(JoJo) ASB: Jonathan vs. Fire in the Church

>Be Anon, rookie dimensional traveler!
>Secretly still a thirsty bastard.
>Twi built a portal, and now you're testing it.
>She proved multiverse theory just to construct this thing.
>And you're here for research materials, she said.
>By which she means there's a design flaw.
>It won't stay open forever.
>And you won't make it back through unless you're carrying a powerful souvenir.
>Something about aura thresholds and thaumic resonance, whatever.
>She told you what your target was.
>You don't know why she wants something like that so badly, but...
>You trust her.
>Or at least, you would if you didn't have to climb into a cave after it.
>The whole thing's mostly one chamber, a huge hole, but on the far wall, there it is.
>You keep ｢Fire in the Church｣ nearby.
>Treading, churchmouse style, to what a pleb would call a coincidental outcropping.
>You're in no mood for any Indiana Jones bullshit.
>You curl your fingers under the mask.
>Fuck, dude, stop sweating.
>Grab it...
>KEEP IT TOGETHER MAN.
>Lift!
>It comes off the wall easy.
>Alright, back to the entry-
>"Who goes there?"
>Aw fug.
>You spin around, and...
>Come ON, universe!
>Of all the people who could see you holding this thing...
>Jonathan Joestar enters the cave.

ALL STAR BATTLE: ｢Jonathan Joestar vs. Anonymous!｣

OPEN THE GAME!

"Uh, I was just, um. Uh..."
>He's bulk as fuck.
>Like, more than you were expecting.
>This is another universe, you guess it's one where he didn't die.
>And... kept training...
>Fuck.
>"If you comprehend what you've taken, I'd suggest you put it back and take your leave."
>You imagine yourself trying to explain dimensional travel to a 19th-century nobleman.
>You imagine having your head beaten in by Hamon.
"I-I, I just, really need this mask for a little bit. I'll bring it back."
>"I see."
>He sighs.
>"I laid this mask out as a flytrap for future enemies, but I prayed no one would be fool enough to fall into it."
>Shit, he can just take the mask from you, can't he?
>You don't want to risk it.
>Man's got gains up the ass.
>Fuck, think! Be serious!
>"I can promise you, friend, you won't leave this place still holding that."
>He's walking toward you.
>Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck how are you going to get past him?
>｢Fire in the Church｣ tenses in the air next to you.
>Oh.
>Right.

>You point with your free hand.
"F-｢Fire in the Church｣!"
>Your Stand flies forward and throws a punch at his abdomen.
>"REE!"
>He doesn't even block! Because he can't see it, but whatever!
>It's a perfect hit!
>Jonathan grunts a little.
>Your blood runs cold.
>"REE REE REE REE!"
>Four strikes, one after another.
>He looks slightly uncomfortable.
>Okay, Anon, just keep it up.
>He breathes deep, and his fists glow.
>While ｢Fire in the Church｣ batters him, he raises one fist back.
>You're still too far back for him to hit you, so-
>Wait.
>"Zoom Punch!"
>Fuck! It's been too long since you rewatched Part 1!
>His fist flies through the air, growing as it reaches out for you.
>No.
>For the mask!
>His arm passes through ｢Fire in the Church｣, and the force knocks you sideways.
>Praise the JoJo gods!
>You fall with the hit, and tumble along the floor.
>It's rough, and digs into your legs when you roll.
>You're bleeding a little now.

>Jonathan's arm snaps back, and then he rushes toward you.
>He looks like he could bench five of you.
>Come on, Anon, keep up!
>You scramble to your feet and bolt to the side.
>Or try.
>He comes up on you like you shot his dog.
>The strike is faster this time, striking you in the shoulder this time.
>It... doesn't hurt.
>No, it makes you feel a little more alive.
>And then your shoulder starts jerking without you moving it.
>Jonathan steps back to observe as the twitches run down your arm.
>Golden sparks flow in spasms into your hand.
>The hand holding the mask!
>You try to drop it, but you can't.
"｢Fire in the Church｣!"
>Your Stand wrenches the mask from your fingers.
>It holds the artifact away from the light erupting from your fingertips.
>You stare.
>You forgot Hamon could do that.
>Jonathan's staring at the mask.
>To him, it's floating in mid-air.
>He hesitates, and reaches out for it.
>You take the opportunity.

