/who/ thing

"Sgt. Pink's Big Day In"
By Guy Biggs

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Danny noticed that the steamy, damp, dimly lit room smelled like sweaty bodies as he took in a deep breath and opened his eyes. He was surrounded by stacks upon stacks of Rigsy's damp towels. The strong aroma made him smile as he slowly shuffled near one of the stacks.

He could feel the warmth against his naked body as he began to chant quietly "I'm hot 'n ready... hot 'n ready... hot 'n ready..." He picked up a large face washer from the succulent John Lewis® towel and pressed it face-down against his hairy chest -- smearing it around and leaving Rigsy's sweat dripping down his own sweaty body. He continued grabbing more towels and rubbing them against his chest -- chanting "So hot 'n ready!" louder and louder. Eventually the sweat pooled up and ran down his chest, coating his mane of pubic hair.

This pleased Danny very much as he began stroking his engorged member. As the smell of body odour hit his nostrils and the sweat poured off of his gleaming body he was brought closer and closer to the point of orgasm.

All of a sudden Danny snapped out of it and realized that he was not in the mecca of towels -- he was instead lying in the middle of the road after being hit by a car. At that moment he remembered what he was supposed to be doing and did what he did best. "I WAS A SOLDIER" he yelled... still trying to hide his raging erection.