Naviai: Enter

Serket> After a few minutes, the loading screen fades, giving way to a feed of the home of someone you aren't quite familiar with, although you get the sense that this is the "CM" that you had made your client. The feed is accompanied by an odd user interface.
* eternalWanderer has begun pestering crepuscularMagicant
<eternalWanderer> EW: r u a gray alian
<eternalWanderer> EW: wit orns nd stuhf
* Naviai is currently sitting on the couch staring boredly at his laptop
<Naviai> CM: Uh
<Naviai> CM: Yeah
<eternalWanderer> EW: kan u wayve
<Naviai> CM: ...How did you find out?
<Naviai> CM: ...Sure?
* Naviai , confused, waves at the laptop
* eternalWanderer waves back
<eternalWanderer> EW: eye kan c u
<Naviai> CM: ...How?
<eternalWanderer> EW: da gayme fyle ting ohpand
<eternalWanderer> EW: nd nohw eyem lohken et u
<eternalWanderer> EW: weard
<Naviai> CM: I'm not even going to ask how you know it's me
<eternalWanderer> EW: kawse eye ded da ting wit u
<Naviai> CM: Or how there's apparently a camera in my house and you're reaching across universes to use it
<eternalWanderer> EW: watevah dat gayme ting wahs
* Letaali ([email protected]) has joined
<Naviai> CM: I'm going to point around the room, stop me when I'm pointing at you
<eternalWanderer> I examine the rest of the ui starting with the right most button/tab
* Naviai raises his hand and starts pointing around the corners of his room
<Naviai> ((the*))
<Naviai> ((Here's my house layout btw: http://imgur.com/vKAe9QC,z8mHdtO,xUzj7cU,pLRcGSb#3))
<eternalWanderer> EW: u mehsed meh
<eternalWanderer> EW: eyem nawt en ay cornah
<Serket> The rightmost button reveals a screen full of grey slots, all are empty.
<eternalWanderer> ((where are you sitting?))
* Naviai continues moving his hand to point around the roof of the room
<Naviai> ((Couch))
<Serket> I forgot to mention that it is labelled the Alchemy Excursus, oops.
<eternalWanderer> I attempt to click the empty grey slots
<Serket> Nothing happens.
<eternalWanderer> I move onto the next tab
<eternalWanderer> EW: dis es prehtay kewl rieght
<eternalWanderer> ((Sec phone))
<eternalWanderer> ((never mind wrong number))
<Serket> The next tab is labelled "Atheneum" and shows you rows and columns of grey slots, all empty.
<Naviai> CM: No, it's pretty stalkery
<Naviai> CM: Definitely not "kewl"
<eternalWanderer> EW: eye wondah ow et worhks
<eternalWanderer> I attempt once more to interact with the grey slots
<Serket> Nothing happens for a moment.
<Serket> A second later
<Serket> Nothing continues to happen
<eternalWanderer> And a second after that?
<Serket> Still nothing.
<eternalWanderer> I move onto the next tab
<eternalWanderer> EW: soe
<eternalWanderer> EW: ow r tings
<Naviai> CM: Boring for me.
<Naviai> CM: Literally just talking with you humans and watching a download.
<eternalWanderer> EW: y downt u jusht goe owtsyde
<Naviai> CM: Storm.
<Serket> The next tab, labelled the Grist Cache, opens up a tab with significantly more rows and columns of grey, each with their own question mark this time. Save for the one on the top left, which displays a suspiciously gushers-like object with a bar next to it, displaying the number 20/20
<eternalWanderer> I click the non grey tab
<Serket> Clicking it does nohting.
<eternalWanderer> EW: dis gayme suhcks
<Serket> Hovering over it however, displays that this particular gusher-like object is calle "Build Grist"
<eternalWanderer> EW: nofin does neting
<eternalWanderer> I once again move onto the next tab
<Serket> This one, titled the Atheneum, displays several machines, one labelled the "Cruxtruder" another the "Totem Lathe" and the last the "Alchemiter"
<Serket> There is also something called a "Pre-Punched Card" which resembles a captchalogue card punched with holes.