>｢Fire in the Church｣ throws the mask into the air and swoops for Jonathan.
>"REE REE REE REE REE REE REE REE REE!"
>Dozens of punches land, all to the throat.
>You dive and grab the mask while he starts to have trouble breathing.
>Eventually he leaves your range, and your Stand withdraws.
>You're in front of him, with your back to the entrance.
>He coughs a little, then a lot.
>He doubles over.
>Yes! You can get away now!
>Except.
>He's...
>He's gonna be okay, right?
>He keeps on coughing.
>Oh god.
>You're going to be the fucker who killed Jonathan Joestar.
>Again.
>Fuck, no, n̷o̕, you h̵a̶v҉e͢ to f̶̢i͘x ҉̶t̵̴̀h̀͟i͟͏s̛.
>You H̷̨͘͡҉A̶V̶̧́͘͠E̸͜͝͡ ̨̨̀͡͞T͏҉͢O̡͡͝͞ ̸̴F̴͠I̴̛͘̕͝X̶̸̶͜ ̸͜͢͡T͠҉H̸̶I͏̡̨̧͟S̨͘͘͢
>You look from your hands to your Stand.
>Don't sweat, think!
>How would you even reverse-
>He punches himself in the chest, and his head snaps up.
>He looks like he's suffocating!
>But his body glows!
>He's restoring his Hamon by forcing different breathing!
>Phew. Thank the JoJo gods.
>...
>Fuck!

>You bolt for the exit.
>"Silver Metal Overdrive!"
>You don't turn to look, but you clutch the mask to your chest in case he's targeting it.
>You don't hear or see any bursts of energy.
>Did it fail?
>That one works on... on... metal!
>Yeah, like the sword!
>Which means you're safe!
>There's no metal in this place, it's a cave!
>Even if he succeeded, you're ten feet away from the edge!
>Suddenly the ground shakes.
>It cracks under your feet, and you step back before it explodes.
>All around you, little craters are forming.
>You can see the glow through the gaping cracks in the rock.
>Hamon...
>On veins of ore in the ground, apparently.
>The glow stretches, spiderwebs up the walls, and bits of the ceiling collapse.
>You can make it!
>Shit falls all around you as the cave rustles and readjusts itself.
>You jump--

>Your vision goes black for a moment.
>First off, you're not outside.
>Second, you're still holding the mask.
>Your forehead's resting against a stone.
>Several more fall around it, casting long shadows.
>The chunk is maybe ten feet tall.
>You can see your hand under it, but you can't feel it.
>You can't tell if the extra dark patch is blood or not.
>No. No, it is.
>You're pretty much fuc̀k҉e͠d.
>You reposition yourself so you're not facing the rock.
>Jonathan pulls his hands out of a solid foot of earth and dusts them off.
>You could try to mess with his breathing again.
>No, the same trick n̸evèr wo̸r͠ḱs twice on a JoJo.
>Then you can at least distract him for long enough to, to, c̸̼u͙̬̭̲͙͓͖͝t ͕̲̟̦̼͡o͔f̮̘͠f̷̗̯̬̘ ̧̻͓̗̜̟͈yo͎̯͈̱̱͘uͅr̵͇̬̩ͅ ̥̮̱͈͓̣̪hą̼͇̲̣̝̺̫n̛̝͈͉͕͈̼͉d͈̘̞̣̬--
>No.
>There's something you haven't tried yet, after all.

