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- >The phone rings.
- >You groan and reach under the pile of clothes next to your futon mattress, feeling around for the small plastic brick.
- >The alarm clock reads 4 a.m. as you blearily fumble for the phone.
- >Ahh…got it.
- “…hello?”
- >…
- “…what do you mean he’s in Las Pegasus?”
- >…
- “...Hoof in mouth disease? Why does he need to go all the way to Las Pegasus for…”
- >…
- “What do you mean I could be more sympathetic?!”
- >…
- “It’s my day off!”
- >…
- “Look, I worked all day yesterday. Get some relief in there by noon or I walk…”
- >…
- “THREE? I ain’t doing...”
- >…
- “But…”
- >…
- >You sigh.
- “Fine…I’ll be there…”
- >You hang up your phone and bury your face in the pillow.
- >Why do you put up with this shit?
- ---------
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=068AFYvd58E
- >The same as it always is…
- >Show up in time to accept the morning supply of papers.
- >The p0nies sure do love their newspapers…paying for them on the other hand…
- >Restock the shelves…toss out the rancid burritos…discount the not-so-rancid burritos…
- >Make sure the cigarette display is full…granted, they’re candy, but you suppose for p0nies they’re the same as the tobacco variety.
- >Man, what you would give for a real smoke…
- >Donut display, check…Coffeepot, on…Magazines? Organized…
- >Dirty Magazines? The dry ones are organized.
- >The sticky ones are thrown out.
- >How do these colts do this without you noticing?
- >Your greatest fear is that you’re cleaning behind the cooler one day and you find a secret door to some kind of p0ny spank ring.
- >You check your watch. It’s almost time to open…
- >There was hope when you got to this place that you could go on to do something special.
- >Save the world, be a great doctor, or maybe a musician…
- >Nope.
- >You’re the same aimless loser you were, just that instead of people, you’re surrounded by p0nies.
- >Goddamn isn’t life wonderful.
- >One last thing…
- >You head outside to open the shutters. Grabbing the lock, you turn it to find…
- >…
- >Nothing.
- >Someone just…took the lock?
- >What’s the point of that?!
- >You shrug and heave the shutters open.
- >…
- “You have got to be kidding…”
- >Apparently, whoever “they” is stole the lock so they could vandalize the storefront under the shutter.
- “Clerks is a stupid movie…also, penis.”
- >That’s what they wrote.
- >Someone is thinking too hard…
- >You shake your head and go back inside, fuck it.
- >You flip the sign over to read “Open.”
- >Another fantastic day at the Hoof n’ Go.
- -------------
- >9 A.M.
- >It’s been a fairly steady, average morning crowd.
- >”Pack of Camels.”
- “Cinnamon or Sugar?”
- >”Cinnamon.”
- >You grab a pack of the cinnamon flavored Camels and set it on the counter.
- “Eighteen bits.”
- >”Such highway robbery…” The pegasus stallion tosses the requisite bits on the counter, taking his purchase.
- >”Seriously, where do you get off charging p0nies this much for cigarettes?”
- >You throw up your hands with an exasperated sigh.
- “I don’t set the prices, sir. I just sell them.”
- >The stallion snorts. “I bet you campaigned for that new cigarette tax, fueling your fat paycheck.”
- “Sir, I can guarantee you that any raise in prices does not increase my paycheck…”
- >If you could afford eighteen bits a pack, you wouldn’t be living in a shitty studio apartment.
- >”Oh yeah, I’m sure you tell that to everyone! I bet you eat at the Gilded Grain every night!”
- >You wish you could simply eat every night on your salary.
- “Come on buddy, now you’re being silly…”
- >The pegasus turns and sticks his head out the door.
- >”HEY EVERYP0NY! THIS SHOP IS GOUGING YOU FOR FEEDING YOUR ADDICTION SO SOME LAZY CLERK CAN EAT LIKE A KING!”
- “HEY, NOW WAIT JUST A MINUTE…”
- >Too late, the pegasus is gone, his screaming echos about the cigarette fraud at the Hoof n’ Go echoing down the street.
- “I hate this day already…”
- >As you sigh and stick the bits in the register, barely able to stretch before the bell over the door rings again.
- “Oh…good morning Ms. Cake.”
