Anonymous Bravo in: A Royal Pain

Anonymous Bravo in: A Royal Pain
>this was it
>the most important meeting you were going to have in this world
>and you couldn't screw it up
"Uhhh, I don't know, mama, can't I just say I'm sick or something?"
>Twilight Sparkle looks at you straight in the ... err...sunglasses and responds with a serious tone
>"Anonymous, this meeting with the princesses is absolutely vital! You're the only one of your species, and you're lucky enough that you don't have to be the representative of your entire species!"
"Yeah, what a shame."
>she doesn’t respond to your sarcasm, and instead begins a long tirade as she leads you through the hallway to the throne room
>remembering the important protocol, blah blah, bowing, blah blah, crowns, blah blah princesses
>you move your hand open and closed as she talks
>then it finally hits you
“Heyy, waitaminute. Princesses are chicks, aren’t they?”
>”Yes…?”
>she looks confused, as though she wanted to say: you didn’t figure that out already?
“Well then, what are we waiting for?”
>you zip right on down to the doors of the throne room with a speed previously only reached by Pinkie Pie
>nigh instantaneous
>you swing open the doors as Twilight reaches you
>”Wait! Anon! don’t make a-”
>she stops dead in her tracks as she sees that Celestia and Luna are in attendance with some of the most influential p0nies in Equestria in attendance
>and they are all
>staring
>at
>YOU
>”…scene.”
>Twilight barely squeaks the last word, and retreats into herself, slowly shuffling behind you
“Hey, don’t worry momma, ah got ya.”
>you lift her with one arm, hoisting her like a weight a few times
>monocles
>monocles everywhere
>they pop off like wine corks
“Yeah, I make that impression on ponies—especially the mares. Rrrowrr.”
>Princess Luna giggles at your antics. It seems the air was thick with tension before you came crashing in
>you zip right on over to the two empty chairs, and place Twilight in the one farthest away from the princesses
>she is frozen at this point, and doesn’t take any notice
>you scooch your chair over, closer to the princesses very surreptitiously…not like you know the word
>and it does you no good, seeing as everyp0ny’s eyes are glued to you save for Princess Celestia
>not that you care
>as you get closer, the p0nies inbetween you and the princesses force their gazes away, and try not to move
> you stopped from advancing any further as you are lifted out of the air as you are engulfed in a purple aura
>Princess Celestia clears her throat loudly as you are placed back beside momma Sparkle
>”Well, that’s certainly an interesting way to make an entrance, sir… Anonymous, I believe Twilight said.”
“That’s me baby-HUH!”
>you pose like you’re holding a skull in Hamlet
>again, Luna laughs, but seriouses the heck up from a withering glare by her elder sister
>”So tell us, Anonymous, what of your homelands?”
“Well, its kinda like here, except everyone’s humans instead of p0nies.”
>this elicits a nervous chuckle from Twilight
>”Well, I mean I have heard much about you from my dear student, Twiight, but I would like to hear more about your world as a whole?”
“Now, ah don’t know about a hole, but it’s called ‘Earth’”
>you use airquotes
“It’s kind of the same, like ah said, except all the animals can talk.”
>now this news gets a reaction from her-namely interest
>“Truly? Even chickens?”
“Yyyyyuh-huh.”
>you mutter to yourself
“…the cheeky plucks…”
>”What was that?”
“Nuttin.”
>”Astounding, so your world is in much harmony as well?”
“Nope. Sorry big momma, closest thing we’ve got is a harmonica!”
>You pull one out for emphasis, and play a few bars of your theme song
>“Hmm, a shame. Well I don’t believe I’ve introduced myself yet, I am Princess Celestia, co-ruler of Equestria and raiser of the sun. This is my sister Luna, who controls the moon, the other co-ruler.”
>Luna sighs
>“Nice to meet thou, Anon.”
“Yeah, swell. Now hold on there, baby-you raise the sun?“
>“Well yes, but I also-”
“But enough about you, baby-HUH-I’m made of hot stuff too. You wanna try getting a raise outta me? Wink!”
>all the monocles that were replaced popped out like rocket ships, pegging you in the face
>Luna looks like she’s going to bust a gut with silent laughter
>Celestia herself doesn’t flinch, but her mane flashes from the soft tones of dawn to a hard grey for a half a second
>Twilight goes pale
>”Why, you’re quite the charmer, aren’t you? I suppose in a world where all species are sentient, race would have no boundaries on you, would they?”
“Not at all missy, did you know where ah come from, people kept mistaking me for The King?”
>”Really? Do tell!”
>Celestia is no longer feigning interest, but rather struggling and shivering every few seconds as you speak
“Ah know, right? I l know ah’m handsome, but there isn’t any room on mah head for a crown!”
>Luna giggles and whispers something to Celestia
>”It sounds like there’s plenty of room IN IT though!”
>but you don’t catch that, your attention is caught by Celestia’s flowing mane
>wow, if her hair was any better looking, you’d have some serious competition
>huh? It just turned grey for a second there
>eyes must be playing tricks on you
>Twilight speaks up as the awkward silence began to affect the room
>”Well, Anonymous has been very kind and helpful down in Ponyville, and we all love to have him there, regardless of his … uh… eccentricities.”
“Aww, thanks momma.”
>you wrap Twilight in a big hug, and she squeaks again
>Twilight had been just like your momma to you since you came to Ponyville, and you let her know when you appreciated her help each and every time, like a dutiful son
>what Celestia saw, however, was a muscle-y blonde maned human with large black eyes wrapping himself all around her faithful student
>her mane faded to gray for the last time and hangs solidly in the air, no longer flowing
>her tongue falls out of her mouth
>”And of course, a young stallion like you has his…eccentricities…his …habits…his particular…strengths?”
>Luna looks at her in horror, then back to you
>she teleports out of there
>the other p0nies in the room follow suit, hastily re-re-collecting their monocles before excusing themselves and taking leave
>”Perhaps you have a liking for…bananas?”
“Mmmmmaybe. Who wants to know?”
>”Well Princess Celestia does…but for tonight, I’m just a mare, and you’re just a stallion…hmmhmmhmm…how do you feel about pie?”
“WOAH HOT MAMA DO AH LOVE PIE!”
>you unceremoniously drop Twilight to the ground
>“Right this way…I believe…in my living quarters.”
“Y’don’t have to tell me twice! Catch ya later momma! Ah’ve got a date with the white pony that raises the su~un!”
>you are Twilight Sparkle
>minutes later, you managed to retrieve your ward, Anonymous, from the clutches of your mentor who had gone temporarily insane
>you are dragging him away from something that could have scandalized the princess
“You’ll thank me later, Anon.”
>”CALL ME!”
>anonymous cries out to Celestia, who leans dreamily out of the doorframe and blows him another kiss
>his face is covered in lipstick, but his clothes are still on
>thank..well…Luna, you guess. Celestia isn’t quite in her right mind
>a few hours later you are both back at the library: yours, Spike’s, and now Anonymous’ home
>Anon gets right back to fixing his ‘do while your friends all come to ask you how it went
>”So how’d it go?” Rainbow Dash asks, worried, “Did anyp0ny ask him out?”
 “…I don’t wanna talk about it.”
END