Who ya' Gonna Call? Part 11: Sunshine and Lollipops

“Mmmm... I love you guys. I really dooooo.”
>Yep, definitely the effects of the positive slime. You could feel ever nerve in your body tingling with sunshine and lollipops.
>You felt pain. Oh lord, did you feel pain. That thing's grip must have caused your ribs to crack like old chicken bones... But you felt so goddamn good, you didn't care. And there was something you wanted to check out.
>Finally releasing the pair of p0nies from your slimy hug, you try to stand up...
>You manage to do so, but you feel rather shaky on your feet. Whether from yet another near-death, experience (after the next one, you get a free snow cone) or from being drenched positive slime, your not too sure.
>”Are you alright, Anon? Getting squeezed by that thing looked like it hurt.”
“I'm in an unbelievable amount of pain right now. It hurts to breath, so I think its probably some cracked ribs and my arms feel like they've been run over by a possessed golf cart filled with yaoi fan-girls. Remind me to tell you about that story, its funny!”
>You can't help but say in an overly cheery voice, fumbling around drunkenly for your PKE meter. Even in your sedated and happy state, your brain still was curious about something...
>A portal like that doesn't just show up on its own. Someone put it there; they wanted this entire cave system to get flooded with the black gunk... And if that is the case, then they had to have some kind of anchor for all this ghost power to be drawn to. You just needed to find it.
>”By.. By Celestia! Anonymous, we need to get you to the hospital right now.” It was Twilight, she sounded so worried. Awwww... She's worried about her new alien friend.
“Oh, don't worry Twilight. I've had so much worse than a few cracked ribs. Like one time, I got a spear through the leg. It healed up good though, so you can barely tell!”
>Now that your thinking about: your ribs probably aren't cracked so much as broken. Se la vie!
>You snickered, scanning the area with your PKE... Looks like after the guardian was blown in twain with the over-pressurized tank of slime, the rest of the black slime went inert.
>Yay, no more voices in your head!
>The slime can't even handle me right now.
>No! Focus, Anon! Focus!
>No playing dance beats in your head. Remember the anchor, right? Concentrate on that.
>”Um.. Anon, I think Twilight is right. While I usually hate going to the doctor, if it feels that bad you may want to-”
>Oooooh... Your PKE is doing the flashy blue thing. You love it when it does the flashy blue thing. Because when it does that, you found something cool and probably cursed!
>The technical term was 'Live Sample', but screw that. Cursed Object just sounds cooler.
>”Anon, are you even listening?” Rainbow says with an exasperated tone.
“Kinda sorta, hunting down cursed objects right now. For science!”
>You can hear Twilight sigh behind you, “But-”
“I promise, very important. Probably caused this portal to open up. Must know what it is!”
>The pain is causing your adrenal glands to go into over drive. But that beautiful positive slime just keeps you as chipper as a chipmunk in a peanut factory.
>Pink slime is a helluva drug, you muse.
>You get on your knees and begin to dig through the inert puddles of off green sludge... Eventually uncovering what looks like some sort of black crystal tablet. Looks like its completely smooth though. Usually this kind of stuff has some sort of weird carvings, pictures, or something. You wave your PKE over it just to be sure...
>Yeah, its definitely the object your looking for.
>Shrugging, you heft it up and walk over to Twilight and Rainbow Dash.
>Rainbow Dash hovers over your shoulder and looks, “... So you dug through all that nasty stuff for a black rock?”
“A /cursed/ black rock.”
>You correct her, and lower it to a curious looking Twilight, “Hey Smart-Cookie, does this look familiar?”
>Twilight levitates the slate, “Well, it looks like some kind of crystal... I've seen this kind of thing before, but-”
>After a moment, the tablet reacts with Twilight's levitation 'magic'... Its subtle a first, a faint blue glow. Then it becomes more pronounced, as several strange symbols begin to appear on the tablet.
>Twilight's eyes go wide as she grins widely, “Oh my gosh! This is so amazing, hidden symbols? And this writing! I've never seen anything like it before. I should-”
>Your brain starts to tune the excitable unicorn out.
>...Why do those look so damn familiar?
>Your eyes go wide as an idea begins to claw at the back of your skull.
