The Fluffachokeie River

The Fluffachokeie River
> Well, it’s happened again
> Fluffy ponies have made it onto your lawn and are making a mess of everything
> The inane babble, smelly shit, and how they manage to damage everything including themselves leaving corpses for cleanup is infuriating
> But, you've done this before
> The fluffies are nothing if trusting of humans
> With a little coaxing that is
> You exit the house with the only tool you need a paper bag full of socks
> They are hostile at first, as most ferals are, but after some smooth talking
> Well just talking really, the fluffies are easily convinced
> You are their friend
> How cute
> And nauseating
> God damn these things stink
> You place the dust mask on your face
> "Whaa dat fow fwiend?"
> It's to keep your rank stink away from my nose you little shit factory
"Well, it's called a mask, and it makes everything smell very pretty"
> What a fucking stupid way to talk
> But it works perfectly
> "Fwuffy wan smeww pwetty! Nuu wawa? Jus maskie?"
> I'd drown you shits in the river if I cared that much about your hygiene
> Heh heh, you crack yourself up sometimes
"That's right and I have a whole bunch for everyone!"
> They cheer and frolic and fling dried turds from their fluff on you
> Better get this over with
> You place a sock on the smarties head first
> Because they're assholes and will get what's comin to em first
> "Dis mask smeww weawwy pwetty! Fankoo mistah!"
> Well that's what he probably said, it sounded like this
> "Diff maffk fmeff feaffy ffeffy! Faffoo fiffa!"
"Oh no trouble at all! Who wants a mask next?"
> The fluffies line up
> Line up is a little generous; they pile up and beg for "Guu smewwy maskies!"
> The socks, as they will soon find out, make it hard to see and hear
> In fact they can't
> Many fall asleep simply because they think it's now night time
> And, with the good smelling (Frebreeze enhanced) laundry on their face they think it's fluffy and snuggle their own faces
> "Fwuffy wuv maskie! Suu sawft an wawm! Suu sweepy... is dawk... an *Yawn* dawks fow sweepies..."
> It would be adorable if they weren't so god damn repulsive
> With the adults all asleep or meandering around with socks on their heads bumping into other sleeping fluffies and joining them you turn to their foals
> They can't understand what you're doing so they just play with each other
> With no parents afraid, there are no foals afraid
> But they soon will be
> You grab the paper bag and begin stuffing foals in by the hand full
> They try to yell for help but all of their guardians are asleep or unable to hear and see very well
> "Mummah! Mummah! Meanie hewp! Hewp!"
> Their mothers are all asleep
> With all the foals in the bag you take it over to the boat dock and pour them into the water
> A little waterfall of pastel and shit stained joy they tumble towards a watery doom
> Almost warms your heart
> "Hewp! Faww! Hewp! He- blublublublub!! WAWA BAD HEWP HEblublublub!"
> They flail and panic and try to stay afloat but in less than thirty seconds have all drowned and are being carried away by the current
> The adults are up and wandering in circles yelling muffled cries for their children now
> "MMMmmmMMM mmm MmMMmmm!"
> The fluffies don't even realize they have socks on their heads now
> They've gone to sleep and believe it's still dark out
> Idiots
> One by one you pick them up by the scruff of their necks and the tip of the sock dangling off their face
> With a quick flick you remove the sock and release the now screaming (insults, pleas for help, pleas for forgiveness) fluffies into the water
> They last longer than their foals but only so they are drawn further down stream
> "Hewp! Hewp fwuffy! Nuu swim! Wawa bad fow fwuffy! Hewp!"
> One by one you release the fluffies to the river and retrieve your now drool covered socks
> Ugh, these will need to be washed again
> But, now your lawn is cleared of fluffies with minimal damage
> They didn't shit in fear which smells the worst by far or leave corpses on your lawn
> All in all not a bad day
> That is until you saw the next batch of fluffies squirm through your fence
> Maybe you should play hide and seek on the dock for these fluffies...