Why does life hate me. All I wanted was to live a normal life but NOOO. Life decides to spin the wheel of fate and sucks me into the magical pony land of Equestria. I'm surprised that I'm managing to cling onto the small amount of sanity I have left. I'm extremely close to just curling up in a ball and muttering like a psychopath.
There's a famous saying; 'When life gives you lemons make lemonade.' Well in my case life has just handed me tomatoes and expects me to make lemonade out of em. How the hell am I supposed to do that?! It's the roller coaster that never ends... and I'm along for the ride...
The next few minutes were a complete blur. I just sat there staring off into space while the six mares around me discussed my level of sanity which was probably declining by the second anyway. Eventually I felt someone tapping my skull with their hoof. "HELLO? Anypony in there?!" I was brought back down to earth only to find the hyper pink mare from earlier staring at me with the creepiest smile I've ever seen.
"Huh what?!" I sputtered.
"Oh good you are still in there. Hi I'm Pinkie Pie! I was just saying that I can't wait to throw you your super special, one of a kind, Welcome to Equestria Party! It's gonna be so much fun! We'll have cake and punch and party games and EVERYPONY in Ponyville will be there! Oh its gonna be so much fun!!!!!"
I didn't know what to do about the verbal onslaught I was receiving. Fortunately, to my relief, Twilight yanked Pinkie Pie back by her tail and stepped forward. "Well I hate to break this up but I really don't think we should stay in the Everfree Forest much longer. We can continue this later back in Ponyville," she stated obviously annoyed at Pinkie's personal space violation.
"Whats so bad about the forest?" I asked curiously.
"Its so... strange. The plants grow by themselves, the weather is unpredictable and uncontrollable, and all the animals take care of themselves!" Rainbow Dash explained.
"Um, whats so irregular about that?"
"WE don't have time for this!" Twilight exclaimed, "C'mon everypony!"
As we marched back out of the forest, I kept quiet and listened to the hushed conversation of the six ponies leading me on. It was all to obvious that they were discussing me but I couldn't care less at this point. I managed to catch tidbits of the conversation such as "...Says he's from non-existent places..." and "Thinks the Everfree is perfectly normal? What is he? Crazy?!..." and the occasional mention of 'insanity' or 'amnesia'.
Eventually we made our way out of the forest and began walking towards the town I had spotted when first exiting the forest. I assumed this to be the fabled 'Ponyville' that the six mares were saying so much about. 'Very creative name. Must of took ages to think of that one.' I though sarcastically.
After entering the town we began walking down the assorted streets filled with ponies of every shape, color, and size imaginable. It hurt my eyes just to look at the color avalanche assaulting my vision. As we went, a few ponies greeted one or more of the mares acting as my guides. More than once one of them tried to talk to me but I met them with a glare  that said 'Do I really look like the kind of guy who wants to engage in conversation at the moment?
We finally stopped in front of what looked like a giant tree house. "Well Vlad here we are. This is the town library as well as my place of residence," Twilight stated as she unlocked the door.
'A library inside of a tree, how... ironic' I mentally chuckled.
Twilight walked through the front door followed by the other 5 mares as well as myself. "Spike! I'm home! Get a piece of parchment and a quill so I can write my report to the princess would ya!" Twilight called.
I heard some shuffling around upstairs and what came down looked like a bipedal green and purple lizard. I assumed this was 'Spike' as Twilight had called him as he had the items she requested in his hands... claws? "I'm ready to write Twilight!" he exclaimed enthusiastically.
"*Ahem* Dear Princess Celestia," Twilight dictated as Spike wrote down her speech on the parchment, "The other Elements and I investigated the magical anomaly like you requested. Upon arriving at the location the the anomaly occurred, we encountered a stallion by the name of Vladimir Korzhakov who claims to be linked to said anomaly whether directly or indirectly. I have no reason to believe that Vladimir, or 'Vlad' as he's requested us to call him, is a threat to Equestria in any way. Despite signs of possibly amnesia or other mental sickness he appears like any other normal pony. I await your reply to determine our next course of action. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."
Spike finished writing and looked up from the parchment. "All done," he stated simply. "Should I send it?"
Twilight nodded and Spike took a deep breath. Upon exhaling green flame spurt from his mouth incinerating the letter. "Um I thought you were sending the letter not destroying it," I stated flatly.
"Oh no that's just Spikes special way of sending letters easily to princess rather then waiting for the post office to ship it which could take days. This method allows me to communicate with the princess almost instantaneously," Twilight explained.
"Oh... OK. How long do you think it'll take her to reply?" I asked.
"Not long I'm sure!" Twilight stated with obvious confidence in her kingdom's ruler.
Not five seconds after she said those reassuring words a loud 'BURRP' sounded out in the room. I turned to see Spike blow out a scroll in another burst of flames. "Oh that would be that reply now," Twilight said enthusiastically.
She quickly unrolled the scroll and read over it quicker than I've ever seen someone read. Her eyes went wide and looked around the room in what seemed like panic. "Whats wrong?!" I demanded anxiously.
"The princesses are coming here in just a few minutes and I'm not prepared! Oh I'll never be ready in time!" Twilight spurted out.
"What? The princesses are coming here? What for?" I asked.
"To meet you and try to understand your involvement int the magical anomaly from earlier as well as determine whether you have amnesia of some sort." Twilight replied still flustered.
"The rulers of the kingdom are coming here to assess my mental health? Great just great," I muttered under my breath.
'This day keeps getting better and better'