>Jonathan strides over to you, tense.
>There's some sympathy in his eyes.
>"As you have probably noticed, I'm a proficient user of Hamon. I take it you have some skill of your own I don't know of. If you hand over the mask so I can destroy it, I'll be happy to ease your wound."
>You're still in shock, holding off the pain.
>The pain belongs in Twilight's side of reality.
>She'll know what to do, make you a kickass robot hand or something.
>She might n̡e͡vęr see you again.
>You could be stranded here to die w҉ḩile҉ F̷̨̘̥͚̦͓̦̰̘͙͔̬̝͈̻͍͖̀ĺ̴̢̛͔͓͉̙̣͓͈̱̙̯͖̳̕a̙̗̺̻͈͎̺̝̮͚͇̹͕̦̣͟͝ͅs̷̸̸̨̛͔̰̲̠͙h̨̤͈̤̖̯̳͍̳͉͓͍̖̼͇̫̙̖̮͜͞ move͢s in ǫn҉ her̵.
>You cling to that feeling.
>Jonathan looks at you, concerned.
>He opens his mouth to say something, but it's t͠ơ͢o ̛l̴̡͢a͘͞҉t̨͜͝ȩ͜.
"｢FIRE IN THE CHURCH｣!"
>Your Stand appears, and he takes a half-step back on instinct.
>But it doesn't attack him.
>"REE REE REE REE REE REE REE REEEEEEE!"
>It lands thirty solid hits on you.
>There's nothing, and then a wave of dizziness and anger.
>You feel like you're d̸̀͜͝y̶̢i̷͢͡n҉̢g̴̨͢͝.
>Being ça̶̡̛͠r̴̕͞r̷҉i̵͜è͟͝҉d҉̴͝ ̢͠a͜ẁ̵́͞͏a͝͠͝y̷.
>You look at Jonathan.
"Ch̀ȩ͘c̸͜k͝maţ҉e̢.̨ ｢WHO I AM｣!"

>Jonathan's bubble isn't rock solid like you were expecting.
>There's a little bit of leeway there, enough gentleness.
>You broadcast your thoughts into his head.
>He clutches his head.
>For a few moments, you can think clearly.
>You need to get out from under this rock, and it's going to hurt.
>But you've got a JoJo to share the burden.
>You feel bad about doing this to him, and it only increases your effectiveness.
>You turn to the side and puke a little.
>Okay.
>Is there a rock or something, or are you going to have to do with your Stand?
>No, the only rock big enough is causing the problem.
>｢Fire in the Church｣ raises its hand to chop you at the wrist.
>You look away.
>Y̨̡͞͠o̴̕͟͝u͢҉ ̷͝c̸͘͜a̶̕͢ǹ̸͢'̢t̵͏͏҉ ̡́͡͠d́o̸̕ ̸̷̨i̴̛̛t̶̡̢͢͞,̶͘͏̛ ̸ć͘̕͡҉á͘͝ń̸ ͘͢y̷̡͘͏o̶҉̸̡͢u̢̢̕?͟͏
>You shut your eyes.
>H̷̴̶͟͜o̸͢͢͞w̵̡̢҉͠ ̴̸̷a̧̡ŕ̴͢è̸̶͞ ̶̧́͘͟y̵̴̨̛ǫ̴̕u̵̶͜͜ ̡̀͢͡ģ̡̀̕͞ơ̷̛͜͜i̡͞͞ń̶̢͜͢g̴̡ ̵̵̕͠t̡́͢͠o̴̡͡ ̴̕҉̸p̸̨͠ŕ̴̛́͜o̶̡͟͞t͟҉e̴̢c̸̵̷͘t̵҉̀ ̷̵̛h̵̵̀͏é̢r̵?̷̨̀͘͢
>But nothing happens.
>You can't do it.
>Even though s̵̢̡͠h̸̨̢͘͞e҉͠'̷s͘͟҉͢͝ ̶̴̧́d̡҉̡́ȩ̴ṕ̵̡e̡̧̕͢n҉̷d́i̷̡͜n͏͡͝g̀͢͢ ̨͡ó̷̢n҉̶̧̀͡ ̛̀͞y̵͡o͏͏҉ù͘͢.
>"I see, now."
>What?
>Jonathan's picking himself up!
>And, and what's that on his hand?
>It's... purple.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmyfsHydQ00 [The Fixx - Phantom Living]
>"So you've initiated me into your own art. Or should I consider it a curse? I can feel the Hamon channeling through my veins, now. It feels almost like... an opposite to vampirism."
>You're seriously boned.
>He raises his hand, pointing it at you like it just might explode.
>"｢Phantom Living｣!"
>The purple vines extend out in a bundle and fly apart, reaching for the mask.
>｢Fire in the Church｣ crosses its forearms and blocks.
>They wrap around it, constricting, and more come through.
>You turn and cover the mask with your body, clutching it with your good hand.
>You try to reach Jonathan's bubble again, but you can't.
>Is this how you die?
>Curled up against a rock in the fetal position?
>Killed by a man whose Stand you awakened on accident?
>Wouldn't that be fitting.
>The vines wrap around your legs.
>You strain, but ｢Fire in the Church｣ is held tight.
>Blood soaks into your shirt.
>Blood...
>As the vines come closer and closer, you realize there's only one way.
>With bloody, trembling fingers, you slide the mask onto your face.

