Trixie Self-Insert, Chapter 2

Previously: http://pastebin.com/XFXAc8G5
>"Hey, Trixie. Can I sit with you?" Twilight asks.
>"I don't know. Do you want to?" Trixie responds.
>"Of course I do. Unless you're busy or preoccupied with something."
>"Uh, no. I'm pretty sure you could tell anyway."
>"Well just because you're sitting here alone doesn't mean you can't think about things." Twilight points out.
>"Just because I'm alone thinking about things doesn't mean I'm enjoying it."
>"So it is okay if I sit here, then?"
>"Well I don't want you to have to get up again, so I guess you can stay."
>"Cool."
>"So why do you want to sit here?"
>"Because you're sitting here."
>"Why is that a good thing to you?"
>"Because you're a pretty cool girl. And I guess I don't understand why you want to sit here alone."
>"I just do."
>"But why? there's gotta be a reason behind it."
>"I just do, okay? You wouldn't believe me if I told you anyway."
>"So there is a reason."
>"Yes, but I'm not going to tell you."
>"Why not?" Twilight asks.
>"Because you wouldn't like me as much if I did."
>"Why?"
>"STOP ASKING WHY! I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU!"
>"Whoa, okay. Sorry I asked."
>"Please, just don't ask. I'd rather not open that can of worms."
>"Does it involve me?"
>"No."
>"Are you really telling the truth?"
>"You're asking me questions again."
>"Because I'm worried about you!"
>"WHY ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT ME? STOP WORRYING ABOUT ME!" Trixie yells.
>"Trixie, please. I just want to get to the bottom of this and help you out."
>"This isn't one of those types of situations."
>"Well you did yell loud enough for people to start looking, didn't you? There's clearly something that's bothering you. And I want to help you out with whatever it is."
>"You're right. There is something that's bothering me. But I'm not going to tell you."
>"Why?"
>"Why are you asking me why again?"
>"I care, okay?"
>"So?"
>"I care, and I really want to care."
>"Well I don't want to care."
>"But you do, don't you?"
>"Didn't I just say that I don't want to? I'm not hiding anything here."
>"Didn't you just say you weren't going to tell me what's making you upset?"
>"Except that. Let me finish first."
>"Okay. So why don't you want to tell me?"
>"You're being really intrusive right now."
>"I'm sorry." Twilight apologizes. "But I'm concerned. I can't help it. I don't want there to be something bothering you. I don't like watching other people feeling bad. A true friend helps someone out when they're not feeling their best."
>"One: Why do you see me as a friend when I'm not even in your social group? Two: I don't know, I guess I've been letting something bother me for so long that I've become addicted to it."
>"Well that doesn't sound like a good thing."
>"I don't care. Those days are so far into the past, I can't see them anymore. I don't even talk in third person anymore, as you can see."
>"Yeah, what happened to that? I thought that was pretty interesting."
>"I no longer have a reason to. I'm not the girl I thought I was."
>"What? What do you mean by that?"
>"I'm just not!" Trixie repeats. "Okay? And I'm not going to tell you anything more!"
>"Trixie, I don't want to see you like this. You used to be in such good spirit. What happened?"
>"I DON'T WANNA TELL YOU! I HATE TALKING! I HATE CONVERSATIONS! I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!"
>"Is that the thing that's bothering you? Whatever it is, I can help you."
>"Don't talk to me."
>"Trixie, come back!" Twilight begs. "Please!"
>"No! I don't want you talking to me?"
>"You're making a scene, Trixie. This can be a lot easier if we just sort this out."
>"I don't want to sort this out. I have to stand my own ground!"
>"But you're on the wrong ground!"
>"I know, and I don't care anymore. Forget talking to people. Forget social interaction. Forget conforming to fit what other people like to see in other people around them. It's not ME. At least it's a lot less me than how I am now."
>"What is you, then?"
>"It can't be told. Only shown. Actions mean much more than words, Twilight. And I'm not willing to show you because I'm not able to because the real me doesn't exist."
>"Just come back to the cafeteria and we'll talk it out."
>"NO! Didn't you just hear me? I'm not talking to ANYONE about my problems!"
>"But that's bad!"
>"That's the POINT! I want to spite all of those people who tried to get me to "come out of my shell". Forget them, I'm not going to put up with that after-school-special bs."
>"Please stop cursing."
>"Don't tell me what to say."
>"Why are you getting so defensive? Is this more of what was bothering you?"
>"SHUT. UP."
>"Trixie, if you're trying to drive me away from you, it's not going to work."
>"That doesn't mean I'm going to give up."
>"There's a saying, Trixie. That some of the people whom are the hardest to love need it the most."
>"Oh, screw off with that! That's the same type of stuff everyone else told me! The reasons why I do everything the wrong way just to give them a lifelong middle finger."
>"So you're addicted to doing everything the wrong way?"
>"Wow, you know what? I think I want you to hate me now. I want to end this once and for all so you agree to never talk to me again. Here's the truth, lol."
>"I'm listening."
>"It's YOU! And people like YOU. The ones who are better than me at everything! And then you waltz up to me one day and ask me to sit with you. The nerve!"
>"Trixie, I don't know what to say."
>"OF COURSE YOU DON'T, NOW LET ME FINISH!"
>"Okay, okay."
>"All my life, I thought I was at the top of my game. I spoke in third person, putting on my act all the time in real life. Basking in the greatness I thought I had. I was so happy! I was HAPPY!" Trixie rants.
>"But what hap-"
>"LET ME FINISH!" Trixie cuts Twilight off. "It all changed when I started seeing other people excelling and surpassing me. I tried to just ignore it, but more and more people started improving more than me. And the proximity got shorter and shorter."
>"Proximity?"
>"Quiet!"
>"Okay."
