Word Crimes Lyrics

Everybody shut up!
Woo!
Everyone listen up!
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey, 
Hey, hey, hey
Woo!
(????)
If you can't write in the proper way, (lousy writer!)
If you don't know how to conjugate,
Woo!
Hey!
Maybe you flunked that class!
Hey, hey, hey
And maybe now you find,
Hey, hey, hey
That people mock you onliiiiiiiine! 
(Everybody wise up!)
Okay, now hears the deal,
I'll try to educate ya!
Gonna familiarize you with the nomenclature
You'll learn the definitions
Hey, hey, hey
Of nouns and prepositions!
Hey, hey, hey
Literacy's your mission!
Hey, hey, hey
And that's why I think it's a-
Good tiiiime~!
To learn some grammar 
(Woo!)
(What?!)
(Now did I stammer?)
Work on that grammar. 
(Woo!)
You should know when~!
It's less or it's fewer 
(Woo!)
(oh yeah~)
Like people who were,
(alright~) 
Never raised in a sewer 
(Woo!)
I hate these word crimes~
Like: "I could care less"
(Hey,hey,hey!)
(Woo!)
(Hey,hey,hey!)
(That means you do care.)
(Oh, woah~)

At least a little.
(Woo!)
Don't be a moro~n!
(hey, hey)
You'd Better slow down
(Woo!)
And use the right pronoun
Show the world you're no clown.
Everybody wise up.
Say you got an "i-t"
Followed by apostrophe "s"
Now what does that mean?
You would not use this In this case!
As a possessive (no,no,no)
It's a contraction (yeah,yeah,yeah!)
What's a contraction?
Well, it's the shortening of a word or a group of words by omission of a sound or letter.
Okay, now here's some notes,
Syntax you're always mangling,
No "x" in "espresso".
Your participle's dangling
(Uh, huh!)
But I don't want your drama! (Uh,huh!) (Hey,hey,hey)
If you really wanna, (Uh,huh!) (Hey,hey,hey!)
Leave out that oxford comma! (Uh,huh!) (Hey,hey,hey!)
Just keep in mind that "be, see, are, you~",
Are words not letters
(Woo!)
(Get it together)
Use your spell-checker
You should never~
Write words using numbers.
Unless you're seven.
Or your name is Prince.
(Everybody wise up!)
I hate these word crimes~(hate them crimes(?))
(Woo!) 
You really need a, 
(I hate them crimes.)
Full time proof reader.
(I need no crimes.)
You dumb mouth-breather
Well, you should hire~
Some cunning linguist,
To help you distinguish
What is proper english.
(Everybody wise up!)
One thing I ask of you:
Time to learn your homophones is past due.
Learn to diagram a sentence to
Always say to whom, never say to who.
And, listen up when I tell you this:
I hope you never use quotation marks for emphasis.
You finished second grade I hope you can tell,
If you're doing good or doing well.
Better figure out the diff-er-ence.
Irony is not coincidence.
And I thought that you'd gotten it through your skull
About what's figurative and what's literal.
Oh but, just now 
(just now)
You said, 
(you said)
You literally couldn't get out of bed.
(What?)
That really makes me want to literally smack a crowbar upside your stupid head!
(Woo!)
I read your e-mail~
It's quite apparent
(Woo!)
Your grammar's errant.
You're incoherent.
Saw your blog post~
It was fantastic (oh. woah)
That was sarcastic (oh, psych!)
Cause you write like a spastic
I hate these word crimes~ 
(Everybody wise up)
Your prose is dopey. (Yeah~!)
(Think you should only)
Write in emoji.
Oh you're a:
Lost cause~
Go back to preschool
(Woo!)
Get out of the gene pool.
Try your best to not drool.
Never mind I give up.