>"No!"
>The vines flip you over, but it's too late.
>It's so, so bright.
>It goes on forever.
>And then it falls off, and you're holding it again in your good hand but it's not your good hand it's your BETTER hand.
>You tug, and your bones do what you tell them to do, and your hand comes free.
>You're back in business!
>Except for the vines.
>Jonathan's staring at you now in revulsion.
>You have a hard time looking back at him.
>It's like your dad's disappointed in you.
>But he doesn't say anything.
>Words don't matter any longer. Freedom's what matters.
>You'll sort this all out later, with Twi there to help.
>Whatever she wanted must have involved vampires, so she'll have some plan!
>You gulp.
>Recovering, Jonathan inhales deeply.
>"Purple Phantom OVERDRIVE!"
>Hamon goes racing up ｢Phantom Living｣.
>You've barely got a handle on what's inside this body.
>But there's a shitload of estrogen you just built up.
>With a slight effort, you shoot it out of the pores in your face.

>The spray catches him in the eyes, and he flinches involuntarily.
>That moment of weakness is all you need.
>｢Fire in the Church｣ breaks free, and this time you feel some weight to its movements.
>"REE REE WRYYYYYYYYY!"
>It smashes bits of the purple Stand, which retracts at the strikes.
>It loosens enough that you can sidestep it.
>You singe your foot on the light outside of your little shadow, and remember that the sun exists.
>It's still daytime out there.
>You're still in trouble.
>Jonathan attacks again, and you keep beating back the vines.
>｢Fire in the Church｣ draws closer and closer as it throws more and more punches.
>Two minutes ago, this would've exhausted you.
>But you notice the vines aren't aiming for you.
>They zoom over your head and onto the rock you've been hiding in the shade of.
>And then, with their combined strength, they shove it backwards.

>You move with them when they push, jumping for the dark side of the rock.
>He's running after you as you do.
>One vine grabs onto your ankle, and you dislocate your joint to weasel out of it.
>Another grabs tighter, and tugs it into the sunlight.
>It burns and disintegrates, but the vine loses its grip.
>Jonathan's standing at the mouth now, charging another Overdrive.
>If that hits you, you're probably dead.
>Double-dead?
>You try to do the Space Ripper Stingy Eyes.
>It fails, and you feel a pinching behind your retinas.
>The Rock Express is approaching the end of its tour.
>｢Fire in the Church｣ appears and grabs hold, throwing it back in the other direction.
>"REE!"
>The sunlight incinerates its back, and yours.
>Man, you thought sunburn was awful before.
>Just gotta keep airborne...
>"｢Phantom Living｣!"
>Jonathan sends up another volley of vines, glittering with Hamon.
>They weave away from you, impacting the stone.
>Burying themselves in it.
>Dragging it down out of the air.
>You tumble and crash on top of the mountain, falling out of the shadow.
>Jonathan's right behind you, pulling himself up by the vines.
>He's already used to them.
>The sunlight crashes into you, and you feel yourself flaking away.
>He walks up to you, and his vines grasp the mask, but don't take it.
>You're still dimly clutching it.
>"Whatever your reasons, you've led a merry chase today. But there is no escaping from here in your condition. The sun can take you, or..."
>He steps between it and you, casting a shadow on you.
>"I can cleanse you of the affliction you've chosen for yourself, and let you pass with honor. Which would you prefer?"
>You feel a tingling around your body, and you recognize it.
>That's it, then.

>You roll over to look him in the eye.
"Sorry for all of this. Really, I'm sorry. You were always one of the best JoJos."
>He looks puzzled.
>Laying in the same spot where you entered this universe, you get teleported out.
>The stone mask vanishes from under his Stand's feelers.
>And, with about half your limbs and body weight, you reappear.
>A dark, clunky computer lab janitor's closet.
>Twilight's back is to you as she goes over something on her desk.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfhqaxhqQvI [All-Star Battle OST - Results]

｢Winner by special condition: Anonymous!｣

>"You're back! Excellent timing, I was just finishing a whitepaper. Did you get the mask?"
"Purplesmart... we have to talk."