“It can't be...”
>You reach into your flight suit and take out your trusty phone, which was slightly slimy. It still worked like a champ though!
>It can't be that, it just can't be... There is no possible way that it can be that. It got destroyed. Twice!
>You begin to scroll through the pictures of the Ancient History Museum in New York. Mummies, Civil exhibit, and-
>You examine the picture of a stone tablet bearing the exact same symbols as the one that is magically glowing in front of you.
>Suddenly, all that pain is starting to bother you. It becomes hard to stand up, and even harder to breath.
>You can feel Dash underneath your arm, propping you up, “Your not looking so good... We need to ge you out of here.”
>Nodding your head, you look to Twilight who is practically prancing about the cave while going a mile a minute about 'great discoveries'.
“Twilight, I know what kind of writing that is.”
>She stops then grins, trotting over to you, “Well, don't keep a p0ny in suspense.”
“Gozerian”
=========
>”So, explain to me again what this Gozer p0ny is?”
>Twilight was drilling you for more information. But you really weren't in the mood. The positive slime had worn off completely at this point, and if wasn't for Rainbow Dash helping you keep balance you probably would have fallen over several times by now and broken something else.
>Though, Twilight was hefting your proton-pack and the slab, so you couldn't be too mad at her.
“Gozer is an ancient, Sumerian god or goddess, of destruction. No one knows exactly how old it is, but its old. I'm talking prehistoric, fire and brimstone, Old Testament type of stuff here. In other words, really bad news. The last couple of times it manifested itself it ripped a large city a superfluous new behind.”
>You released a pain grunt, Rainbow moving in closer to keep you on your feet, “Easy there, big guy. Hey Twilight, you may want to save the twenty questions until after a doctor has seen him.”
>The smart-cookie blushed slightly, “Oh right... Well, I'll go to the library first...”
>Dash rolled her eyes, “Thats your answer to everything.”
>”Well, its always a good answer.”
>You can't help but laugh at their exchange. Only to be rewarded with a stinging pain from your chest.
“Ow. Hurts to laugh.”
>Stupid broken ribs.
>You group engages in idle small talk, but you try to stay silent through most of it. Except to maybe crack a joke, or make an observation.
>The current conversation: Cutey Marks.
“So those things aren't just tattoos?”
>Twilight laughs gently, “Of course not! Why would you think that?”
>You shrug,
“Well, humans do stuff like that all the time. We get artwork on our bodies to diversifying ourselves from others. Like, I used to have a ton of piercings.”
>”Really?” Both Rainbow and Twilight said in unison.
“Mmhmm. When I was a lot younger. Then I realized that it was kind of stupid, and they didn't do what I thought they would. So I took them out.”
>Twilight looks up at you, that familiar curious gleam in her eye, “And just what did you hope that they would do.”
“I bet you would love to know.”
>A grunt escaped your throat as you gave her a sly wink. Dash laughed, still keeping you steady.
>Twilight huffed slightly and pouted.
“If I gave away all of my secrets I wouldn't be that interesting, now would I?”
>”Well, I still haven't documented your entire bathing process yet-”
>You release another pained groan. Why wouldn't she just get off of that. You look to Rainbow and frown.
“See what I have to put up with?”
>Dash rolled her eyes and gave you a small bump.
“Ow...”
>Goddamn, trapped between the bookworm and the violent one. Just like back at home.
>You make it back to the rope, and look upward...
>Climbing up that rope was gonna hurt. You could feel it in your bones.
>Quite literally.
“So, who wants to go up first?”
>You eye Twilight and Rainbow.
>”I'll wait with you here, Anon.” Rainbow nodded her head, sticking by your side like glue.
>Twilight nodded her head, “For the best, once I get to the top I can help Anon up.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
>And with that, Twilight begun to scale the ladder... She didn't so much climb it as levitated herself up it, but same idea.
>You begin to wonder if there is a way for you to use magic. Could be very handy.
>”Hey Anon?”You look down to Rainbow, “Did you call Twilight 'Smart-Cookie' earlier?”
>Quirking a brow, you nod your head, “Yeah. Thats my nickname for her.”