>"Proximity as in, people who were closer and closer to me were reaching heights I would never get to without working hard. And thinking I was in the top spot, I didn't want to work hard ever again. Forget that, I've done enough of that. I'm tired of it, but that's, not the point."
>"Alright."
>"There were a few really impacting instances where I would see someone do something REALLY well, so much better than me. Those moments crushed me. I respect those people so much, but I couldn't take the distance between my league and theirs."
>"Go on."
>"And at the same time, there were people telling me that I was doing it all wrong. That I should get advice from outside sources more often. Be open to new ideas. Try new things that I never gave a chance before."
>"Mhm?"
>"I wasn't having it. I was going to stand my own ground, and it worked for me so far at that point anyway. So what did I have to worry about?"
>"What went wrong?"
>"Just let me finish."
>"Okay. Go ahead."
>"When it's someone I PERSONALLY KNOW. Someone I see every single day. Who outdoes everything I do right in front of my face. Not over the internet or anything. Not someone who's older and more experienced than me. That I can handle most of the times, but at least I respect those people because I have reasons to believe that I'm not all the way a failure."
>"Okay."
>"But it's people like YOU! The people who are like movie protagonists! The one who have everything go just perfectly for them and they do the most amazing things that I've only dreamt of."
>"So you wanted to spite me by being great?" Twilight asks.
>"You and everyone else who told me to stop doing things the wrong way. I won't do what people tell me, especially if they get all of these advantages over me that don't even make sense. I want nothing to do with you. I genuinely hate you."
>"I don't think you really mean that."
>"I do. And I can't even be great compared to you anyway. What with your pretty princess wings and all that. All your magic and friends that I don't have."
>"Don't you have your two performer buddies or whatever?"
>"They're colleagues. Not actual friends who want to spend time with me outside of business."
>"Do you even know that for a fact?"
>"I've reached the point where I don't even want to find out. I'm done. And so I shall remain alone, whether you like it or not."
>"I can teach you how to put real magic in your shows, though! Sure you've been doing it wrong, but I can show you the way!"
>"I don't want to. Because your way isn't me. It depends on an outside source that gives me the knowledge. Not something that came solely from my mind."
>"Well, that's just silly talk."
>"I know. And I don't care anymore. I don't care for people."
>"That's a really bad outlook on life."
>"Same thing. I know and don't care."
>"But it's okay to use advice that someone else gave you! You might have even done that before and didn't even realize it! It's how you learn things!"
>"Forget learning. Forget doing things through other people. It's not my dream. It's not my vision. It's not me."
>"Yes it is! Don't you understand? It's how you improve what makes you yourself."
>"I don't believe you."
>"Well how would you like me to show you? Come on, Trixie. Come back to the cafeteria and we'll talk things out. I can teach you everything I know!"
>"Your ideas and abilities aren't my own original ideas and abilities. It's no use."
>"At least give it a chance!"
>"No."
>"Why not? You can't stay like this forever!"
>"Watch me."
>"So you're not even going to give it a chance?"
>"Nope."
>"Even though the things I do are the very things that overshadowed what you did before?"
>"Nope."
>"But I can teach you! It's okay to talk to people more."
>"I said no."
>"Why don't you want to learn?"
>"BECAUSE I HATE LEARNING! BECAUSE THE PEOPLE I HATE NOW HAVE TOLD ME TO LEARN! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE HOW CHILDISH I'M BEING. I'M. DONE!"
>"Trixie."
>"So done."
>"Please stop crying."
>"No."
>"Trixie, something clearly hurting you if you're crying."
>"At least it's something I can feel that pushes me to do things! Unlike other people who can just feel on command and do great things like it's on the same level as breathing."
>"Please just try to calm down. I'll give you a shoulder to lean on."
>"I don't want one. You don't even know half the story."
>"Trixie, please!"
>"You don't even know one tenth of the story!"
>"Then tell it to me! I'm willing to listen to you! Just express your feelings to me and I'm not going to judge you!"
>"No. Because that would be the right thing to do."
>"So you're just going to do the wrong thing on purpose, then." Twilight concludes.
>"I said I'm addicted to it, did I?"
>"Do you want to be addicted to it? Or do you want to be willing to learn?"
>"At this point, I don't even want to be willing to learn anymore. Because I'd hate myself if I were."
>"Why? I don't care if it's the right or wrong thing to do to tell me what's wrong. I just want to hear you out! Didn't you say you wanted to tell me the truth anyway?"
>"Because I do not have the time nor the breath to explain it all to you." Trixie answers. "Just know this. I don't care how the "right way" to do something is anymore. I hate it so much; I want nothing to do with it."
>"But don't you want to get better at things?"
>"I don't even know anymore. At this point, if I ever do, it better be because I did it all by myself without help from other people."
>"Why, Trixie? Why is asking for help such a bad thing? I don't like seeing you tear up like this! I just want to help."
>"Don't talk to me."
>"Trixie."
>"I said don't talk to me. I'm so done with conversations. So done with talking."
>"Trixie!"
>"Screw dialogue."
>Trixie leaves the hallway that no one could prove she was in until it was narrated to make it clear what the SETTING is.
>She takes her stubborn perfectionist values with her that had not been made clear until it was narrated EXPLAINING that it was what she was feeling.
>And the truth is still a mystery to Twilight, as well as the readers who only read the dialogue.
>Anyone can draw their own conclusions from what characters say, but there is only one truth intended by the author. And sometimes, they really want to get it across that THAT is specifically what someone is feeling.
>Because there are specific things they want to vent.
>Because their subtlety and difficulty to explain is what makes those feelings so uncomfortable.
>And the author just wants the reader to ACCURATELY UNDERSTAND.
>So that author doesn't feel as alone as he did before.
>Even if it's just a tiny bit less.
The end.