OSHA why why

First off, I don't really think it is safe to say that I am not depressed. I have really bad mood swings really often so it is hard to get a base line level of my happiness. Still though, I do think a lot about my situations and have come up with a bunch of different ideologies that I can try to explain. Take them with a grain of salt though cause I am the epic sociopath man.

It seems that right now you are having problems with the realizations that you are coming to. That is totally understandable, I'm assuming since you are a smart guy that those realizations probably have some validity to them. Problems come hand in hand with solutions. You need to find ways to address your problems, this takes thinking outside of the box. Lately for me this has meant reconstructing beliefs. The one thing that makes us as humans incredible is our ability to adapt to our surroundings. Figure out how you personally need to adapt.

For instance, with me it was worrying about how I fit in socially. At the beginning of the semester I was basically doing what ever I needed to do to conform to the people around me. This meant bring myself down to their level which honestly wasn't very enjoyable, but I was doing it because it would make me more normal. Judging by the way I see you act, I feel like you probably do this too. What I decided was that I didn't care about what those people thought of me and they weren't beneficial to my own success. People aren't worth a damn if you don't enjoy them.

The other line of thought that I have developed is that life is inherently unenjoyable and devoid of any sort of meaning. That doesn't mean that you can't make it enjoyable or meaningful however. Find things that you enjoy, and do them. That why I fucking love memes so goddamn much, they embrace that our existence is a predictable joke. The reason why it is hard to enjoy life is people are power hungry, it is programmed into our very essence. With this in mind, make reality your bitch. Do what you need to do, control your surroundings. Realize that you can excel. This is the main difference between myself now and myself in 2013. When I didn't enjoy being alive in 2013, I tried to escape from reality via astral projection and tulpa forcing (very unsuccessfully) instead of trying to claw my way to the top of an abysmal existence. Something tells me you use drugs in a similar way, although I am in no position to make that claim. If you have something you want in mind, work towards that, if you don't, I haven't come to a point where I can help you. My largest issue is not knowing what I want in life.

What has kept me going (asides from neuro bliss) is momentary enjoyment and blind faith. Blind faith is tough to develop but you can't let the world beat you. It took me a while to remember this, but I don't know everything. You don't know everything. While I can play out series of events in my head with sometimes disturbing accuracy, I can't always predict an outcome. This leads me to believe that any “realizations” that I may come to (include the very one I am typing out right now) could be entirely false. I cannot visualize a reasonable reality where I am happy, or even content with the person I am, but just because I can't visualize it doesn't mean that it is outside the realm of possibilities (>not going to the realm).

- Do things that benefit you
- Think of how to make your situation better
- Enjoy the little things
- Realize you are not perfect but you are capable