OCR version of “don’t message me if” section

http://baskauskas.tumblr.com/post/58477142867/oh-my-god-this-guy-messaged-me-on-okcupid-and-he

OCR via - http://www.free-ocr.com/

Don't message me if...
-you listen to the Doors
-you have photos of yourself in some sort of forced perspective with a famous landmark
-you like drawn moustache fingers
-4/5 of your photos are you at a wedding
-you have tattoos you can't see without a mirror
-you have tattoos that can't be covered (neck, face, hands, etc)
-you have piercings that will leave gaping holes in your body forever
-you consider yourself bi-sexual but have no interest in a long-term
relationship with someone of the same sex
-you have any affiliation with any religion
-you have photos of yourself covering your mouth, your friend covering their ears, and another friend covering their eyes
-you say "yolo", or anything of this ilk
-your desire in life is power and prestige
-your career, which you worked very hard for, will vanish, to be
replaced by children that you suddenly discovered you always wanted
-you don't shower daily
-you dye your hair light blonde
-you want a home-birth
-you think you deserve chivalry, rather than earn it, through your own polite demeanour
-you talk full volume on your phone in a congested public place
-you wear massive headphones
-you don't wear your bike helmet
-you don't follow traffic laws when biking/driving
-you are shocked that people are becoming more cynical
-you think world peace is an actual goal of some sort

-you tell the same joke in the same circumstance time and time again
-you demand respect, but, would also happily become a trophy wife if the money were good enough
-you walk through crowds looking at your phone
-you name drop near strangers to let them know how much cooler you are than them
-you play S chords on the guitar and sing like jewel/Lisa Loeb/dido/etc
-you crave attention from strangers
-you pet wandering mystery cats with no regard for toxoplasmosis
-you "want it all", but can't offer the foundation on which to build such a life
-you think your binge drinking is simply a symptom of youth
-you wear yoga clothes when not engaging in yoga
-you think that your real face is the one covered in makeup
-you dye, cut, and style your hair according to your bad moods
-your favourite literature is from your grade 9 curriculum
-you're a spiteful food and beverage employee that spits in the cuisine of customers you don't favour
-you discuss pinterest/facebook/etc in the visceral world
-your response to most everything is wrapped in sarcasm
-you believe that negativity is useless
-you consider yourself a happy person
-you believe that animals with cute, soulful eyes are equal to humans simply because of their cute, soulful eyes
-you shoplift
-you write missed connections for people with whom you've never spoken
-you walk three people wide on the sidewalk
-you sit on the outer seat with an empty seat beside you on the bus/streetcar/subway

-you put your bag on the seat on the bus/streetcar/subway
-you drive a car and believe yourself better than the bus/streetcar/subway
-you hunt, but don't consume your success
-you read cosmopolitan
-you are offended that models are generally thin
-you subject yourself to television/film/media that purports a different body image than you believe to be average, thereby angering yourself
-you blindly give to any charity without knowing how the money is distributed
-you spend more than you make
-your main profile photo is you in your bikini
-you believe that a dating site is a last resort
-you smell like the food you eat
-you believe gender is cultural
-you think individual cultures enrich the global community, rather than maintaining its racial separations
-you have enough tattoos, or, such poorly placed tattoos (chest piece, etc) that your body will essentially never be nude again
-you have formed a political persona for yourself based solely on
"facts" your friends and/or family have told you, without investigating for yourself
-you read vice magazine
-you talk over people
-you desire luxury over practicability
-you believe everyone is entitled to their opinion, no matter how inane
- you believe that religious individuals should be tolerated, rather than educated
-you travel to third world countries for vacations

-you belittle transgender people
-you are transgender and expect that everyone has researched your lifestyle/biological determination and is therefore not taken aback by your appearance
-you suffer from one or multiple mental illnesses and refuse treatment
-you take and display photos of yourself with lighting and angles that intend to deceive the viewer
-you confuse personal style with personality
-you own a name brand purse or handbag (Burberry, Louis Vutton, etc), or its equivalent knock off
-you claim to possess environmental concerns, but do little to contribute
-you lecture others ad nauseum about how you contribute to society
-attending a valid protest is a social event for you, rather than a civic duty
-you think that those who don't vote have no right to complain
-you can't see your own biases
-you stand in entrances and exits to check for something in your bag/on your phone
-you have a black/gay/etc friend who doesn't mind your bigoted slurs, and therefore, believe you can verbally distribute these utterances anywhere with impunity
-you wear uncomfortable clothing and/or shoes for the sake of feminine style
-you engage in overly painful "beautification" regiments
-you needlessly kill spiders
-you think a person who has forceful paedophilic thoughts is evil,
rather than ill

-you scoff at smokers, but consume copious amounts of sugar/sodium/alcohol/caffeine/etc
-you have anything but disdain for global royalty
-you have an invested interest in celebrity gossip
-you describe yourself, or others, as nerds and/or geeks, meaning to be complimentary
-you're a bad tipper
-you tell more than 1 person a day that they "have to watch" a television series that you enjoy
- you feel it's okay to stop a celebrity to talk and take a photo
-you're a holocaust denier
-you're a Zionist
-you use the term "foodie"
-browsing photos of cats is an activity for you
-bacon is important to you
-you can't find even one candid photo of yourself that is honest or complimentary, so all of your pictures are of you holding a cell phone up to a mirror
-you have more than 4 profile photos to show where you've vacationed, and, generic activities in which you've engaged (skydiving, facial obscuring costume parties, etc)
-you have the need to see every game/match/etc of a particular sports team, or, sport.
-you engage in gratuitous verbal hyperbole on a regular basis
-you purchased a vanity license plate
-you think a bulky British/South African/etc accent is charming and sexy, rather than deeply ingrained slang that curves away from proper phonetic speech
-you don't realize that John Lennon was a "Bono level" douche
-you guilt-trip people to get your way

-you have, or, would like to attend "burning man"
-you believe that there are only a few bad police officers that make the majority look bad, rather than the opposite
-you haven't acknowledged that: if the police had no guns, no one would need them for anything that we could not take care of for ourselves
-you have, or would, take part in a "flash mob"
-you think trampolines are safe for children
-when in a group of 3 people, you discuss a topic at great length that only applies to 1 of the 2 people
-you tell random people you pass on the street to "smile", thinking this suggestion will improve their day, of which you are entirely oblivious
-you claim to have read more than you actually have, saying that you "haven't read that in such a loooong time” to anyone asking what you thought about a book which you, at some point, lied about reading
-you read exclusively Young Adult fiction
-you think feminism hurts, more than helps, at this point in time
-your dissatisfaction with your body image has caused you to be as aesthetically obnoxious as possible to somehow compensate for your perceived shortcomings
-you wear a Stetson/fedora/etc hat with casual attire
-you wear a “toque” in the summer months
-you buy pre-damaged clothing
-your photos are more than 2 years old
-you think that your "night life” activities (attending clubs/bars/late night pizza excursions) are a big part of what makes you an "fun and interesting person”, rather than a standard fare consumer
-you believe that, in 15 years, you'll look more or less as good as you do now, and act accordingly

-your favourite films are "The Shawshank Redemption", "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels", and, ""The Princess Bride“
-you take part in "zombie walks“
-you use sex as a currency in a relationship