable. Her back dug into your groin rather painfully.
>Barebacking a Pegasus, good job self.
>Achievement unlocked?
>Nope, nothing on the HUD.
“Alright, I guess this is as comfortable as I’m going to get. You okay?”
>She’s just laying there.
>…she’s actually really warm, now that you think about it.
“Rainbow?”
>”Right, uh, sorry Anon. Spaced out there. All systems are g-go. Let’s do this thing.”
>Her wings flap out to the side of her, and she begins to flap.
>And you’re actually ascending.
”Rainbow, everything alright? I’m not too heavy or anything?”
>”Be…quiet…Anon. This…isn’t…easy.”
>You rise a good few feet and she seems to finally get her bearings.
>”Al-alright Anon. Hold on. This is going to be rough.”
>Soon the two of you rise through the trees.
>Rainbow seems to be having a hard time, not used to having a rider.
>You decide to try and calm her down, like a horse.
>You scratch her behind her ears and you find yourself immediately descending.
>Rainbow scrambles and you’re afloat again.
>She turns to you, angryfaced but blushing.
>”What the heck, Anon, do you want us to crash?”
“No? I was just trying to calm you down. You seem nervous.”
>She stares at you blankly.
>”THAT’S how you calm someone down in your world?”
“Uh, no but you’re a hors-pony and…uh…just fly, Rainbow. Please.”
>She shakes her head and you’re cruising at a decent speed now.
>The wind flies through your hair and this…this is actually pretty amazing.
“Woooo!”, you cry out, excited to be flying.
>”Enjoying yourself big guy?”
“You have no idea. This is incredible.”
>”Heh…well…hold on tight. I’ll show you something else that’s incredible.”
>She pauses a moment, and you grip her coat tightly.
>Suddenly she gets a burst of speed and the two of you are streaming across the sky like a jet.
>In what feels like an instant, you are now above Sweet Apple Acres.
>Damn how fast were you going.
>Rainbow swoops down and lands, attempting to shake you off of her.
>You’re still kind of frozen in place.
>”Anon, we’re here, you can let go.”
>You snap out of it finally, and clamber off of her.
“That was amazing, Rainbow. Is your back okay? I know I’m kinda heavy.”
>”I’m fine. Just need a little cider in me, now. Go find Pinkie, I’m gonna…gonna go do something.”
>As she turns you notice she’s still blushing.
>Interesting.
>Maybe she really liked being ridden?
>…
>Oh god did you just…
>Nope, that thought is definitely being deleted later.
>You stride over to the party location: the big red barn.
>And it looks like it’s already set up for a shindig, randomly colored streamers and balloons are cast around the barn.
>And there’s also a sign.
>You walk in front of it and get a better look.
>”Happy Anon Day”
>Anon Day?
>Holy crap it’s in English, how’d they know how to write that?
>”Do you like it Anon?”
>Wait…that voice.
>You turn and see none other than the Princess herself standing in front of you, cascading multicolor mane flittering in the breeze.
>”I managed to do the sign myself. Apparently your language was in the Canterlot Archives. How peculiar, but useful.”
“Uh…hello Princess. What’s…Anon Day?”
>She puts a hoof to her mouth and giggles.
>”Of course you forgot. Why, today it will have been three months since you had first arrived in Equestria.”
>Oh shit, really? It’s been three months?
“Why…why are you throwing a party for me though?”
>”Because you are my favorite human, Anonymous. Why else?”
>Well, you were the only human.
>And they do say the Princess loves all of her subjects.
“Alright, that’s okay I guess.”
>Awkward as hell though. You get your own holiday?
>”Oh! Anon! Over here!”
>You turn and see Pinkie waving at you.
>”Oh hey Pinks, just chatting with the Princess. This is all for me?”
>”Mhm, and you’re early too! Go do something for a while, I’m not done yet.”
“Uh, alright.”
>”Actually, allow me to help, Anon. Would you mind touching my horn?”
“…not that I don’t trust the all powerful deity of the sun, but…why?”
>She laughs to herself.
>”Trust me.”
>You shrug and grab her horn. It’s warm to the touch, and pleasantly smooth.
>She smiles wide and…then the world around you warps and distorts.
>In an instant, the sensation of being pulled apart is over, and you struggle to maintain your footing.
>A bright red “WARNING” sign flashes on your HUD briefly and then disappears.
>”You can let go, Anonymous.”
>You snap out of your daze, but your head is still spinning slightly.
>Wait…why is it dark outside?
“What the hell was all of that, Princess?”
>”Please call me Celestia, Anon. And I simply did a little…I think you would call them ‘shenanigans’.”
>You look around and see the barn door slightly open, lights flashing from inside and music radiating from within.
>”I just happen to know how to forward and reverse time, that is all. Parlor tricks.”
>She laughs to herself at your shocked expression.
