My past psychedelic experience is 2c-e, i, t-2, DOC, 25b, c, and i-nbome, LSD, mushrooms, 5-meo-mipt, 4-aco-dmt, 4-ho-met, and hot-7. Also lots of weed, dxm, and mxe with a
little bit of mdma, other uppers a couple other times, and various benzos occasionally. A few years earlier I had been on anti-depressants.

It all started one monday at 11 am, just like any else, in a derealized brainfog of dullness. I had received 14 ~666ug doses of 25c-nbome powder in caps to sell and thought fuck
it, I'm bored, and I should have a pretty strong psychedelic tolerance right now, might as well snort 2, even though most of my 25x-nbome experiences have been awful. Needless
to say I was in for more than I bargained for. In the past I've done over 3mg of 25i-nbome on blotter and this was in another league altogether.

10 minutes later I knew I was in WAY over my head. I was drowning in psychedelica. Reality was unfolding yet expanding, mentally panic had set in. I decided to listen to Touch
of Grey by the dead but I couldn't listen through because it felt as if the music mocking me because it seemed like I clearly was not going to get by and I was hit with an
intense wave of nausea. I bent over the garbage can next to my desk and really, really wretched, but I couldn't puke no matter how hard I tried. Clearly I was poisoned. Next I
put on a random song and it happened to Clint Eastwood by the Gorillaz. Another song making fun of me. I remembered a friend of mine telling me it was kind of depressing and I
knew now he was talking about me. I was filled with embarrassment. This was all way too much to handle, so I stumbled on over to my bed and lied down. The room was changing
shapes and I couldn't stop scanning around as motion caught my attention. I closed my eyes and was immersed in unreality. At this point I started experiencing extra-sensory
perception. I could sense a couple of my friend's minds from across town. It felt as if I could tell what direction they were in, along with a thrid unknown presence. Now I'd
really done it, reality overflow. Was I EVER going to be the same after this? Thoughts of braindamage swam around my brain, and my thoughts were experiencing some intense audio
distortion. I suddenly heard my phone get a text message, picked it up, nothing. Great. I texted some sappy crap about braindamage and love to a girl I know over the internet,
hearing the same text tone play audibly in my mind thinking of things to text. Audio hallucinations. I'm fucked, do I have brain damage? I got caught in loops like this for some
time. I tried to meditate and found it to be mindblowlingly effective, but I ran into difficulties because I kept forgetting when to exhale. At the time I felt like I was being
shown a shortcut to insight into meditation. Nirvana could be achieved if only I can tune all of my mind into one blissful motionless point, but I wasn't quite anywhere near
there really. I was shocked at how ineffably familiar everything felt at the time, with my thoughts echoing away around my head.

Next thing I know I'm walking downstairs to get a drink and watch some television. I can't help but notice how retarded everything on is, especially the commercials. Everyone
has a pitch to sell you things you don't need, its stupidity. So for more brain rotting television I decided it was time for family guy so I put a random episode on demand. I
couldn't even focus on watching. My sister's boyfriend's dog came down stairs, and I realized I could control her as if I was her master but subtle gestures, expressions and
sounds. The strange thing is I am pretty much her least favorite person, and she almost never usually obeys me. I then went back to ironically enjoying family guy, and just
pretending that I didn't think it was kind of sad that people, including myself watch this trash. I then started playing with the volume by shifting from quiet to loud at
opportune moments to catch attention. As expected my sister walks down the stairs and starts watching television with me across the room, obviously concerned. Snowflakes from
outside appeared to be falling through the windows into the house. I was asking her if I seemed like I had brain damage but it the answers I was getting all seemed really
generic, and they did not help at all. I glanced over and she was completely covered in fractals. Eventually I got sick of tv, went back upstairs, listened to more music,
finally feeling like I might not be permanently fried.

Some time later my friend came over with a friend of his who was supposed to be buying 25c-nbome, but there seemed to be some confusion as to why they were even there at the
moment, and I simply couldn't get along. I was also rambling about how psychedelics feel like brain damage at the time. Not a great sales pitch that's for sure. After they
skedaddled I admitted for the first time ever out loud how much I hate myself. Subjecting myself to this insanity, when just the other week I nearly had overdosed on HOT-7. I
never learn. I expressed how mad I am at life and tried assured my sister I wasn't going to anything drastic. She kept suggesting they take me to the hospital, to help me 'calm
down'. I wouldn't have it, I explained that I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts for YEARS, and that I was shocked that she just NOW was acting concerned, even though I'd
been using alot for a couple years now. I knew what this was, they thought I was a danger to myself. Acting like they DON'T have a bottle of vic's that could easily 'sedate' me
at home, if I really needed it, and I didn't.

I was able to calm myself to a point eventually, and I got a text from a friend that a new shipment of RC's came in the mail, including 3 grams of pure distilled happy- erm I
mean MXE. I knew at this point I'd be tripping well into the next day. Eventually at around 5:30 pm I make it over to my friend's, still trippin' sack. Unlike other times
whacked out of my mind on hallucinogens my friend didn't seem pure evil. 25mg mxe and some tv shows later it's time to do more mxe, then a capsule of 4-ho-met. I handled it
suprisingly well as all of the drugs I was on merged into one amazing superdrug. After some movies and tv shows and conversation I realized something, I don't feel like the
stupid junkie I've been acting like. People are listening to me when I talk, and I can remember facts. I finally decide to start making plans for the future. The only negative
side effects at this point are having an exceptionally hard time pissing and hearing voices when going to the bathroom, but that's all normal and I don't let it even bother me
too much. My mind may be a little bit psychotic around the edges, but I am not stupid. Something during this trip made the self loathing clear right up, and I realize I actually
have potential as a person. It's like the fog has been lifted.

As I finish this it is 1 AM the next day, and I am still getting some visuals. I also learned that I can only flip out on drugs once a day. Best brain damage ever. Ofcourse I left out some of the more insane and embarrassing details of
this story but this is the gist of it. It was unlike any psychedelic experience I've ever had before. I feel more alive than I have in years, I guess it's what you would call a
wakeup call. A real character building experience. Peace.

--now i can tell, this is not how it has to go
I can tell you where I am, but I sure can't tell you where I'll be.
I can tell you who I am, but I sure can't tell you who I'll be.