- >For her part, the Sugarcube Corner owner looks just as exasperated as you do.
- >”Anon, when is the video store going to open?”
- “I’m sure he’s running late for a good reason…”
- >Yeah, right.
- >Cake shakes her head and trots in, grabbing a sack of donuts and tossing them on the counter.
- >”Anyway, how much for these donuts? Might as well have a snack while I wait.”
- >She stares at you as you stare at the sign DIRECTLY BEHIND HER HEAD, ADVERTISING DONUTS AT FIVE BITS A FREAKIN’ SACK.
- >OPEN YOUR EYES YOU SAGGY OLD PIECE OF…
- “Seven bits. Don’t you make stuff like donuts?”
- >”Yes, but ever since Pinkie took that…second job of hers, her quality of work has…declined.”
- >As Ms. Cake takes her purchase and leaves, you stick five bits in the register.
- >The extra two go in your pocket.
- >No dog food for Anon tonight…
- >Speaking of Pinkie, you can hear her hard at work outside as the door opens and shuts.
- >Now, if someone actually employed here could show up on time…
- ----------------
- >Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy look at the wall between the store door and the door for the video shop.
- >P: “Alright Fluttershy! Just like we practiced!”
- >F: “Oh…ok…umm…Pinkie? Why do I have to wear this green overcoat?”
- >P: “Don’t ask questions, Fluttershy! Now HIT IT!”
- >Pinkie strikes a pose as Fluttershy sets down the boom box, gingerly pressing the “Play” button as her pink partner inhales deeply.
- >As the retro drum beat gets started, so does Pinkie.
- >P: “BUCK BUCK BUCK! MOTHER MOTHER BUCK, MOTHER MOTHER BUCK BUCK, MOTHERBUCK, MOTHERBUCK SWEET SWEET SWEET!”
- >Pinkie Pie dances like a dynamo, while Fluttershy stands back, bobbing her head to the beat and trying to not look as embarrassing as her friend does.
- >P: “SMOKIN’ COOKIES, SMOKIN’ CUPCAKES, DOIN’ CAKES, EATIN’ PIES! EATIN’ PIES PIES PIES! ROLLIN’ PIXIES, SMOKIN’ CAKES! WHO SMOKES THE CAKES?”
- >F: “Uh….well….I don’t really smoke cakes…”
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRp_mVi969I
- >Pinkie groans as the music shuts off as if on command.
- >P: “Fluttershy, that’s not what we practiced!”
- >F: “Oh….I’m sorry, I’ll try harder next time…”
- >The yellow pegasus recoils a little as the earth p0ny places her hooves on her hips.
- >As you watch the scene play out through your window, you can’t help by wonder.
- >How the hell does Pinkie stand on two hooves like that?
- >P: “Seriously! How are we ever going to sell our stuff if you can’t get this right?”
- >Fluttershy whimpers. “Sorry…”
- >Pinkie sighs. “Alright. I’m gonna go get some coffee. You stay here and…not say anything.”
- >F: “But…”
- >P: “NOT. A. WORD!”
- >Flutters bites her lower lip and nods as Pinkie bounds her way in to the store.
- >P: “Hey Anon! I thought you weren’t supposed to be here today!”
- “That’s what I thought…”
- >P: “Damn Anon, don’t be such a pussy. Speaking of which, where’s the penis?”
- “Come again?”
- >P: “Sign outside says penis.”
- >You sigh.
- “We do not sell penis here.”
- >Pinkie shrugs, pouring herself a cup of coffee. “Too bad, I’d buy it.”
- “I’m sure Twilight would be upset.”
- >P: “Oh yes, your –marefriend-. You ought to play the field, Anon. Know what will help? Some CUPCAKES!”
- “No. And what have I told you about selling out in front of the stores?”
- >Pinkie just giggles and heads out the door.
- “WAIT! YOU GOTTA PAY for that….”
- >You sigh. There’s no use.
- >You fish the two bits out of your pocket and toss them in the register to cover Pinkie’s coffee.
- >Guess it’s Alpo Surprise for dinner.
- >Cake: “ANON, He isn’t here yet! I got foals at home!”
- >You sigh and check your watch.
- >9:15 A.M.
- >Where the hell is he?
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