>”What? You seemed to enjoy holding my horn for two hours straight. And do not worry, no one saw us. Now go join the party, I will be there shortly.”
>You let go of her and she walks off away from the barn.
>What in the world was all that about.
>Why is today going to odd.
>Why couldn’t you just stay home?
>You sigh heavily, heaving your chest dramatically.
>Alright, party time.
>Woo.
>You push open the barn door and walk in.
>”Anon! Where have you been?” Pinkie jumps to you instantly as you enter, as you see the other five off to the side chatting amongst themselves.
>Looking around, you see all manner of pony around you. There’s some punch and snacks on a table to the side, a keg of what you deem is probably cider right next to that. Vinyl Scratch is laying down funky beats on the far side wall, and someone set up a strobe light somehow.
>Fucking magic.
“Places. What’s up, did I miss anything?”
>”No, but now I can actually introduce-“
>She is cut off by a blue mare the size of Celestia sudden strolling in from behind her.
>”WE ARE MOST DELIGHTED TO MEET YOU, THE ONE CALLED ANONYMOUS. OUR SISTER HAS SAID MANY A SPLENDID THING ABOUT YOU AND YOUR ENDEAVOURS.”
>Oh god your ears.
>”WE ARE THE ONE CALLED PRINCESS LUNA, AND WE CONGRATULATE YOU ON YOUR THIRD MONTH OF LIVING. REJOICE AND DRINK IN THE REVELRY! FOR TONIGHT, WE SHALL GET THE DRUNKS!”
>”Uh, Luna? Less Royal Canterlot Voice, please.”
>”Oh. Right. We apologize. To the cider!”
>She canters over to the keg and…seems to be laying down on the floor guzzling it from the tap.
>Ponies just kind of stare at her but she doesn’t seem to care.
>Twilight appears from the side and smiles at you.
>”It was supposed to be a surprise. We all figured you’d forgotten anyway.”
“Uh, thanks but why a party? Isn’t it kind of obvious I’m not really a party person?”
>”Well you showed up, didn’t you silly billy? And how could you not be a party person. Everyone is a party person!” Pinkie accents the statement with a shower of confetti from nowhere.
>”And ah wouldn’t want ya to not feel welcome, sugarcube.” Applejack calls to you as she approaches.
>”Indeed, Anonymous, however much of a social recluse you may be, you are still our neighbor.” Rarity says as she flips her squiggly hair out of her view dramatically.
>And then the mare of the hour walks up.
>”And…and why is celebrating you such a bad thing, Anon?” Fluttershy says, drawing aimlessly in the ground with a hoof.
>You just look at her blankly.
”Anyway, I don’t see Rainbow anywhere.”
>Twilight raises a hoof to her chin.
>”Well, she said something about injuring herself in an aerial trick or something, so she couldn’t show up. Sounded like an excuse to me, though.”
>Odd. But you hope you didn’t hurt her.
“Well, what are we waiting for! Let’s get this party started!”
>With that, the party starts. Or, well, it continues.
>Vinyl busts out some sick dance grooves and a few ponies, including Pinkie, start doing various p0ny applicable dance moves on the floor in the middle. Pinkie tries to get you to do something with her but you are an immovable object.
>No dancing. Ever.
>The snacks seem to be pony made cheezits and pretzels. That’s alright, nothing wrong with those. You load up on them like the fatty you are.
>Fluttershy offered you a cup of punch, but you refused it. For one, she was carrying it with her mouth. For two, she very obviously dropped something into the cup before she gave it to you. You could still see the little pills dissolving in the cup.
>You tip it backwards and she ends up drinking a bit too much of it.
>She wobbled a little before collapsing to the side, fast asleep.
>Goddamn Fluttershy.
>You assume your position in the corner of the barn furthest from everyone else, crossing your arms so you look badass.
>At least you think you do.
>Of course, Twilight and the others try to approach you. They all cheer for you, and tell you how happy they are that you’re finally outside of your house.
>Truth is, you miss your couch.
>But you fake a smile for them and that seems to be enough to get them to go away.
>The party starts to wind down after about an hour.
>You did not partake in any cider. Alcohol really rustles your jimmies.
>And it seems that Luna drank it all anyway. She is very obviously passed out snoring on a bean bag in the corner, her stellar mane still floating in an ethereal wind.
>Fucking Princesses.
>As the majority of the ponies either pass out of file out the door, the mane 6 approach you.
>PP: “Well, Anon? Didja have fun?”
“Of course I did, Pinkie, but I still don’t like parties.”
>TS: “Well, I’m just glad that you were able to drag him out of his house, Pinkie. He needs to make more friends.”
>AJ: “That’s for darn tootin’. Anon ain’t even visited me none at all since he got that house. What’s up with that, Anon?”
>”Uh… I didn’t want to bother you?”
>She gives you a disapproving glance.
>”Yer gonna visit me soon, ya hear? No lyin. I’d sure appreciate the company.”