>”Oh... “ She pauses, and looks off to the side a moment, “You got a nickname for me, Anon?”
>You shake your head, “No. Not yet.”
>”Why not?”
“Because picking a nickname is an intimate and careful process. I just can't dub you anything ole' nickname. Its got to be something that fits you perfectly.”
>Rainbow tilts her head and shrugs, “Eh, whatever. Just make sure its awesome.”
“You have my word, Dash. It will be awesome.”
>”And cool.”
“Of course.”
>You heard somep0ny-
>A little over a week and your going local. Next thing you know you'll be running about on all fours.
>-was shouting down the hole. You Couldn't quite make out what they were saying though.
>Rainbow, on the other hand seemed to be able to hear it just fine, “Okay! That sounds like a good idea!”
“What idea now?”
>The pegasus with the rainbow mane grins up at you, “We're gonna tie the rope around you, and then hoist you up.”
“I'm not a light-weight, Dash. You sure you can heft me up there?”
>She blew a raspberry and nudged your side again, “Please, you know how awesome I am. I could do it by myself.”
>Somehow, you doubt that.
“Uh huh... Well, just tell them to take it easy. It'd rather my ribcage stay in one piece.”
>You begin to tie the rope around your waist, doing the same to your arm, and then Rainbow a thumbs up, “Ready.”
>”Alright, just wait right here.” And practically flies up the tunnel.
“Don't have much of a choice!”
>You shout after her... After a few moments of silence, you feel the rope begin to pull you upwards. Wow, its actually working! Granted, it hurts your arm a little bit, but its-
>Whoa! Suddenly, your flying up the hole.
“Careful! Careful!”
>The fresh air hits your face like a bucket of cold water. Refreshing! Or at least it would be if you weren't airborne.
>You flap your arms in some desperate attempt to suddenly evolve the ability to fly, when you fall onto the bare dirt of the construction site, flat on your back. Some more vertebra cracking with the sudden impact. It was soft compared to the stone walls of the cave, but damn did it hurt.
>In fact, it hurt so much you feel like you need a bit of a nap...
>Your eyes feel heavy as you see purple, blue, and yellow faces around you.
>Were those p0nies or blobs? Your hoping its p0nies. Blobs aren't any fun at all.
>One of them roughly shakes you, keeping your eyes from closing shut.
“But I don't want to go to school today, mommy. I want to sleep in and eat fudge.”
>You mumble incoherently. That fall must have jarred some old memories from your brain. The three blobs continue to converse with one another. The purple and the blue on seem to be shouting at each other when the yellow one shouted something even louder. Is the yellow one scolding the other two? Heh. That is kind of funny. Blobs aren't suppose to scold each other. They're suppose to melt the flesh from your bones.
>Or is that flesh devouring slimes? It was hard to remember at this point.
>What were you doing again? Oh yeah, falling asleep. That seems like a great idea...
>Before you nod off, you can feel yourself being lifted off the ground as your vision begins to fade to white.
=========
>Your not in P0nyville anymore. It looks more like Miami beach. Its about mid-day, and your looking at a large crowd of people, all of them dressed in black.
>You walk over, but you don't feel the sand beneath your toes or the sun beating down on you.
>Must be one helluva dream. Or an out-of-body experience.
>As you walk closer you can hear crying. Mourning, to be more precise. The sound of a funeral procession playing from a man sitting at an electronic key-board.
>Couldn't even get someone with a real piano out here, huh? The person who kicked the bucket must have been really lame.
>Walking closer, you begin to recognize a few of the faces...
>Jethro was standing up at the podium. And he wasn't wearing his Dale Earnhardt hat to keep his bald head covered. Lisa was there too, wearing a black dress and trying to keep a stiff upper lip though her lower lip's quivering betrayed her emotions.Frank was sitting down and looking conflicted about something. Looking across the aisles, you also recognize the GB precinct from Georgia, your sister (whose starting to look pregnant), your brother-in-law, cousins, aunts, uncles and your mom.
>It looks like she's been crying, and a black vale covers her face as she tries in desperation to keep her eyes clear of tears.
>Then it hits you: this isn't some random guy's funeral: its your funeral!
