Soldier-Anon

>Be Anon, Rocket-jumper extraordinarie
>You wake up, drop da missile in da toilet, shower and shave only a little leaving a nice stubble as a good Soldier
>You`ve been living in this wacky, magic pony-filled place for a few months now.
>Thoughts of the day when you got dragged here still bounce in your mind
>Training in harvest some rocket-jumping moves when you jumped too damn high and hit the skybox so hard that somehow you ripped it and it left you in this place
>It`s ok, but you think that Pyro might like it better
>That horrible fire lover, masked, mumbling beast that works as a mercenary with you
>Godness you miss those Red bunch of ladies
>Except those Blu maggots... You hate them with your entire heart. Maybe not Blu Demoman, he is a great pal, you need to go out and have a beer with him again sometime.
>You go downstair and and grab a nice cup of Maggots
>This cereal-filled worms are pretty tasty
>What? It´s food and it´s pretty cheap. Mann up lady.
>MF:"Hello dear brother, I hope you slept well."
Hello Morgan! How is my magnificent bastard today?
>When you were born, your mother had sex with a horse and she gave birth to a pony, she named him Morgan Freep0ny and somehow he got dragged here with you and he transformed into a normal colt like the others, with that mark on the ass and everything. You believe that his mark has something to do with his voice, It`s a talking glove and his voice is awesome
>You go outside and check the magnificent day
>You turn to your left; a pair of ponies are being chased by a 3-headed monster, one of them is caught and eated right there, looking at your shoes something Red stained them.
Mmmh... That´s blood...Welp... Dead Amen
>A damn mosquito catches your attention for a second, and when you look back at the scenery it`s all resolved, the monster is dead and the dead ponies are alive again
What a magical turn of event!
>You go back inside and grab your precious orange partner, your unique rocket-jumping trainer, The Rocket-Jumper!
>Then you put on your marvelous and manly-lookin Mantreads. You love the name you gave to these wonderful boots made by Rarity by your request, they are so manly.
>Finally you grab your trysty Market Gardener, who knows if you might need to take care of some lillies or [spoiler]dig up some graves[/spoiler]
>After getting yourself ready for the daily adventure you go downstairs again but a knock on the door distracts you
>You open the door only to find a note on the floor
>Grabbing the note you head back inside and read it
"Anon
    We´ve kidnapped Fluttershy and if you want to see her again you´ll need to come and rescue her, and bring that Hot Monkey [spoiler]Painis[/spoiler] with you
                                                   The Changelings"
>This sounds bad, so you do the first thing you must do.
>You go to Sugarcube Corner and buy a cupcake
>YOU FUCKING LOVE CUPCAKES
>You salute Pinkie, she will make a good soldier some day
>Run towards Carousel Boutique where Rarity lives and knock the door
>She opens the door and greets you
>R:"Hello Anonymous, what do I owe this visit?"
>Deciding that the first thing to do is explain her the problem you say:
Hello lady. There is an urgent matter troubling me from some news I got this morning... Whos is Fluttershy?
>R:"What do you possibly MEAN with "who is Fluttershy" my dear? She told me she has been visiting you daily since you arrived and I know as a lady, she wouldn`t lie"
>Oooh so that one was Fluttershy, you didn`t remember her name when she first visited you so you started calling her Flutterbravlin. This kept on going every day, she continued coming to visit you daily and trying to guess your fetish or whatever that is, must be some pony stuff.
Thank you miss Rarity! I got a letter this morning saying that Fluttershy has been kidnapped and I couldn`t remember who was she but then I got hungry and went to get a cu-
>R:"SHE HAS BEEN WHAT!?" She cuts you off screaming
Now now Miss, there is no need for screaming, my helmet might cover half of my sight but I assure you that my ears are in perfect state
>R:"Darling what did you just say? She was kindapped?
Yeah, what do think we should do?
>R:"I`ll inform Twilight and the others! We must prepare a rescue mission or something!"
UUh UUH! A rescue mission? What do we rescue, the enemy intelligence? They must have some secrets hidden on that briefcase or a secret device or..
>F:"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? WE NEED TO RESCUE FLUTTERSHY!" She cuts your sentence again
Oh right, the kidnapped pony, Ok lets go!