>She walks away and flashes you a wink.
>Wait why did she wink.
>R:”Well Anonymous, it was a grand event, and no one showed their flank. That’s a rarity for Pinkie’s parties, you know.”
>Did she even notice she just said her name like it was a normal word? Or was it the other way around.
>Rarity exits and…is she swaying her hips at you?
>The fuck is your brain making this shit up or what?
>You shake your head violently.
>PP:”You alright, Anony-moooose?”
“Just fine. Why is everyone acting weird all of the sudden?”
>Pinkie’s head turns 90 degrees.
>PP: “I don’t see anyp0ny acting weird, Anon. Maybe they all just had a little too much to drink.”
>TS: “Well, either way, I have to be heading home. Come see me tomorrow Anon, alright? I’ll see if I can find that other letter for you.”
>Twilight trots out of the barn and…nothing of note happens.
>Okay maybe you were hallucinating. They say strobelights can fuck with your head.
>PP: “Well, Anon, it’s that time. Pop on over to Sugarcube Corner sometime and I’ll snatch ya up a cupcake on the house.”
>She leaps up and hugs you, her plush frame squishing against you.
>You robotically hug her back, completely at a loss of what the protocol is here.
>Pinkie holds the hug for longer than you think a hug should last.
>She starts to rub her face on your chest and that’s when you finally peel the bubblegum pone off of you.
“Pinkie. That was too much hug.”
>”Awww…but I was enjoying it…”
>She looks sad so you pat her on the head playfully.
>She smiles and trots off with a wave.
>And then the barn was empty, Vinyl being the last one out with two other unicorns escorting her and her music gear out of the barn efficiently fast.
>You sigh and slump to the ground.
“I hate parties.” You say aloud, to no one in particular.
>”I could tell, Anonymous.”
>Wait…
>You turn and…of course it is.
>”Heya Celestia. You didn’t make it to the party.”
>The regal Alicorn strides up to your side and sits next to you.
>”I’m not one for large crowds either, actually. Even in my own royal balls I sort of sit awkwardly to the side like you do.”
>Wow the princess was socially retarded too?
>”But usually I just load up on alcohol and frankly, I am the princess and no one really cares if I act a fool or not. I am the gosh darned princess, after all.”
>She giggles to herself and wraps a wing around you.
>It only barely touches you, so it’s not as bad as Pinkie’s hug.
>Still odd though.
“Well yeah, I mean, you’re royalty. You can get away with just about anything I bet.”
>She nods.
>”Anonymous, do you know why I came here to this little podunk party in Ponyville?”
“Uh…no?”
>”Because I am legitimately intrigued by you, Anonymous. I’ve been watching you, and I see you’ve fallen into a slump. So I have an offer for you.”
“An offer? Of what?”
>”Well…you see…the kingdom is about to be beset by Estrus, and I need someone to be my helping hand, as it were.”
“Estrus? The hell is that?”
>”It is a malady that we ponies fall under for about a week. There is no known cure, and it does little but create chaos amidst my people. I would do it myself were I not also susceptible. So will you aide me, Anonymous?”
“What will I be doing, if you don’t mind me asking.”
>”To take a line from your own mind, think of it as one of your video games. You must complete a certain objective, and you will be rewarded when the objective is met. I am afraid I cannot divulge any more information unless you accept.”
“Wait, you read my mind? When? How?”
>”When you touched my horn, actually. I’m sorry that it took so long. There was a lot of…stuff…to sift through.”
>You catch her smirking at you, raising an eyebrow.
>Why did today have to get weird.
“Uh…okay that’s not weird or anything. And if I refuse, just in case?”
>She sighs, closing her brilliant magenta eyes.
>”Then you will likely return to wasting away on your couch.”
>You liked that couch though.
>Hm. Save the ponies from some magical anomaly that’s kinda like a video game?
>You liked video games. And who knows, maybe she’ll reward you with more video games.
>You stroke your neckbeard thoughtfully, and finally smile at the alicorn.
>You hold out your hand.
”Deal.”
>She grins wickedly, grabbing your hand with a gilded hoof and shaking lightly.
>”I knew you’d accept, Anonymous. Trust me, you will not regret this decision.”
>She rises to her feet, and gestures you to follow.
>You stand.
>”Be still, this will only take a moment.”
>Suddenly her horn flashes golden, and some green letters fill you HUD.
>UPDATING
>Updating? What the hell does that-
>You’re cut off by a searing pain within your brain and quickly pass out.
>You awake on your couch all of the sudden to a new day.
>You rub your temples but there exists no pain.
>Huh.
>What the hell happened.
>You hear a voice in your head all of the sudden.
>”Welcome to the Estrus Elimination Index. Please hold as I update your statistics.”
>What the fuck
>Sure enough, some new things appear in your vision...but you have no idea at all what to make of them.
>Rape level?
>Lust gauge?
>Primary fetish?
>The fuck is all this?