Luan burns Steven Universe

>Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst are like the three wise men, if for some reason you believe that the three wise men were as dumb as rocks.
>If you're all gems, does that make Steven a dud?
>Beach City huh? Do you even know what a city is? More like Beach Redneckville.
> I can't tell if you're an amorphous blob of light or if your artists can't draw consistently.
>No! Don't give up on beach city, I beseech you.
>I never really liked your show, but my sister's a fan of rock... music.
>I can't really blame you guys for being unable to communicate or convey anything important to the main character, Steven's white and only aboriginals can speak to rocks.
>Seeing Steven feel such sweet sorrow, over his dear "friend" Connie, fills me so much Schadenfreude that I only speak in German. Hey, Steven! Erinnerst du dich, als du die ganze Zeit verschwendet hast und versucht hast, mit einem Dickkopf namens Lar befreundet zu sein? Ich habe gehört, dass dieser jetzt wirklich einen Freund braucht.
>I'd go for the low blow; but, Steven keeps shrinking every season.
>Hey Amethyst, I heard you came out of a hole in the ground. Wanna go back?
>You know how they say that every village has its idiot? Think maybe Beach City has one smart inhabitant? And he's terrified of all the people ignoring alien invasions?
>I'm so glad that that crash alien spacecraft didn't use any kind of fuel that could devastate the countryside.
>I hope Onion doesn't grow up to be the kind of angst-riddled teenager that cuts himself, otherwise Steven wouldn't be able to stop himself from crying.
>What, did you make the family that runs the pizzeria black because Italian would have been too on the nose. Where are all the American-Europeans anyway? Isn't your show meant to have a diverse cast?
>No prizes for making the love interest half Indian and Half Native American. That's like you got your Indians mixed up, realised your mistake and then gave up anyway.
>I wonder if constant alien havoc makes the local fisherman feel a little salty.
>That Steven wears his crown a little too tight.
>That Lapis is taking la piss.
> Do you think that ocean gem knows how much shit is in the ocean? What did she think was gonna happen, when she arrived at homeworld with a ocean full of pollution and shit?
>The three great space operas, Star Wars, Gundam and Deviant Art!
>Steven Bomb? Looks like he's a dud in more way than one!
>Achtung! The space Nazis will be beaten by the power of friendship. There, I spoiled the plot, we can all go home now.
>Ach, the kookie townies are just trying to live a peaceful life, full of love and friendship, but the Space State just has to keep impeding on their safe space!
>You just know that Greg was only into Rose for the masochism and the glow in the dark foreplay.
>After everything that Steven has done to protect Beach City, it died a slow agonising death after wall-mart moved in. Rest in peace Beach City, you were like the Dodo.
>Oh, no! That plot better not go anywhere! An immortal gem might have a heart attack!
>I like that Beach City is filled with things that remind people of their hometown on the beach. Like sand and water...
>With all of this "non-violence" and misunderstood pacifism, I half expect Connie to get ready to give Steven his first handjob and find a bunch of flowers instead.
>When Steven has a child, and it takes his gem, the first thing Connie is going to teach that child is how to ask important questions. Hopefully.
>Behold, the ultimate life form. The sensitivity of a wimpy child and the brains of a rock.
>We're all waiting for the day that Steven fuses with Pearl and it'll be the euphemism for the most awkward sex had, since my brother fucked Lana had she started making animal noises.
>I heard that Steven was going on a seefood diet: see food eat food.
>Isn't it nice that Lars survived? Now he can live forever and watch everybody he loves die around him, living a pointless and miserable existence.
>When Greg was in a bar, his dickweed manager said "Dude, I'll make you a millionaire if you impregnate a rock." To which Greg responded. "Life finds a way." So, yeah, now Greg's a millionaire and his child isn't allowed to go to school.
>For a show that shouts a mighty warcry for feminism, don't you think that the whole thing about gem inserters, and life being barren afterwards, is a little fucked up?
>There's three types of men in Beach City. Kookie weirdos, arseholes and Greg.
>Garnet stones have an indistinct cleavage, which is why Garnet has a chest like a barrel.