Where Babbehes Come From (Challenge No.26 entry)

Vanner, May 21, 2013; 12:42 / FB 11028
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Where Babbehes Come From
Challenge 26

>You're relaxing on the sofa when your fluffy pony, Snowball, waddles up to you.
>"Wheh bebehs come fwom?" he asks you.
>See, this is why you avoided having kids.
>"I don't know, Snowball" you lie. "Why don't you ask one of your friends?"
>" Hu, hu, hu!" he sobs pitiably. "Fwuffy nu haf fwiends!"
>Okay, you hadn't really thought about that, but there's a damn good reason you don't let him outside.
>Between low flying hawks, overly friendly dogs, hungry cats, and aggressive rabbits, the outside world eats fluffy ponies alive.
>To say nothing of the abusers who'd rape his eye sockets.
>Or the roving herds of ferals that would try to shanghai him.
>Still, you might as well take him to the fluffy park to make some friends.
>Maybe that'll take his mind off babies.
>Arrive at the fluffy park to find other fluffies playing with their owners.
>One is running around on fire as his owner chats up an attractive lady.
>Snowball, on the other hand, is approaching a yellow and blue fluffy dam.
>She's pretty hideous, actually.
>"Hi nu fweind!" he says to her. "You haf bebehs? You mummah?"
>"Dees Wiwwy's babehs!" she says, holding up a foal. "Be fweinds wif babehs an mummah?"
>Lilly drops the foal onto Snowball, and the foal just kind of curls up on top of him.
>"Wheh bebehs come fwom?" asks Snowball.
>Lilly gasps in amazement.
>"Bebehs come fwom specaw huggies!" says Lilly.
>"Wha spechaw huggies?" asks Snowball.
>The wheels in Lilly's head grind like a transmission full of gravel.
>"Umm… Wiwwy dun know!" she says at last. "Bu make no-no feew gud! Boy fwuffy gif spechaw hugs, giww fwuffy git dem!" >Snowball nods at this sage advice and wanders away to ask another fluffy about these so called "spechaw hugs."
>You get the feeling he's going to be disappointed with his new knowledge.
>"Nu fweind!" yells a tan unicorn, running up to Snowball. "Pway? Huggies?"
>"You know huggies?" asks Snowball. "Know bout spechaw huggies?"
>"Fweedo know spechaw huggies!" says the unicorn. "You not know?"
>Snowball just shakes his fluffy white mane. "How gif spechaw huggies?" he asks.
>"No-no get aww tingwy, den you go up to giww fwuffy and put no-nos in hew no-soes and you go 'enf enf enf!'"
>Freedo proceeds to make thrusting motions with his hips.
>Snowball watches, fascinated at the demonstration.
>"Dat gifs bebbehs?" he asks.
>"An gud feews!" says Freedo.
>"So how spechaw huggies gif babehs?" asks Snowball.
>It's Freedo's turn to think now, and you're afraid his head might explode from the strain.
>"Bebbehs mus be inside no-nos!" says Freedo at last. "Bebbehs come out when good feews, and mummah fwuffy make dem biggeh!"
>Snowball turns over these facts in his head for a moment before his face lights up.
>"Need giwl fwuffy?" he asks. "If bebehs in good feews, den haf bebehs wif just gud feews?"
>Freedo takes a step back, as if his entire world just got blown apart.
>"You smawtest fwuffy evah," he says. "You haf gud feews, den make biggeh aww by youself!"
>Yeah, this has officially gotten way too weird.
>Head home, vowing to simply reset Snowballs memories if he asks questions again.
>A few weeks pass, with Snowball never mentioning babies again.
>You're watching Jurrassic Park when you realize it's dinner time for Snowball.
>You fill up his bowl with nightly kibble when you hear the patter of Snowball's hooves on title.
>With him is a half a dozen foals, sleeping in his fluff, all identical to Snowball.
>"Snowbaww is mummah now!" he says. "Gud feews made bebbehes!"
>Too stunned to say anything about the chirping foals on his back, you simply sit down as Snowball devours his kibble.
>"Dun wowwy babbehs!" he says. "Daddeh make miwkies fow you wif kibbles!"
>He waddles away a few minutes later, leaving you to silently question just what the hell is wrong with fluffy ponies.