>MF:Brother! I heard the conmotion and I wish to aid you in this dark times that have fallen upon us!
Goddamn his voice is Celestial... Ok Brother lets assemble a rescue team!
>You gather the rest of the ponies, Applejack being the hardest one because she lives in a FARM!
>Countless times you asked her to build a teleporter so she could come faster but when you touch the point she tells you that she doesn`t even know what a teleporter is
But your accent...! You sound like an Engineer why wont you build a teleporter so you could be contacted faster?
>AP:"Ah told ya don`t touch tha darn point! Ah don`t know anything abo`t engineering!
>This mare will drive you crazy...
>Once the entire team is assembled, you head for the Changelings cave on the Everfree Forest
>Finally reached the destination, you notice that its much more bigger than a normal cave...
>F:"ANON HELP!"
>Your thoughts are distracted by FlutterBravlin screams... she is surounded by dark ponies with holes and the bigger one in the middle speaks:
>QC:"Well well well... Look what the winds have dragged here... six powerless ponies and a monkey!"
HA! We will be fighting this thing? It can`t even count! There six ponies and me here!
>QC:"I was refering to YOU Poppy Joe! GUARDS!"
>Suddenly a bunch of bug-ponies surround you all and trap your brother and the mares, you manage to get away with a rocket-jump but it seems they are coming for you now.
>QC:"Don`t let that monkey get away!" The bigger bug screams
>Two of the guards charge at you
>You rocket jump once again closing the distance, but instead of your face meeting the floor you land on the head of one of the guards with your feet
>http://wiki.teamfortress.com/w/images/c/ca/Mantreads.wav
>One down, another to go
>The other guard tryes to catch you but you rocket jump again in the last second, you bounce against a wall with another rocket and before landing you grab your Market Gardener and hit him on the last second
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnzFNO4pij8
>CRITICAL HIT!
YOU KIDS DON`T KNOW HOW TO DOMINATE!
>QC:"That was quite impressive monkey, but you have reached the end of the line, CHANGELINGS!"
>A full horde of this bug-ponies surround you, they even fly, forbidding you of your trusty rocket jump.
>But wait, if they can`t fly, then you could rocket jump easily! And they won`t be able to fly If you soak their wings!
>But how could you soak them? There is no water around... darn it, you can`t think about water now, too many urine contained... WAIT A SECOND COMARADE!
>You remember that Sniper could get the enemy wet in some sort of yellow sustance in a jar, and he made that sustance by peeing on the jar!
Twilist! A bag full of empty Jars, quickly!
>She manages to free herself for a sec and magicks the bag infront of you but then she is trapped again
>They all just stare at you while you lower your pants and your body automatically creates the Jarate sustance!
Now I hope you all get ready... BOMBS AWAY!
>The flying bugs are soaked and land because they can`t fly anymore
>You prepare your rocket to jump but then realize that you used all four air-rockets and it needs to recharge
So it came to this...
>There is only one thing you can do.
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=RpItycwACv0#t=11s
>You drop the rocket-jumper and say:
If fighting is sure to result in victory...
>You strip off your clothes, everyp0ny looks at you confussed, Fluttershy is drolling, how weird...
Then you must-DIE!
>You look at your sides like a complete maniac and taunt the pony-mosquitos
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
>20 minutes later
Now THAT is how it`s done
>TS:"Wow Anon! That was great! You sure showed those changelings how to fight! Just one question...
>She blushes a little
>TS:"Why did you have to get naked?"
Well, it`s just basic training Twilist, they had to look at my Privates.
>MF:"I believe that my brother`s success saved us all, wouldn`t you agree?"
Now now, let`s just all shut up and leave, I`ll take Flutterbravlin
>They all leave the cave and you drag the unconcious body of Fluttershy with you
>Mid-way she wakes up and before you could do anything she grabs your trusty Rocket-Jumper
Hey you ! Stop right where you are, that is an order!
>F:"Well If you want to recover your weapon, then you must give me your Hot Monkey [spoiler]Painis[/spoiler]" She says while getting closer
DO. NOT. DO IIIT!
>And so you recovered your weapon, after
>Fucking Fluttershy