<eternalWanderer> I click on the cruxtruder
<Serket> Nothing happens.
<Serket> It appears that this is not the menu you use to deploy things.
<eternalWanderer> ((are there any more tabs?))
<Serket> There are seven tabs in total.
<Serket> I think
<Serket> Yeah, seven.
<Naviai> ((Serket I'm pretty sure this is the tab that allows you to build things...))
<eternalWanderer> ((and this is tab 4 or something))
<eternalWanderer> I move onto the next tab getting increasingly bored with this game.
<Serket> (( Oh wait.
<Naviai> CM: Nothing is still happening?
<Serket> (( Yeah, I fucked up, I skipped one on the list
<Serket> ( 1st from the right is Alchemy Excursus, 2nd from the right is Atheneum, 3rd is Grist Cache, 4th is Phernalia REgistery, 5th is Deploy, 6th is re-model or whatever its called, and 7th is selct.
<Naviai> ((revise))
<eternalWanderer> ((wait what are we doing
<Serket> You appear to have mis-read the label, instead of Atheneum, it is dubbed the "Phernalia Regsitry" the Atheneum appears to have been the second one from the right.
<eternalWanderer> I continue not caring about the names
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<eternalWanderer> I also continue being bored of the game
<eternalWanderer> I continue continuing down the tabs
<Serket> The next tab is labelled "Deploy" it appears to have a list nearly identical to that of the Phernalia Registry.
<eternalWanderer> I click the same machine I did last time hoping for something ineresting to finally happen
<Serket> The machine, once clicked, is affixed to your cursor.
<Serket> It appears as if you are able to place it somewhere now.
<eternalWanderer> EW: kan u pyck ur lahptohp uhp
<Naviai> CM: ...Sure?
* Naviai does so
<eternalWanderer> I place the machine on the coffee table
<eternalWanderer> And release my mouse button
<Serket> The weight of the machine crushes the table as soon as you drop it.
<IHateCharacterLimits> (( nice going
<Serket> >That's one way to get your point across.
<eternalWanderer> EW: dat waws kewl
* Naviai scrambles up the couch
<Naviai> CM: What just happened?
<eternalWanderer> EW: dunoe
* Naviai carefully, carefully gets off the couch and backs into a corner
<eternalWanderer> EW: wayte r u tawlken abohte da ting eye plahced dohwn
<eternalWanderer> EW: da bihg machene ting
<Naviai> CM: You were the one who broke my table?!
<eternalWanderer> EW: eye cewd left et
<eternalWanderer> EW: eye thoght da tahblal kewd
<Naviai> CM: Seriously?
<eternalWanderer> EW: wana tuhch et
<Naviai> CM: This is ridiculous.
<Naviai> CM: Fine.
* Naviai shuts and captchalogues his laptop
<eternalWanderer> I click on it again before naviai reaches the machine
<eternalWanderer> and lift it up
* Naviai approaches the machine warily
<eternalWanderer> I drop the machine again
<Serket> The machine appears to be mostly safe, the only notable feature of it is the valve that sticks out on one side.
<Serket> (worst timing for finishing typing that, wow)
<Naviai> ((eeyup))
<Serket> The machine falls once more in front of Naviai, it smashes the table into even smaller pieces.
<eternalWanderer> ((mostly safe))
<eternalWanderer> ((Not with me around))
* Naviai jumps back again and glares at the ceiling
<IHateCharacterLimits> (( petition to stop machine abuse at the hands of this guy ))
<eternalWanderer> EW: eye m en controhl nohw
<eternalWanderer> EW: bohw two meh
<Serket> You notice that the Grist Cache tab is currently flashing
* Naviai has his laptop shut and captcha'd and cannot response
<Naviai> ((bluh respond*))
<eternalWanderer> I check the flashing tab
<Serket> You note that you appear to only have 4/20 build grist left.
<IHateCharacterLimits> (( Aren't starting machines free....))
