ghubjmkl,

Perhaps I'm overreacting, perhaps my feelings are justified on some level or perhaps this is just my annual going a bit bat shit and making every bad assumption out there. Maybe this is why they suggested me for CAMHS, all the mental baggage doesn't help in the end. For those who have asked about my actual life, will know that three key things have been causing me anguist lately. My father is as always an emotionally brain dead zombie and is about as much company as a man in a lesbian bar, while my mother decided to go off on holiday with her husband. My only other relatives left are the bible bashing sister, the old nan who refuses to talk to me for being more upset about the anniversary of my dead best friend rather then it being my dead uncles birthday and finally the long list of other siblings that don't even text me on my birthday. 24 more days to go by the way. So with that I'm rather stunted by my family and well of course I've got my frie.... Nope. My two best friends are so busy now they never have time. One is a family man now and is either working or looking after his one year old and the other has more college and work then I do and with our days conflicting it makes it hard. Time is scarce with them and so I have to fall upon other.... Nope. Simply put I am hated at my college. I started out with three close friends, lost two when they got into a relationship and overbearing boyfriend drive kicked in and I lost the other one when it boiled down to he's a sensitive wanker who cries when you call him a faggot as a joke. So I have nobody for company and so when I go on to the internet to talk to the friends I've made there to escape, I feel like now everyone pushes me anyway. I get no more RP, my conversations are downright depressing and even when I try to power through and make jokes I get met with remarks designed to basically tell me to fuck off. I'd prefer blunt honesty, least then I can move on. I've taken a lot of shit from some of these friends as well, some have just ignored me in the past, some got new skypes and wouldn't add me and others dropped me like it was nothing and refused to speak to me. Am I that worthless? I don't even want to admin the Hogwarts room anymore, Tessa can fucking have it. She can do it all on her own and I'll even send her the group page if she wants it. People use to actually message me and see how I was, people actually use to come and check on me and start Rp's with me? And now it's like pulling teeth, it's so painful. But the third thing? I've got nothing to look forward to. Birthday? Nope, nobody remembered my birthday last year, not even my own mother cared to get me a cake or a card. Comic-con in May? Yeah, who am I kidding. I don't know anybody who likes that stuff in real, it'll just be me going around and most likely trying to meet new people with the over confidence I've gained to delude myself. Anything else? No. I'm doing horribly in college, I hate my life and even with the promise of English and Drama studies next year I've already got the threat of the government trying to change the laws which will put me in shit loads of debt to get WORTHLESS grades. These grades? Are to get you into a university, the thing that puts you in debt but gives you good grades that you can actually use. I don't know, I'm just going to walk to college. It's an hour and a half by bus, but I don't really feel like take it. I've got an extra hour, so I might as well kill some time and sober up. Not like I have anything better to do.