"I Want to be Dead" by Dorothea Lasky

I want to be dead
After all the ultimate act of self-indulgence is to be dead
Histrionic bareback

Middle-aged men are the devils I shall meet
When I’m dead
In this life I was a middle-aged middle-class middle-of-the-road woman
Middlemen are the exorcised demons of my death

What could be more dramatic than a last breath?
This breath
No that one
No what do I make of it

All of you
All of you are so boring
You are living
Eating, breathing, pissing
Waiting to know when it all will happen

I am already dead
I want to be dead
I am already dead
I am already fucking words

I am already words
That paint this page
Peppery black specks

Move me around
Tear up this paper
Burn this paper

Light this paper on fire

I don’t care

I am already dead

Whatever form you make of me
I will always come back to this one