<Naviai> ((moving them is ataully 100 grist
<Naviai> ((but w/e))
<IHateCharacterLimits> (( wait really ))
<eternalWanderer> ((Its too late))
* Naviai looks around, warily looking for any more divine intervention
<Serket> (( i was pretty much just making it where callum couldnt torture naviai anymore
<Serket> (( :P
* Naviai doesn't see anything, so he approaches the machine and tries to pull the valve
<eternalWanderer> I continue to assert my dominance over the alien creature by dropping more machines on unsuspecting tables
<Serket> You can no longer move the machine.
<eternalWanderer> I press all the buttons to try to locate another table for another machine
<eternalWanderer> Perhaps there is one that locates and focuses on tables
<Serket> You attempt to turn the valve, but it gets stuck after about an eigth of a turn.
<Serket> Something appears to be poking out of the lid of the machine
<Serket> None of the buttons do that.
<Serket> None of them.
* Naviai raises an eyebrow and turns it the other way
<eternalWanderer> ((What do they do if not table location))
<Serket> You do, however, in your random flailing, manage to place down the Totem Lathe in the middle of the floor.
<eternalWanderer> ((im saying I press the buttons that are on the far left))
<eternalWanderer> ((The zoom things as well))
* Naviai jumps at the placing of the Totem Lathe
<Serket> (( you said
<Serket> (( ALL of the buttons
<eternalWanderer> ((all of them))
<eternalWanderer> ((every last one))
<IHateCharacterLimits> (( in what order))
* Naviai sighs, deciding to put his brain on "roll with it" mode, decaptcha's a knife and swings it at the lid of the Cruxtruder, trying to open it
<eternalWanderer> ((The order of all of them))
<eternalWanderer> ((at the same time))
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<Serket> Your knife collides with the lid of the machine, the force of your swing apparently enough to dislodge whatever was holding it stuck, and, in a bright flash of light, the lid flies off, making way for a peculiar glowing sphere.
<Naviai> ((i am going to regret this))
* Naviai , startled, swings his knife back at the sphere
<eternalWanderer> EW: wana tohch et
<Serket> The knife hits the sphere, and, in a similarly brilliant explosion of illumination, the knife is enveloped into the sphere.
<Serket> You get the feeling that this was a horrible
<Serket> Horrible idea
* Naviai blinks in the light
* Naviai decaptcha's another knife and swings it at the orb
<Serket> The exact same thing happens.
<eternalWanderer> EW: kehp goen
<Serket> You get the feeling that this was
<Serket> Really such a horrible idea
<eternalWanderer> EW: maybeh et wel explohd ef u het et enuf
<Naviai> ...
<Naviai> Screw this
<Serket> xD
<Naviai> I move away from the orb, decaptcha'ing a knife just in case it tries to attack me, and inspect the new machine
<Serket> The new machine has two things of note, one, a slot that appears to hold the exact dimensions of your average captchalogue card, and another, a smallish, side-ways circular pedestal-clamp.
<eternalWanderer> I attempt to drop the card in such a way it lands on Naviai's head
<Serket> can't roll.
<Serket> because no dice.
<Serket> The card lands on Naviai's head.
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* ChanServ gives channel operator status to `DICE
<Serket> speak of the devil
* Naviai starts, tilting his head upwards
<Serket> The card falls off of his head, and lands on the floor.
* Naviai turns and picks up the card, looking at it weirdly
<Serket> It is a normal captchalogue card, except punched with several holese.
<Naviai> Nothing captcha'd in it?
<Serket> The card image displays a sort of crystalline journal, not unlike the one that you are so fond of, however, the card is totally unuseable as a captchalogue card due to the holes punched in it
<Naviai> ((wrong character mate, vi doesn't keep a jounral))
<Serket> (( wha
* Naviai shrugs, still in "roll with it" mode and slots the card into the Totem Lathe
<Serket> (( the dm sheet
<Serket> (( it fails me
<Naviai> ((Yes, yes it does. It's my S2 char that keeps one, silly.))
<Serket> (( "Very interested in a notebook that was written in eons ago, about a burgundy blooded troll who was a diplomat between the lowbloods and the highbloods, but who would quickly defend the lowbloods if the highbloods"
<Serket> (( notebook
<Serket> (( journal
<Serket> (( potato
<Serket> (( potato
<Serket> (( That...
