Death
Death is a strange thing that happens to everyone in their lifetime, but for my grandad death went a hard and painful way. It all started with his test results that came back, not with the best of news to say the least. The news came back horribly wrong he had cancer. When I think about my grandad and all the great memories I had with him it makes me happy but at the same time sad because he’s not here anymore. Even thinking back to the times when my father used to say to me “We are going to see auld John”, it always brought a smile to my face because I would be so excited to see him, to hear his stories and his funny jokes which were rather inappropriate for my age at the time. Some of which his jokes I never got but when I think back to it now I just laugh and have a little smile before a sudden tears appears in my eye.
I remember the day I was told about my grandad getting cancer and how he had been rushed into hospital, it struck me hard, I was devastated destroyed from the inside out. I kept thinking to myself why was it my grandad who got cancer, why couldn’t it have been someone else? I was being selfish towards my grandad and wishing upon other to get cancer instead of my grand, which now that I think about it is completely wrong, I feel bad about it now. I also felt grateful at the same time because it wasn’t me who got cancer which was me also being selfish.
 I recall the first time I went to visit my granddad in hospital, he had already been in over two weeks before I went to see him. Which I feel really bad about and to this day still feel really bad about because I never went to see him enough. When I walked in the room to see him for the first time I filled up with tears my eyes were watering I was holding it all back, before my eyes I could see someone which didn't even look my grandad. I kept thinking to myself this is my grandad my grandad was always tanned, not a faded yellow colour like this, his tongue was sticking out, pure white it wasn't the best of sights to look at. I always think back to this day as one of the worst days of my life, my grandad had totally changed, I felt really bad due to the fact I never made an effort to go see him, the sight for someone the age of 10 was frightening. I can always remember that day like it was yesterday.
 One of the hardest things about my grandad's deaths was when I came home from school and my Mum sat me on the cough and said to me, “It’s your grandad, he’s passed” I instantly burst into tears and ran towards my mum. Thinking back to this I know that it was best for him due to all his pain, his troubles just everything he was no longer having it anymore no pain, no troubles and no worries. I felt real bad due to only having went to the hospital once to see him. Now that I think back though I am glad I only went to see him once but also sad, I am happy because I didn’t want to see him in pain and pass slowly but sad at the same time because I am sure he would have wanted to see my visit him.
Regarding everything that happened with my granddad reflecting back on how I felt when he was here has completely changed, sometimes I just wish he was here to hear one of his stories or his jokes, other times I feel happy that he’s gone because of all of the pain he went through. There is some days where I don’t even think about him or miss him and then there is other days where I can’t stop thinking about him, and I get the feeling of who’s going to be next, to die and I get upset and over-think about things. It’s a feeling I think you can only express with someone who’s went through that experience themselves. I personally don’t think that I am scared of death at this age as I know I have a life ahead of me, I think that I will be more scared of death when I am older. Although you don’t ever know what’s around the corner one minute you could be fine then the next seriously ill. I feel everyone should just live their own lives to the most they can, because when my grandad died I realized there was no point in crying about it and being upset, as it wasn't getting me anywhere. So I pushed myself beyond that and went out and made him proud, I started trying in school changed my life and started to become a better person and realised that there is no point in being scared of anything. Overcoming your fears in the best option in my opinion personally. Everyone takes death in a different way, some don’t get affected and some get seriously affected. Some people cry a little and some people cry for days. Others do other stuff like self-harm, everyone expresses their emotions towards death differently from other people. Some people get suicidal and don’t want to live anymore. It all depends on your life style I guess, but personally I would say the best thing to do about death is think about the past, the memories reflect on how it’s affected you and made you a stronger person, made you stronger for the one who sadly passed. How it’s given you strength to do better in life, not only for yourself, but especially for the one who sadly passed.