>You turn to see Jethro walk up to the podium, reaching into his jacket to take out a sheet of paper. He releases a sigh, and then begins to read, his voice heavy with a southern inflection “Hello everyone. I haven't met a good deal of ya'. My name is Jethro and I was Anonymous since we went to high school. When I first met him, I thought 'Wow... What a jackass'.”
>Jethro's words managed to get a few chuckles from the audience. They knew he meant that in good jest, and in all honesty you were a bit of a jackass in high school.
>”But, you'd never meet a nicer guy. Whenever my rust bucket of a car broke down, he was always there to met me push to home. When I needed to find a job, he helped me get one. And when the world was about to get eaten... He not only gave up his name, but his life ta' keep it from happenin'. He was a very good man and he... he was my best friend. Always quick with a joke, even quicker when ya' needed someone ta' talk to, and if'n you ever were in trouble, he'd run ta' help you out without thinkin' about it. Lookin' back on tha' night, if I could have done anythin' ta' save him...”
>Jethro sniffed once, and wiped an eye with his black suit's sleeve
>”Ah would have done it. But, somethin' ya' just can't stop. I'm sorry, Anonymous. Rest in Peace Anonymous. May a chorus of Angels carry thee to thy rest. And may you know happiness everlasting.”
>You try to shout, but no words come from your throat. You try to touch someone.. .Anyone, but you can't. You can feel the tears well up in the corners of your eyes at the futility of it all.
>You rush over to Frank, trying to grab his suit collar and shake him about. Begging him to tell them your still alive. He called you, you remembered it! They didn't need to cry. You were alive, damn it!
>Just trapped in a parallel reality. With magic talking horses.
>Okay that sounded strange, but you didn't tell him about the talking horses!
>Then you feel a hand on your shoulder, giving you a reassuring squeeze.
>”Anonymous? Are you sure I can't interest you in that deal?”
>Looking over you see that thing again. Dressed in it's fancy suit and looking at you with it's blank slate for a head. It then extends a hand towards you. It didn't have a face; but you could tell it was smiling.
>You look at that hand, and back at the grieving crowd. You remember it from before. The offer. You could take it. Be home right now, show them that they don't need to cry. That your okay, and that you won't go away anytime soon.
>”Come, Anonymous. Its time for you to go home. I think they've worried about you enough...”
>That offer he made suddenly seems even more enticing.
>You look back at the crowd dressed in black. That offer was like the biggest juiciest steak you've ever seen, and you were famished.
>Looking to your hand, then back to that thing's; more thoughts enter your mind.
>The p0nies could handle themselves, right? Twilight was pretty damn smart, and Dash knew how to use your proton-pack. They could just keep busting ghost for you. You didn't have to play the white knight all the damn time.
>You begin to reach for the offered hand, but stop yourself as your conscious begun to yell into your ear.
>There was that tablet. With Gozerian writing on it. If that ancient god of destruction was planning on making a layover in Equestria.
>But they have Celestia! She's a goddess, surely she could take out Gozer, right?
>...Right?
>You become annoyed with all the conflicting thoughts running through your head. Half of you wanted to take that deal and run back home. The other half kept reminding you that those p0nies would probably be in dire straights if you did.
>They may have a goddess for a ruler, but could she tangle with the likes of Gozer?
>Even if Gozer did manage to resurrect itself yet again, it would be at significantly weaker power. But, even at its weakest, it could be a serious problem.
>Making up some statistics in your head, you'd imagine that it'd be a 50/50 shot either way. Maybe 60/40, on a good day.
>You didn't like those odds.
>You curse to yourself as you retract your hand, and bring it back to your side. Why did you always have to be the goddamn good guy?
>Goddamn white knight! Maybe the goddess p0ny will let you ride her so you can go around and protect the fair maidens from rogues and ruffians.
>The mental image is pretty funny though.
>The thing tilts its head, “I see. I must say that I expected this result. Still, can't blame a fae for trying.”
>You glare at it angrily.
>Yes, you certainly could.
>”Well, I'm afraid this will be the last time we meet. For a while at least. Good luck to you, Anonymous.”
>You gives you a polite bow, as it seems to fade out of existence. Leaving you standing on the beach with the grieving people whom you call friends and family.