Understanding Insomnia

Understanding Insomnia

Insomnia is very much misunderstood by those who do not suffer it. Here is a
taste:

In the beginning is tiredness, real, profound, intoxicating desire for sleep.
An animal recognition that body, mind and spirit have had their fill.

Then laying down to sleep.

All biological and mental systems insist sleep is desired, required, inevitable.

A haze of psuedo-sleep descends. Examination of the days events, recent concerns,
almost-dreams, almost-comfort, almost-sleep.

But something is wrong. Awareness prevails. Still, sleep seems inevitable.
Some brain-functions are distantly registered as reduced, irrelevant - awareness
of sound, smell, touch are reduced. Amusing fantasies appear in vision and
thought. The preliminaries are in place. The gentle embrace of slumber is felt
viscerally. Sleep, escape, is soon at hand.

But something is wrong. Sleep isn't coming. You adjust position, and continue to
allow the mind to wander over the days events, and allow recent concerns to run
through your mind.

The warmth and comfort of sleep beckons. Numbed by the inevitability of sleep,
you relax again. But something is wrong. You aren't positioned correctly. You
adjust position, re-arrange bedclothes, re-affirm that all biological, mental
and spiritual system point to the requirement and inevitability of sleep. Mind
calms, visions and fancies arise, sleep beckons.

But something is wrong. You begin to sense some malignant force pulling you
away from sleep.

Taking stock of the situation, you realize, uneasily, that you are crawling
with cockroaches. Madness!

Systems no longer report readiness for sleep. Tiredness is registered, but
something is wrong, skin does not feel correct.

Deep breath. Obviously no cockroaches. Nothing is wrong. Relax. All systems
report the need, desirability, requirement and necessity for sleep.

Re-adjust position to escape phantom-cockroaches. Re-adjust bedclothes
appropriately. Try to ignore all previous re-adjustments, and the futility of
further re-adjustment.

Allow mind to calm, settle. Nothing is wrong. Sleep is required. Solicit
imagination, fantasy, pictured realities, dreams. Relax.

But something is wrong. Body reports dangerous over-heating.

Final re-adjustment. Correct ratio of exposed vs covered skin achieved. Correct
placement of bedclothes ascertained. All systems in-line. Body, mind and spirit
report the necessity, desirability, requirement, and inevitability of sleep.

But something is wrong.

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This is an example of the first hour or two of insomnia. There follows hours,
days, months and years of iteration, permutation and refinement of the above.
You want, need, and would beg for sleep, but something is wrong, so you cannot.
No adjustment, mental, physical or spiritual is satisfactory. Repeatedly,
again and again, night after night, something is wrong. This is insomnia.