<Serket> (( Doesn't work in text.
<Letaali> ((john isn't a big fan of apples, got a crystalline apple tho))
<Naviai> ((meh))
<Letaali> ((rekt))
<Serket> (( tempted to retcon it into a cutlery set
<Serket> (( because 2xknifesprite
* Naviai turns back to the tubey-machine again and turns the valve, hoping that more of those glowy orbs DON'T show up
<Serket> More glowy orbs do not show up, instead, a crystalline cylinder pops out from the tube, landing on the ground next to you
* Naviai grabs the cylinder, running on autopilot, and turns back to the lathe-y thing
* Naviai checks whether the cylinder would fit in the clamp
* IHateCharacterLimits ([email protected]) has joined
<Serket> The cylinder does not only fit in the clamp, the clamp appears as if it was specially made to fit the cylinder.
<Naviai> Perfect. I slot the cylinder into the clamp.
<Serket> You do so.
<Naviai> I also put the captchalogue card into the machine, guessing that the punched holes might mean something
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<Serket> With the card slotted, and the cylinder in place, the machine whirs to life, in merely a mili-second, the cylinder is carved with several, peculiar grooves.
<eternalWanderer> I cease my search for tables and decide to instead put the alchemiser onto the couch. Carefully.
<Serket> The alchemiter cannot be placed on the couch.
<Serket> Because the couch is not large enough to accomodate the alchemiter.
<eternalWanderer> I try none the less
* Naviai collects the wavy totem-like thing.
<eternalWanderer> If not directly on then in the general area
<Serket> The game eventually falls to your determination.
<Serket> The alchemiter is placed on the couch.
<Serket> You have absolutely no clue how the hell it's balanced there.
* Naviai turns around after picking up the totem-thing
* Naviai is confused
<Serket> The alchemiter is sitting on top of your couch, balanced perfectly.
* Naviai whispers out loud
<Naviai> "i don't..."
<Naviai> "just..."
<Naviai> "wut"
<Naviai> Naviai.exe has ceased responding. Please wait 10 seconds for reboot
<Serket> As soon as you utter the last word, the couch also collapses under the weight of the alchemiter, crushing it flat.
* Naviai shakes head
<Naviai> "well at least this looks more like it obeys physics..."
* Naviai walks over to the new machine, rubbing his head
<eternalWanderer> EW: ur whalecum
<Serket> The machine appears to be compromised mostly of two pedestals of various sizes. The first, the largest, is about as wide as your couch was long, and just a bit taller than your shoes. The second matches the dimensions of your cylinder, and reaches slightly below eye-level.
<Naviai> ((lol))
* Naviai decaptcha's the totem, placing it on the small pedestal, then decaptcha's his laptop
<Naviai> CM: CAN YOU STOP DESTROYING MY HIVE
<Naviai> CM: THANK YOU FOR NOTHING
<eternalWanderer> EW: kae
* Naviai calmly captcha's his laptop
<Serket> As soon as the totem is placed onto the pedestal, the long, segmented arm flips itself around, the small scanner on the end of it scans the totem briefly, before the same crystalline journal displayed on the card materializes itself on the larger platform.
<Naviai> Well then.
* Naviai picks up the journal, and tries to open it
<Serket> You open the journal, flipping to a page somewhere in the middle. The words themselves are difficult to focus on, but upon making them out, you realize that they are a text describing the series of events that just happened to you in the second person.
<Serket> Flipping back and forth in the book reveals that this journal is apparently a total biography of your life, from start, to it's grisly end. You manage to read several more pages from your past before the text becomes enveloped in a bright light.
<Serket> The light soon extends to the rest of the room, blinding both you and Callum.
<Serket> Minutes later, the light fades, and the journal is gone.
<Naviai> "WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THE FLASHY LIGHTS?!"
<eternalWanderer> EW: kan u nawt dew dat lyght ting ahgen
<eternalWanderer> EW: et hurhts mah eyes
<Serket> == End ==